mesmerized Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Suave: Smooth in performance, texture or style. Huh, I didn't know one could use such a word to describe people's appearance. Stay strong, przyjaciel (think that's right, the internet said so Yup, "przyjaciel" = "friend" Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 mes is that you ? hell man your gorgons Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 mes is that you ? hell man your gorgons yes, that's me... I'm not sure what you meant but I looked up the word "gorgons" 1. Greek Mythology Any of the three sisters Stheno, Euryale, and the mortal Medusa who had snakes for hair and eyes that if looked into turned the beholder into stone. 2. gorgon A woman regarded as ugly or terrifying. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Dude, you are smokin' hot!!!! Her loss. Life is a journey. I am in my fifties and still do not know what to do "when I grow up". I teach children one-on-one and love it! I don't make a lot of money, but when you teach you are more than earning your place on this earth. Money is important and I wish I had more of it, but I teach and I am proud of what I do. You should be, too. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 yes, that's me... I'm not sure what you meant but I looked up the word "gorgons" 1. Greek Mythology Any of the three sisters Stheno, Euryale, and the mortal Medusa who had snakes for hair and eyes that if looked into turned the beholder into stone. 2. gorgon A woman regarded as ugly or terrifying. Sorry mes ..I meant gorgeous ...but can;t edit my posts ... Link to comment
duke nukem Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 LOL shooting star, way to make him feel good! Just kidding, but it was pretty funny. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 LOL shooting star, way to make him feel good! Just kidding, but it was pretty funny. I know duke haha , great source of moral support hey ! In my defence I am smoking a rather splendid "tobacco" and working on only one brain cell :stupid: Link to comment
Carus Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Mes* you dawg....So now you got all the ENA ladies swooning! haha I hate to break it to you (I don't know why but this expression always sounds a little bit harsh to me, sorry if it is) but those thoughts are still around... especially thoughts revolving around my EX. But yes, I'm trying to fight them... and I think that there's some progress thanks to you guys who keep me company here. Just wanted to mention something about this^^ Rather than trying to fight these thoughts and/or supress them, just acknowledge them for what they are and be safe in the knowledge that they too will pass* That way your brain, and indeed your entire system, can process them properly and file them away neatly until they are not so frequent..... Pushing stuff into the subconscience can be harmful in the long run when a few years down the track something else happens and then the box flys open and they come flooding back.... You are gaining emotional strength here Mes* and to forge steel, one must add fire* Canada....Man you are one lucky dude to even have the options....I'm stuck where I am for now Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 I just lost all my strength... All those suicidal tendencies are back... I feel like something heavy is stuck in my throat... All day I've been terribly nervous and in a terribly grim mood... Think how people feel when they want to vomit but they can't... They feel something is there that wants to be out but you can't to it so the only thing you feel is this heavy burden in your throat... I'm drowsy and want to close my eyes but I know that tomorrow things are gonna be similar... God... I want to cry, vomit and let it all out... but I can't... I just wish somebody wanted to be with me and accepted me the way I am... I just wish somebody could go with me for a walk to the park and stare at the birds getting ready to take wing... Am I asking for too much? What is wrong with me? I just don't understand... it's beyond me... PS. Carus, where exactly are you stuck? Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 PS. My EX wants to meet tomorrow and talk about the apartment... Should I say yes, or no? I want to show her I'm in control and some guides say that a man should say no to show his dominance. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 mes I know that telling you my pain wont take away your pain ..but maybe we can just share the load hey . I am 45 and my ex is the love of my life , I have had a terrible time in my past with relationships , I have been hit , kicked , spat at, punched so hard my feet left the floor with my baby girl in my arms , I have had a man hold a knife to my stomach while pregnant saying he will stab the little "b" to death while it's inside me , I could talk for hours about my tales of woe ..but the end result it has all made me whatever it is I am today as I talk to you , and in all honesty I don't know what this is anymore. when I met my ex everything came together , he is the kindest man I have ever met , he is gentle but firm , he is emotional but strong , he is harsh but fair . We share the same values , we have the same desires in life , everyone who ever met us both together said we where in a private little bubble continually . There was no abuse , no games , no tricks , it was for the first time in my life pure honest love . We talked marriage ( neither of us have before) and our life together was very simple and very private . Something very tragic happened beyond my control and I fought with all I had to straighten our road out again and carry on this journey together , but I sit here alone typing this to you , looking out at the garden we both grew our veg and flowers with love and quite frankly mes ...I don't know how I will live the rest of my life without the life I had with him. Some days ...I cover every inch of it , every word of it all , every action , every mail and conversation , then I will get to a bit where I effed up and persecute myself for hours , asking myself through the snot and tears why I said this , or said that , why I didn't know how to handle it all ..I have destroyed my own soul on a daily basis. This post isn't about who has the "worst story" or who is more in pain , this post is about letting you know that I know the gut wrenching