Why Do Men Date Gold Diggers? Answers!

[WhenWillILove]

There's a difference between showing off and being modest.

 

If a guy is driving a Masterati at a FAST speed, that's what I called showing off.

 

I don't mean if a guy driving a Masterati at a normal speed.

 

Gee, no need to get defensive mode. Just a misunderstanding and me not explaining enough.

 

I think your problem is you like to get what gold-diggers get. Want that. WHICH is your choice.

 

But you have to understand, SOME GUYS are visual and looks are important to them.

 

 

Right.

And some rich guys prefer beautiful and educated women. I think that's the smarter move because at least he knows she's not necessarily banking him for that...but can go out on her own financially.

Well, yeah, it's nice to get pampered and I've had an SO who paid for every thing from vacations, to dates, to clothes, etc. But I also felt bad for him doing so even though he didn't feel that way. And was very weary of this in the beginning.

 

P.S. Oh, I'm very aware that looks are important. But I found it in the past somewhat offensive when a man that I was seeing kept going on and on about how beautiful and sexy I was with not a mention of my other qualities like personality, interests, hobbies, etc. I felt like this man didn't find other qualities in me and that was a red flag for me to leave

[WhenWillILove]

It sounds like you want the big salary and the life that comes with it so I can understand why you used to be bitter.

 

Here's my question: you're studying to be a doctor, am I right? Why not strive to meet a doctor? My parents both met in medical schools. Lots of doctors marry other doctors. That way you won't have a gap and you can have the salary/lifestyle that you desire.

 

Well...I don't find any one in my class attractive, truth be told.

[WhenWillILove]

I find it offensive when certain users claim how a woman has everything and more to gain from divorcing her husband. And while they have plenty of 'true stories', that's also assuming that most men getting a divorce are earning 6-figure salaries, have handsome pensions, and this many houses, cars and yachts. That's how it sounded to me. And if these users were referring to such stories, then I simply wanted to mention that Mr. Big Money should have been aware of this before getting married.

But most of the male population isn't earning that much and I've seen my share of 'true stories'. From hand me down clothes, to old, busted cars, to small apartments....Yeah, I just don't see how these women benefit from a divorce asides from getting rid of the jerk.

[Lonewing]

I find it offensive when certain users claim how a woman has everything and more to gain from divorcing her husband. And while they have plenty of 'true stories', that's also assuming that most men getting a divorce are earning 6-figure salaries, have handsome pensions, and this many houses, cars and yachts. That's how it sounded to me. And if these users were referring to such stories, then I simply wanted to mention that Mr. Big Money should have been aware of this before getting married.

But most of the male population isn't earning that much and I've seen my share of 'true stories'. From hand me down clothes, to old, busted cars, to small apartments....Yeah, I just don't see how these women benefit from a divorce asides from getting rid of the jerk.

 

So far, this is all that I have seen where I am. The woman holds the man's balls in a vice when it comes to divorce, particularly if there are kids involved.

 

If it's as bad as you say it is, then why is it the WOMAN who's so exicted about divorce?

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2 out of 3, she's the one filing divorce.

 

And now there's studies that also show women as the aggressors of domestic violence as well...link removed

 

There is nothing innocent about a woman. She's as good if no better than any man. But because she has been given so much leeway, because she's a woman, we're now tasked with reining in what I consider a "spoiled brat." Only she's 18-50, and she's been spoiled her whole life, so I doubt she's be reined in any time soon!

 

Yes, she may be in shambles, but you should see his life. Neither are much better off. But she's the one taking $500-$1100 every month from him, this being the two end points I've so far established with the divorced women I've known. In order to get custody, she not only has to decline custody, but then he has to show she's an unfit parent, which basically is nothing short of a criminal conviction.

 

These men aren't making 6 figures or anything like this, but the way the system makes them pay, you'd think they are...And all the woman has to do to cash in is declare divorce and take the kids with her. Hmm, what happened to "till death do us part?" I thought a marriage ment both parties COMMITTED to working it up, not flying off as soon as it became work...

