Being flat-chested and dating

[tiredofvampires]

As far as my flat-chest being a "filter" to weed out the bad guys...first of all I would argue that a guy who wasnt' attracted to a woman with no breasts is not a "bad" guy.

 

I never used the word "bad". So hopefully that's not what you got from my post(s).

 

I have some serious medical conditions that affect me in a functional way, physically and sexually. It's not just about aesthetics. So I do have some experience in dealing with guys who have different attitudes, and I wouldn't blame anyone for rejecting me when they found out (I often think I would reject me...which I guess is as much of a turn-off as anything else), and wouldn't consider them "bad". But I do know that the ones who would stick it out with me even when they found out would be special and wonderful in ways that speak to other parts of their being -- parts that I think would affect the relationship extraordinarily well, in both related and unrelated ways. And that's the kind of person I need.

 

I need someone who goes beyond not being "bad."

 

(And right now...that's feeling remote.)

 

And I guess for me, by the time I get down to sex, I want to be in love first anyway. And I would hope he'd be in love with me. So that would already be in place, and we'd "deal", as you say.

 

So, there's a personal statement that backs my interest in this thread.

 

But good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[SometimesShy]

And why do women undergo such a process - to look [what they perceive as] better around others. To feel confident around others.

 

An imperfect analogy comes to mind:

 

...If I was born without a right leg, I would definitely want to have a prosthetic leg to replace what nature forgot. Yes, I could learn to love myself without the leg, and ignore those foolish idiots that might treat me differently because of my appearance. But given the option of having an artificial leg, one that would closely approximate what I felt I was missing, I would not think twice about it.

 

I know that you can't equate a missing limb with breast implants, but I can understand why some women might choose to supplement what nature forgot. It's their body, their life, they should be free to choose how they live it. I just hope that they make these decisions for themselves, and not to please us idiot men.

[Siriana]

Fake boobs won't help you in finding serious relationship.. Quantity is what any of us can get if we put effort to look super sexy. Short skirt and boobs out. Problem solved. You'll have quantity over quality, but the increased amount of dates won't help you find the right guy, because the ones attracted to your enhanced looks are not what you are looking for. I never, ever found anyone who was a relationship material when I had a deep cleavage or a super short skirt. Never.

[jscars8]

It might reduce the amount of attention you get from men, but that's it. Guys who like you physically are not going to be any less interested in you upon seeing you topless.

[fantastic]

Well look, I am shallow and I don't care. I'm attracted to females with brown or black hair, slim and with a nice ass. If they don't fit those requirements I refuse to date. I'm not going to get with somebody I'm not attracted to.

[Ms Darcy]

I think one caveat to note is that some guys are saying it's ok for them if you are small chested as long as you are very thin overall (e.g. Kiera Knightly).

[zedtech]

The girl I've recently begun dating is very thin and is a little flat chested. It didn't bother me at all. What attracted me the most to her was her wicked sense of humor, her intelligence/maturity and she's very pretty to boot. All of her million other personality qualities outweighed her physical qualities by a mile.

 

I think one caveat to note is that some guys are saying it's ok for them if you are small chested as long as you are very thin overall (e.g. Kiera Knightly).

And yes, the girl I'm dating has a figure very similar to Keira Knightley.

[Ms Darcy]

I think one caveat to note is that some guys are saying it's ok for them if you are small chested as long as you are very thin overall (e.g. Kiera Knightly).

 

Note, I'm not saying I agree with it. I'm saying listen carefully to the additional comments when some people say it's ok.

[tiredofvampires]

Well look, I am shallow and I don't care. I'm attracted to females with brown or black hair, slim and with a nice ass. If they don't fit those requirements I refuse to date. I'm not going to get with somebody I'm not attracted to.

 

Neither am I. Gotta be attracted.

 

My criteria are just so much more expansive and flexible, that I'll have a lot greater pool to choose from of people who are also likely to be good in the personality department/compatibility-with-me department as well.

[FloraDora]

I am really thin, but I feel like even really thin women have some breast tissue. But that is one reason why I am scared of the surgery, I think it generally looks better if there is some fat to cover up the implants.

