Moving On To Better Times

[lyndsaylynn]

Northpickle,

I am so sorry about your grandpa. You seem like such a sweet person. I am sorry so much is happening to you right now.

I will say a prayer for you.

Lyndsay

[northpickle]

Northpickle,

I am so sorry about your grandpa. You seem like such a sweet person. I am sorry so much is happening to you right now.

I will say a prayer for you.

Lyndsay

 

Thank you for your very kind words Lyndsay Trying to keep my mind off things but really nervous and worried for him, poor man He really is a fighter but you can't help think that there is only so much one person, one body can take. I just hope that whatever happens he won't be in any pain...

[Jiminey]

Hi Northpickle,

 

I have been reading all your posts with intrigue and admiration. You appear to have been very strong and rational - I can't wait to read the rest and I hope for a happy outcome - regardless of whether you get back together or not (which I hope you do as it sounds like you both feel a lot for each other and there was a lot right with your relationship), but you have also been very strong with the NC and I am sure this had a very powerful impact on him getting back in touch and re-thinking his decision. I have posted a lot on this site - my experience has been very different to yours in the context of what happened and our relationship, ours was very intense from the start, he said he loved me all the time, but then things turned weird, he seemed like he was becoming a bit distant and so I finished with him because of a strange holiday he said he had forgotten about, then we remained in touch, but the months after the end of april when we split were torture, so reading all of your honest posts about your dreams, the anger, the longing, the confusion, questions, not being able to function, realising you could and that there was a life out there, the ups, the downs - that was how I felt, and although we have split again (I finished with him again even though he maintained he loved me and wanted a future with me), I do feel like I am living a normal life again, I'm not embracing it like before, I am still just half living, half functioning, and I think about him all the time, how much I miss him, wonder what went wrong - and we were only together 8 months but it feels like I have a bit of me missing. I think I see him everywhere! Anyway, I love your posts and think you have been really strong so well done and I hope all is good in your life!!!!

[Jiminey]

Very well said - I was in tears reading what you wrote, exactly described how I felt and still feel. There are not enough words to describe that absolute devotion you can feel for someone you are in love with - you would do anything for them and just feel like they are the most special person on this earth, that they once thought that you were the same to them move on and find someone other than you is the most painful loss imaginable. I feel your loss - all the best to you.xx

[Jiminey]

Hi Sim

 

Hmmm...it's not really urgent to get the pass back but like I said - I'd rather do it now then have to worry about it months down the line. I should have done it earlier, when I got my other possessions back from him a while ago but it didn't occur to me then, typical!

 

This is painful, I agree, but it is also character-building, I agree with that too.

 

Today the path isn't too dark - I just want to smile again. And at the moment the most recent time I can ever remember being so full of joy is those days when I could feel myself falling in love with him. I have never been so blissfully happy in all of my life and he seemed so happy too. And that was about 18 months ago now...wow...It's a killer!

 

Northpickle - I am so sorry about what happened, and I wish I hadn't posted what I did reading half way through your posts as I did, cause I thought that it was going to be a happy outcome, but I have now read them all and I am so sorry. I know what you mean when you say that the last time you felt so full of joy were the days when you were falling in love with him - for me that was March 14th, and ever since October it's been a nightmare although there were some pretty awful experiences before then too. I am sure you will find such joy again, you will get over this, it's been 2.5 months for me, 70 days, and I am still thinking about him every minute. Yesterday I stopped crying, finally. So we do get through it, and I think this is his loss - you will find someone who loves you more and you will find that feeling again of pure joy and happiness!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa too. Big hugs J xx

[winniethepooh]

Firstly, some of you may remember me mentioning my granddad (who is 90) being ill about a month ago? He is very sick, he was taken into hospital last night. He has a blockage in his leg and he had to decide today whether to have an operation to remove his leg or not. If he doesn't, he will die. But the shock of the operation may kill him too (he's obviously very old and frail and has already had two heart attacks in the last 18 years or so). But fortunately his mind is still very much with him.

 

He's decided to have the operation to remove his leg And he's going for surgery in about an hour. My parents are there with him and are keeping me updated. I'm so worried...

Oh what an awful choice to have to make

 

I hope it goes well for him. He's lucky to have someone like you thinking of him and being there for him. Take care, lots of cyber-wishes and cyber-hugs to you and your family.

