last chance that I'll give myself... or us... your comments needed

[endy]

your former gf being your most recent ex cheated on you? Get the book "anger" by thich nhat hahn. Start to examine your past. There's reasons you feel this way and they are very deep rooted from your past. What I am telling you is there are reasons that you have those issues. Very common, very human, very normal reasons. Until the above is addressed you aren't going to find what you are looking for or attract that because like attracts like. Start to concentrate on what is in front of you now, not behind you. I'm going to go read your whole story again.

 

That book above will show you how to write a real love letter. That can be done in time, but not now. First you have to concentrate on addressing the anger. It will help you do that also. It's a buddhist book. But buddhism is really not a religion. It's a way of thinking. I suggest it to really anyone because everyone can benefit from reading it, and practicing mindfulness.

[pippy longstocking]

Hi mes , hope your ok , I do follow your threads to see that your fighting.

 

I wondered , are you able to leave china and go back home ?

[Carus]

Thanks to Endy* & ShootingStar* for dropping in....

 

I gotta hit the sack for an early Uni start tomorrow but I will post more after that....

 

Mes* you are doing well buddy....Everything you are experiencing here is totally normal and you're gonna bust this roof real soon*

 

Talk Soon

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[mesmerized]

your former gf being your most recent ex cheated on you? Get the book "anger" by thich nhat hahn.

 

Thanks for your post. She didn't cheat on me. I was talking about the girl before the current one.

 

Let me address every thing separately.

 

1. Books

 

I have 16 books by the author you've suggested but I don't have "Anger" in this little collection. Here's what I do have:

 

The Art of Power

The Diamond That Cuts Through Illusion

Fidelity - How To Create A Relationship That Lasts

Freedom Wherever We Go

The Heart of Buddah's Teaching

The Heart of Understanding

Living Buddha Living Christ

Old Path White Clouds

One Buddha Is Not Enough

Peace is Every Breath

Peace is Every Step

Reconcilliation - Healing the Inner Child

True Love - A Practice for Awakening the Heart

Understanding Our Mind

You're Here - Discovering Magic of the Present Moment

 

2. The Past & The Future

 

 

Start to examine your past. There's reasons you feel this way and they are very deep rooted from your past. What I am telling you is there are reasons that you have those issues. Very common, very human, very normal reasons. Until the above is addressed you aren't going to find what you are looking for or attract that because like attracts like. Start to concentrate on what is in front of you now, not behind you. I'm going to go read your whole story again.

 

I've always had this problem. I've always concentrated on the past a lot... You say "concentrate on what is in front of you" Well, actually I wanted to start a whole different thread on that. I don't really know what's in front of me. I had huge plans... after China I wanted to go to Canada or New Zealand but now it seems so hard, so difficult, so impossible... When I face questions like the following ones: what can I do there? how am I gonna find a job there when my major at uni was something totally unimportant in English-speaking countries? I just feel lost. Utterly. I wish so hard someone could back me up and tell me "hey, you can do it" or give me some advice as to where I should start making those things come true.

 

PS. My whole story is in a different thread. You'll find there everything from high-school till now.

[mesmerized]

Hi mes , hope your ok , I do follow your threads to see that your fighting.

 

I wondered , are you able to leave china and go back home ?

 

Thanks for asking. Technically I could do it. That'd take a lot of complicated things to face and I'd have to act against the contract I signed 5 months ago. But there's something more at stake here... I don't really have much to go back to. In my country I'll have to face high unemployment rate to begin with. Like I said in my previous post... I had (or I still have?) those big dreams about "conquering" yet one more country after China but now I feel like I can't do it. Anyway, maybe it's a topic for a different thread.

 

I've tried to make contact with my doctor back home... and I feel disappointed because even though he'd assured me before I left Poland that he'd be ready to help me anytime I needed him now he just replied to only one out of my 7 emails to him. I don't have to tell you that I did tell him how bad the problem is (including suicidal tendencies) I thought once he cared. Now I know he doesn't as a matter of fact.

