Moving On To Better Times

[northpickle]

Hi everyone and thank you for all your replies, just back from work so I can answer you all Thank you again for all your support.

 

I drank far FAR too much last night, especially for a school night! To be honest, the more I drank, the more numb I became, Almost like an incredulous numbness, if that makes sense.

 

 

 

Hi Carrie, thank you. I agree, it is best not to know anything else. Facebook has been both a lifesaver for me (in as far as getting in touch with friends) but it's also been a hindrance in a few cases! I know all I need to now - if I hadn't asked my friend outright then I wouldn't have known about the new girlfriend yet, but I would have in time. I wanted to know and he obviously wants the world to know it too

 

I haven't replied to that email, I'm still thinking about whether to say my final piece or not. I can see both bad and good about doing so. But not making any rash decisions.

 

 

 

Hi Darcy, thank you. You're right, I'm not going to fish for any more information - the fact that he is with somebody new already says all I need to know about him, to be honest!

 

The "flaunting it" is the hardest part to take actually, so soon after leaving me and in the very early days of his new relationship. He never used a profile picture of himself and me whilst we were together, so that hurts too. Showing his new found happiness off for all to see. In one way I do want him to be happy, that's all I ever wanted and God I tried so hard to be the girl that would make his life complete, y'know? So so hard

 

 

 

Hi winnie, I still have a bit of temptation, as I said above, to say my final piece. I'm still deciding on whether it's worth it. I have to do what's right for me, and I'm not used to being selfish! If I think I have left anything unsaid then it will probably niggle at me forever more. But I'm still thinking about it, need to weigh up the pros and cons! I'm not sure whether he is trying to provoke me, I wouldn't think that of him, but hey! I'm not so sure I do know him as well as I thought. The man I knew would not have jumped so quickly into another relationship. So I knew a different him that the person he is now.

 

.

 

Partially what is public (on her page - she's now blocked) and partially through a friend who is still FB friends with him. The friend only really knows the ex through me so surprised the ex hasn't unfriended him actually. I asked the questions though. I'm not going to ask any more.

 

 

 

No, I wouldn't do that! I haven't mentioned anything about any of this (anything about the BU or my feelings) on any social networking and suchlike, only on here!

 

 

 

I looked at blocking his email last night, I don't think I can block directly but can put a filter on his email so it would go straight in the Trash. I deleted his numbers a long time ago but have not blocked them, I shall see if I can do that. Again, not sure whether that email was to provoke a reaction or not, it was certainly a bit on the dramatic side. I was completely leaving him alone, what was with the big farewell and "have a nice life" stuff, honestly? The bit about "I hope you find someone who makes you happy" is the killer bit, that really really hurts for some reason.

 

 

 

Great question! How long have you got? Haha!

[The Man Who]

Great question! How long have you got? Haha!

 

PM me if you wish

 

Least it gets it off your chest that way

[kuteknish]

Girl - I've read your thread all the way through and I feel your pain & hurt. I do. I think most of us have been through this type of hurt at some point after a break up. I know I have for sure after my last BU.

 

I think as the title says, it's time to move onto better times. It's time to move forward and 'do for you'.

 

Feel your emotions. Feel them, journal them, talk to people you trust, but DO NOT email him a reply or anything. Keep your dignity. Keep it. I disagree with your friend that you have nothing to lose by emailing him back the way you feel. Believe me. He KNOWS how you feel. He knows he has hurt you. People do what makes sense to them all the time. This made sense to him to email you, as it made sense to him. He's asked you not to contact him and I think you need to listen. It's over. It's done. He's not who you thought he was and he is making that completely crystal clear for you. Does it hurt? Absolutely! I know it!

 

I'm kind of a 'tough love' sort of approacher lately. My friends have helped me along to move forward and move on and move up. My friends have told me "what have you got to lose" or "sure, do it, go ahead" but I know my ideas were just actions based on my strong emotions and not logical at those times. They told me to do it because sometimes you need to hear it's ok to do it, but logically, you know you shouldn't. I have felt pain, happiness, anger, hate, pity, and more for a while and at no time have I told him any of that. This is my journey and my lesson for the future.

 

 

You do not need to write an email to let him know and get it off your chest. Take that anger and emotion and channel it elsewhere. Move on and be happy. That's the best revenge you can get right now.

[northpickle]

I'll write it here for all to see

 

OK, how do I feel...