 

Until the divorce/child custody laws change, there really is NO MAN who should even think about desiring a marriage.

 

The studies are in. Women are nowhere near the innocent victim so many make them out to be. You say it is she who got rid of the jerk; have you ever considered that she got with of him because she's a B****? Or that it was through her behavior that transformed him from the great easy-going guy into a jerk?

[Lonewing]

I thought I'd post the full breakdown as provided from this site:

link removed

 

 

 

So what we see is,

1800-1900 women initiate ~60%

1975 women initiate 72%

1988 women initiate 65%

In areas with No Fault, women have initiated 70%

Once Educated, women initiate 90%

 

Sorry, but I'm not going to have much sympathy for the poor old divorcee woman...

And now I'm reguessing why I'm even looking for an educated woman in the first place. It seems to me, that if I desire a DEVOTED lover, I need to find a girl who's barely completed high school and has absolutely no desire to go any further.

 

With these kinds of odds, I'm better off going to Vegas...

[FathomFear]

So what we see is,

1800-1900 women initiate ~60%

1975 women initiate 72%

1988 women initiate 65%

In areas with No Fault, women have initiated 70%

Once Educated, women initiate 90%

 

Sorry, but I'm not going to have much sympathy for the poor old divorcee woman...

 

When you compare those stats to those of spousal abuse, both physical and psychological, they might start making more sense.

 

For better or worse, marriage has historically not been a very friendly or beneficial institution for women. It's not shocking considering that they were regarded as property for so long and had no self-determination. Heck, I believe it's still the case that around 60-70% of the states in the U.S. classify marital rape as a lesser crime than standard rape. There's still lots of progress to be made in that regard.

[WhenWillILove]

In the past, women weren't steered towards education and careers. So, her main source of income was her husband. And because of that, she alongside her children were dependent on the husband to provide. And because of the laws of that time weren't women-friendly and divorce was a no-no on the part of society and religion, women were more inclined to stay. Now, though, the laws are different. If the man beats her or verbally abuses her, she has every right to leave and she has every right to have the Courts demand he pay child support.

In the 'real stories' I have seen, the man was very abusive towards the wife and his children. She wasn't getting much either, asides from $400 per child and health insurance. Not that that's nothin' but it's also not $1500-$2000 that you're speaking of. And even that money isn't that much. To feed and clothe a child is pricey. But what if this kid wants to pursue hobbies like karate, painting or needs tutors? Then you've got you're summer camps which are pretty pricey as well. But maybe because I've been in such close contact (not to go into too many details) with single mothers, that I sympathize with them.

[WhenWillILove]

I thought I'd post the full breakdown as provided from this site:

link removed

 

 

 

So what we see is,

1800-1900 women initiate ~60%

1975 women initiate 72%

1988 women initiate 65%

In areas with No Fault, women have initiated 70%

Once Educated, women initiate 90%

 

Sorry, but I'm not going to have much sympathy for the poor old divorcee woman...

And now I'm reguessing why I'm even looking for an educated woman in the first place. It seems to me, that if I desire a DEVOTED lover, I need to find a girl who's barely completed high school and has absolutely no desire to go any further.

 

With these kinds of odds, I'm better off going to Vegas...

 

Lastly, may I add LoneWing.....

In the majority of cases, who takes care of the child? In a majority of cases, it's the mother even if the parents are not divorced. So even if she does get full custody and child support, she is for the most part responsible for taking care of her child day in, day out. And that's a tough responsibility. Most divorced parents do not live 10 minutes from each other. And if this kid has a sky-rocketing fever at 2 AM, who's going to rush him to the hospital? The person closest to the child.

I'm not saying that fathers are careless when it comes to child rearing, but in a majority of cases, they're not changing the diapers, cooking, feeding and cleaning 24/7.

 

I've only seen 1 case where the father had full custody of his children. When the children were very young, his mother mostly had the job of cleaning, feeding, and cooking for them. Even on weekends. So......

