Why Do Men Date Gold Diggers? Answers!

[WhenWillILove]

It's definitely true that someone without a career stands to benefit more financially from marrying someone with money than someone with a career who could be financially independent, but this doesn't make her a gold digger. Would this person be more apt to 'cling' (what does this mean, stay married) ? I don't know. I don't see how that's relevant.

 

Well, from the experiences others have gone through (even the non- gold digging type, but more of the SHM), yes. She clings on to this husband even if she is not happy because she lacks a stable job, and to divorce would mean she would lose the benefits.

[WhenWillILove]

That's what I've generally seen happen. I know of situations where it didn't--and I know of situations where women are getting screwed over in terms of child-support--but the sheer number of times I've seen it happen...well, I can see why marriage rates are decreasing.

 

In the past, technically, the women got screwed over 100000x more than the man. Historically speaking. I'm sure men can take a few whips

[Generation]

If a girl had a giant stamp on her head that said GOLD DIGGER, I think a lot of men would stay away and the ones who didn't were probably playing the girl. Like the lawyer I know who's dating a gold digger, it's cause he can and he gets "benefits" and I bet it's fun for him. Too bad, she's getting played cause he's got two more "gold diggers", and in the end, they're not really getting any "gold", and he's more than capable of providing them a thrill of the high life at a low expense to him.

 

At the same time, you can't say every woman who doesn't work etc. whatever. is a gold digger.

Gold Digging is like... it's not the same. Not exactly. You just gotta know it when you see it and guys know it. We're not oblivious.

 

You know what else, it's wrong for me to label those women as gold diggers. That's actually really offensive. Maybe she genuinely likes him.

[Thorshammer]

I just remembered i dated a gold-digger and i was broker than a mofo. She was both the girl that liked powerful men, and the girl that liked the material, but based on her behavior to be greedy and self-centered, she would fit the goldigger mold.

 

We used to go out and she would look at clothes and say, "oh, i wish i had money to buy this". Here was a classic one, "oooo, this is sexy, if i wore this i would get so excited in bed" (yet it was regular clothes). LOL, i was a pretty inexperienced guy back then (and i was waaaay over my league with this girl), but i never listened to her BS. She came from a long-line of beautiful people who tried to weasel in and find powerful men. She was my gf for like 2-3 months, she was really pretty, but her sister looked like she walked off a stage, and she married some guy that was loaded, their mom was also the same.

 

Anyways, she ended up leaving me when I THINK her ex returned and bought her a ring (since she just vanished, and once she showed me her phone to show me how her ex wanted her back, but i saw the time and date on them and they were recent). Her ex had a few houses, and his family was wealthy. Last i saw of her was when we ran into each other (which was odd since we met online on some really out-of-the-way website, and we both lived far from each other), some guy stormed out and she walked behind him, empty handed with a grimace on her face... which i assumed was because he refused to buy her anything.

 

This girl would contact me after the bu, which i assumed was only for sex, since we both went at it for hours as we were very compatible when it came to intimacy (but we werent close, friends, or had anything in common at all, and i never bought her anything).

[Blue Spiral]

In the past, technically, the women got screwed over 100000x more than the man. Historically speaking. I'm sure men can take a few whips

 

Women had it worse for a very long time, and then got out of it. Don't blame us for getting out of it a little quicker.

 

As for why that's happening...maybe it's things moving quicker in modern times due to advanced information-sharing, or maybe society is finally getting honest with itself in terms of certain imbalances.

 

I am not going to lose half my stuff and half my income just because some ancestors of mine were d-bags. I had nothing to do with that, obviously.

[Day_Walker]

I would say that for some men dating women who are golddiggers are the ultimate expression of them feeling like they are in control because they provide for the girl and that buys into their ego. Also I have known men to do this who like to use their wealth and/or success as their means of getting women.

[pl3asehelp]

Well, from the experiences others have gone through (even the non- gold digging type, but more of the SHM), yes. She clings on to this husband even if she is not happy because she lacks a stable job, and to divorce would mean she would lose the benefits.

 

You're describing a gold digger then - someone who stays married for money when they are not in love. If a woman was 100% honest and told a man 'I'm only with you because of your money and if anything ever happens to that money, I'm leaving you' he would tell her to get lost. That doesn't mean he wouldn't marry a woman who feels the same way but just hasn't said it.

[missberlee]

Because gold-diggers are the most attractive women, they have the ability to make men do whatever they say.

