Miss Firecracker Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Oh no, she definitely responded, that much is sure, just never responded on email about actually meeting up. Would you be proud to be his wife? Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Don't let fear of looking bad get in the way of your happiness. You GOT to break it off don't go through with the wedding. Otherwise sigh, that's an incredibly foolish move =( Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Well, I agree with Miss Firecracker, I have a feeling you're going to go through with it anyhow. This really makes me nervous for you...the very title of your thread indicates that you consider what he did as cheating. You may be backpedaling now, but somewhere in your mind, you know that what he did was wrong, and that it indicates a lack of devotion on his part to a woman to whom he's about to pledge his life. A man who is getting married in a few months simply should NOT be exchanging explicit, "dirty" emails and texts with another woman. The fact that he found it flattering isn't an excuse, and really, only shows a selfishness on his part, i.e., that his need to have his ego stroked came before his faithfulness to his fiancee'. I hope this works out for you...I would only ask you to not let the cost and planning of the wedding affect your decision. True story, I once knew a couple who were mere weeks away from a $20,000 wedding that her parents were paying for, when she found out he'd been seeing an ex-girlfriend behind her back. He apologized and seemed remorseful, so against the advice of all her friends, she went through with the wedding. They were divorced before her parents even finished paying off the wedding bills, and she told me that if she had it to do over, she'd have postponed the wedding and gone through counseling with him. Good luck in your decision...whatever you go with, I hope it works out for you. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I'm not very religious but there is an old joke that really comes to mind here: Once there was a man whose house was in a flood. He stood on the porch as the waters rose. A boat came by, the driver urged the man to get on board but the man said he was waiting on the Lord to save him. The waters rose, the first floor was flooded and as the man looked out his second story window, another boat came to rescue him. The man turned the boat away, saying he would wait for God to rescue him. Finally he was clinging to the chimney on the roof. A helicopter flew overhead and dropped down a ladder. The man waved it off, saying Jesus would save his life. Finally he was swept away in the waters and drowned. At the pearly gates, he saw God and said, Lord, all my life I did as you asked but when the time came you did not save me. And God said, "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what else did you want?" What do you think God is trying to tell you in this situation? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I know this generally isn't a recommended course of action, but have you contacted the ex? Also, calling the wedding off doesn't mean you can't marry him, it just means you aren't going to marry him while you're in so much pain and not sure where you stand with him. Do you really want to stand up and say the vows to someoen who has hurt you like this now? That will ruin all the memories of this day pretty much forever and will mean you'll start marriage with a streak of poison in the relationship. Link to comment
WildChild Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 That's a great one! Good analogy, gives one much to think about! Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 You will be spending your spare time reading this type of article. I see they have a cell phone spy kit now. I had no idea. link removed Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I think it could be worse if you get to the day of the wedding and then deceide not to go through with it though. The only thing worse than that would be to get to the day of the wedding and go through with it. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 If you marry him now, he has this in the bag. He knows if you won't dump him NOW while it's very easy, he has a free ticket to do it when you're married. If a man can get you to the altar after cheating, you are saying ok, I know you are a cheater and I accept that. I deserve no better. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I think that in the months prior to marriage, a couple is most in love and happy and stuff. if this is his 'best behavior,' then i think you're in for a rough marriage. Link to comment
Cilantro Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I haven't contacted his ex, nor will I. I also won't be contacting the girl from the bar. It's not their fight. They know what they get themselves into, and they have to be responsible for that. They didn't make my fiance do this. He did. I approached him abuot marital counseling if we do have the wedding. He said he'll do whatever we need to do to get past this. I just hope his words will start holding water. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Do you, realistically, think that this can be 'fixed' in 2 weeks? Link to comment
Cilantro Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I don't expect it to be fixed in 2 weeks, even 2 months. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 No, I don't think anyone can change in 2 weeks or 2 months either. Look at your own life. Are you the same person you were 2 months ago? Probably. Probably even the same person 2 years ago. Maybe over 10 years, you can say you have changed. But really, is there any reason to get married right now with a man you know can't change in the next 2 weeks or months? Link to comment
Cilantro Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I've actually changed a lot in the last 4 or 5 years I guess. I've done a lot of growing up. My sister cheated on her husband before they were married. Somehow they got through it. Her husband knows. He still married her despite that b/c they promised each other to get through it together. Both of them are faithful to each other and have a very happy marriage. People can get throgh it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Do you think that it is wise to get married, THEN work on getting the relationship back on track? Maybe it's better to get the relationship back on track, then marry? Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Do you think that it is wise to get married, THEN work on getting the relationship back on track? Maybe it's better to get the relationship back on track, then marry? Agreed completely. Link to comment
Cilantro Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 I'm still so confused. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 exactly. confused is not how you should be feeling before your wedding. you should feel 200% certain that this is the right thing to do. "doubt means don't." Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I've actually changed a lot in the last 4 or 5 years I guess. I've done a lot of growing up. My sister cheated on her husband before they were married. Somehow they got through it. Her husband knows. He still married her despite that b/c they promised each other to get through it together. Both of them are faithful to each other and have a very happy marriage. People can get throgh it. As far as you know, your sister and her husband are happy. Have you ever seen the news when these women disappear and all the relatives say how blissfully happy the couples were? Not saying something like that will happen, of course. Just that people tend to sugar-coat their lives when talking to other people. Just remember, things are not always as they seem. People are probably looking at you two and thinking what a perfect couple you are. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 As far as you know, your sister and her husband are happy. Have you ever seen the news when these women disappear and all the relatives say how blissfully happy the couples were? Not saying something like that will happen, of course. Just that people tend to sugar-coat their lives when talking to other people. Just remember, things are not always as they seem. People are probably looking at you two and thinking what a perfect couple you are. I agree - some people are very happy (or seem like it) then you find out they have had some dark secret for years. You just never know. Only the people in a marriage know what is going on. Link to comment
truegrit Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 If you marry him now, he has this in the bag. He knows if you won't dump him NOW while it's very easy, he has a free ticket to do it when you're married. If a man can get you to the altar after cheating, you are saying ok, I know you are a cheater and I accept that. I deserve no better. This is exactly what I was thinking of writing, so I'll just go with the quote....... Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Cilantro, you have gotten your two boats and a helicopter. The next phase is drowning. Just something to think about. Link to comment
Staple Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Wow seriously do not marry him. So sad But don't do it. $7,000 is nothing. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I just paid $11,000 on a used car. $7,000 is really nothing. I think everyone here would pitch in and pay it off for you if they could. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.