 

Shocked numbness is the main one. It was only 14 weeks today that he sent me that email dumping me. And in 14 weeks he has gone from being my boyfriend, the person I shared everything with and I thought was the most amazing thing to walk this earth, to a complete stranger who is with somebody else.

 

I feel replaced - and replaced very quickly.

 

I feel confused - about what he ever felt for me, about what I feel for him, about everything he said to me during and after the relationship. The big one is the first time we met up after the BU, three weeks later, where we went for a walk by the river and he told me all those things, about how he often thought I was "the one" and we hugged and cried together...and a matter of weeks later he is with someone new?

 

I feel silly - I questioned his feelings towards me so much and you know what, I was probably right. He didn't feel the same way, yet I couldn't stop myself falling so deeply for him. I don't really know what I feel for him right now, he has hurt me so much. I wouldn't take him back even if he came begging, which I know he won't, but I don't want to be with him again or anything. But I do love him.

 

I feel hurt - all those memories of us are a lie now and to think he is making new memories with someone else already?! When I've been sat alone night after night he's been nurturing a new relationship, probably chatting online or whatever to her as we used to do.

 

I feel pathetic that I care so much about someone who quite honestly doesn't give a damn about me any more, if he ever did. The thought that I was possibly strung along by him for a while doesn't bare thinking about.

 

BUT

 

 

I'm OK, I'm functioning well, I'm so happy in my new job. I have great friends and family and the greatest little girl in the world most importantly. A part of me wants to hate him, but I blame myself for getting so emotionally involved with him. He seemed so crazy about me and I fell for it, thinking he was the bees knees!

 

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but if I was looking for someone new (I'm totally not, of course!) I know that I wouldn't find it hard - I DO have a lot of good qualities and I'm never short of compliments from men. So I don't feel like I'm going to be left on the shelf or anything. I do find it hard to believe that I'll ever meet anyone that inspires the same feelings in me that I got from my ex, though.

 

I am proud of my strength, my dignity. Every tear I have cried has never been seen by him. I'm still very sad that all this has happened but a part of me thinks it was inevitable, things just weren't quite right and it was always going to hurt. But whereas I would have fought til the bitter end, he just wasn't that bothered.

 

I know I'll be fine, I'm not sad that I'm single, just sad that somebody I was absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, crazy and head-over-heels in love with...just didn't feel the same.

[northpickle]

Hey kuteknish Thank you for reading my mighty thread of doom and despair! I love your avatar

 

I know exactly what you are saying - the most part of me doesn't want to send the "final email" but a little part of me does. I know it's over, I know it's done. But I'm not sure he does know how much he has hurt me, I've shielded that away from him. Yes, there's no point in telling him how much he has hurt me I guess. I don't know...I don't know what I want to say anyway. I'm still reeling from the double shock of the new girl and the email I guess.

 

To move on with my life I can't be in touch with you. I wish you only good things for the future and hope you find someone to make you happy.

Take care of yourself

 

 

"I can't" ??? Well then don't! He was the one who wanted to?!

 

Urgh

[kuteknish]

He may not know exactly how much he hurt you because you haven't showed it, but he knows. He knows you are emotional and have feelings. Maybe one day you will get to tell him, but right now, no need.

 

I live in the same town as my ex and for months I would act happy and cheery when I would see him. We would chit chat on the street like we were old friends but I would be reeling inside and for weeks after each run-in, i'd be so hurt. He knew nothing of this, and it's better that way. Now, over a year later, I have chosen to treat him like a stranger. I ran into him the other day. He waved, I just walked by and smirked. It's what I need to do FOR ME. It makes sense to me and i've been tired of the 'catching up' and the nothing after but disappointment. Will he realize that he hurt me? Did he know how much he hurt me? They are smart men. They know we are emotional creatures and you made it known to him over the last 14 weeks in different ways. He knows.

 

My ex- I was hysterical the night we broke up and begged for it not to be over. Nothing of the like any time after, but that one emotional showing showed enough. They know. Think about this - he knows you are hurt by this, and he still chose to hurt you more by sending you that email randomly.

[northpickle]

He may not know exactly how much he hurt you because you haven't showed it, but he knows. He knows you are emotional and have feelings. Maybe one day you will get to tell him, but right now, no need.

 

I suppose he does know - but sometimes in the relationship he seemed so indifferent to my feelings...not that he treated me in a particularly bad way.

