Life On The Rocinante' (After Dark!)

[Cynder]

I have felt all the things you expressed in your last two posts, Cynder. I never did at age 33 though. That's too young to feel like it's over. I'm sorry you feel you will die this year. I feel my time is near, but I hope it's just my imagination.

 

I just never saw myself living past my early 30s. I don't put a whole lot of stock in this stuff, but a palm reader told me once that I have a really short life line and that it doesn't look like I will make it to 35.

 

I've considered that maybe the "end" I see is metaphorical. Maybe it's just a huge change in my life and this life will end. I am wanting to leave the country... maybe that's it and it's not a literal death.

 

In Tarot... the death card usually doesn't mean death is coming, it just means a change is coming. When I was doing regular Tarot readings people would always get scared when I pulled the Death card before I explained that to them.

 

Thank you for reading and commenting though. It's good to know someone else relates.

 

Aaron and Paula both made me feel better yesterday in their own ways.

 

Aaron and I talked on Facebook for a long time yesterday. Talking to him always puts me in a better mood, oddly enough. And he didn't even know I was feeling depressed. I hide it well. He made me laugh.

 

Then Paula kept wanting me to come over so I finally took myself over there. Her and I had a good time just hanging out being girls. I don't have any girly friends. I'm not girly myself, so it's understandable. Her and I might be heading out to the marsh on Sunday. I thought about seeing if Aaron wants to come with us. Idk, if I get a chance to ask him.

 

Last night she was like "So how long have you and Aaron been together." She was all surprised when I told her we aren't. She was like "Wow really, I thought for sure you were." Then she was like "Well you can tell there's something there, it's obvious you two like each other."

 

She's all upset because she thinks Chris is pissed at her. I don't know if he is, but I'm sure he isn't. I talked to him the other night on facebook and he didn't say anything about being mad at her. Idk... but I also didn't ask.

 

I'm just rambling now... I look at all that goes on with these people around me and it's like my own soap opera at times. I don't watch much TV. Don't need to when the lives of my friends are so interesting.

 

I haven't even gone into what Aimee is getting herself into lately... Good Gods. I love her to death but she's just being stupid of late.

[Miss Firecracker]

My sister's second husband was told by some sort of mystic he would die at age 26, but he is about 40 now. I wouldn't want to ask about my future if it's anything close to as bad as my past.

[Cynder]

My sister's second husband was told by some sort of mystic he would die at age 26, but he is about 40 now. I wouldn't want to ask about my future if it's anything close to as bad as my past.

 

The sad part is I didn't even ask. Long before the palm reader said it I still felt it though.

 

Personally I wouldn't tell anyone if I really felt like they were going to die. When I was reading tarot I wouldn't have felt comfortable answering that.

 

I just had the most awesome dream... It featured the mysterious "House on the other side." This is a recurring place in my dreams... Tonight I got to go inside it for the first time. I've seen this house so many times in other dreams but never been inside it. It's pretty cool inside. It's old... the hallways were wide. The walls were kind of a faded out red. Floorboards were really dark wood, almost black.

 

And take a guess who lived there?

 

I went over there to see Aaron and he had a roommate... The roommate was someone I didn't know. I had this awesome time with him in that house. When I was leaving he gave me a kiss goodnight and the kids was just awesome... Things are played up so much in dreams, you know...

 

Then I was back at home. I was asleep on my couch. Adam was here and I guess he saw a spider. He was pissed off and tried to hit me. But I hid under the blankets and he couldn't get a good shot in. He said he was tired of this crap and he was leaving. I remember thinking "Good, leave."

 

The dream ended there, but only because Paula texted me and I woke up. It was time to get up anyway.

 

I'm heading down to the tavern to meet Chris for a beer. Aaron might be joining us, not sure yet. He said he might have to babysit Jeremiah's kids and if not he'll come down.

 

I told Paula I was heading down there to have one with him. She didn't text me back. I hope she doesn't think it's anything other then just two friends hanging out. Chris is engaged to be married.

[Cynder]

Tonight was an interesting night. It's been a long time since I've felt this important to this many people. It's a good thing... considering I find myself creeping back into the mentality that I am better off dead lately.