[FathomFear]

Some guys ultimately don't care if their partners are with them for more superficial reasons. For example, I had a good friend back in university who was really smart and articulate. We would debate topics for hours. Then out of nowhere he started dating this complete air head--albeit a very physically attractive one. When I pushed him on it, his response to me was "Dude, she's hot. I'm not with her for intellectual stimulation. I have friends who fill that void".

[Blue Spiral]

When I pushed him on it, his response to me was "Dude, she's hot. I'm not with her for intellectual stimulation. I have friends who fill that void".

 

I'm definitely guilty of that. I get my intellectual stimulation from things that don't require human interaction, I'm not looking to women for that.

[WhenWillILove]

But that's like implying women aren't capable of some type of intellectual conversation. And how wrong! If you can't connect with your partner on an intellectual level at least on some levels, then how long will the physical last?

[Fudgie]

Relationships built solely on physical attraction (no emotional) don't last. I don't think Blue Spiral really cares though. He has said before that he seeks out women for sexual needs only, nothing else. His choice and as long as he is open with the women about this, then it's not a problem.

 

Everyone ages and beauty fades. I personally can't think of a gold digger that stayed married to a guy for long. Either she leaves for someone richer or he'll dump her as soon as she ages so he can be with someone younger and prettier. That's just what happens.

[penelope13]

Not every relationship is based on the idea of eternal romantic love. There are many varied reasons why people enter and stay in relationships.

[bulletproof]

I personally have no sympathy for these men. I understand that a pretty face is sexually appealing, but not every beautiful woman is uneducated, unemployed, and without a career.

 

But uneducated, unemployed, and without a career does not equal golddigger. Judging from this and a prior thread, your issue seems to be more about what you perceive to be "unequal" partners getting together. I'm curious as to why this bothers you so much. It's great if you've chosen to have a career, etc., but that doesn't mean you are entitled to a certain type of partner, or even a relationship at all.

[The_Seeker]

If I were a guy, and I dated gold digger would be

 

- I like to sleep with beautiful women. They attract me for some reason. [LOL Then again I haven't been a guy yet. People are attracted to other people for some reasons.]

- They need me for their financial reason could be number 1 reason. I'm too smart, so I'll discover it sooner or later.

- She talks somewhat interesting and wants to know about me. What can I say? I totally love talking about myself.

- JUST completing my fantasy.

- She does what I want when it comes to sex. = OPEN-MINDED [Maybe she's faking it. Who knows. But at least she does it.]

- She's probably great in sex.

- Something to do, loneliness loves company. ;] Remember that.

- Doesn't complain much or nag me constantly about something.

- Makes me laugh because they are somewhat dumb and don't make any sense.

- SHORT-TERM. Most women are just interested in marriage instead of getting to know me and see how committed I am.

- Because the next girl can always be hotter than the one before. So I don't feel so heartbroken about it.

- I get attention from other guys wishing they were me. Ha ha!

- Building a bigger social network.

 

 

That's all I could think of.

[Fudgie]

But uneducated, unemployed, and without a career does not equal golddigger. Judging from this and a prior thread, your issue seems to be more about what you perceive to be "unequal" partners getting together. I'm curious as to why this bothers you so much. It's great if you've chosen to have a career, etc., but that doesn't mean you are entitled to a certain type of partner, or even a relationship at all.

 

I agree with this. I have been with older partners who have made LOTS of money in a big salary, while I was (and am) just a college student. I dated one guy in L.A. who flew out to see me. In the past, I did not really pay my way a lot. I got treated a lot. I stayed at my ex's house for weeks at a time, eating his food, sleeping in his bed, using his gas money.

 

In that regard, it wasn't equal, but that was okay. I felt like my relationships were overall good and I truly cared about that. I did what I could through my ex's house to clean it up so I could "contribute", even though it wasn't much, I felt.

 

Was I a gold-digger? Absolutely not, because I was with them for love, not the money. My ex actually got a salary INCREASE around the time I left the relationship. If I wanted a piece of that, wouldn't I have stayed?

 

Perhaps this bothers you because you yourself are an educated woman who is getting into a good career, and it frustrates you to see women who HAVEN'T put that effort into education getting these rich guys and having good lives...? Does that bother you? Perhaps you feel that they didn't really have to do "anything" and now they are in comfortable lives/relationships and don't have to worry? Are they going after the career-men that you yourself would like to be with?