 

I live in the same town as my ex and for months I would act happy and cheery when I would see him. We would chit chat on the street like we were old friends but I would be reeling inside and for weeks after each run-in, i'd be so hurt. He knew nothing of this, and it's better that way. Now, over a year later, I have chosen to treat him like a stranger. I ran into him the other day. He waved, I just walked by and smirked. It's what I need to do FOR ME. It makes sense to me and i've been tired of the 'catching up' and the nothing after but disappointment. Will he realize that he hurt me? Did he know how much he hurt me? They are smart men.

 

I completely understand - although I haven't randomly "bumped" into him yet (apart from one evening in the pub where he didn't actually see me) and every post-BU meeting has been pre-arranged, I did the same. Told him how great my life was, yadda yadda yadda, although I was hurting so much inside that we weren't together any more We also live in the same (but large-ish) town. Our social circles overlap a lot. The new girl is not connected to that social circle. But obviously over time (if the relationship lasts that long, which it probably will) then she will probably start hanging out with them all. I'm not looking forward to that. The possibility of bumping into him (and them) is quite high. So I'm distancing myself from that chance as much as I can for now. I do have other friends and I hope people understand - I haven't talked any of this through with mutual friends, by the way. I can't take the risk that whatever I would say might get back to him.

 

They know we are emotional creatures and you made it known to him over the last 14 weeks in different ways. He knows.

 

In hindsight, I think you are right. Not the ins and outs, but he must know. And what does it matter really? He didn't want to be with me and he knows that his decision would hurt me. However sad it is, he was only looking after his own interests, if he was the man for me then he would want to be with me, yeah? He didn't.

 

My ex- I was hysterical the night we broke up and begged for it not to be over. Nothing of the like any time after, but that one emotional showing showed enough. They know.

 

Oh my Gosh, yeah I did the same! He dumped me via email, the next evening we met in person and I went into beg mode, for maybe 15 minutes or so. I remember saying "F... F... F..." with my head in my hands (but using the real word!) over and over - I just couldn't believe it was happening...We met in a park then went to his house, I was so daft, I asked if I could stay over, I didn't want to go home by myself and face the cold harsh reality of being alone (I haven't been able to go back to that park since, and I used to love spending time there. I tried a few weeks after BU and I saw the bench where we had that "talk" and I just broke down - not very classy in public!) But yeah, I stopped the begging, said something like "That's it, isn't it?" - he said "Yeah, that's it" and I gathered my dignity back, asked him for all my possessions that were obvious, gave him back his key and he dropped me back home in his car. And I literally collapsed on the sofa - I hadn't slept at all, not a wink the previous night after the dumping email.

 

Anyway, I'm reminiscing! That's the only time he has seen me emotional since we broke up, and I think it was justified at the time.

 

Think about this - he knows you are hurt by this, and he still chose to hurt you more by sending you that email randomly.

 

Yep, although steering back to what I said earlier - my feelings quite obviously don't matter to him any more, if they ever did or have done for a while. So he sent that for his own personal reasons. What they are I'm not sure. But that doesn't matter now I suppose. I made the mistake of putting his feelings over mine for far too long.

[BlueRose66]

Honestly, we never know what another person feels or thinks. Sometimes people run from one relationship to another to hide from the pain and from themselves. This appears to be what is happening. I too dont understand being able to do that. He may not have the depth of feeling in general, some people are just shallow like that or are blocked emotionally, and it looks like they have no feelings.

 

For me, I have been grieving for the last 4 months and I just couldnt be with someone else. But that is just me. We are all different, some are more in touch with themselves then others.

 

All you can do is just let go and work on healing from his horrible behavior towards you. If it was me, I would NEVER speak to him again! And then I would live my best life as revenge.

[northpickle]

How do you honestly feel North? About this whole situation and in general?

 

I know I've already answered this a few posts above but I feel I need to answer it again. I'm not feeling too good to be honest, feeling the closest I have to losing the plot than I have done for a while! My head is going doolally so I hope writing things down will help. It's going to be long, but I need to write it down.