 

A bunch of my friends and I always get together about a week before Thanksgiving and celebrate it together because a lot of these people have family out of town and they go away. So we did that tonight. Tonight was also my Mom's birthday.

 

I was over at my friend Misti's house hanging out with her and Sharon and E, Jen and Craig. I called my Mom to wish her a happy birthday and she acted like I was interrupting her...

 

After dinner we sat around talking about all kinds of stuff, like what we would do if the Zombie apocalypse happened. Yea, I love my friends.

 

But as I was sitting talking to them, so many people were texting me. And I was having so many conversations at once.

 

Paula was texting me about her depression. She was out with Chris at the Tavern and he dropped her off to go to another bar. She was really upset... So I was trying to talk her through that. And while this was going on, Chris drunk dialed me. I told her he did that and that made her more upset. She was like "He probably was really trying to call you since he would rather hang with you then me." I told her it was definitely a drunk dial. He was in a cab. I could hear him talking to the cab driver.

 

Aimee has decided to leave town again. She wants to go to Salem Mass... and she wants me to go with her. She was like "Come on, we could have such a happy life together. Don't make me leave you behind in this hell hole."

 

Chris was texting me wanting me to come down to the bar... I told him I can't, I'm with some of my other friends.

 

And in the middle of all this, I got a text from Jeremiah... I thought that was strange because he never texts me. Well, the text was actually from Aaron. He's out of minutes so he was using Jeremiah's phone. I was just so elated to hear from him... seriously, that made my night. Even though I just talked to him yesterday in texts and the day before that on facebook. Doesn't matter though... I was on cloud nine when I opened that text. He asked me if I had to work this weekend. I told him no, I got it off. He asked if I wanted to come down to the bar tonight and meet up with him and Chris. I told him I couldn't. So, he asked if we could get together tomorrow night. Of course I was all for that.

 

Paula told me I make her smile. Aimee told me she has always loved me. Chris told me I am his best female friend. Aaron told me he is excited about seeing me tomorrow night... Idk... it's not that often I have a lot of people complimenting me at once. I didn't let my head swell though. It was just really nice.

[Cynder]

My day is just starting and Adam is already mad at me.

 

I woke up this morning and went into the bathroom to take a piss. Adam was in the shower. This annoys the hell out of him. I try not to use the bathroom when he's in there, but sometimes I can't avoid it. If I really have to go I'm not just going to hold it because he's in the shower.

 

So, I did my thing, then I didn't put the lid down. He got all pissed and yelled at me for that.

 

I have a cat that uses the toilet, to me that's a good reason to leave the lid up. This is my apartment too. I pay the rent, remember.

 

I need to get the hell out of here.

[BellaDonna]

So, I did my thing, then I didn't put the lid down. He got all pissed and yelled at me for that

 

He must have some genetic mutation that caused this. Most men I know don't put the seat or the lid down. When you move out I hope he gets a roommate that leave both up all the time. Maybe he'll fall in the toilet if he sits down, distracted, without checking. I've had that happen to me at 3am.

[DN]

Maybe he'll fall in the toilet if he sits down, distracted, without checking. I've had that happen to me at 3am.

Have you ever slid to the floor in a movie theatre because you forgot to put the seat down first?

 

Cynder, it seems anything you do annoys Adam these days - try letting all that stuff go past you.

[Cynder]

He must have some genetic mutation that caused this. Most men I know don't put the seat or the lid down. When you move out I hope he gets a roommate that leave both up all the time. Maybe he'll fall in the toilet if he sits down, distracted, without checking. I've had that happen to me at 3am.

 

I've never been one to get pissed at guys for leaving the seat up. It's just so funny that I live with a guy who gets pissed at me for not putting the lid down.

 

He says it's because he doesn't want stuff falling in the toilet... but it's not like that's a high risk. I mean, how often do you drop anything in the toilet? Really? It's just him being anal retentive.

[Cynder]

Have you ever slid to the floor in a movie theatre because you forgot to put the seat down first?

 

Cynder, it seems anything you do annoys Adam these days - try letting all that stuff go past you.

 

Never had that happen to me...

 

I try to let it get past me... It's just annoying as hell getting nit picked at all the time.

