Being flat-chested and dating

[regular joe]

I've never fallen in love with a woman because of her chest. I fell in love with her because of who she is and how she treated me.

[Jpo]

I don't really think breast size matters. Unless it is awkward, like you are really overweight and have extremely small breasts or very skinny and have enormous breasts. I think that Keira Knightley is extremely sexy, and she has small breasts.

 

(Some guys only want big breasts though, but fortunately for you it is fairly easy to tell roughly how big a girls breasts are from looking at her, so you don't really have to worry about it.

[Wilbur]

I have not been with many men, but the few that have seen me naked often display a shocked look the first time. I never know if I should tell them in advance, wait til they realize how flat I am?

 

I know it could be a dealbreaker to some men. I want to weed them out before they get as far as seeing me naked. What should I do?

The way to weed out men for whom a flat chest is a deal breaker and avoid the shocked look is to present yourself as you actually are. That is, don't wear a padded bra. Men are experts at imagining what women look like naked. If you don't mislead them, it won't be a surprise.

 

By wearing a padded bra, you are repelling the men who would be attracted to your actual shape and attracting the men who find the lie that you present desirable.

 

Not that it matters, but I find flat chested women attractive.

[Manco]

A flat chest isn't bad...If you have a skinny body to go with that, you can still be very hot and attract tons of guys. Skinny girl with no breasts is much better than a fat girl with big breasts imho. Different people will have different opinions on this tho.

[HouseKitten]

The only thing I'd say about wearing padded bras is that this might be why men then look shocked when you actually get naked - a padded bra leads them to expect more than you can actually supply.

[fantastic]

If a guy's going to overlook dating you because you're flat chested, then he's obviously not the right one for you... Most guys don't care one tiny bit how big they are... the ones worth dating anyways.

 

Flat breasts, NO breasts, larger...I wouldn't think a person of quality will mind what you have going on. You sound like a together person, which is the biggest turn-on of all.

 

Can I just say, that some guys have preferences like women. Doesn't make them anymore shallow then a woman who only wants a guy with at least an 8 inch penis.

 

Breast size doesn't bother me. But I prefer brunettes and black haired women, and slim girls. Does it make me shallow? yes it does. But everybodies shallow to a certain degree.

[BriarRose]

Truth is, some men will not date small breasted women. Some won't care. The bottom line is be happy with yourself, excercise, take good care of yourself - there is nothing you can do about it (short of surgery), so be confident. Don't hide yourself under padded bras - then what happens when you get naked?

 

I applaud you not having surgery. I detected my own "lump" 2 months after a clean mammo. Had I had implants, I probably would never have felt it.

[Blue Spiral]

Importance of breast-size for men = importance of height for women.

 

It's unfortunate, but it's usually there.

[FloraDora]

Does that mean dealbreaker to you? Or just initial attraction?

[Organs]

To me, it's all about the legs . Breasts are interesting, but it's sort of like having wood paneling around the controls of my car. Interesting to look at, and kinda nice to have, but not something I pine for and definitely not something I require.

[Blue Spiral]

Does that mean dealbreaker to you? Or just initial attraction?

 

For me, personally, it is a dealbreaker. Which legally prevents me from being mad when women reject me for my (spectacular lack of) height.

[midnightrambler]

To me, it's all about the legs . Breasts are interesting, but it's sort of like having wood paneling around the controls of my car. Interesting to look at, and kinda nice to have, but not something I pine for and definitely not something I require.

 

really?

[Organs]

really?

 

Yup. To be honest, I don't really know what to do with breasts except massage and suck the nipple, maybe blow a raspberry.

 

Meanwhile, with legs, if a girl just stood so one leg is straight and the other is bent, or stood with knees together and feet apart, or with legs together and one foot over the other, or sat with legs together, knees together and feet apart, or legs crossed, etc. etc., it drives me up the wall.

 

Then there's tight jeans, pantyhose, boots, tennis shoes, platform shoes, striped stockings, fishnets, pastel colored tights, lycra leggings, boy shorts, denim skirts, long skirts with long slits up the thighs, mini skirts, denim skirts with a HUGE V cut out right in front, leather and vinyl skirts, skirts and boy shorts with loud patterns....

 

Breasts or no breasts, if a girl has interesting legs and shows them off, she can make me do most anything.

[DaBladeRoden]

They are for stuffing your head in between

[midnightrambler]

They are for stuffing your head in between

 

i pay the stripper girls big bucks for that service

[midnightrambler]

Yup. To be honest, I don't really know what to do with breasts except massage and suck the nipple, maybe blow a raspberry.

 

 

.

 

i live for that

[DaBladeRoden]

i pay the stripper girls big bucks for that service

 

I like getting for free myself

[tiredofvampires]

Hurrah for the guys on this thread who speak from the heart: no man who has his priorities lined up for a lasting commitment (where a lot of serious life issues will have to be met and dealt with), will love/not love a woman for a body part that is a perfectly normal variant.

 

I think you need to see this as a jerk/shallow guy filter. I have many such filters involving my body (and life), and you'd be amazed how it weeds out guys who aren't true quality partner material.

 

This is why I'm going to vote on your not wearing padded bras or any sort of disguise. Find cute tops that will accentuate your overall look and figure. I'm not a guy, but I see many flat-chested women wearing sexy and cute styles that make them look stunning and graceful. A guy should know upfront what he's getting, if this is your concern, and it would make you feel that much more confident that when he still wants to see you, he's not dating you as a set of breasts, but as you.