 

What I think is important for people to understand that before I got together with the ex, I honestly felt like I was emotionally defunct! No, that's too strong. What I mean...I was friends with the ex for about 2 years before we got together. When we met (as friends) I was in a relationship with my daughter's father ("C"), living together as a family. However, as time went on the relationship (as faras feelings were concerned) ended, but we still lived together as we got on fine, it was easier for us all (so I thought) although we had very separate lives. I was in a place where I thought I would be fine with that forever. I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't in love. I obviously told my friends about the situation (including the ex when he was just a friend) but I certainly wasn't interested in him or indeed anyone else. I had resigned myself to thinking that was my future - a comfortable but loveless "marriage" without the wedding ring.

 

Then my ex starts to up the ante - he starts emailing me and contacting me personally, rather than just seeing him out and about with friends. Asks me out to certain events, gigs, that type of thing. I honestly didn't think much of it, I just saw it as a blossoming friendship. Then, when I was out with him and another friend in late April last year, he confesses he really "likes" me - it blew me away. It made me think. Why was I living in a loveless position when there were other people out there who do give a damn about me? I didn't see or contact him for a few weeks, bumped into him on another night out, I got a little upset (my head was still going crazy with what to do with my life) and he emailed me apologizing, saying he understood if I couldn't be a friend. (Weird how it's gone full circle).

 

So we exchanged a few emails...and that's when he said that if I was in a position to be a new relationship then he was deadly serious about that. And then it just went crazy.

 

A few days later he came round to see me late on the evening, we both drank a lot and we ended up making mad passionate love on my sofa... completely crazy. The chemistry just got to boiling point. And it continued like that for a long time whilst we were together.

 

Anyway, that was the start...as I said he swept me off my feet. He did things for me that I will be forever thankful for. It started out very heavy for some reason. Thing is, he knew the real me very well and for a long time before we started dating and obviously liked what he knew...

[northpickle]

Honestly, we never know what another person feels or thinks. Sometimes people run from one relationship to another to hide from the pain and from themselves. This appears to be what is happening. I too dont understand being able to do that. He may not have the depth of feeling in general, some people are just shallow like that or are blocked emotionally, and it looks like they have no feelings.

 

For me, I have been grieving for the last 4 months and I just couldnt be with someone else. But that is just me. We are all different, some are more in touch with themselves then others.

 

All you can do is just let go and work on healing from his horrible behavior towards you. If it was me, I would NEVER speak to him again! And then I would live my best life as revenge.

 

Hi there lovely Hope you're well.

 

I'm spent so much time on eNA the past 14 weeks and yeah, read a lot of threads about "rebounds" and so on...I honestly didn't think it would ever apply to my situation. I didn't think he would start a new relationship so soon, as a friend for 2 years before we got together he was single (and pretty much stand-offish and emotionally unavailable to any woman who would approach him). I saw that as a friend. That's why I was so shocked that he was interested in me. And equally shocked that he's with somebody else so soon.

 

I'm the same, the thought of a new relationship, being intimate with anyone else, anything like that turns my stomach. It's going to be a long time before I let my guard down or even find anybody else attractive again, I reckon. That's why I can't understand him being in such a public relationship this quick.

 

Do you think he has been horrible? Or am I just far too sensitive?

[BlueRose66]

Well he hasnt handled things well at all in my opinion, but then I didnt do my BU nicely either. ( which I still terribly regret) I was very confused.

 

Just give it time and space and move on from him. Everything does get clearer with time, and when the emotions die down. What you may think now, may be totally different in 3 months or 6 months.

[shortest_straw90]

Hey pickle its been quite a while since I checked up on how your doing.

It sucks about him being with someone else. at least he waited longer than my ex did though.

Maybe this will encourage you to move on quicker though, I know it kind of helped with me. Its like forced closure in a way because you cant expect to get back with them whilst theyre in that relationship so in a way it forces you to get on with things.

Hope your not doing too bad now.

 

ps. remember not to use my previous user name if you remember it.

[Ms Darcy]

To move on with my life I can't be in touch with you. I wish you only good things for the future and hope you find someone to make you happy.

Take care of yourself

 

I am not telling you to say this, but this response popped into my head.

 

"Break ups are never easy, and this one is no exception. You realized that I am not the one for you and in time I am realizing you are not the one for me. I respect your decision, but I must also acknowledge that you have seemingly changed your mind several times. So I would like to make my own intentions clear. To move on with MY life, please do not communicate with me anymore with any other changes, revelations, or decisions.

 

Goodbye."

[kuteknish]

I am not telling you to say this, but this response popped into my head.