 

When I take the trash out I can't even lay the bags on the curb right. They have to be laid a certain way otherwise he throws a fit. I know people reading this are probably thinking why don't I just lay them right. Well, because I'm still not sure exactly what the right way is. I know I sound like a real idiot saying that... But if you've ever lived with someone this anal retentive you would understand.

[Cynder]

I am so excited about tonight...

[DN]

I mean, how often do you drop anything in the toilet? Really? It's just him being anal retentive.

This has got to be one of the funniest things I've read even if it was unintended.

[Cynder]

This was taken from a thread I posted earlier today... I figured it's easier to just post this here then re type how my night went last night. There were a few things I didn't even mention in the thread though... He referred to me as his girl last night. The dog kept licking my hands and stuff, and at one point he told the dog to "stop licking on my girl damnit."

 

We pretty much spent last night acting like a newly dating couple, even though that isn't what we are. Not technically.

 

We didn't sleep together though... if anyone is wondering. We had our long makeout at the end of the night like we always do, but that's all that happened.

 

So, usually after I see him I spend the whole next day thinking about what an ass I made of myself... today I'm not thinking like that. Today I'm just loving the whole situation.

[Flyingpiglet]

I hope you never worry again about making an ass of yourself.... He obviously doesn't think you do from the sound of things! Keep hold of todays feeling instead!

[Miss Firecracker]

My Girl

 

Romantic!

[petite]

It seems that Aaron cares more about you than Adam does. Adam is just plain mean and judging by your posts it doesn't matter what you do or don't do he just gets irritated. You must have some really great nerves because I'd have kicked him to the curb a long time. You deserve better, Cynder!

[Cynder]

It seems that Aaron cares more about you than Adam does. Adam is just plain mean and judging by your posts it doesn't matter what you do or don't do he just gets irritated. You must have some really great nerves because I'd have kicked him to the curb a long time. You deserve better, Cynder!

 

Adam doesn't care at all... he knows I'm looking for another place to live. He says he'll never get over it if I leave. But he treats me like crap when I'm here. People ask me why I don't go to second shift at my job so I can see him more. Well, it's because I don't want to be home all the time when he's home. And also I would kinda have to answer to him at work. I don't want to be in that situation...

 

Yesterday I was getting ready to walk to the store. He was standing in the kitchen and I asked him if he wanted me to pick up anything for him while I was there.

 

Instead of just answering my question he was like "Can't you look around and see what we're running low on? Why do you have to ask me?"

 

I told him I just thought I would ask incase he wanted something particular. And he was like "We're low on Coffee. You should have noticed that, you made the coffee this morning."

 

To me, it didn't seem like we were that low on coffee, but whatever. I got some at the store for him.

 

Then when I got home I had this huge pomello... I love pamellos and the store doesn't have them that often. So whenever I see them I always grab one or two. It was so big that it wouldn't fit in the crisper in the fridge. He got all pissy with me for putting it on the top shelf. He told me I better hurry up and eat it because it's taking up too much room.

 

I'm so sick of this crap.

[Cynder]

I'm so sick and tired of seeing the same 20 damn apartments in the classified ads. I'm not interested in renting any of them.

 

Paula says I can move in with her, but her place is so tiny. Plus despite the fact that I get along great with her, I really think we would clash as roommates. She gets really depressed, she drinks a hell of a lot, and she does coke which I don't want to be in the house with. Non coked out happy Paula is great. But I don't want to have to deal with depressed coked out Paula, and I would have to a lot if I lived with her.

 

Why is it that all the cokeheads find me? I don't do it... At least they don't try to pressure me into it. They can do what they want with their time and money. I don't judge.

 

Aaron was telling me over the weekend about his cokehead days back in his twenties. He told me how he got addicted to it and how he kicked it.

 

I won't ever try it... I"m sure the high is awesome, but not for me. My attitude about drugs is that if nature made something I would most likely try it. If it was made in a lab I want no part of it. Yes, all the hard drugs we have come from plants, but the are processed all to hell. Smoking poppies won't do much for you... but taking those poppies and processing the hell out of them in a lab gets you heroine. Sorry but it's not a natural plant anymore at that point.

 

Wow... I started this post as a mild rant about apartment hunting, and ended up talking about drugs. Only me, lol...

