She's pregnant, but doesn't want it.

[Mr SIBLEY]

I found out this morning that my girlfriend is pregnant (the test was positive, she's going into the hospital to double check) and she's told me if she is, she'll most likely get rid of it.

 

I respect it is her body and her decision, I've told her that I want to keep it and would love to have a family with her. There are just a few problems:

 

1) She wants to go back to college in September, so it will naturally disrupt her learning.

2) I'm starting a company in September which will consume a lot of my time and money.

3) We've had a bit of a rough patch recently and she feels I'll be trapped in the relationship (I don't feel this way at all).

 

I'm honestly not sure what I'm asking, I just want to talk about it, I guess. I love her to pieces, she is my world and I can't imagine life without her. I just feel that if she gets a termination, I'll feel a little empty (what ifs, etc.)

[DN]

She has a legal right to abort the baby if she wants to.

 

However, if she does then you have every right to leave her if the abortion is so upsetting to you that it would change the way you feel about her. Nor are you obliged to support her decision if you don't agree.

[Fudgie]

Well, she should take your feelings into account but ultimately, the choice is up to HER because it is her body and womb.

 

I think you should talk to her but no matter what, just respect and support her, regardless of what she chooses to do. If you feel you need to leave, then do that. But just really try to respect her and not berate. Abortions are hard, even if you're choosing to have one.

 

It sounds like it isn't a good time to have a baby for either of you. You may want the child but if you guys aren't ready for a family yet, it won't be good.

 

Maybe in the future, when you're both ready, you can have a family.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just make sure you sit down together and consider all the options

 

1.abortion

2.adoption

3. keeping it

 

I know this must be tough on you, it is ultimatley her choice, yes. But it is your baby too and your entitled to feel upset if she gets rid of it.

[penelope13]

Would you be willing to raise the child by yourself, if she doesn't want to be a part of its life?

[sidehop]

That's a difficult situation for you two, in a sense considering you starting a business and her going back to college, it's best to weigh in both options and be realistic. As much as I'm all for having the baby and if not find other means of raising the child, sometimes and for some people it just may not be the right time.

[Mr SIBLEY]

Would you be willing to raise the child by yourself, if she doesn't want to be a part of its life?

 

I would. But it's the pregnancy she really doesn't want. She wants to do well on her course (understandably) and feels the pregnancy would ruin her chances.

 

If she had the child, there is no doubt in my mind she'd keep it and be a loving mother.

 

She's just worried about money and her completing her course.

[Fudgie]

It may be hard for her to keep up with her courses and do well if she's pregnant. I can understand her concerns.

 

Personally, I think the best time to have a baby is when you're both secure with your jobs and money is NOT a huge worry.

 

Ultimately, it's up to you guys. I'm assuming you're young so there will be time for kids in the future. I'm sorry this happened to you but sometimes, it just may not be right for the right now.

[Sanesoul]

I would. But it's the pregnancy she really doesn't want. She wants to do well on her course (understandably) and feels the pregnancy would ruin her chances.

 

If she had the child, there is no doubt in my mind she'd keep it and be a loving mother.

 

She's just worried about money and her completing her course.

 

I think it's wise for you both to sit and talk a long while about all the consequences.

 

If she aborts the baby, she will most like be distraught about it for a long time. It's not an easy thing to go through, despite what many people think. It could emotionally scar her for life. It's not something to enter into lightly.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you can communicate your desire for her to keep the baby and that is about all you can do. It is HER decision so, I would just sit her down and have a nice conversation with her.

[WockaWocka]

I think if you want her to keep the baby, chances will be better if you can help her with practicalities:

 

*If you would be willing to care for the baby when she's at school and studying (or pay for someone else to), tell her.

 

*If she is worried about money and you can help shoulder costs of medical care and babuy expenses (despite opening a business), tell her this too. But only if you can really promise to do it. I know starting a business is difficult. Would you even be willing to put off that dream in favor of a well-paying steady job? (Most businesses take a long time to start turning a profit after all the initial investment).

 

*Many universities offer maternity leave and discounted childcare if you attend full time.

 

Just some ideas. Good luck.

[penelope13]

I think he said that her main concern is that the pregnancy will be interfering with her studying; while he can try to be as supportive as possible by taking over most chores etc, she will still be the one who has to deal with the pregnancy. Unfortunately it is true that pregnancy may interfere with your memory skills which are essential when preparing for exams; however a lot of my colleagues have worked till the day of delivery in a very intellectually demanding job.

 

While I am all for women being able to decide, I still find that expecting fathers have too few rights in the event that they would be willing to raise the child by themselves, especially under circumstances where there are no medical or emotional issues (such as being pregnant as a result of force) with the pregnancy for the mother or the child.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I think he said that her main concern is that the pregnancy will be interfering with her studying; while he can try to be as supportive as possible by taking over most chores etc, she will still be the one who has to deal with the pregnancy. Unfortunately it is true that pregnancy may interfere with your memory skills which are essential when preparing for exams; however a lot of my colleagues have worked till the day of delivery in a very intellectually demanding job.

 

While I am all for women being able to decide, I still find that expecting fathers have too few rights in the event that they would be willing to raise the child by themselves, especially under circumstances where there are no medical or emotional issues (such as being pregnant as a result of force) with the pregnancy for the mother or the child.

 

I would understand that if the pregnancy was planned. If it is unplanned, then it is just really up to the woman, it's not like he was waiting and planning for a child for a long time.

[penelope13]

^^ if this was a planned pregnancy she wouldn't contemplate an abortion, no?

[BellaStranger]

I think it's wise for you both to sit and talk a long while about all the consequences.

 

If she aborts the baby, she will most like be distraught about it for a long time. It's not an easy thing to go through, despite what many people think. It could emotionally scar her for life. It's not something to enter into lightly.

 

Never a truer word spoken! Abortion is not an easy option!!

 

You need to sit down and talk about it- your opinion is as valid as hers, although the decision is ulimatly hers.

 

You need to talk practicalities, not just feelings... work through HOW you will do this, tell her HOW you will help her so that she can complete college and what your sacrifices will be for this family you want to create... you never know, alot of whats holding her back may be workable, she just hasn't thought about the options yet because she's scared!

[Unknown1607307972]

I think he said that her main concern is that the pregnancy will be interfering with her studying; while he can try to be as supportive as possible by taking over most chores etc, she will still be the one who has to deal with the pregnancy. Unfortunately it is true that pregnancy may interfere with your memory skills which are essential when preparing for exams; however a lot of my colleagues have worked till the day of delivery in a very intellectually demanding job.

 

While I am all for women being able to decide, I still find that expecting fathers have too few rights in the event that they would be willing to raise the child by themselves, especially under circumstances where there are no medical or emotional issues (such as being pregnant as a result of force) with the pregnancy for the mother or the child.

 

What do you mean though by "a few rights"? Do you mean he should have the right to be given respect and consideration during this decision (which I think is fair)? Or that he should be able to force a woman to unwillingly continue a pregnancy and then raise the child alone. Pregnancy is a very very very difficult thing and nobody should ever be forced to go through with it.

[DN]

Moderator Note: threads about abortion can be very volatile and turn into acrimonious debates very quickly. Please keep focused on Mr SIBLEY's particular situation and don't turn this into a general debate about abortion rights or the thread will be closed.