[WhenWillILove]

But from your replies, I sense that for you, a fair divorce would be where the man, irregardless of his income, pays like $300 a month per child, or maybe even nothing. Maybe you think the Courts should stay out of this and have the man decide out of the goodness and love for his children what he should pay monthly.

Oh, and statistically speaking, the man is the aggressor and abuser. These women aggressor cases you speak of do exist but are not as prevalent as men aggressor cases.

 

Now, let's ask the mothers on ENA if $500 a month is enough to raise a child, given that this money is only spent on the child.

 

I'd also like to add this. I'm assuming these women who screwed over their husbands you're speaking of were also stay at home mothers. If this woman had a career before this, it's sure as heck going to be tough going back into it. And if she does go back into it after a divorce, let's not mention that chances are she'll be sacrificing her sick days for her kids especially if they're young.

 

Women with children, especially divorced women with full custody of children, have a much tougher time getting employed and they pay higher for insurance. Employers are also less likely to hire a single mother because they believe she'll take off more sick days for her kids.

 

 

link removed

Let me highlight:

Using fake resumes for two equally qualified candidates–one childless, one a mom—the researchers found that the mother was 100% less likely to be hired when she applied for a position. Mothers were consistently ranked as less competent and less committed than non-moms. “They were also offered $11,000 a year less pay, on average, than an equally qualified childless candidate,” Correll says in the author interview that accompanies the award.

 

And what about men? Fathers got higher ratings than non-dads.

 

 

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Uh, again, what's so beneficial being a divorced mother?

Just reading that....Oh boy, I can't wait to be divorced, cash in those monthly $500 checks, and be unemployed for God knows how long.

And what about my dating life as a single mother? What man will want to date a single mother, marry her and eventually raiser her kids?

If you think that a man dating a single mother is not going to be involved in raising her kids, how wrong!

 

From every guy I've dated, the #1 turn-off in a woman was....a woman with kids. And if she's got full custody, good luck with finding Husband #2.

[WhenWillILove]

Oh and if you skim the Abuse & Violence section of ENA, it's mostly women are being verbally and physically abused by men.

[Batya33]

Oh and if you skim the Abuse & Violence section of ENA, it's mostly women are being verbally and physically abused by men.

 

That's likely because many men are reluctant to discuss being abused even in an anonymous context.

[Lonewing]

I know a large number of fathers who WOULD have custody of their children if they were given the option. The courts are still biased towards asking hte mother first, and if she does not turn it down, she has them. Period. And even if the father gets stable enough to have custody later, it's still No.

 

It's expensive to raise kids no matter where you are whether your married or single. $400 a kid is not much, but when there's three kids, you're looking at $1200 a month.

 

Before you tell me how much you need to raise a kid, my father was able to raise 5 without Child support, even though he did go below the poverty line doing it. He raised us all jsut fine, seeing as how none of us do drugs, the youngest is now 20 and we have NO kids through all of us, and we have 5 college degrees between the five of us. Don't give me this BS about what kids need and don't need in this day and age. Those who WANT to succeed, WILL succeed! And those who whine and ocmplain about not having everything in the world, well, they'd complain even if they had everything, ro they'd sit around and play video games all day. BS.

 

If you look at domestic violence, even though it is the woman who suffers worse at the hands of the man, it is more often the case that it is the woman who instigated the incident in the first place.

 

Don't tell me what the responsibility of raising a kid is - I was the number one covering the bases when my dad wasn't able to. It's no where near as complicated or as hard as so many make it out to be. Cover the basics, and all else is a matter of appreciating what you have.

[Lonewing]

Oh and if you skim the Abuse & Violence section of ENA, it's mostly women are being verbally and physically abused by men.

 

Maybe you should actually review the newest studies coming in on the subject instead of relying on social knowledge about the subject.