[Cynder]

Last night I dreamed that I was leaving for Norway this Spring to work at Inferno. I wasn't moving there in my dream, but it was still a cool dream.

 

This time things weren't as planned as last time. For one, I didn't have a place to stay when I got there. I was just kinda hoping that Monica would hold true to the offer she made last time I was there. And my plane ticket wasn't bought beforehand. I was buying it at the airport.

 

And... interesting twist here, B took me to the airport. Him and Mica were split up. She left him for a guy half her age. I think he had a new girlfriend too in the dream, but I never saw her. Him and I were clearly just friends and there was no tension.

 

He did give me crap on the way to the airport though, about how I shouldn't be doing this. I have responsibilities here, etc.

 

He picked me up from my Mom's place which was interesting. I was leaving from her place, but I knew that wasn't where I lived. My sister was there and I overheard her telling someone "She really doesn't know what she's doing... this is her second time going to Norway in a year. She was just there 6 months ago."

 

My Mom seemed to be the only person not objecting. She had a new boyfriend... I think she was more worried about him then anyone else. Her and my step dad did just split up (in real life) so this may be a reality by then.

 

In my dream, all these people were split up, even me from the way it seemed. But it wasn't an upsetting dream.

 

Adam wasn't a part of the dream at all. He wasn't even thought of.

 

Maybe by then he'll be out of the picture... Who knows. It was my first trip over there that made me decide to separate from him in the first place.

[Cynder]

Aimee is spending the night here tonight. I haven't even seen her in a couple weeks. She hasn't been staying here though, she's been staying a few towns over with a new boyfriend.

 

Adam was trying to get me to call the whole thing off since he says he wants to talk about our mariage... Well I refused. Aimee and I made these plans a week ago and I wasn't about to cancel them at last minute, especially after she got a ride here into town and everything.

 

I got sent home earlier today because we ran out of work. I used the opportunity to catch up on some well needed sleep.

 

Adam hasn't said a word to me since I've been up. I told him a little while ago that now would be a good time to talk if he wanted to. He just started playing PlayStation.

 

I give up...

 

I have a phone number for an apartment to call about. But I don't want to call with him here. I'll have to go take a walk later and call or something. I don't really like the location of this place. It's all the way down by the industrial park. It's closer to where I work, but that's about the only convenience. It's a lot further away from everything else. Now instead of a ten minute walk, the grocery store will be a half hour walk, etc. I like living down town. It makes things so much easier.

 

My grandma told me something yesterday that made me really mad. She told me there was a down town apartment for rent that she saw, and she mentioned it to my mom (because she wanted my Mom to tell me about it) and my Mom said she wouldn't tell me about this place because she doesn't want me living in that neighborhood. That pisses me off. It's my decision where I want to live. I'm 33 not 13. Hell, I left the country by myself. You think she would start giving me a little credit.

 

Grandma drove me by where that place was. The for rent sign is still up. Maybe today I'll walk down there and get the number off the sign. We couldn't stop and get it yesterday because a bunch of cars were behind us.

 

Aimee keeps hinting around about wanting to move in with me when I get a place. That would be fine if she had a job and if she kept the drugs out of my apartment. I know she's an adult and I can't control her. But I don't want a bunch of blow in my place. Of course if she had a job and we both were paying the bills I couldn't really make that restriction though... she would be entitled to do what she wants. And that right there is why I don't think it's a good idea.

 

I wish she would get off that crap... I know she has to have her own epiphany though. I can't make her stop. She's been talking to family members who disowned her years ago on Facebook lately. She's been wanting to leave Ohio. Is it wrong that I hope she goes home to her family and maybe that will get her off the drugs?

 

She has an 11 year old daughter that she hasn't seen in ten years. Her daughter is being raised by her aunt. I know her daughter is probably better off without her as a Mom, but it's still sad.

 

It's such a nice day out... I want to go outside and spin my poi. It sucks that I don't feel comfortable doing it during th day because my creepy neighbor stands there and watches me.

 

Eh... I'm just rambling now.

[DN]

Under no circumstances should you consider moving in with Aimee - not for a long time and after extensive rehab work from her.

