Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I know I need professional help for my anxiety and Im seriously considerating to get it.But what I want help with now is to understand my bfs behaviour.Is like he is always saying something that makes no sense on our calls lately and I would like to figure out why.For example yesterday was him saying "really? Are you having dinner now?"(like if he had no idea what time it was).And today when I called him he started some story about me meeting with a girl that works where he works that I not even like.He said "You didnt meet with X(her name) lately right?" And the call was bad so I couldnt understand the name he was saying so I said "Meet with who?" and then he said her name again.He said she have been saying she meet me near some supermaket.Then I said "which one,the one near the bus stop?"(thinking that maybe she had saw me there or anything like that).And he said "No,not that.Just leave it the call is bad".And really was cause I barely could hear him and so I wasnt understanding much what he was saying.And then I said "Well I havent meet her since I stoped working on this store,so she is lieing." But seriously,I dont get why he would even ask me if that was true cause I dont like the girl and he knows that.Why on earth I would meet with a girl I not even like? Sometimes I really dont get him.And sunday he did something similar too by asking me to call his mobile after my interview to see if we would be able to meet but when I called his mobile was of.Seriously,anybody have any idea why he does that? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Anusha - lighten up on the guy. He's got a few women to juggle besides you, so you can't expect him to always remember things about you or be available when you call. Remember - more cash will buy you more of his time, and more of his concentration and focus. How's the job hunt going? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 It looks like you are starting a new thread over the same stuff because your last thread was closed because of it. I don't think anyone is going to respond to you anymore because it just encourages this obssesive behavior of yours..... Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Anusha - lighten up on the guy. He's got a few women to juggle besides you, so you can't expect him to always remember things about you or be available when you call. Remember - more cash will buy you more of his time, and more of his concentration and focus. How's the job hunt going? To me sometimes I think he does that to piss me of and make me break up with him.Like he knows I worry too much(so saying those things will let me wondering all day) and dont like when I call and his mobile is of.So why do them? It makes no sense. The job hunting finished,I got a job today.I will start on monday. Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Or maybe he can say those things to make me jeaulos too.He knows how jeaulos Im so maybe he mentioned that so I would think he have been talking with the girl and get jeaulos. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Hey, great! Will you be making more money? Does he know that you'll be able to support him again? I think this will eliminate a lot of your problems. Maybe even a second job for nights, since he won't be seeing you evenings anymore? No, I don't think he does it on purpose. I think he genuinely has a hard time remembering things about you and keeping the women straight. Remember - this isn't a real relationship but one that based on your financial provisions, so you can't expect him to be a perfect BF. UNLESS, as I've said many times, you're willing to spend the money to buy more of his allegiance. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 People on the internet reassuring you that everything is okay won't make it be okay. There are fundamental issues in the relationship and there are fundamental issues with you. You cannot realistically expect a positive result from this behavior. Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Hey, great! Will you be making more money? Does he know that you'll be able to support him again? I think this will eliminate a lot of your problems. Maybe even a second job for nights, since he won't be seeing you evenings anymore? No, I don't think he does it on purpose. I think he genuinely has a hard time remembering things about you and keeping the women straight. Remember - this isn't a real relationship but one that based on your financial provisions, so you can't expect him to be a perfect BF. UNLESS, as I've said many times, you're willing to spend the money to buy more of his allegiance. I will be making about the same amount I used to do on my last job.And yes he knows it,I told him when he called this afternoon.I like your posts,you are blunt(in a good way) and seems to be the only one here to agree with what Im doing. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 See, nothing would be wrong really with your approach to relationships if you were happy. But instead you are anxious and freaking out all the time. But you willingly choose to be in this state. How about the suggestion that I gave you in your previous thread about trying to slowly decrease the amount of time of allowing yourself to fret before you decide to stop? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I will be making about the same amount I used to do on my last job.And yes he knows it,I told him when he called this afternoon.I like your posts,you are blunt(in a good way) and seems to be the only one here to agree with what Im doing. Oh, I don't agree with what you're doing, Anusha. Not in the slightest. I think you're causing yourself such intense psychological, emotional, physical and financial harm, it's painful to witness, even for a total stranger thousands of miles away. But, I also acknowledge that you're entirely resistent to the sound advice that I've given and countless other generous folks on this forum have provided you as well. So, since you perseverate and ask the same question over and over, and really only care about preserving this "relationship" rather than get yourself well and having a different life, I'm just giving you support on how to maintain and nurture this very dysfunctional relationship. Why, you ask? Because I think you're going to need to hit a serious rock bottom in order to get yourself healthy, Anusha. Your life is going to need to seriously fall apart. You'll need to be heavily in debt, have no friends, a restraining order from this guy's wife or girlfriend (or him) or some other type of really devastating legal or personal drama before you'll snap out of this. Your behavior is not unlike any drug addict I've ever known (or been). Trying to counsel them "clean" while they still wanted to use, was completely futile. So, the only way to get them to the point of recovery was to pile on the drugs and hasten their destruction and descent to the gutter. What do you think, Anusha? Does this resonate at all? Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 See, nothing would be wrong really with your approach to relationships if you were happy. But instead you are anxious and freaking out all the time. But you willingly choose to be in this state. How about the suggestion that I gave you in your previous thread about trying to slowly decrease the amount of time of allowing yourself to fret before you decide to stop? I think that is a good idea.But this time I dont think Im freaking out,Im just wondering about his behaviour.Dont you agree that is strange he doing that? Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I will be making about the same amount I used to do on my last job.And yes he knows it,I told him when he called this afternoon.I like your posts,you are blunt(in a good way) and seems to be the only one here to agree with what Im doing. LOL! Ariel, I was going to post in the last post to you to be careful as your sarcasm (is that the right word here??) might be taken seriously by this girl but decided against it as I had hope that she would catch on. Buuuuut NOPE! WOOOOOW!! Yeah, definitely get a second job. Maybe he'll talk to you for like, a minute longer if you pay him more. Maybe you're on a pay-per-minute plan with him and you don't even know it. Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 So you think that no good can come from that? That I never will be happy with this relationship? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 So you think that no good can come from that? That I never will be happy with this relationship? Do I think good can come from you buying a boyfriend? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I give up. Does anyone else care to join me? Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Do I think good can come from you buying a boyfriend? Well maybe if I give him what he want he will give me what I want and I can be happy then.Let me tell you something,I mentioned before that he went to my friend's wedding with me right? Well that was the first time ever that I went to a event like that with a bf.I was sick of going to parties and weddings alone.Even on my family parties my cousins bring their bfs/gfs and there I was always by myself.You should have seen the wedding with pretty much everybody with a bf/fiance/husband by the side.And having somebody with me for a change made me happy as I never been before on those events. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 So you think that no good can come from that? That I never will be happy with this relationship? You're sitting behind your computer laughing your butt off at us aren't you?? ](*,) Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 You'll never be able to give him what he wants. You can't afford it. Eventually, the money will run dry and he'll leave you. I hope he leaves you soon, BTW. Maybe with a broken heart you can learn. And no, you'll never happy with this setup and how you are right now. You need professional help. Link to comment
truegrit Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 "Well maybe if I give him what he want he will give me what I want and I can be happy then. " Sounds good in theory and might be ok for you since you could be happy in this kind of relationship. However, I don't think it will last very long as he will find someone else to support him that can maybe do it with more money. The longer this goes on the more money you will have invested and also will be way more heartbreaking. But, if your into just now instead of long range then go for it. Link to comment
princess5 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 So .. what's he like in bed! Link to comment
truegrit Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 You're sitting behind your computer laughing your butt off at us aren't you?? ](*,) LMAO you made my day with this one........ Link to comment
penelope13 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 I think that is a good idea Are you going to actually DO it? .But this time I dont think Im freaking out,Im just wondering about his behaviour.Dont you agree that is strange he doing that? So what? What would you do if it WAS strange? Are you then going to break up with him? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 And having somebody with me for a change made me happy as I never been before on those events. Anusha - it's very normal for single people to feel lonely and wish they had a partner or date for special events or even for the every day stuff. Most people feel this way. HOWEVER, the solution isn't to buy a BF. If I was your cousin, I'd far rather see you at the wedding alone and having fun, than knowing the truth that you brought a guy you bank roll and who is seriously involved with another woman. Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Are you going to actually DO it? So what? What would you do if it WAS strange? Are you then going to break up with him? Yes I will do it.And no I wont break up,I just want to understand. Link to comment
Anusha Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Anusha - it's very normal for single people to feel lonely and wish they had a partner or date for special events or even for the every day stuff. Most people feel this way. HOWEVER, the solution isn't to buy a BF. If I was your cousin, I'd far rather see you at the wedding alone and having fun, than knowing the truth that you brought a guy you bank roll and who is seriously involved with another woman. They didnt know I was paying him.I introduced him as my bf.And this money thing is a bit unclear,I mean acording to him I dont pay him to be with me.I just help him out with money when he needs.So the money I give him isnt a payment to be my bf but just some help to pay his expenses. Link to comment
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