hopeless desperation you feel , and that many many times in my life I have had to stand up and shake myself down and carry on . But it takes time and this is what the problem is for all of us , it is so painful we just can't accept that it takes time , you have a good day and think thank god I am on the road to recovery , two hours later you in hell again , eventually it wares off. Eventually you just walk on with life and look back at the dark times , with , well with knowing , with knowledge and with experience . I wouldn't say these dark days don't hurt you 10 years later , because I still wince at some of the stuff I experienced and I still have a cry every now and again ( lets just that pmt !) , but it doesn't cause the pain in your chest and your stomach anymore . You have got two choices mes ..walk on or finish it and I hope with all that I am that you choose to walk on and at least give life a chance . For some reason we are learning the lessons we have to learn , I don't know why , some lessons have been very very hard to learn from , but none the less ..this is our lot and on our journey through life we will crumble , we will laugh until we cry , we will feel love so intense it touches your soul , we will have worries , we will have joys, at every turn there is a new day . We have to somehow focus on embracing hope again , taking every day as another step in the right direction , because we got through the day . Keep fighting mes , I am half way accross the world from you , but I am fighting too. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I love you my little star!! everything you said there is exactly how i am feeling...i could feel your pain in every word cos i am right there with you Where have you been, i've missed you? loulou x Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 I... don't know what to say right now... thank you for sharing your story with me. I can't say more for the time being and I don't dare ask questions. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 my darling loulou I am here ...got pc probs and can;t access some places very easily I go off in my little world and come back , I miss you too you beautiful soul , I am sorry your in pain as well xxxx mes it's ok , there is nothing to ask or say , I just wanted you to know I am rooting for you . Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I need to ask you guys a question. What would you do in my current situation? Should I take my toys and leave the apartment even if it means going to a much worse place or should I act rough and tell her to move out and help her find something? I just need to know if and why I should be the one to take the hard road? Carus, you said once that a man can't be a doormat and I agree. Where's the line though? She wants to meet today and talk about the flat and I'm not sure if I should say something like "today is my day off, can't meet you" or just go there and be done with it. Need your advice good folks. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Carus, where exactly are you stuck? Well I'm in Oz so it's a pretty good place to be 'stuck'....But my urge to do more travelling is firing strong at the moment! I just wish somebody wanted to be with me and accepted me the way I am... I just wish somebody could go with me for a walk to the park and stare at the birds getting ready to take wing... Somebody will mate....You just haven't found them yet. Keep walking and again, patience padawan* After my meltdown I was single for 3 years...(went on some pretty funny dates though in the early days lol).... It wasn't so bad but my current GF is reaping the benefits of all that I learned while I was wandering in the Gobi* Those thoughts and feelings will come and go for a while yet Mes*....But like I said before, just acknowledge them for what they are and let them come and go.... Mate listen, meeting her about the apartment may be important...(what is it she wants to know?)....But just know this, seeing her right now is gonna set you back big time....You will feel pain all over again after seeing her.....But that also will pass.... So if you think it's something important then maybe you could meet her, or even just talk on the phone....But otherwise I would try to be convieniently unavailable* Whatever happens though, I think you already know now that you can handle it and will be OK* The Force Is With You Carus* 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Well, the big question here is: who should get the apartment? If I move out, I go to live in a crummy place. She hasn't done a thing to find a new place... and I've been looking for it for the last 3 weeks or so. PS. My motto for today: if I'm to remain an idealistic fool on a fool's errand till the end of my days... so be it. at least I shall fight to be an honorable fool. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 PS2. I guess I'm a man so I should learn to adapt... even if I have to live in a shabby place... yet, it just seems a bit unfair though. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Who got the place? Who's name is on the lease...? 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I found the place, I asked one of my students for help and... her name's on the agreement. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 ... her name's on the agreement. And your name as well? If she were to move out does she have somewhere to go? And sorry, is your ex Chinese? 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 nope. but I'm guessing that could be changed... Link to comment
mesmerized Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 And your name as well? If she were to move out does she have somewhere to go? And sorry, is your ex Chinese? 8-) She's Polish (just like me) My name isn't on the contract. I guess we'd have to find something for her... now she's staying at her friend's flat. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 So to summarize: You moved to China together. You found the place but she signed the lease. She has now moved out and you are still there? 8-) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 hi mes and carus ...blimey we have oz, china and the uk all at the same time wasn;t she planning on moving cities ? or as that passed ...could she move in with the friend she stays with ? hope you ok mes Link to comment
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