Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Just stating the obvious: if the only reason this guy is with you for the money - why in the world would you help him to find a better paid job? This is literally cutting off the branch you are sitting on (not sure if that is a proper english saying?). I thought about that.But I just wanted to help him,to make his life better.And I thought he would apreciate me for that not go away.He even said saturday that I help him in every way(meaning not only with money but with favours too like looking for jobs for him,looking for lawyers and everything else he needs). Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Everyone on this thread knows that this relationship has a time limit. You better start get used to the thought and prepare for that day to happen! Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 So how much time are you currently allowing yourself to worry about this? Today was long but this time is diferent cause it is a big warning sign that just cant be ignored.The guy was on the same place as me on the same time and just didnt mention(and didnt seem to want to when I asked either) to meet me. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Everyone on this thread knows that this relationship has a time limit. You better start get used to the thought and prepare for that day to happen! But isnt fair,after all that I did to help him? Seriously I made his life a lot better in every way.I not only helped him with his expenses but also got him a better paid job.You dont find that everyday. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Today was long but this time is diferent cause it is a big warning sign that just cant be ignored.The guy was on the same place as me on the same time and just didnt mention(and didnt seem to want to when I asked either) to meet me. No ,the idea is to decrease the time no matter what. No exceptions - because your brain is not really able to decipher what should be a big concern or not! If you are so aware of what is going on (you paying for someone to spend time with you) and accepting of that, you wouldn't worry. You are still hoping that whatever is going on has anything to do with feelings and romance. But the truth is unfortunately very different and quite ugly and sad. Link to comment
ToF Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I have tried to pull him closer by contacting him today but it doesnt seem to have helped.I dont know what more to do. Well, think about this logically: If trying to pull him closer by contacting him is not working ... Then what do you think would work? Given the nature of your relationship, I don't support you staying with this man for a second longer. But if you insist on hanging on to him, then you NEED to change your strategy. NOW. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Since you didn't spell out what the details of this 'contract' are or what your expectations are in return for your money you can't say that this situation is unfair or that he is not delivering. As I suggested earlier, if you want to buy emotions and guarantees from him, you would have to tell him. But I'm pretty sure that he would turn you down and find a different sponsor. Thus you have to accept whatever he is willing to give you for your money, without having a say in it. but of course you have all the power to just stop giving him money all together and to leave him! Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Well, think about this logically: If trying to pull him closer by contacting him is not working ... Then what do you think would work? Given the nature of your relationship, I don't support you staying with this man for a second longer. But if you insist on hanging on to him, then you NEED to change your strategy. NOW. Like do what exactaly? I have no idea what can work on this case. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 But isnt fair,after all that I did to help him? Seriously I made his life a lot better in every way.I not only helped him with his expenses but also got him a better paid job.You dont find that everyday. meh - men don't think like that. i've helped people get jobs, i don't expect anything other than a 'thank you' drink. it does - however - remind me of women who go after a guy for his money - and then they meet a richer man in his social circle, and leave their old boyfriends for the richer ones. now THAT happens all the time! Anusha, you know if he meets a woman who is richer and better connected than you are, he is gone! sure, you 'helped' him get the job, but what did you really do? just e-mailed his resume. it's not like you are the daughter of a real estate developer or something and helped him get a job at your dad's firm or company or whatever. you're not a celebrity, you're not an heiress, it's not going to be hard for him to find a woman with more money than you. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Since you didn't spell out what the details of this 'contract' are or what your expectations are in return for your money you can't say that this situation is unfair or that he is not delivering. As I suggested earlier, if you want to buy emotions and guarantees from him, you would have to tell him. But I'm pretty sure that he would turn you down and find a different sponsor. Thus you have to accept whatever he is willing to give you for your money, without having a say in it. but of course you have all the power to just stop giving him money all together and to leave him! I havent been giving him money lately(cause I dont have any to give right now).But I cant believe he doesnt feel anything,I can understand that he doesnt love me but not even some gratitude for all I have done? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I havent been giving him money lately(cause I dont have any to give right now).But I cant believe he doesnt feel anything,I can understand that he doesnt love me but not even some gratitude for all I have done? some gratitude? did he say thank you? that is enough. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Maybe not with more money but that is willing to spend it all on him like me I doubt that he will find easiely.At least I havent meet any women(all my friends and here even) that aproves me paying for stuff when we go out never mind helping him like I do.Most women here are totaly against that. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 There are other currencies than money, such as doing him personal services/being his personal assistant. Why should he feel gratitude for something that you are not giving without a price tag: you are expecting him to put up with your anxiety, and spend time with you - no matter if he is attracted to you, or likes you, but because he 'owes' you. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 some gratitude? did he say thank you? that is enough. I mean staying with me and not just ditching me as soon as his financial situation gets better(again thanks to me). Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Maybe not with more money but that is willing to spend it all on him like me I doubt that he will find easiely.At least I havent meet any women(all my friends and here even) that aproves me paying for stuff when we go out never mind helping him like I do.Most women here are totaly against that. because men just don't operate like that. listen - i am all for women's equality and all that. I don't mind paying on dates, i like things to be 50/50. but this guy isn't even 50/50. he's just using you for money, and he knows it and you know it and yes, it's only a matter of time before this arrangement is over. why do you think that most women are against what you are doing? because it's not natural, it's not love. when a guy is interested and cares about you, he wants to make a good impression. he takes YOU out on dates, buys YOU things! like i said, guys don't fall in love with a woman because she is rich. they will use a woman who is rich, so that she can buy them things, but that isn't love. and it's over as soon as he meets someone richer. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I mean staying with me and not just ditching me as soon as his financial situation gets better(again thanks to me). well, again, i don't see that you "got" him the job. all you did was e-mail the resume. which, as far as i'm concerned, means that he should take you out to dinner to thank you, but that's it. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Anusha, your behavior in this relationship will not induce gratitude or any other form of positive emotion. Most people start feeling either sorry, contempt, pity, or even disrespect for someone who clearly shows on a daily basis that he/she doesn't have a spine and doesn't have healthy personal boundaries, nor any self respect. The least thing it will induce is admiration of any sorts, because it is not an admirable tract. The more you sell your soul, the more you lose yourself and the respect of the people you are selling your soul to. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Anusha, your behavior in this relationship will not induce gratitude or any other form of positive emotion. Most people start feeling either sorry, contempt, pity, or even disrespect for someone who clearly shows on a daily basis that he/she doesn't have a spine and doesn't have healthy personal boundaries, nor any self respect. The least thing it will induce is admiration of any sorts, because it is not an admirable tract. The more you sell your soul, the more you lose yourself and the respect of the people you are selling your soul to. So what can I do to have him liking me? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 So what can I do to have him liking me? leave him alone. be mysterious. get some hobbies. wear sexy underwear and high heels. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Sadly, there is NOTHING you can do that this particular guy will like/respect you. Firstly, he is not an honorable person (otherwise you wouldn't have such an arrangement with him) and secondly, you have a long way to go till you can turn your life around. It will require you to fully focus and commit to making changes in your life - he will not stick around to see that happening. Link to comment
Anusha Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Sadly, there is NOTHING you can do that this particular guy will like/respect you. Firstly, he is not an honorable person (otherwise you wouldn't have such an arrangement with him) and secondly, you have a long way to go till you can turn your life around. It will require you to fully focus and commit to making changes in your life - he will not stick around to see that happening. So there is no way that I can avoid to lose him? Link to comment
ToF Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Aside from paying him more money AND stopping this obsessive behavior - No, there is nothing you can do to avoid losing him. This is not a real relationship, Anusha. And you know that. Let him go, find a good counselor, and meet someone who will voluntarily stay with you. Without monetary compensation. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 So there is no way that I can avoid to lose him? Actually you never 'had' him in the first place. And there is no way to avoid that there is an expiration date on this, one way or another. The best would obviously be if YOU decide that it ends Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Anusha, I have two questions, and maybe these have been asked already and if so, I apologize for the redundancy. 1. What are your personal, long-term goals with this guy? 2. Have you and him discussed any long-term goals together? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 The best would obviously be if YOU decide that it ends Unfortunately and sadly, that will never happen, as she is far too desperate to have a man in her life - no matter what needs to be done to get and keep him in her life. This is one of the saddest things I have read in years. Link to comment
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