[superfox]

Aww Pickle, I hope everything goes ok with your Grandad xxx

[northpickle]

Hi everyone - my granddad got through the operation yesterday, got through the night fine and was this morning sitting up in bed They have removed his leg just above the knee and isn't in a lot of pain thank goodness. I am being updated regularly by my parents. I'm so pleased that things have seemed to go as well as possible for him and I really hope he'll be OK and although he is obviously very poorly, we still have him with us for now. Thank you so much for all your well wishes, it really means a lot to me.

 

Jiminey - hi there! I'm sorry I made you cry! And thank you for reading my thread.

 

Firstly, please don't be sorry! It's fine, this thread is obviously very long and a lot has happened in the last 3 and a half months. I actually liked the fact you quoted one of my earlier posts, those early days when I was so full of pain yet still holding on to hope seem so long ago now and I've come a long way from that.

 

I was confused back then, and perhaps the ex didn't want to confuse me and was in his own way trying to let me down gently by wanting to meet up with me. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't ever want to intentionally hurt me - I can see that now. Maybe that's why he said it was such a hard decision for him to make - not because he loved me, but because he knew how I felt and didn't want me to be in pain. He did say a lot of things post break-up that did make me think he wasn't 100% sure with his decision however...

 

Who knows - he's definitely gone now anyway! I'm getting more accepting of that fact day by day. He has a new girlfriend and you know what, I'm fine with that. The news really hurt, no lie, but it helps in a way. I don't really feel jealousy, it's a strange feeling. To move on that quickly means he was either over me before we split (if that makes sense) or he's with the new girl to mask some of his own emotions?

 

Again, who knows? I will find that happiness again but I'm not looking for it right now. I know you will find happiness again too.

 

He came into my life, shook it up like a snowglobe (both in fantastic ways and not so good ways) and continued to do so until last week. No more for me. He's gone, kaput!

 

There was once something there between us that transcended anything I've ever experienced before and he said the same, so after what has happened I think it's best that we stay away from each other. And now he has someone new...well...I don't want to know any more about that! Having so many mutual friends might cause a few hiccups, I might hear or see things but will protect myself as much as I can from that.

 

I'm really moving on now, I can feel it. I've probably got a few more tears left to cry but I'm fine with that. To love and to lose is a deep emotional experience and I will be a better person for it.

[northpickle]

Hi, having a bad day unfortunately.

 

It was never going to be a good day as I woke up after a crippling dream about the ex. It's been weeks since I dreamed about him. The dream was playing out an alternative version of the last weekend we spent together before we broke up. It was like watching a film of that weekend, where we visited friends, competed in a race, but in the dream we weren't "together" - we were just friends after we had split up. But in the dream he was looking at me like he adored me, was holding me a lot and telling me how much he would always love and care for me.

 

It was really vivid and it really messed up my morning. I tried to brush it off and have been doing loads of tasks today to keep busy, spoken to a few friends on the phone about general things and started to feel a lot better. Then 4pm came, the sun started to set and, I don't know, I feel crushed again.

 

I looked out of the window at the beautiful clear sky and the gorgeous colours and suddenly felt so damn lonely and ridiculous. I sat in my kitchen ad just stared into space and had a little cry. I had a walk to the local shop for some fresh air and I just felt like a cross between a robot and a zombie! All the cars passing by with places to go in the twilight and I just felt lost. It's not as though I've been thinking about him specifically, or what he's doing or even reminiscing. Nothing like that at all. I just don't feel like myself today for some reason. I don't know what to do with myself this evening! I hope this is just a blip.

 

And I still haven't got the parking pass back from him either. That's on my mind a bit as well. Trying not to think he might of deleted my email before reading it or even blocked me, even though it was just to ask for that stupid pass back!...I know it's only been 6 days but it only takes a day or 2 at most to come through the post. I just want it finished, over, nothing more to do with him. I thought he would want the same and would have sent it pretty much straight away. Maybe I'm over-thinking this, as usual!

[KronicMan]

Maybe I'm over-thinking this, as usual!

 

about the parking pass , yes...unless u really need it right now...

 

sorry ur having a bad day. i had some moments last night as well, but i feel at peace with what has happened with my situation, hope you can find that as well!!

[northpickle]

Hi KronicMan Yeah, I've been doing OK as a whole - I spent last weekend wondering whether to ask him for the pass back directly (thus breaking the 40-odd days of NC) and thought I would be fine with that, as it was just a simple demand that required an action from him with no need to reply.

