Jiminey

Day 12 of NC. Although we split up in early October ( I finished with him because he was just unreliable), I have really felt the void more acutely only in the last two weeks. We were in touch, well I was, we exchanged some nasty texts mid October, and he didn't talk to me for a couple of weeks, said my words had cut him deep and had destroyed him "so far". I don't know how true that is, or whether he was just saying that to justify not being in touch, or maybe it hit a nerve, but I sent him one last text almost two weeks ago and said I was going to leave it, so I guess that was really me saying that I was drawing a line under it all. I still think about him all the time, every waking minute - I just can't believe that he can just not be thinking about me, us. I felt like I almost had a sixth sense last night about it, that he was thinking about me, missing me, wanting to hear from me - but maybe that was just because I wanted him so much and missed him, and couldn't understand if I was feeling like that then he must. I don't know, he could be fine. He could be with someone. I just don't know and thank god I don't have any mutual friends. The funny thing is is that I had to call round an engineer to fix something today, and I know that that person knows him, but he doesn't know me, and doesn't know that I know the ex - but a weird scenario to be talking to someone who knows him who actually does not know that I used to be his colleague's girlfriend. I just wonder when this pain will subside. Christmas is difficult but easier in a way as no. 1, I have never spent it with him, and 2, at least I will be with family so that will help. Then it's the new year - will I get a NY's text? That time of the year is more reserved for partners, kisses at midnight, etc, so that's going to be tough. The only thing that I can take as a positive from this relationship is that I met someone earlier this year who I cared about so much, I was attracted to him instantly, he was to me, we had an intense and healthy (at that time) relationship. We got on so well, we made each other happy, we thought that we had both met the one. At least that gives me hope that in ten years of meeting guys who I just didn't feel that connection with, that it can happen - and hopefully in 2012 it will again, and this time it will be right and maybe, hopefully I can appreciate what I found with him. Right now though, just very very sad and missing him like crazy.

I broke NC on day 9 - it was his birthday so I sent him a text. He came straight back, then three days later I texted him again, told him how I was feeling. I met a new guy, a really nice guy, but he knows about my situation so he's reticent about being involved, understandably. I then texted him the following day asking if he would like to come over - he drove 27 miles and we had an amazing evening. we didn't talk about anything in the past, or future. the next morning he texted me to say he would like to see me again and loved seeing me. we've been in touch, he says not to stress and that things will work out. we talk on text every day since and he says he wants to see me again. So we shall see. I am not asking when I can see him though, learned that lesson, just cooling it a bit.

Day 5 of NC. The urge to contact him has slightly diminished because I feel more empowered not, but always wonder what he is thinking, whether he has enough down time when he's not working to actually stop and think about the good old days, not the endless texting back and forth trying to work things out. I believe technology killed my relationship - he was content to just text and sometimes call when discussing what went wrong, but never meet. I wish that I had just quit the texting and said, when you're ready we will meet, but being heart-broken I grabbed any opportunity to talk to him and if this was the only way then that would have to do. I wonder if he misses me, I want to make it to the milestone of one week where neither of us contacts each other. It's his birthday on Tuesday and I am adamant I am not going to send him a message. If I can make it to two / three weeks then I know that I will feel a lot stronger and maybe he will miss what we had rather tan just remember the discussions over the past month. One day at a time!!! It's tough though, and think about him every minute and dream about him every night.

Great idea, I'm up for this! I am on day 2 of NC, we split up over a month ago, I finished with him as he was sending signals that he just wasn't as in to the relationship as he had been, I never saw him, he cancelled when we arranged things - throughout the time I didn't see him he maintained he loved me, missed me, was committed to us and passionate about us and our future, but odd things kept happening, he said he was ill for weeks, not only did we not see each other but he rarely called me (although he did text a lot), and he never talked about anything in the future. He kept telling me to be patient, but I felt that something wasn't right. I have e-mailed him once in a while since our split, and he e-mails straight back, says he misses me and is sad etc. I have gone two weeks without any contact, but then I cave in as I just miss him and foolishly think that he might open up and say that he wants to go back out if I do get in touch and reignite that contact. However, on Sunday I told him that I didn't think that we should be in touch anymore, whilst I was the one who mostly instigated it, I said I felt it was not helping me move on. He replied fair enough and that he loved me. He always told me to be patient, it made me think that maybe, just maybe there was someone else in his life but he wanted to keep me there too as he didn't know if he wanted her or me. He went on holiday in strange circumstances, just suddenly left and said he had forgotten he had booked it, I believe that maybe he went with a girl, maybe his ex who he told me he had bumped in to a few days earlier. Anyway, long story short, I am going to try the NC for a month. I'll let you know how it goes!!!