[Lonewing]

I'll give you another example. My brother's wife used to push his buttons on purpose to get him roused up. She knew how to get him upset, and then she'd use that anger to her advantage. and then, afterwards, she'd use her position to put him over an amotional barrel to get himt o do things she wanted him to do. For instance, first, she wanted his will entirely in her name. then, she wanted his linfe insurance changed from his father's name to her name. And then she wanted a kid, or at least, him to adopt her kids officially. That's right, she's one of those single mothers you say nobody wants to date much less marry. But wait - SHE DID GET REMARRIED! So you can throw that excuse right out the window too - the "I don't want to date her because she has kids" excuse!! No, the reason is NOT becuase of the kids, but more often than not the kids are PHYSICAL PROOF that That particular woman is a BAD BET in a marriage - the divorce rate for remarriages is twice as high as it is for first marriage. The kids are the unlucky hostages between their two parents - it Sucks!

 

I dated a single mother once; GREAT kids. Terrific kids. Nothing I would not do for those kids. Unfortunately, she was the issue, hence why I became single. You say I'm making this up, but I met both of her ex husbands, and how do I say this: BOTH fathers are UPSTANDING gentlemen. That's when I figured out I was in a bad situation. It hurt getting out, but now that I am free, I put all single mothers under very heavy scrutiny before I'll even THINK about dating one again. More than not, it's not just No, it's HELL NO!

 

So going on about that woman who was my brother's wife. Once she had everything my brother could offer, one days he's dead and she's trying to play it off as a suicide. Luckily, there were two bullets in his head, which was a little more than suspicious. She went away for a long time, but not nearly long enough for what she did. If She was a man, she'd probably have been givent he death penalty.

 

I have no extra sympathy for any human being just because they have a vagina. They are every bit as vile and capable of violence as anyone with a penis. This is not widely recognized in our culture at this point, but it's becoming clearer.

[Lonewing]

When you compare those stats to those of spousal abuse, both physical and psychological, they might start making more sense.

 

For better or worse, marriage has historically not been a very friendly or beneficial institution for women. It's not shocking considering that they were regarded as property for so long and had no self-determination. Heck, I believe it's still the case that around 60-70% of the states in the U.S. classify marital rape as a lesser crime than standard rape. There's still lots of progress to be made in that regard.

 

The way I see it, denying sex once married should be instant grounds for a divorce - no questions asked. If you don't want to have sex with someone, you especially should not be married to them. It's one of the primary duties of being IN A MARRIAGE.

[Lonewing]

We want pre-nup!!! We want pre-nup!! YEAHHH!!!! -Kanye West, Gold Digger

 

A pre-nup would SOLVE the gold-digger problem, but most women won't sign one w/ the excuse that it's not true love or a bad-omen for a marriage.

 

The issue is, Marriage is treated as a Love Symbol when in all reality it is a Social Business Contract. You may say I'm taking all the romance out of it, but when the relationship generates a very negative economic impact on individuals and society, it's time to take the gloves off and grow up. Pre-nup all the way.

[Lonewing]

In the past, women weren't steered towards education and careers. So, her main source of income was her husband. And because of that, she alongside her children were dependent on the husband to provide. And because of the laws of that time weren't women-friendly and divorce was a no-no on the part of society and religion, women were more inclined to stay. Now, though, the laws are different. If the man beats her or verbally abuses her, she has every right to leave and she has every right to have the Courts demand he pay child support.

 

If women were more inclined to stay, as you think, then divorce between 1800 and 1900 would be predominitantly initiated BY THE MAN. And yet, the facts show it's THE WOMAN who's been more likely to initiate. And it's not by the margin of error, it's a full 10%. Myth versus fact...

 

In the 'real stories' I have seen, the man was very abusive towards the wife and his children. She wasn't getting much either, asides from $400 per child and health insurance. Not that that's nothin' but it's also not $1500-$2000 that you're speaking of. And even that money isn't that much. To feed and clothe a child is pricey. But what if this kid wants to pursue hobbies like karate, painting or needs tutors? Then you've got you're summer camps which are pretty pricey as well. But maybe because I've been in such close contact (not to go into too many details) with single mothers, that I sympathize with them.

