My fiancé used to be an escort...

[DelG]

Hi all,

I recently found out my fiancé used to be an escort and that included selling sex. I'm not going in to the details of how I found out but I did and no I wasn't looking for an escort nor was I snooping I just unfortunetly found out.

 

Now I asked this girl to marry me back in October 2009 we are due to get married this year. Yet she still had an active profile till 2 weeks ago on a very popular uk escort site. I confronted her on the day and told her whilst I don't hold it against her I am deeply hurt she choose to leave this profile up even after we got engaged. She had explicit images on there, men reviewing her services etc men subscribing to her gallery everything, it broke my heart and has made me very insecure! I asked her to remove the profile and asked are you still doing this.

 

She said no and that she had logged in that day to try and close the account and to withdraw the money, but failed to do so because the Internet caffe was busy and people could see.

 

She asked me to leave the leave room while she removed her account (we live together) so I did. She came to me 20mins later and said "to the best of my knowledge it's all gone" however today I found another profile of hers on the same site she hasn't logged in for over a year and a half to this profile but again it has explicit images on it.

 

We agreed to not talk about it ever again so I don't know how to bring this up?

 

So now here is my problems:

I feel inadaqute like she has had so much sex she just sees me as a client.

 

I'm very angry that she even after getting engaged did not remove her profiles, and has not removed the one I found today when I confronted her.

 

Now I know why her phone was always on silent and only recently when she got the number changed did she then switch on the ringer.

 

She also updated the profile she removed in august 2009 whilst we were together and planning our engagement with her sex stories of past clients and about having sex with her bike instructor.

 

If she can just sleep with anybody how can I trust she won't cheat?

 

Today it came up again, she wanted sex but I just could not do it, as I agreeed not to mention her past I told her I was not feeling well. She became angry and said it's because I am not attracted to her because she has put on a lot of weight which is not true because I think she is the most beautful woman in the world and I love her.

 

So in the end I said look stop beating yourself up about your perceived weight problem your gorgeous if you want to change for you then I'm there for you. To cut a long story short her past came up and she got very upset. The crux of what I said was I think in the past you had to look good but now things are different and I love you for you. But she went ape!!!!

 

I feel like the guy she sees as an escape, the guy who won't let her down. I am jealous that these guys got things I guess I'll never get. I feel like she gave them so much but I get Nothing compared yet she wants to marry me?

 

Advice please people. I want to express the above paragraph but feel it will make me look silly.

 

Thanks all

[Staple]

Oh my god man, please, for the love of god, DO NOT MARRY HER.

 

My ex was sending naked pictures of herself to people on craigslist and sleeping with men behind my back.

 

Thank GOD I wasn't married to her.

 

You are so fortunate that you foudn out before its too late- break up with her and move on!!

[feelingugly]

...and there I was thinking I had a problem! Feel for you! That sounds like one crazy situation.

 

I can't really offer much or any advice... it makes sense to me to leave her because of it, but on the other hand she has changed her number/made steps to end it...so maybe she really is serious about you? I know personally I couldn't deal with something like that, but then we're all different.

 

I'm sorry I'm not much help here, but just want to say I hope things improve for you. *hugs*

[In the Dark]

Oh man that's sick.....

 

If she can hide such a secret from you and let love you enough to marry you, she is not good enough for you.

 

I am sorry she believed she needed to have this sort of life behind your back for some reason while you loved her.

 

What you are going through I could only see as very devastating.

 

Lucky you did snoop, despite what people say about snooping, like in your case it needed to be done.

[blitzkrieged]

I don't think its fair to hold anyones past against them but if she has profiles up while with you and kept her phone on silent for so long, thats a completely different story...

[blitzkrieged]

^ oh and not telling you about it before you found out... bad news

[sidehop]

Had you not found the evidence, I'm sure she would've continued. I don't think you need to question her past and future actions. It's been lies and will be lies.

 

Now she's getting upset and trying to push the guilt trip because you won't have sex with her. And you're right, she has someone to come home to emotionally.

 

There isn't much to discuss with her, there's no trust and you should run away from her as far as possible.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

how long has she been hiding it? how long have you been with her?

[jengh]

Oh wow... I just got done watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl and it reminds me of when the first boyfriend finds out... except this is real life so it's absolutely awful. I'm so sorry.

 

1. She should have been up front from the beginning about her...erm, career choice.

2. She was ACTIVE on the site(s) while you were dating/ENGAGED? Without YOUR knowledge or consent? That is NOT okay in any way you look at it.

 

I am just so sorry for you, that is something I would NOT be able to get over. It's not even the escort thing, but rather the lying and deceit and cheating. Please, for YOUR benefit, get out of this relationship.

 

Promising to never talk about it again? That's just avoiding the issue at hand. This needs to be addressed. Big time. And therapy.

[HeartGoesOn]

From reading your other threads, there's a lot of doubts and certainly a lack of trust in this relationship. Besides just now finding out that she used to be an "escort", I think there's more dirt coming your way eventually.

 

Bottom line is that you don't trust her, and you can't go far without that.

[abitbroken]

I think what would bother me the most is the possibility of a "double life" - its not like she did it one time years ago in the past - but if she has the ability to have hidden this from you for so long bothers me unless you only knew each other a few months.

[Sanesoul]

Please think about your health and get tested.

[DN]

If she had that profile up and was using it while you were together and talking marriage - time to end this relationship.