 

"Break ups are never easy, and this one is no exception. You realized that I am not the one for you and in time I am realizing you are not the one for me. I respect your decision, but I must also acknowledge that you have seemingly changed your mind several times. So I would like to make my own intentions clear. To move on with MY life, please do not communicate with me anymore with any other changes, revelations, or decisions.

 

Goodbye."

 

that really is a great response.

[The Man Who]

I personally wouldn't bother my a**e replying to his email! Just my two cents like but what exactly is it going to achieve? If it's closure your looking for you pretty much have that because he's with a new woman, if it's the final word your looking for then that's pretty childish. Walk away with your dignity and grace still in tact - sending him a final email just seems silly as your still stroking his ego by replying to his previous email even if it is to say your moving on. Your actions would speak louder than words ever could North.

[northpickle]

Well he hasnt handled things well at all in my opinion, but then I didnt do my BU nicely either. ( which I still terribly regret) I was very confused.

 

Just give it time and space and move on from him. Everything does get clearer with time, and when the emotions die down. What you may think now, may be totally different in 3 months or 6 months.

 

Hey, thanks. I agree with time making things clearer, and that has already happened these past 3 months or so, although I do obviously have a long way to go!

 

Hey pickle its been quite a while since I checked up on how your doing.

It sucks about him being with someone else. at least he waited longer than my ex did though.

Maybe this will encourage you to move on quicker though, I know it kind of helped with me. Its like forced closure in a way because you cant expect to get back with them whilst theyre in that relationship so in a way it forces you to get on with things.

Hope your not doing too bad now.

 

ps. remember not to use my previous user name if you remember it.

 

Of course I remember it daftie! Good to hear from you, hope you're OK. Now the initial shock of finding out about the new girlfriend is dying down a bit, I do think in a strange way it will help with getting over him more quickly. It was a massive shock though! I honestly didn't think he would fins someone else so quick, for a number of reasons I've already outlined. I wasn't prepared for it at all. It's already started to make me think very differently about him.

 

I am not telling you to say this, but this response popped into my head.

 

"Break ups are never easy, and this one is no exception. You realized that I am not the one for you and in time I am realizing you are not the one for me. I respect your decision, but I must also acknowledge that you have seemingly changed your mind several times. So I would like to make my own intentions clear. To move on with MY life, please do not communicate with me anymore with any other changes, revelations, or decisions.

 

Goodbye."

 

Thanks! This is very close to how I feel. I might try writing down what I want to say to him on here over the next couple of days, get people's opinions.

 

I personally wouldn't bother my a**e replying to his email! Just my two cents like but what exactly is it going to achieve? If it's closure your looking for you pretty much have that because he's with a new woman, if it's the final word your looking for then that's pretty childish. Walk away with your dignity and grace still in tact - sending him a final email just seems silly as your still stroking his ego by replying to his previous email even if it is to say your moving on. Your actions would speak louder than words ever could North.

 

What I'm going to do is leave it completely this weekend (he'll most likely be with her so I don't want him to get anything from me), get as much advice as possible from here, really think about it. If I do decide to contact him I will do it Monday. But yes, I'm still not sure whether to or not.

 

I can understand what you're saying - I really can. Silence does speak volumes. But I don't necessarily think it would be childish to make one last reply - it would depend on what I said. And because I'm not sure yet I'm definitely leaving it for a few days.

 

If he had made it clear to me from the start that he didn't want contact - then fine. But from sending me a birthday card, saying he missed me, asking to meet me a few times, and then deciding he wanted me out of the way completely because he is now with someone else...when I had already told him I couldn't just hang out as mates. That's not really cool behaviour and although any reply I may send wouldn't say this outright, I do still have a feeling some things on my behalf have been left unsaid.

 

I do have closure, yes. He's not the man I knew. That takes a lot to get my head around.

[The Man Who]

I'm only giving you my opinion as a young adult male

 

That's fair play North - I wasn't meaning you were childish or after closure etc, just trying to figure out why you'd send one last reply that was all. If it was me in your shoes I wouldn't bother because a) he has a new lady now so for that reason alone I seriously wouldn't be in touch even if it's a final email, b) anything you say now will only work against you and c) he doesn't deserve you to unload on him because really you'll be lowering yourself to his levels by trying to win the emotional battle via email.

