mesmerized Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Well... one war or another... I'll just have to fight my wah through the upcoming months... It's gonna be a hell of a battle... There are days like today when I'm so nervous, trembling inside... days when I really want to vomit whatever's stuck inside of me... I'm waiting for some pills my mom sent last week (doctor's advice) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 and here we go again... all grim thoughts are currently running through my head... I'm wondering how many years there are ahead of me... tonight I feel that not too many... oh well, I hope you guys are in a better shape today... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 hiya mes don't give up darling I know this feeling keeps coming back , but eventually it will lesson ...just give it a chance .. sending you a big uk hug ((((((((((())))))))))))))) Link to comment
CindyTime Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Yup, he's pretty hot, isn't he? I'd say that he's got some characteristics of a strong, dominant alpha male Did I just say that? Such a short fellow and yet... size matters not as he said. lol, I don't know about hot, but definitely interesting! haha "When wise as him I am, then moving on I will! hrrrrmmmpfffffhhhh!!!!" (my best Yoda voice). (And nope, size doesn't matter. I hope not, because I am pretty short too!) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 hiya mes don't give up darling I know this feeling keeps coming back , but eventually it will lesson ...just give it a chance .. sending you a big uk hug ((((((((((())))))))))))))) after so many years (5 or 6 to be specific) I don't really believe that something's gonna really change... and why should I? come to think of it, after all when some folks say here they want to wait for their ex-partners forever in hope they'll get back together again people tell them "forget about hope and move on, things aren't going to change" Yet when people say that their life has never really been working out for them the very same people tell them "have hope, wait, things are gonna change" Sorry for hitting on a pessimistic note but that's the way I feel and I'm convinced that sooner or later everybody gets to their limits. thanks for the hug Star Link to comment
Carus Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I'm convinced that sooner or later everybody gets to their limits. If that were true then everybody would end up suiciding...and as you well know that's not the case* I'm sitting outside a newsagency in a country town stealing wifi...haha...And this laptop is about to go flat, but hang in there buddy....Let it wash over you...Think about moving and what you're gonna do this coming week... Back Soon Carus* 8-) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 hey mes haven't seen you all day say hello if your passing ok Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 mes ...you in darling ? just look in on us please Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 hey Star... thanks for asking. I've moved to the other apartment and have to fight with a lot of inconveniences. There's no I-net there, right now I'm at work. How are you? I'll post more info later as I'm hard pressed for time and have to prep my classes. I'm sort of ignoring my EX... I know it hurts her but what can I do... Link to comment
duke nukem Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 hey Star... thanks for asking. I've moved to the other apartment and have to fight with a lot of inconveniences. There's no I-net there, right now I'm at work. How are you? I'll post more info later as I'm hard pressed for time and have to prep my classes. I'm sort of ignoring my EX... I know it hurts her but what can I do... What you can do is keep on keeping on like you are man. It may hurt her a little but it will end up with a better result for yourself in the end. And no, that isn't selfish. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 hey Star... thanks for asking. I've moved to the other apartment and have to fight with a lot of inconveniences. There's no I-net there, right now I'm at work. How are you? I'll post more info later as I'm hard pressed for time and have to prep my classes. I'm sort of ignoring my EX... I know it hurts her but what can I do... mes thankyou for stopping by ... I am so dammed proud of you , so in that space of you not posting you have done the deed...you have moved .. I really am pleased you have just got on and done it and then...go and teach ..my god I wish you could see what I see ..you have a strength in there somewhere mes my love you really do. I know inside your feeling sick and those horrible dark feelings that depression bring, but you are fighting one day at a time ...and that's worth everything mes. well if your ignoring her to get YOU through this ..then good ..you have to do what's good for you darling ok. I am fine thankyou ...it is mothers day here , so I have a plate full of pink cupcakes to eat haha ...I will save you one. see you when you manage to pop on . Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 oh, mother's day? gosh, I should send my mum a message! I'm on the run right now but... I find it very hard to ignore her... I can easily see she doesn't understand what is going on... but what can I do... even if I could get her back I feel like just letting it go... even though I deeply care for her and I do love her... it's killing me that I'm doing what I'm doing... Link to comment
duke nukem Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 oh, mother's day? gosh, I should send my mum a message! I'm on the run right now but... I find it very hard to ignore her... I can easily see she doesn't understand what is going on... but what can I do... even if I could get her back I feel like just letting it go... even though I deeply care for her and I do love her... it's killing me that I'm doing what I'm doing... Well, if it helps, just remember that contacting her isn't going to help either of you, and even if she wanted to get back together at this very instant, it would most likely fail again because both of you haven't had the time to heal and regain yourselves. I'm not saying that time will get you back together, but I'm not saying it won't give you a chance either. Ain't a soothsayer But at least you know that you will be yourself again, it just may take time. But I can already see you are doing better, whether you see it or not. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 oh, mother's day? gosh, I should send my mum a message! I'm on the run right now but... I find it very hard to ignore her... I can easily see she doesn't understand what is going on... but what can I do... even if I could get her back I feel like just letting it go... even though I deeply care for her and I do love her... it's killing me that I'm doing what I'm doing... you have to do whatever you need to, to get through this mes Link to comment
Carus Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 ... even though I deeply care for her and I do love her We've all been there buddy* ... it's killing me that I'm doing what I'm doing It's actually making you stronger even though it doesn't feel like it right now* Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 good to see you carus just looking in on you mes Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 well, honestly speaking I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to give us another shot but... in case that fails it won't be so hard to live with it... we're in touch from time to time because we have to be. there're still many unresolved issues between us (apartment-related mostly) and we see each other at work... she can easily see I'm ignoring and dodging her... it hurts me too that I'm doing this... I wish we could just talk and reconcile... but I guess it's easier to start hating somebody rather than loving them... Link to comment