[mesmerized]

OK, having replied to your questions let me give you an update. (Still, I do hope you'll have a look at my previous posts)

 

1. My EX moved out temporarily until I find something for myself.

 

2. I went out to a club the other day with 3 persons (including my EX) and something bizarre happened. There was a Chinese girl there and... well... she was all over me. I had to sort of force her away (if that's the proper expression) I think she was a little bit drunk... She stormed me with some compliments like "you smell so great" and "you're so sweet" Anyway, I wasn't in the mood for flirting actually. She tried several times to kiss me. Yes, she was attractive I can't deny that, but I just didn't feel like doing some things she wanted to do... She gave me her phone number and... well, after having another argument with my EX I texted the girl I met at the club. I was angry and upset... just wanted to take my mind off my EX and the whole problem. I'm not really in touch with that Chinese girl but still... my EX found out about the text messages and she told she didn't believe in my words about how much I love her... She couldn't understand that I have nothing to do with that club-girl, that I just wanted to stop thinking about this whole mess.

 

Yesterday she wanted to chat with me on the I-net but I wasn't around and today in the morning she sent me a message saying "I guess you're dodging me so I won't bother you if you don't want to talk" I'm not sure how to react to that.

[duke nukem]

Your ex is mad because you're talking to someone else-casually it sounds-because you're trying to deal with the break up? Did you try to explain it to her, or is she just trying to affirm her belief that you don't love her?

[mesmerized]

Your ex is mad because you're talking to someone else-casually it sounds-because you're trying to deal with the break up? Did you try to explain it to her, or is she just trying to affirm her belief that you don't love her?

 

yes, I did try to explain... I don't know how to convince her...

[Carus]

With all my respects Mes* ~ You're ex sounds like a right handful...!

 

She's mad because you're talking to another girl..?? Well, umm, last I looked she'd broken up with you no...?

 

So you are free to do what you damn well please!

 

And with the going to other countries...mate, you are young, you are free....Do you know what some people would give to even have those opportunities..!?

 

Finally, I am so glad to see how far you've come since post 1....Still a ways to go yet and more dark days will come, but every time you get through them you will get stronger*

 

Proud of ya Bud*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[endy]

If you have all of those books, then all you have to do is read them. The thich nhat hahn ones. There is no past really, and there is no future mes... the future is right now, what you're thinking. What you give off and constantly think is literally what manifests in your life. You want to die? Think about fearing things constantly and things harming you. You'll attract it. You have to be very careful and monitor your thoughts. Your thoughts and feelings manifest your future. You obviously like to travel, and you love it don't you? You focus on it quite well don't you? That's exactly why you could go beforehand and not now. Focus. Learn how to quiet your mind and focus on one simple object. You have to break the addiction to her, to get over it. That's how people really get over it. They aren't conscious a lot of times that's what they're doing or how it works and that's why it takes awhile. Also anyone with an abandonment issue (most people have one) it takes a long time to truly move on. You are being negative about it. Mes, all humans live in the past. All are also mostly addicted to material things. It was "the fall from grace" when adam ate the apple in the bible. That's what that story is really about not sin. It's just metaphoric ancient wisdom. Note, I am not a religious person...

 

Get the book evolve your brain. Read that first. Once you have the knowledge and understanding of how your brain works and why we get like this, and addicted to someone it's much easier to break. I think that's what you want to be able to do. You're talking a lot with emotion, and I think you're actually a lot more logical and don't really believe some of the things that you have said in this thread. You're also young. You've got a lot more to experience. Can I ask you why you have all of those books? Have you read any of them? If you have then you should understand more of what I am discussing. I didn't go back and read your original post yet. I will when I get a chance, but I've been moving.

[mesmerized]

With all my respects Mes* ~ You're ex sounds like a right handful...!

 

She's mad because you're talking to another girl..?? Well, umm, last I looked she'd broken up with you no...?

 

So you are free to do what you damn well please!

 

I just have a few minutes, I'll write more later but I'm guessing that she's mad because on the one hand I've been telling her she's so important to me and on the other hand she saw me talking to that girl.

[mesmerized]

PS. Here's what I did. I erased that girl's phone number having hope that I'll prove I'm not really interested in that girl and hoping my EX will feel satisifed. She didn't. Now I don't have the number and my EX is still pissed off.