 

I don't need it back right now - no. But I wanted to cut my last tie with him and be done with it. I know, it's only been a week. I need to relax!

 

It was definitely that dream that has shook me a bit today. I'm glad you're beginning to find peace I'm getting there definitely and trying not to hold myself back, I have a tendency to do that without meaning to!

[northpickle]

3 and a half months on...I decided to look back at the "dumping email" - and I glad I did. I haven't posted it here in full before as just after break-up it was obviously too raw.

 

I've looked it again with healing eyes:

 

northpickle,

There isn't any easy way to say this, I don't want to be in a relationship where there's regular arguments and issues every few weeks. I don't feel like we really resolve them, they end with you apologising and then it happens again. I know you wouldn't be happy in a position where you weren't included on a weekend, and I don't really feel like we can go out and and drink without one of us getting upset about something. I think we need to talk about it face to face, but it's not something I'm going to change my mind on.

 

ex

 

That's how he ended a "serious" long term relationship. It's becoming clearer now. I wouldn't go as far to say I wasted my time with him, but I was so wobbly and weak at the end I took all the blame. Argh! Never again!

 

"I", "I", "I"...nothing about me there, was there? Don't get me wrong, I'm not upsetting myself by posting this, it's actually helping. All those kind words I received early on from people here are making sense now, my head was too foggy back then. So thank you x

[professorplum]

Good to hear that you are on the road to recovery but many more downs to come I'm afraid. I think it is actually doing you good looking at this message with fresh eyes. It's appalling. The tone is wrong and yes you are right it's mostly about him. However, if there was already someone else in the background, that would help to explain the selfish attitude which comes through. Not having the decency of at least seeing you to say this.........

 

Pickle you were put on this earth for someone better than this. I hope your process of healing continues smoothly but be warned it may not. And from bitter experience can I urge you to try and make plans for New Year's Eve. Do not be in the position I was this year wondering what they are doing / assuming they are having a great time and feeling sorry for yourself. At the very least try and get some girl friends around and have a few laughs. Have a great Christmas with your daughter. It's been quite a journey for you but I believe the light at the end of the tunnel is in view.

[DN]

I have to be honest and say that didn't seem like a selfish break-up e-mail but an attempt to tell you why he was breaking up with you. There didn't seem anything unreasonable in it to me.

[northpickle]

Hi, thank you Hmmm, I guess what I mean by looking at it again with fresh eyes is that I now I see the situation as it was. I almost knew it was coming and when I received that email - my whole world as I knew it came crashing down! I know it doesn't matter now how I handled it and I would handle it differently in the future but those words made me feel about a millimetre small, like I failed and was an awful rubbish girlfriend.

 

It triggered off my panic instinct - as soon as I got it I tried to phone him. He didn't answer and then turned his phone off He then emailed me and said he didn't want to talk to me I was awake all night and texted him 3 times asking him to see me the next day, Friday. He texted back the next morning and agreed, and that's when we had our "break-up" talk in the park.

 

Anyway, perhaps selfish isn't the right term, but it was final, it changed my life and it stung. They are the words of a person who had just given up. I wasn't happy either really. It had to be done but a part of me will always think if we'd both handled the small things differently then it wouldn't have happened. Another part of me however will always think he just never felt the same way about me. This things may actually be linked.

 

I'll probably never know the full story about how and when the new girl came into the picture, I don't want to of course, but no-one I know knows her, so very unlikely to hear anything. He seems to have picked somebody, consciously or not, completely separate from his old "normal" life. A "new start" - I'm just part of his past now and he is part of mine. It's still quite sad I suppose when I adored him and I did always treat him with nothing but love and respect.

 

But I can now look at those words and feel no pain.

 

I will make plans for New Year's Eve - definitely!

[The Man Who]

Hi North,

 

Are you all geared up for Christmas?

[northpickle]

Hello!

 

Yes, I think so anyway! My little one is very excited Our usual plans are a bit different this year with my granddad being poorly, so going to visit him on Christmas Day. With the changing of plans it means my daughter will be staying with her dad on Christmas Eve so him and his family get to see her, which means I am going to be on my own on Christmas Eve night - argh! I mean, I can make plans, but not sure what to do for the best. Going out might seem a bit forced and might make me feel more lonely, you know?

 

I haven't been out for a few weeks because of this. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends I could make plans with, I'm quite happy being on my own at the moment though. Just Christmas Eve is a biggie, isn't it? New Year's Eve too. Hmm...