 

I am researching doctors, and talking to friends who have had cosmetic procedures. I think I will go and consult with several doctors first....if the majority tell me it won't look right for me I will not have the operation

[fantastic]

You say you're really thin? Have you ever considered putting a bit of weight on and see if your breasts grow?

 

I have to say, breast size gets compared a lot to penis szie for men. But I think penis size is far more important for a woman then breast size is for a man. I'd say a more fairer comparison is weight, if a woman is fat it's a major turn off for most men.

[monkeysblood]

Personally, I think you should stay the way you are. However, have you looked at ways to increase breast tissue growth without surgery?

[lovewhatmatter]

Hi, I found this site three weeks ago and have been reading it's forums. Two days ago, I accidentally stumbled onto this thread. I have been all over the internet and have read thousands of threads and I can honestly, definitively say that this is my all-time favorite. I have repeatedly read it many times over. I had to register and comment on it. It is truly one for the ages. What made it so special and separated it from everything else I've read? The original topic was about a woman who is apprehensive about dating again because of her breast size but the thread evolved wonderfully into so much more. The series of posts in this thread by TOV are the most beautiful, intelligent, breathtaking writings I've ever read in my entire life. They were about life, love, and relationships. They were about priorities, values and what truly is important in regards to longevity and the grand scheme of things. She put things in its proper perspective on these very important and sensitive subjects like nobody else has ever done. Her posts totally captured my heart. They were written with intelligence, beauty, sensitivity, insight, analysis, understanding and every other positive adjective that can be thought of. They are essential reading. I think every person on the planet should read all of POV's posts from this thread. I think they should be locked in a time capsule and preserved at all costs. I'm serious. They were that great and wonderful. You know which people should especially read them? Every person who has ever had an insecurity over a physical trait, every person who has ever been dumped and rejected because of that physical trait, and the people who have done the dumping and the rejecting. Also, the two page discussion between TOV and Lucious were of the most incredible quality. Here are two good, intelligent people exchanging thoughts and feelings on a very important and sensitive topic and was the best internet discussion exchange I ever read. This thread discussed things like values and priorities vs being shallow and superficial with depth and analysis that was awesome to read. I am so glad I accidentally found this thread and am so honored to lend my voice and to post on it.

 

Here is something else I would like to contribute to this discussion. Lucius initial post on his thread was because he was troubled by the way the word shallow was being tossed around and used. Similarly, there is a word I've been very disturbed and troubled by what I feel has been misused by many people here and all over the internet. That word is preference. I would like to give you my own personal analogy of a preference. I enjoy eating ice cream. My favorite flavor is chocolate. Hypothetically, if the manufacturers stopped making chocolate or was not on the menu resulting in me not being able to have chocolate, I would be totally happy and content to have other flavors like strawberry, raspberry, cherry, etc. To sum it up, I don't have to have chocolate. It's not a requirement. It's just a preference. To me, I enjoy Ice cream and it's all good in whatever flavors. Now, if I had the attitude where I had to have chocolate flavor ice cream and would never eat ice cream ever again unless it was specifically chocolate, I could no longer call it a preference. With that limited criteria, I made it mandatory, a requirement. So, in that scenario, I would feel it would be dishonest of me to defend that attitude by calling it a preference.

 

Now, I'm going to apply this thinking to a far more important subject than ice cream. I have read constantly all over the internet people saying they won't date people because of a physical trait, will reject a person for that physical trait and that physical trait is a dealbreaker to them in regards to a relationship. They have been called out as being shallow and superficial. They try and defend those charges by saying they have the right to like what they like and it is a preference. True, everyone has the right and the freedom to like what they like. However, no, I don't believe it is their preference. When they reject someone because of one thing (in this case, a physical trait), it cannot be considered a preference. They crossed that line and made it into a requirement, mandatory. I personally feel its a dishonest use of the word preference to justify their attitudes and actions. Remember, prefer is short for the word preference. While you have a favorite, you're not ruling out or dismissing different attributes in that same category. That's my interpretation of the word preference. So, why do these people misuse the word preference when they are confronted for being shallow and superficial? Simple. The word preference comes off as reasonable, understanding, and decent. They would never admit that it was mandatory, a requirement. Those words come off as harsh, rigid, nasty, and inflexible. They don't want to be associated with those type of terms so they try to save face and use the more pleasant term of preference. However, when you properly analyze it, it was a rigid criteria where it was, indeed, for them, a requirement and mandatory. So, no matter how much I think it's shallow and superficial to judge, reject and make a physical trait into a dealbreaker, they have every right to do it. I just wish they would stop using the word preference to describe those attitudes and actions.