[RileyK]

Your situation sounds very childish...stop trying to analyze your ex and move on with your life. Living together - especially sharing the same bed - now that you're no longer together seems like a toxic situation for both of you. There is no need to treat her badly, or to ignore her. Be civil and respectful, and find a new place to live. Your school should be able to help you with that. I taught in Korea for 2 years and the school arranged everything easily.

[Carus]

PS. Here's what I did. I erased that girl's phone number having hope that I'll prove I'm not really interested in that girl and hoping my EX will feel satisifed. She didn't. Now I don't have the number and my EX is still pissed off.

Right, and so what have you learned from that?

 

Here's a hint: Women dont want a doormat. A puppy dog who jumps at their every beck and call. They want a Man who challenges them and has his own lifes purpose...

 

....especially when they are already an ex...!

 

Even if she were to change her mind and want the RS back, you would be living a life of misery and servitude with the above attitude...I hope you can see the lessons being presented to you here...

 

Also, please move outta there ASAP...We discussed that in your first posts...

 

8-)

[mesmerized]

I've been trying to find a new fly for myself for the last 3 weeks and there's nothing out there... Crappy, old apartments unless one's willing to pay 2500RMB a month which is out of question in my current situation.

 

EDIT: Are you saying that I should've kept the number and date that other girl just to show my EX I'm not gonna be there anytime she calls me?

[Carus]

I've been trying to find a new fly for myself for the last 3 weeks and there's nothing out there... Crappy, old apartments unless one's willing to pay 2500RMB a month which is out of question in my current situation.

Kool mate....At least you're looking....Something will come up*

Are you saying that I should've kept the number and date that other girl just to show my EX I'm not gonna be there anytime she calls me?

definitely not.....You shouldn't do anything to show your ex anything! Plus you are not really in a good spot to be dating right now anyway...We're still working on building a better YOU.....Patience Padawan*

 

Still, in saying that, some non-committal female company would probably be good for you and I have seen relationships form when statistics would say they shouldn't....

 

But my point is that she broke up with you, or at least maintains right now that she doesn't want a relationship with you right? So what right does she have to dictate what you can and can't do with your life? Please explain...?

 

God I would laugh if my ex tried that sh*t with me!

 

Ever Forward...

Carus* 8-)

[mesmerized]

We're still working on building a better YOU.....Patience Padawan*

 

Funny thing, I've been a Star Wars geek for ages...

 

Sometimes I like to think that maybe it's my destiny to be in China, maybe I'll find my second half here after I've fixed myself...

 

PS. I'm listening to Pink Floyd and thinking about this whole mess. I intend to start a separate thread in the "Career & Education" section but before I do that I just wanted to share with you some of my thoughts that aren't necessarily related to my EX, not entirely at least. I've just checked out some of my former classmates' Facebook profiles and this made me think about my life a lot. 90% of them are scattered accross the world. Some of them have gone to Australia, some of them are in England, Canada or the US. Most of them have families of their own. People who were terrible at English back in the school days are now in English-speaking countries. I've studied English for so many years, my major was Teaching English As A Second Language and yet I still make mistakes from time to time or find my accent not good enough, not 100% native-like. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that they all have their careers running and I'm fighting with my depressive states. I don't know what to do with my life but what I do know is that I'm lost. Yes dear Carus, Endy, Shooting Star and whoever else keeps me company. Why can't I be like them? Why can't I also become successful? Why can't I achieve things they achieve? Why can't I move to Australia or Canada for instance? Why am I so damn scared? So fearful? Why don't I believe in myself? I'm sorry, but I just feel like a second-class human being and this time it's not only because of my former GF, it's because I am who I am.

[Nickles]

Is it wise to listen to Pink Floyd I'm in a similar situation myself....sans the "other country" but we share a house and I just moved out. It's pretty crappy and I feel like I'm on a major rollercoaster ride. I cannot listen to music with words anymore so am listening to nothing but crazy mad dubstep....it's helping get the frustration out. It doesn't help that my ex is really nice. Wish I could hate him.

[duke nukem]

Well Mes, you can't know for sure if those people are truly happy or not. Maybe they jumped the gun, and they're the ones looking at you being the lucky one, not tied down and working in an exotic place. Wouldn't that be ironic?