 

Like I said before...I'm the oldest of five kids who were raised by a single father from below the poverty line. Our accomplishments speak for themselves. and it was done WITHOUT that fancy shmancy child support thingy too. And I'll tell you now, neither my mom nor my dad were saints. No, they were far from it. The only thing that kept me going as a kid was knowing that some day, I'd grow up and I'd move away and I'd never have to go back to that again. The currnet divorce system made it that much worse.

[Lonewing]

But from your replies, I sense that for you, a fair divorce would be where the man, irregardless of his income, pays like $300 a month per child, or maybe even nothing. Maybe you think the Courts should stay out of this and have the man decide out of the goodness and love for his children what he should pay monthly.

 

Oh, and statistically speaking, the man is the aggressor and abuser. These women aggressor cases you speak of do exist but are not as prevalent as men aggressor cases.

 

You really need to do a new review on the subject. Yes, it is often the woman who suffers far greater as a result of spousal interaction, but it is the Woman who is the agressor [the one who started it].

 

From every guy I've dated, the #1 turn-off in a woman was....a woman with kids. And if she's got full custody, good luck with finding Husband #2.

 

Maybe you need to spend more time talking to the men who turn these women down. Because having kids certainly did not stop my ex from getting a second huband and STILL getting plenty of attention after she divorced him. My brother's wife - another single mother. I have two coworkers that I can name RIGHT NOW who also married a woman with a kid - and I don't know how many more there are because I haven't asked. The point is, the issue IS NOT THE KIDS.

 

As a gay man told me when he objected to my choice of girlfriend: "SHE'S GOT TROPHIES!" I didn't understand it then, but I certianly understand now.

[BritterSweet]

All these posts are starting to turn me off from marriage. Providing sex is a duty? And abuse is the woman's fault? Dear God.

[Blue Spiral]

The way I see it, denying sex once married should be instant grounds for a divorce - no questions asked. If you don't want to have sex with someone, you especially should not be married to them. It's one of the primary duties of being IN A MARRIAGE.

 

...and thus the divorce rate shot up to 90%.

 

Lonewing, have you heard that polls say married men are generally happier? That's like calling people who bought Air Conditioner Brand X, asking them if they like it...and telling them that their answer only counts if it's still working. If it stopped working and they had to get rid of it, they're disqualified. Amazingly, among people whose air conditioner didn't break down, the brand is extremely popular.

[Lonewing]

All these posts are starting to turn me off from marriage. Providing sex is a duty?

 

Then tell me, if sex is off the table, what else a marriage provides that a man cannot get otherwise?

 

This woman has swore to be his sole source for sex. And this man has swore to be this woman's sole source for sex. When she withholds that source, then what? At that point, he's better off NOT being married. No woman is worth a man giving up his life and pleasure in life; no man is worth a woman giving up HER life and leasure in life! I don't know how more cut and dry this can get. If you can't handle "duty" in life, stay out of partnerships with Anybody!

 

Haltzman ["The secrets of Happily Married Women"] goes as far as to say this:

He Only Married You For Sex

 

As he further details, Friendship, Companionship, Financial Stability, Real Estate Realization and the Convienience of a Partner can all be obtained WITHOUT a woman. Even Family realization can be obtained WITHOUT a Marriage, much less the presence of the woman after the first 9 months.

 

If he wants sex, and you do not, and you have basically swore him to be bond to ONLY YOU for his physical intimacy FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, tell me just what makes you so special that he should consider staying there with you?

 

Pick up a copy of "The Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Married." The Very first issue discussed is sex. Sexless marriages are a symptom of a marriage in trouble, if not the outright catalyst for the divorce - even if it is notthe sex itself that ends the relationship. It should make sense, though - if you don't have a good relationship, you can't have sex, because sex happens when people feel good about each other and their relationship. And if you;re not having sex, well, those good feeligns about your partner, that occur through sex, are nonexistant. No sex? No relationship.

 

And abuse is the woman's fault? Dear God.