[annie24]

If she had that profile up and was using it while you were together and talking marriage - time to end this relationship.

 

I agree 100%. it's not even about her being an 'escort' in the past - the fact is that they were up during most of your relationship! i wouldn't trust her any further than i could throw her. I think if you marry her, that will be the biggest mistake of your life. her lies haven't ended, that's for sure. i wouldn't be surprised if she was hiding several more bombshells from you. lies and deceit shouldn't be the way to start off a marriage!

[Joshb]

i just want to say i was in a similiar situtation with an an ex before...behind my back and i caught her...i tried to make it work, but the relationship was doomed from that point on...sorry to say.... for many reasons...bad stuff....get out of it while you still can.

 

I did and it was the best thing to happen to me

[jul-els]

She has cheated and lied to you. That much you know for certain. You have to ask yourself if that's the kind of person you want for a wife.

[DelG]

Thanks people for the advice so far.

I want to stress I really don't think she carried on behind my back during our relationship, I'm not trying to defend her here...but I cant see how she could of we spent most of the time together or on the phone. Of Course it is possible but I don't think she did.

 

Whats gut wrenching is she left the profiles there. I have so many questions un-answered that I need to ask but I know if I do it could end us.

The reason I am hanging in is I really doubt she actually cheated or met anybody as I said I can and she can account for almost 100% of her time together... but leaving the profiles up.

 

She is very money driven, and has learning issues so I assume she found an easy way to make money, alas not the best way. I cant hold her past against her, but I cant forget leaving the profiles up and the silent phone and now it all fits in to place.

 

I am personally nearly £20,000 in debt due to arranging our wedding why do I always get the end of the stick, I am caring always give 100% and not bad looking either yet I always end up hurt or worse.

 

Thanks people

[Miss Firecracker]

If she can just sleep with anybody how can I trust she won't cheat?

 

I can't believe you would even consider trying to trust her. I guess you are in shock and haven't absorbed all this yet.

 

Your thread should have been My Fiance IS an Escort. She IS, as in right now.

[DelG]

I can't believe you would even consider trying to trust her. I guess you are in shock and haven't absorbed all this yet.

 

Your thread should have been My Fiance IS an Escort. She IS, as in right now.

 

She isnt right now...Not that I believe. I think she would of admitted that.

Whatever happens, I hope you she never goes back to it. But I guess thats in her hands.

[Miss Firecracker]

She said no and that she had logged in that day to try and close the account and to withdraw the money, but failed to do so because the Internet caffe was busy and people could see.

 

Do you really believe this? And she made you leave the room while she closed her account? Really, you believe she did that? As far as she knows? Yes, well, if you want to be cuckolded, that is your choice.

[DelG]

She said no and that she had logged in that day to try and close the account and to withdraw the money, but failed to do so because the Internet caffe was busy and people could see.

 

Do you really believe this? And she made you leave the room while she closed her account? Really, you believe she did that? As far as she knows? Yes, well, if you want to be cuckolded, that is your choice.

 

Please dont get hostile this is hard, remember I Love this woman i cant just switch it off. I know she removed it becuase Its not there anymore.

 

Lets say she is telling the truth, lets say she hasnt done anything wrong behind my back? Where do I go from here?

I offered to leave the room, I dont really want to see that stuff.

[Miss Firecracker]

Please dont get hostile this is hard, remember I Love this woman i cant just switch it off. I know she removed it becuase Its not there anymore.

 

Lets say she is telling the truth, lets say she hasnt done anything wrong behind my back? Where do I go from here?

I offered to leave the room, I dont really want to see that stuff.

 

Well, good luck. I have no advice except to flee.

[Miss Firecracker]

Please dont get hostile this is hard, remember I Love this woman i cant just switch it off. I know she removed it becuase Its not there anymore.

 

Lets say she is telling the truth, lets say she hasnt done anything wrong behind my back? Where do I go from here?

I offered to leave the room, I dont really want to see that stuff.

 

I am not being hostile, by the way. I see this for what it is, and I am afraid you can't. If you didn't like the word I used, cuckhold, it isn't used to insult you but tell you what is being done to you. Everyone in the world but YOU knows what your girlfriend does. Therefore you are being cuckholded. That is what it means, not an insult to you. You have the choice now NOT to be done this way anymore. I just hope you can make yourself do it. There is no sweet way to say this to you. I know you are hurting, but if you stay with her, you will hurt for many more years.

[DelG]

I am not being hostile, by the way. I see this for what it is, and I am afraid you can't. If you didn't like the word I used, cuckhold, it isn't used to insult you but tell you what is being done to you. Everyone in the world but YOU knows what your girlfriend does. Therefore you are being cuckholded. That is what it means, not an insult to you. You have the choice now NOT to be done this way anymore. I just hope you can make yourself do it. There is no sweet way to say this to you. I know you are hurting, but if you stay with her, you will hurt for many more years.

 

I know what you are saying, and I understand. Thank you for your advice.

It is hard and will be hard to turn my back. Im not sure how this is going to play out but I think Im in for hardship again.

[Miss Firecracker]

I know what you are saying, and I understand. Thank you for your advice.

It is hard and will be hard to turn my back. Im not sure how this is going to play out but I think Im in for hardship again.

 

I have never read your threads but just skimmed over a few. You have known in your heart that there was something wrong all along. This is why so many people say to trust your gut instinct. You have had hardship all along with this woman, so you really have nowhere to go but UP after this.