[mesmerized]

Is it wise to listen to Pink Floyd I'm in a similar situation myself....sans the "other country" but we share a house and I just moved out. It's pretty crappy and I feel like I'm on a major rollercoaster ride. I cannot listen to music with words anymore so am listening to nothing but crazy mad dubstep....it's helping get the frustration out. It doesn't help that my ex is really nice. Wish I could hate him.

 

Well, I'm not so sure but I listen to them anyway. The Beatles are also on my list everyday (especially "Yesterday" and "Let it Be") Dubstep? I'm not really familiar with it but I'm guessing it has much to do with electronic music (?)

 

I hope you'll get better sooner than later... (said the guy who's often devoted of hope)

[mesmerized]

Well Mes, you can't know for sure if those people are truly happy or not. Maybe they jumped the gun, and they're the ones looking at you being the lucky one, not tied down and working in an exotic place. Wouldn't that be ironic?

 

I'm pretty sure some of them are happy indeed. Others aren't probably. I'm pretty sure as well that some of them are looking at me being the lucky one. And yet... it's not really about whether they're satisfied or not. It's just that I feel unable to achieve things that other people can achieve. Like... it's beyond me. Beyond my abilities. I beat myself up everyday with thoughts about my fears and dreams. I wish I could conquer them.

[Carus]

Mes*...!! Is that you in that pic? You suave lookin' dude you...!

 

We're on page 8 of your thread now and you haven't mentioned suicide or your ex in the last coupla posts....Progress my friend*

 

Yeh man, love the Star Wars....And the Matrix and Lord of the Rings. I actually wrote a movie script and sent it to Mel Gibson. Haven't back yet so it's time to print some more copies and start sending them elsewheres... Never Give Up*

 

Now Mes*, what you are doing in comparing yourself to those others is quite a normal practice....But it is flawed thinking...And here is why:

 

There will always be someone better off than you, but there will always be someone worse too....So you are You and you are in the middle somwhere.

 

If you cannot be happy with where you are and who you are then the bad news is that you will NEVER be satisfied because no matter how much you achieve etc, you will always be looking at someone better off than you....cause there always will be*

 

Those glossy magazines are full of Hollywood celebs who have it all...The wealth, the fame, etc....But do they seem fabulously happy? Plenty of problems there mate...

 

I know coz I was at the top of the music world....But the higher you climb, the further you have to fall when the party's over*

 

So try to relax a bit on that mate, and with patience and small steps, you can at least achieve what it is that YOU need in your life....Don't worry about others*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)

[mesmerized]

Mes*...!! Is that you in that pic? You suave lookin' dude you...!

 

Yup, that'd be me. The pic is a little bit weird I guess and I have no idea what "suave" means (sounds French) but I'm willing to guess that's a positive word.

 

So try to relax a bit on that mate, and with patience and small steps, you can at least achieve what it is that YOU need in your life....Don't worry about others*

 

You are right, I should concentrate on my life but it's just I'm walking in the dark here and the roads are winding. I'm 27 right now, will be 28 in November and I have to decide soon if I want to stay in China for another year or head home or try to storm another country and become a post-graduate student. There are 3 different paths here and if I choose one of them then I guess I have to forget about the others. Besides, don't you think it's about time I start settling down?

 

All the best,

[duke nukem]

Suave: Smooth in performance, texture or style.

 

And I know that I compare myself to others all the time, especially because my major is in art, so I'll end up thinking how much better someone did at a drawing or project. It's instinctual, and hard as it is, trick is to ignore it, or if possible, use it to motivate yourself. Easier said than done, but you can do it.

 

 

Besides, from what I hear 40 is the new 30, so you're well on track. Stable careers lead to stable, happy lives. Stay strong, przyjaciel (think that's right, the internet said so

[mesmerized]

We're on page 8 of your thread now and you haven't mentioned suicide or your ex in the last coupla posts....Progress my friend*

 

I hate to break it to you (I don't know why but this expression always sounds a little bit harsh to me, sorry if it is) but those thoughts are still around... especially thoughts revolving around my EX. But yes, I'm trying to fight them... and I think that there's some progress thanks to you guys who keep me company here.