 

Whatever, man. Who cares what they do? Your life is your own. Education is a great thing and you have it.

[The_Seeker]

Fudgie, you took the words out of my mouth.

[WhenWillILove]

Actually, I used to be bitter about it for a while, especially the while where I couldn't find a guy like they had. Or at least what you see on the superficial and hearsay side. I'd get even more bitter when I would endeavor to approach those type of men and then either end up not being called back, or not being attracted to them, and so on.

It took me a while to see that I wouldn't want to trade places with these women because a. the ones I knew had nothing else better going for them except the man they were with (no, really, their situations were just rotten, I won't go into detail) and b. I later found out the men weren't all that hyped up to be (i.e. getting married but never giving it the time of day to celebrate the marriage with friends and family.)

 

But that's not what I made the thread about. It was just disturbing to see how many male users on here blamed the woman and sympathized with the man for his financial troubles after a divorce. When that isn't the case for every case. Yeah, kind of confusing, I know. It's not a one way street, basically.

[The_Seeker]

Let me get this straight, you want a guy with a career?

 

There's plenty of guys like that.

 

HOWEVER, if you're saying you want a guy with a career who happens to be rich, that's a different story.

 

This is why I make sure I get a career that I want and do what I like because I built my career over time. I like things to be done that way I like it.

 

Sometimes, I think women RULE OUT men who are in lower career field.

 

For example, let's you're a famous NYC publicist. You would not give a man a time of day who happens to be an English Teacher and happens to be a motivator for kids. But you will give a time of day for a Wall Street Financial Analyst who drives a Masterati.

 

If I had a choice, I go for the teacher because that interests me and tells me more of who he truly is as a person.

 

The other guy, not so much. I feel he is a constant show-off and attention 5 letter word.

[WhenWillILove]

Yep! But being truthful to myself has helped me also realize that I wouldn't be okay with such a big socioeconomic gap between me and my partner.

[WhenWillILove]

While I am not fond of the gas-guzzlers, the guy driving the Maserati is not necessarily a show-off. Hey, if he makes that good of a salary, why not squander a bit on a Maserati? Most likely he is, but.....if his salary is enormous enough, why the darn not?

If I was earning a 500k salary, I'd be flying in first class without giving it a thought. Would that be considered showing off? I think not. But of course most people, including myself, would assume people driving high-end cars are show offs. They technically are and they technically can afford to be.

[The_Seeker]

While I am not fond of the gas-guzzlers, the guy driving the Maserati is not necessarily a show-off. Hey, if he makes that good of a salary, why not squander a bit on a Maserati? Most likely he is, but.....if his salary is enormous enough, why the darn not?

If I was earning a 500k salary, I'd be flying in first class without giving it a thought. Would that be considered showing off? I think not. But of course most people, including myself, would assume people driving high-end cars are show offs. They technically are and they technically can afford to be.

 

There's a difference between showing off and being modest.

 

If a guy is driving a Masterati at a FAST speed, that's what I called showing off.

 

I don't mean if a guy driving a Masterati at a normal speed.

 

Gee, no need to get defensive mode. Just a misunderstanding and me not explaining enough.

 

I think your problem is you like to get what gold-diggers get. Want that. WHICH is your choice.

 

But you have to understand, SOME GUYS are visual and looks are important to them.

[bulletproof]

Yep! But being truthful to myself has helped me also realize that I wouldn't be okay with such a big socioeconomic gap between me and my partner.

 

So don't have a big gap in your relationship. But does it really matter if others have a gap in theirs?

[Fudgie]

It sounds like you want the big salary and the life that comes with it so I can understand why you used to be bitter.

 

Here's my question: you're studying to be a doctor, am I right? Why not strive to meet a doctor? My parents both met in medical schools. Lots of doctors marry other doctors. That way you won't have a gap and you can have the salary/lifestyle that you desire.

[Blue Spiral]

But that's like implying women aren't capable of some type of intellectual conversation. And how wrong!

 

Except that's not actually what I said. You have to keep in mind, I'm an unusual person: the only reason I voluntarily interact with other people (i.e., aside from annoying work and family commitments) is because of sex. As such, I'm not looking to have a debate with a woman. By that logic, though, I must really hate men, because I don't have anything to do with them at all. (I'm straight.) I've had one male friend in my life, and it frankly seems like too much, sometimes.

 

If you can't connect with your partner on an intellectual level at least on some levels, then how long will the physical last?

 

I'm not in this for relationships.