 

I could've argue or contacted my ex until I was blue in the face but all that would accomplish is bitterness for both her and I. I rose above it and took the moral high ground, now look at me, I don't even want to speak to her or have her as a friend

 

I understand where your coming from, I just think you need to look at it logically rather than let your emotions dictate what you might/might not do. Logically you have no reason to email him again, yet your emotions say otherwise. I know you'll make the decision that's best for you and why not but it's better to get contrasting views from both males/females in this instance. It's a big choice for you to make really.

[diamond78]

Just read the latest updates and boy, what a jerk!!

 

And that last e-mail to you reeks of him either being pushed to do it because the new lady asked him to or he is just a big ol' drama llama.

 

I can see you wanting to reply to his email and knowing me, I probably would send something that would be sure to sting him for awhile.

 

I loved the last line in MsDarcy's sample email so much : "To move on with MY life, please do not communicate with me anymore with any other changes, revelations, or decisions."

 

So civilized, but with enough bite for him to feel it and feel a bit embarrassed for what he did.

 

So, I agree take some time to figure out if you want to reply or not. In the end, a response or no response will not change anything, so you're good either way.

[carrie8484]

Hi Pickle ive just been thinknig about your situattion again. The facebook photos thing of your ex with the new person screams forced and/or fake to me. I'm not saying he isnt genuinely with this person etc, but I do think it was a bit of a get back at you Pickle, due to your dignified stance of NC and it shows how childish HE has been throughout. The email afterwards is the icing on the cake. He wanted a reaction from you and knew this information would get back to you. I would definitely stick with NC if that is the case. You say he didnt normally post photos of himself with you on facebook yet he has done with this new person. who's he trying to kid?! I had this with ALL my exes. They would never take photos of me /us but as soon as they got someone new BAM a whole photo album would appear of the new happy couple. Sometimes the dumper can come accross a hell of a lot more pathetic/desperate than the dumpee in many cases.

 

stay strong!

[northpickle]

Hey there,

 

The fact that he has a new girl is actually the major factor why I have held back from replying - the last thing I want to do is appear to him like the emotionally unstable ex lurking in the background! But if he didn't have a new girl then he probably wouldn't have sent that. But then again what do I care now what he thinks of me - I don't! I am really going to think this through, don't worry I know I won't get a reply back to anything I may write so it's my final opportunity to say anything, should I want to. All feedback is always always welcome.

 

 

 

Haha! Yep, jerk does spring to mind! I agree with nothing changing regardless of what I do, reply or not. It's going to be hard to work out what I want to say and also to get the right tone too. I'll probably start writing some ideas here later.

 

 

 

Hi carrie!

 

Yeah - he never once posted a picture of me and him together online - a few of just me, and myself and mutual friends posted a fair few (from days and nights out - nothing overly soppy!) but no, not once did he specifically take pictures of me and him together. I assumed it was because he is a relatively private person and didn't feel the need to do so, which was completely fine by me. So for him to suddenly do the opposite with the new girl...it IS weird. And not just that, his PROFILE picture is of them both, which again he never did with us. Don't understand it at all. And of course he knows it would get back to me, I wonder if anyone else (mutual friends) thinks it's a bit too much?

 

He's blocked me, of course, and it's up to him what he chooses to share online but that quickly?! Wow! It was only 6 weeks ago he wanted to hang out with me! I'm not sure how long they have been together (if he even knew her then) but it seems quite serious already maybe - pretty much how things between me and him were, very fast very quick. Except there were no photos!

[winniethepooh]

I think I'm getting more confused here. Ok, the email was a slap in the face but what do you hope to gain by responding, in any way whatsoever

 

At best, it is just an emotional splutter on his part. Let him splutter.

 

At worst, it is him deliberately trying to mess with you and provoke you. If you respond, then you're showing you've been provoked, and he will continue this game, and you will just get bogged down and feel worse.

 

If you want to get back together with him, any sort of response will push him away (no matter what his situation is).

 

If you don't want to get back together with him, any sort of response will just drain your energy while you think about what to write, and continue to drain it after you send it while you wonder what he thinks and whether or not he will respond and what he's going to say if he does, and all that energy drain will feed directly into his ego and give him a boost. No matter what you send.

 

Look at how much this is costing you just dwelling on it Please focus on you and your life, not him and his.

[northpickle]

Hi there!

 

I think I'm getting more confused here. Ok, the email was a slap in the face but what do you hope to gain by responding, in any way whatsoever

 

I don't know - that's why I haven't replied yet.