 

Abuse is of course not a woman's fault. However, we're in this sticky situation of "What do you do when you get provoked?" And the reality is, when men - AND women - get provoked, they have very real reactions. For a woman, the smaller of the species, and the less physically trained [though this is changing, and rapidly], there is the very real reality that she may be met with the aggression a man has learned through dealing with other men - a very forceful measure that in his experience very effectively STOPS the provocation. Only problem is, it's usually physcial or at least meant to be intimidating - such as verbal assaults. Hence why women, though the provacuer, are also the reciever of the blunt of the abuse at the hand of those provoked.

 

I ask you, if you're provocing your husband to do something he doesn't want to do, or just provoking him becasue you find it funny how he reacts, or you find it funny that he's getting more and more angry, what should he do to you to get you to STOP? What is going to get you to STOP? And I want to think of yourself like a little 5 year old kid in this situation, because this is the category this type of behavior falls in. How do you make a fully grown five year old woman STOP provoking you? Becasue she's sitting there laughing her rear off because she keeps poking and he keeps getting a little more upset. Have you ever seen this in action??? I know a great answer - YOU DIVORCE HER and move on!!!! So tired of such immaturity...the Pushing Button game is quite literally the worst on the $list!

 

And finally, Yes, it is becoming more and more known that there are indeed women abusers, and they're more prevelant than perhaps we previously thought.

 

I'm not Mysoginistic, not by any means. I have no ill will towards women. I will not tolerate Misandry, however, nor these ideas that spousal conflict is the man's fault and his fault alone, all the time or even much less, most of the much. You can listen to a number of sob stories, but the reality is, in every one of these cases you will only hear one side of the case: HERS. And thus, you will get the verison of the story that colors her in a rosey light. If you find the man, you will probably get a story that paints HIM in a rosey light. The reality is, they may very well be EQUALLY to blame for what happened - no matter what it was that DID happen.

[Lonewing]

...and thus the divorce rate shot up to 90%.

 

Lonewing, have you heard that polls say married men are generally happier? That's like calling people who bought Air Conditioner Brand X, asking them if they like it...and telling them that their answer only counts if it's still working. If it stopped working and they had to get rid of it, they're disqualified. Amazingly, among people whose air conditioner didn't break down, the brand is extremely popular.

 

Look up "The Divorce Lawyers' Guide to Staying Married." Number one says this precisely. If sex is nonexistant, the relationship is also nonexistant. And no matter how much people want to claim a great sexless marriage is possible, the author of "Why did I marry you anyways" has yet to find one. However, in both works the authors have found that where the relationship is great, there is great sex, and where there is great sex, there is a great relationship. Amazing how that works, isn't it??!!

 

Yes, if the Air Conditioner is broke, 99 times out of 100, the person who bought it will regard it as a piece of junk. Because if that air conditioner does not provide cool air, then what is it? It's JUNK!

 

So again, if you don't want to have sex with your partner, there's no reason your partner should want to stay in that relationship with you. Once physical intimacy goes, well, guess what, there goes emotional intimacy, there goes physcial interest, there goes visual interest, and then it's a crap shoot form there out the door...

[The_Seeker]

Lonewing, remind me if I ever go to court I should hire you as my lawyer.

[WhenWillILove]

Interesting, Lonewing, how you didn't tackle my argument which offered conclusive evidence that single mothers have a far more difficult time getting hired.

[WhenWillILove]

How am I throwing that out the window?

"But wait - SHE DID GET REMARRIED! So you can throw that excuse right out the window too - the "I don't want to date her because she has kids" excuse!! No, the reason is NOT becuase of the kids, but more often than not the kids are PHYSICAL PROOF that That particular woman is a BAD BET in a marriage"

 

I went out on dates with a few professional men- engineers, med students, scientists- and when the question of dating a woman with children rose up, all 7 said no ma'am. "I just don't want to raise her kids."

 

I wonder...if I went on a dating site, made a profile of a 2 very beautiful women except 1 had kids and was divorced, the other was was single. Let's say both had the same decent job and salary. I wonder which woman would get more messages......

 

Guess with my evidence, you can throw out your argument out the window! Doesn't sound fun now, right?