 

I would NEVER get surgery for this "condition." It's not a disease. It's not ugly. Your breasts serve you well, and they are healthy. Surgery is expensive, invasive and with your family history, having breasts is a blessing. Don't tamper with them. Let them be loved by the right guy.

 

(Added note: And yes, I do believe that such "preferences" as this one make someone more shallow, IF they are dealbreakers. When you go through life and realize just how hard it is to get along with another person, just how much it takes for a partnership to work, and how even a good one is tested through life's challenges, you do get to the point where you can see that cup size is a ludicrously small beans thing in the scheme of a lasting, loving relationship -- and you'd be grateful to have anyone who meets the far more central criteria.)

[midnightrambler]

I like getting for free myself

 

i can't always get what i want

[Daligal83]

Hey OP if this gives you a positive outlook at all, I met a guy at the gym that I'm going out with tonight. Even though I've got nothing to support, I wear a sports bra at the gym. It actually makes them SMALLER! I look totally flat. And he still approached me and asked me out. So not all guys care. It's just a personal preference and like the others have said, if a guy doesn't want to be with you purely based on that, well then you are better off.

[sophie274]

I agree completely, and I agree about the "preferences". I feel like the "it's just a preference" phrase has become the over-used catchphrase of ENA. I can't imagine rejecting someone just because of hair length/color/eye color and yes, penis size, and although it may just be preference, it can still be a shallow preference. I just don't see it in the same category as not wanting to date someone who has children or has previously been married or something similar.

[fantastic]

Everybody's shallow to a degree. Nobody can say otherwise unless they'll date anything with a pulse.

[Blue Spiral]

Hurrah for the guys on this thread who speak from the heart: no man who has his priorities lined up for a lasting commitment (where a lot of serious life issues will have to be met and dealt with), will love/not love a woman for a body part that is a perfectly normal variant.

 

Does this apply to men and height, as well, I hope?

[pinkelephant]

Everybody's shallow to a degree. Nobody can say otherwise unless they'll date anything with a pulse.

 

Yes, we know everyone's shallow to a degree. We just prefer those who aren't TOO shallow, ok?

 

 

I used to say "short guys are deal-breakers! this and that are deal breakers!!!" and then I realized those things don't make a *person* and whoever can't see through that isn't worth while. end of story.

[tiredofvampires]

I feel like the "it's just a preference" phrase has become the over-used catchphrase of ENA. I can't imagine rejecting someone just because of hair length/color/eye color and yes, penis size, and although it may just be preference, it can still be a shallow preference. I just don't see it in the same category as not wanting to date someone who has children or has previously been married or something similar.

 

Yes! I think people are getting cozy with saying, "it's just a preference" in order to equalize things that are NOT equal -- which makes their criteria seem as reasonable as anyone else's. It's like this:

 

Everybody's shallow to a degree. Nobody can say otherwise unless they'll date anything with a pulse.

 

Well, everyone is attracted to some people and not others. I wouldn't equate that with "shallowness". Some people see others more as a whole unit, inside and out considered, physical and non-physical, and not just a collection of body parts to evaluate separately as dealbreakers. I would say Man A, who finds a girl he likes and says, "You know, you're a hell of a sweet and nice person, you're smart and pretty and all, but you just don't have enough boob for me to get my mouth around, and that's important for me in a partner" is not on the same footing as Man B who says, "You're my hero for surviving breast cancer and a double mastectomy. I love you because you're a great person, you have other great features, and everyone has a scar from life. Yes, I'd rather you had breasts...but I'm lucky to have a woman like you in every other way." A = shallow to a GIGANTIC degree, B = escaping the shallow detector.

 

Do people have a right to "preferences"? Of course. Do people have a right to make dealbreakers out of them? Absolutely. Are some shallow, and therefore a hindrance to quality relationships with longevity? YES. Let's call a spade a spade. The shallower the criteria, the flimsier the platform this relationship is going to rest upon.

 

I think it's also an age thing. Those in the 20's who have all these preferences that rule the day will find, another few years down the road, that the trying to match your abstract ideal to the person you are dating flies in the face of successful relationships; and that after a number of failures, with the people (if you can snag them) who have your requisite chest size, penis size, eye color, musculature...who treat you like dirt, or who are nutjobs, or unable to commit...you'll see those same dealbreakers in retrospect as a joke.

 

It's a matter of time. When I was in high school, I had a wish list about 200 items long (I'm talking about physical and other traits combined). In my 20's, about 100 items. In my 30's, 25 items. Currently, it's down to about 10, or 5, if I consolidate a few items. It's not desperation. It's called waking up.

 

Other than not being obese, there is no abstract preference in and of itself for me that has any major say in my attractions (physically speaking).

 

Does this apply to men and height, as well, I hope?

 

Absolutely. I prefer a man to be taller than me (he doesn't even have to be TALL), but I've dated many men my height or shorter. And after a while, didn't even notice it, or found it to be sexy in its own way. That is, I LIKED it that way!! (One guy I was CRAAAAAZY about from glance #1, was shorter than me, and he practically made me collapse from the butterflies right there, at the get-go. His height was TOTALLY irrelevant at that point of lusting.)

 

So if your having boob size as a dealbreaker seems like a good trade against your height, BlueSpiral, that's fair play, but it's also very limiting on BOTH sides.