 

At best, it is just an emotional splutter on his part. Let him splutter.

 

At worst, it is him deliberately trying to mess with you and provoke you. If you respond, then you're showing you've been provoked, and he will continue this game, and you will just get bogged down and feel worse.

 

He knows how sensitive I am - funnily enough I remember him saying to me the first time we met up after BU that he was very sensitive too. If that's the case then he does a good job of hiding it! It confuses me - it doesn't warrant a response, there are no questions to answer and it says bold as brass "I CAN'T BE IN TOUCH WITH YOU". But on the other hand he has chosen to have his final say - don't I deserve one too? I know he won't reply, I don't want him to.

 

If you want to get back together with him, any sort of response will push him away (no matter what his situation is).

 

If you don't want to get back together with him, any sort of response will just drain your energy while you think about what to write, and continue to drain it after you send it while you wonder what he thinks and whether or not he will respond and what he's going to say if he does, and all that energy drain will feed directly into his ego and give him a boost. No matter what you send.

 

I do obviously still love him, but I don't want him back and haven't for a long time. After finding out about his new girl too - that has made me damn sure that the person I knew and loved and would have done anything for is nothing but a ghost now.

 

Look at how much this is costing you just dwelling on it Please focus on you and your life, not him and his.

 

I wish I was the type of person who could switch my feelings and brain off! I am (or was, until Wednesday and yesterday's double blow) completely focussing on myself and my daughter (with obvious sadness but was moving on well) - I'm now feeling torn up again and my appetite and sleeping patterns have regressed to how they were in the early days, ie: terrible! But I'm nowhere near the heartbroken person I was then. I'm still not quite right of course, but I was getting somewhere.

 

How can you ignore the final goodbye of someone that you love / loved? Who broke up with you yet still wanted you around? Until it was convenient for him to dramatically tell me that's not what he wanted, obviously because he's wheeled in a replacement and almost passive-aggressively bragging about it.

 

It completely stings I understand completely what you are saying about staying silent. But it is very hard.

[winniethepooh]

But on the other hand he has chosen to have his final say - don't I deserve one too?

Your focus is out of whack. Don't focus on prolonging the relationship break-up, focus on moving on.

 

I know he won't reply, I don't want him to.

Then don't give him an opportunity to reply to anything. By not sending anything.

 

but I don't want him back and haven't for a long time.

Then take actions that reflect this. Dwelling on whether or not to reply, what to say, are not actions that reflect this. Ignoring his emails and not replying, are.

 

I wish I was the type of person who could switch my feelings and brain off!

Booyah! Me too But you're not. Neither am I. All you can do is focus on your actions and let your feelings catch up with them.

 

How can you ignore the final goodbye of someone that you love / loved?

By ignoring it.

 

That sends the message you have said goodbye far louder than any email telling him that.

 

Who broke up with you yet still wanted you around? Until it was convenient for him to dramatically tell me that's not what he wanted, obviously because he's wheeled in a replacement and almost passive-aggressively bragging about it.

Don't feed him.

 

It completely stings I understand completely what you are saying about staying silent. But it is very hard.

Yes it is. Don't give in to your feelings. They are messing you around as much as he is.

[shortest_straw90]

Of course I remember it daftie! Good to hear from you, hope you're OK. Now the initial shock of finding out about the new girlfriend is dying down a bit, I do think in a strange way it will help with getting over him more quickly. It was a massive shock though! I honestly didn't think he would fins someone else so quick, for a number of reasons I've already outlined. I wasn't prepared for it at all. It's already started to make me think very differently about him.

 

Im doing just dandy actually. You seem to be thinking more with your head and not your heart these days, thats always a good thing. Have you been keeping yourself busy? I tend to live for the weekends now, its kind of a substitute if you know what I mean.

[FreedomRing]

Hi NP,

 

Sorry about the latest news, but I think you needed this bit of news to finally seal the deal...a sort of *finality*. With all of his comings and goings, things were happening on his term, and giving you a false sense of hope. When a person moves on to someone new, it's kind of like a book closing shut.

 

How was your ex's relationship with your daughter? I wonder as you two were getting serious, especially your feelings towards him, if the thought of being a permanent fixture in your/her life kinda spooked him? Sometimes the idea of the insta-family can freak a guy out.....just curious...(not trying to assume or offend you!)