 

Also, While they may have a right to have these requirements for physical traits, I can't respect them for it. What they are doing is reducing the value of a human being and whether or not they deserve to be loved by them, to a single body part. That person can be a wonderful person with so many fine qualities who is caring, thoughtful, loving, good sense of humor, intelligent etc, yet because a physical trait that doesn't measure up to their high standards, you reject them? You reject them for that superficial physical trait and completely disregard all the other wonderful, far more important qualities that are the sum of its parts that makes the whole person? I have never understood those attitudes and could never respect them. I, personally, judge people by who they are as a person. I judge them by the content of their character. I judge them by their heart, mind, and personality. Those are the determining factors of whether I like someone or not. It's who they are inside that truly counts and what's important to me. Compared to who someone is as a person inside, their outward physical traits are totally irrelevant to me. A woman could have the most beautiful face and gorgeous body but if she is a horrible person inside I would never be attracted to her or want to be associated with her. At the same time, if a woman is not that attractive physically yet she is an incredibly wonderful person, I could definitely see myself being attracted to her. To me, the most important thing is having that mental and emotional connection, not physical. And I also believe that love is more important than sex. Love conquers all and is more important than anything. As in my chosen username, at the end of the day, love is what truly matters. Those are my priorities and values.

[lovewhatmatter]

Very interesting discussion, Lucius and TOV - thanks for sharing it with the rest of us!

 

TOV, I could not agree more with you, and have loved all your posts on this thread. Must spread the love on the rep counter, but in my heart I have given you 10,000 reps for these posts!

 

Lucius, please send a man like yourself my way (any brothers?). Thanks!

 

This is one of so many great moments throughout this thread. Sophie, like me, was totally blown away and in awe and praise of TOV's posts throughout this thread. I already gave every one of her posts a thank you/like. If I could mark them for a billion loves, I would. They totally captured my heart. Sophie also was overly impressed, like me, at the incredible 2-page discussion between TOV and Lucius for it's great intellectual quality regarding the terms "shallow" and "superficial. For a discussion on an internet forum, I haven't seen or read any better.

 

Also, I would like to acknowledge another important part of this thread (and there were so many of them). TOV's initial post on this thread started off with "hurrah for the men." She was referring to the positive responses to FloraDora on the original topic. I am so very proud of the men for the way they responded to FloraDora's breast size insecurity. They were absolutely terrific. Each one said that they either preferred small breasts or didn't care at all what size a woman's breasts were. I totally agree. I have seen beautiful, attractive women with all different breast sizes (from large to small). For me to be attracted to a woman and wanting to be with her, the size of her breasts are totally irrelevant to me and doesn't matter at all. The size of women's breasts do not define womanhood (just like the size of a man's penis does not define manhood). I would have recommended that FloraDora not get the breast implant surgery because she is naturally beautiful just the way she is.

 

From beginning to end, this thread had consistently so many wonderful posting moments on every level that was so intellectually stimulating, heart-warming and just made you fell good. For someone like me who has read thousands of threads dealing with very important and extremely sensitive topics and issues, this was a rare find. This is my all-time favorite thread and truly one for the ages that I wish everyone can find, read, and appreciate just as I have.

[mgsportsfan252]

As a guy I don't see this as a deal breaker. I have dated girls with all different types of breast sizes and it hasn't bothered me. If someone likes you enough they won't hold it against you for having small breasts. Just like you can see through some guys' physical features as well (like a gut or balding for example).

[Seraphim]

TOV is undoubtedly the queen of this forum. She shows up now and again right now.