 

How are your festive plans coming along TMW?

[The Man Who]

How are your festive plans coming along TMW?

 

That's good though North that your little one is looking forward to it

 

I read somewhere and I can't remember where, it might be one of the random emails I received for tips with women etc but this time of the year is always the worst for girls who are single to feel lonely which is why there's a lot of hook-ups at Christmas time etc. I can totally see what you mean but go out and enjoy yourself

 

My plans were done already by the start of December, faither and mither's presents were bought so I could rest easy. I'm planning on going out this Friday for a cheeky few ciders and then on Christmas Eve. Believe it or not, I was dancing/flirting with 4 different women on Saturday night just past so things are looking up for me

[northpickle]

I read somewhere and I can't remember where, it might be one of the random emails I received for tips with women etc but this time of the year is always the worst for girls who are single to feel lonely which is why there's a lot of hook-ups at Christmas time etc. I can totally see what you mean but go out and enjoy yourself

 

This made me think - I haven't been single at Christmas since...2003! Wow! Last year I was with the ex and the year before that...well, I was in that limbo land with my daughter's dad - where we were living together but had separate lives, slept apart, that kind of thing. A weird chaste living arrangement. That all seems so long ago now and I had to cut off all my ties with him so I could date the ex. It was a tough thing to do and my daughter had to come first, but I knew that she would be better off with two parents living separately who were happy that two who lived together who felt stuck.

 

I don't regret that, strangely I don't think of him as an "ex" now, he's my daughter's dad. I think it's because I grieved the end of that relationship a long time before he moved out. I used to lie awake in bed thinking how unhappy I was and how I could make a clean break but I couldn't find a way to do it because I didn't want my daughter hurt. He didn't treat me all too well sometimes either, he had an awful jealous and insecure streak. I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter and he reduced me to tears by questioning me for hours and hours about the size and shape of former lovers' "packages". I wish I was making this up!

 

And my recent ex came along as a friend, upped the ante, and I guess I realised I could be happy and you know what, I was for quite a while. I fell deeply in love. So no regrets really

[northpickle]

I've just seen something I didn't want to. I'm deactivating Facebook.

[kuteknish]

I've just seen something I didn't want to. I'm deactivating Facebook.

 

you are better off - everything will be misconstrued and hurt when you look at it -- you'll feel better after you do!

[northpickle]

A comment of his popped up on a discussion group online (something I can't block but I'm done with Facebook - I'm sick of people asking me if I'm OK, I'm not!) - his avatar is basically a real life version of him and the new girl like this - lake or seaside setting, them in shadow, cuddled up, looking out over the water, sun setting. Totally romantic. Never did that with me. God, I feel so stupid. Who is taking these photos? Why didn't he ever feel the need to do this with me? Argh! I'm doing OK but it just reinforces the feeling that either a) he never really loved me or b) he's trying too hard to be over me. I don't know. The lad I knew would be the last person to post slushy romantic photos. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'll keep telling myself that. I'm going to bed anyway.

 

image removed

[kuteknish]

when my ex and I broke up, even though we had shared friends, I deleted those shared friends, or at least hid them so I wouldn't be able to see any posts related to him. a few months back, I sent an email to one that i deleted and apologized for having to do so, it wasn't personal, it was just best for me. She totally understood. Your sanity is more important that facebook and any "friendship" on there.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hmmmmm. I personally think he's trying too hard. My prediction is, hand on heart, he'll try to win you back in about six months time, telling you losing you was the biggest mistake ever. And of course, by then, you'll have totally moved on! Actually, to be honest, I read your thread, and I can see that you are moving on with each day. You get these blips, and it hurts like crazy, but each time the low isn't as low, and you recover faster and faster.

 

So, just don't go on Facebook for ages. Focus on having a fab time with your daughter and family over the holiday season, and relish the fact that you have done all this work towards healing so your heart will soon be ready to meet someone who will love and be loved by you as you truly deserve!

[Sim54]

He is definitely tying to prove something to himself.

Seriously, my ex did the same, and it's pretty sad.

I have plenty of friends who are in loving relationships and you wouldn't know it from there online profile. Why? Because they are to busy living there lives to demonstrate it on Facebook.

People who need to post a pic of them and someone as their profile pic are sad!

Hun, get off Facebook! It will only cause you pain. I deleted my account, totally, not deactivated. You don't need it. Those people who care, you can call them, or email them, or text them, or meet them for coffee. The others can go hang.