duke nukem Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Well, don't be cold towards her or project an aura of hate. Just be courteous when you do see her, don't be a jerk. Can't picture you as one anyway so I'm sure you won't be Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 hey mes just looking in on you Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 thanks Star, glad you remember about me. I've had a conversation with my EX... heh, how naive I can be sometimes... I actually hoped that she misses me sometimes... How mistaken I was... She said it to me upfront: no, I didn't miss you. I don't think we'll ever reconcile... I'm pretty sure we won't be together anymore... I mean, if she's ready to say words like these then I suppose she's moved on. Well, lucky she... I'm still struggling every day, I'm still having dreams about her almost every night and I still keep hoping she'll be with me one day... She told me that if I truly loved her I'd want her to be happy (equals = I'd just let her go) Maybe she's right. I feel that tears are rolling in my eyes again so I'll just finish at this point. PS. Today more than ever I believe that this whole mess is gonna end one day and that day will be the happiest day of my life. The day when I just close my eyes and never open them again. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I always think of you mes as I know carus does ...we care ..even if I did think you where a russian do your self a favour mes , never ask a question if you cannot handle the answer ok ... I am presuming you asked her if she misses you ...its like creating your self as much woe as possible ..I understand that these are questions that we ask , ( I have done this endlessly) but sometimes we are better off working out the answer ourselves rather then hearing it from them ...if it is going to tip you again. some people need the harsh facts , their ex in their face telling them as many "truths" as they can ..so they get the point and are better equipped to move forward as much as it hurts. for me , I don't ask the questions , I go on the actions ..and as I am sat here alone then that answers any questions I have. She told me that if I truly loved her I'd want her to be happy (equals = I'd just let her go) Maybe she's right. I feel that tears are rolling in my eyes again so I'll just finish at this point. well ok yes..very true ....but ..its hard isn't it when your heart is bleeding all over the floor. come on you .... head up high .. we are here to walk through another day mes . Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Hey, I'm just tired of hoping that one day we'll get together. I think that I might be better off if I don't hop into any other relationships. I'm tired of playing these stupid games. Nothing is real anymore. Everybody cheats or has out-of-this-world requirements. I admit I have failed to build a trust-based relationship but if love isn't enough to save it then I just quit... How long can I bleed? Till I bleed myself to death? Anyway, I have to go... I'm having a business-english class at 4. I wish I had at least some sort of career going on to make me feel satisfied. I wish I was more skilled or had more talents... Maybe those could substitute love. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 mes you really sell yourself short my darling ...honestly .. and I know when your feeling bad it doesn't matter anyone says. but here you are ...a teacher from Poland , moved to china to teach , your an incredibly handsome man with a deep soul and always an interesting word to say ...take your heartbreak out of the equation and the world is your oyster. I am quite stunned that you wish you had more skills . It does exhaust you hoping to get back together ... but it wont last forever mes ..as carus said somewhere , we would all suicide if this pain never ever went away ...none of us would ever date again or love again .. your never alone mes , and your love is precious and beautiful , please don't damn yourself darling . Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 I don't know why I'm so hard on myself... small things sometimes annoy me... I wish my English was impeccable and even when my students admire it or when native speakers tell me how proficient I am, I still have my doubts... Or when I think about the past, the things I didn't do, the things I could've achieved... I always question myself and my abilities... I wish I could just tell myself "hey, Adam, it's water under the bridge man, chill, will you?" I bet it's all related to my GF... because I wanted to badly to be special, to be unique, to be her one and only and I failed. I just want her to be part of my life but it looks like she doesn't care anymore. anyway, thanks Star for your kind words... it's weird how people who are close to you, who supposedly care can't say a single word to cheer you up, to appreciate the way you are and yet there's somebody who lives thousands of miles away and has a good word... maybe instead of rambling on about myself I should ask how you are? I'm going to get some Chinese food now. I'll be offline till tomorrow's afternoon, blast it! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I am ok thankyou ..just about to go out in my garden and have a good tidy up , I am a total garden freak , its like a fairy garden , chimes and angels everywhere , everyone says they are feel peaceful when they come here ... I have stuff everywhere for the birds , so if you sit a while you will see the blue * * * * and robin and the sparrows come to eat. I just saw my first butterfly of the year ..looked like a red admiral ..I took that as a good sign ..butterlfies are lucky . I ran into to get my camera ..but it was too wise for an old lady like me and was gone when I got back out hahah I have found it is easier to be hard on ourselves then to praise ourselves , I have also found it easier to feel bad and just stay in it then fight our way out of it ...I don't know why human nature finds it easier to feel bad ..to look at the negatives . even with each other ..I have friends who will happily tell you your hair looks bad , or the clothes don't suit you etc etc but never manage to say anything when it is a positive ..strange isn't it . I have learnt to change my train of thought , I don't think anymore what I haven't done or didn't do , unless it is something like study , then I know I can full fill that ..but for example I wanted to be a fitness instructor ...at 45 I am too old ..I know I am , and as a result of all the training I have done over the years my knee and achilles tendons would now make it impossible to get my level of fitness back up....so it's gone ...I don't give it my attention any more .... you must try to change your thought pattern ..every time a negative comes in you must replace it with something you have achieved. and don't say you haven't achieved anything , because you have . As for your relationship ..you didnt fail ....the relationship failed ...as mine did ..you cannot accept full responsibility. as for your english , I did laugh at that ..a polich man writing perfect english then telling an english woman he is not good at it ... oh mes ..... cut yourself some slack please darling ...shall I write in polish ahaha ..yeah right. make sure you pop on tomoz when you can so I know your ok ..enjoy your chinese . Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.