[BellaDonna]

^I agree. If at all possible I think it would be best if you could be on your own, or if you do have to room with someone, that they be a stranger. You need time and space to live just for you, and not influenced by anyone else's drama or circumstances.

[Cynder]

Under no circumstances should you consider moving in with Aimee - not for a long time and after extensive rehab work from her.

 

I found an apartment that has pretty much everything I want. The rent is affordable. It's in the downtown area. And it's pet friendly. I haven't actually looked at it though. I was there yesterday and looked in the windows, but I only could see one room.

 

The problem... Aimee's boyfriend lives right upstairs.

 

So, even if I am not living with her, I move in there and I might as well be. She even made the comment that she'll be at my place all the time if I move in there. She said something about how her and Aaron will be fighting over who gets to sleep in my bed with me every night, etc.

 

Well jeez... I thought I was going to be living alone. If I'm the only one paying the rent then I should be the only one sleeping in my bed. Just my opinion.

 

Aimee was trying to tell me that Aaron will be over there all the time and never leave, but then she turns around and says she'll basically do the same thing. And there is bad blood between the two of them, so thats just more drama I will have to deal with.

 

Eh... I don't know what to do. Apartments that have what I'm looking for are pretty rare. I'll figure it out.

[DN]

You have the right to say no.

[Cynder]

You have the right to say no.

 

Yea I know. Aimee doesn't listen though. I could see it now, I come home from work and she's sitting in my living room playing on my computer. I ask how she got in and she'll tell me her boyfriend has a spare key and they're fighting so she came down here to get away from him.

 

I know it sounds awful of me to say it, but I wish she would just leave town. She keeps talking about it. I love her to death but she's just so hard to handle at times. Being her friend is exhausting. She texts me in the middle of the night wanting to know what I'm doing. Does she not have the common sense to know if I have to work the next day I'm probably asleep?

 

And I know I have bigger things to worry about when it comes to moving out... But, things are going so well between Aaron and I right now. If she's constantly at my house he won't want to be there because he can't stand her.

 

He's been wanting to get some time alone with me. We are never alone really. He has roommates and we don't hang out here for obvious reasons...

 

I know he's excited about me living on my own. We were talking about that the other night when I was with him.

 

And now that Adam knows I'm seriously planning to move out, suddenly he's trying to be all nice and caring.

 

But then this morning he was on me about all the liquor bottles in the kitchen. They are all almost empty. There's like ten bottles sitting on the shelf with about two shots in each bottle. Back when we used to have company over a lot they got used. Now that no one ever comes over they are just sitting there. He's on me to throw them all out and I don't really see the point. It's not like we need the space for something else. Alcohol isn't cheap and even if they are all close to empty what's in them is still drinkable. Idk, maybe it's the Irish in me.

 

So I'm sitting here drinking my coffee and checking my email. And he comes in the living room and starts complaining about the bottles. He said he got rid of all of them except for the bottle of absinthe. I asked him what about my 1989 bottle of wine. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. He said he bagged them all up but didn't seal the bag. He told me to go in the kitchen and go through them. I said "Does it have to be done right this second? I have a few emails to respond to." Of course he got all mad and copped an attitude. He told me if I don't do it he's just going to toss them all out. I was thinking "Don't throw any of them out. They'll all get finished up at my house warming party after I move away from your ass."

[Cynder]

Valkrane

Haserot Angel

Little whiskey bottles

difference Norway flags

Norway background

creepy whiskey bottle

you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a * * * *

synesthetic letters

acid tripping pics

tripping acid

whats acid trip look like

bottled Jesus

"plowed me"

handed a bottle of whiskey

synesthesia

what's it like to trip on acid

2012 devilday

the angel of death victorious Haserot

acid trip blanket

synesthesia and "math difficulty"

drive by truckers whiskey bottle

people tripping on acid

tattoo rocinante'

killbusck marsh KKK

LSD trip как это выглядит

neil peart synesthesia

people on acid trips

famous saying "the only difference between a drug and a poison is the dose"

blurb for a person with synesthesia

satanic Norway flag

trip drugs

 

This is a list of search engine terms that lead people to my blog... Wow, lots of people come to my blog to read about Acid. I think that's funny considering I've never even done it.