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Taking the husband's last name

onewithbooks

Ladies and Gents, what is your opinion on the wife taking her husband's last name?  

89 members have voted

  1. 1. Ladies and Gents, what is your opinion on the wife taking her husband's last name?

    • Ladies: Yes I would
      40
    • Ladies: No, I would not
      10
    • Ladies: I would want to combine our names and hypenate them.
      6
    • Ladies: I would keep my madien name for professional reasons, but take my husband's last name.
      7
    • Ladies: I don't care either way
      6
    • Gents: I would want her to
      14
    • Gents: I would not want her to
      1
    • Gents: Hyphenating is ok with me
      1
    • Gents: I don't really care either way
      4

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onewithbooks Collaborator

onewithbooks

Posted
Posted

Hello Ena!

 

I recently had this discussion with friends of mine and I am curious to know your thoughts. Ladies are you willing to take on your husband's last name when you get married? I have known many women who want to, and others who don't. I know one lady who did, but instead of Mrs. Stanley Smith, she prefers to be called Ms. Smith. She felt like the Mr. Stanley Smith was her husband if if she were Mrs. Stanley Smith the only thing different would be the S. She didn't want to be an S.

 

 

I have no plans on getting hitched but if I did, I would take my husband's last name. I have no real family ties to the last name as my father was only close to two sisters. They were shunned by the rest of the family because they were from my grandfather's first marriage.

 

So, ladies and gents of ENA, what are your thoughts on the wife taking the husband's last name?

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

Posted
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I'm not sure, and will cross that bridge when I come to it! On the one hand, I like the idea of my whole family sharing a name, and have no ideological problems with taking my husband's last name. My last name is also very hard to spell and pronounce. On the other hand, my last name is very recognizably as from the country that I'm from, and I would hate to lose that tie to it, since I'm also American and don't have an accent - I sort of dislike that I would just seem American. (Probably silly). It would also depend on where I was professionally.

 

I think I'll most likely end up being Firstname Middlename Maidenname Hubbyname, and go by my maiden name at work, and my married name for school, in the "neighborhood" and so on. Either that or just take my husband's last name. I would never hyphenate - my name is complicated enough already!

 

By the way, I've grown more attached to my last name as time has gone on. Back in high school I couldn't imagine why any woman would care to keep her name, and went on this long rant to my boyfriend. At the end he tells me his mother kept her maiden name. Oops. I can see both points of view now!

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arcadefire Apprentice

arcadefire

Posted
Posted

I've grown partial for the hyphen'ed name. Most famous people don't even take their husband's last name (actresses, singers, etc) and I don't see a problem with that either. Especially since I'm career driven, I would love to keep my last name the same at work. But of course the kids will take the hubby's, tradition and all.

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onewithbooks Collaborator

onewithbooks

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Posted
What a heteronormative poll!

 

I wouldn't mind hyphenating my surname with my dude's. But mine goes first.

 

You are quite right. I could have used partner vs. husband and wife. Thank you for pointing this out! The discussion I had was with straight women, and so that is where the idea germinated from. I can't edit the poll (tried too) but I will keep this in mind for my next poll!

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I_Speak_Jive Apprentice

I_Speak_Jive

Posted
Posted
You are quite right. I could have used partner vs. husband and wife. Thank you for pointing this out! The discussion I had was with straight women, and so that is where the idea germinated from. I can't edit the poll (tried too) but I will keep this in mind for my next poll!

 

Oh no no no it's totally cool! Same-sex marriage is still not that wide-spread so it's natural that it's not the first thing on people's radar

 

Since I come from one of the countries where you can actually get one (and currently live in another one of those), I have given the last name issue some thought. Not much though. In my country women don't ever change their name after they get married anyway. I guess it's a pretty spread out custom in the USA...

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FathomFear Contributor

FathomFear

Posted
Posted
What a heteronormative poll!

 

I wouldn't mind hyphenating my surname with my dude's. But mine goes first.

 

Although I'm legally allowed to marry (as I'm in Canada) I don't have much ambition to do so. And even if I did, I wouldn't want my husband to change his name. IMO, it's a leftover from a period where women essentially became property. I don't see any reason to support that tradition in any way.

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alli Collaborator

alli

Posted
Posted

I don't mind taking my fiance's last name. It really depends on what the name is though; if I absolutely didn't like the last name I wouldn't want to take it!! But I like his so it's fine.

 

I also would kind of like to keep my last name & hyphenate them, but I think that would be difficult to have 2 last names!!

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Citlali Rookie

Citlali

Posted
Posted
I think that it has a lot to do with tradition and male dominance.

 

I am quite aware of the history behind the tradition. I, however, see nothing special in it or any reason that should compel me to abide by it. It's silly to say there is only one proper way of looking at this. I think it should come down to what a couple wants to do regardless of tradition.

 

I believe in both so I want for the women to take my name, but it's different for everyone.

 

You believe in male dominance?

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lila... Enthusiast

lila...

Posted
Posted

I'm big on tradition so yes I would, without a doubt.

 

I didn't know the norm was for a woman to take the husbands last name and leave hers out though? I thought it was her name + her last name + husband's last name. That's how I would do it at least.

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

Posted
Posted
I'm big on tradition so yes I would, without a doubt.

 

I didn't know the norm was for a woman to take the husbands last name and leave hers out though? I thought it was her name + her last name + husband's last name. That's how I would do it at least.

 

Aren't you from a Hispanic culture/country? That's how it's done there, I think, but not in the US.

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lila... Enthusiast

lila...

Posted
Posted
Aren't you from a Hispanic culture/country? That's how it's done there, I think, but not in the US.

 

 

Yes I am, I was just going to comment that. I wasn't really familiar with the US's way of doing it. So a woman would just take the husband's last name and forget about hers?

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lila... Enthusiast

lila...

Posted
Posted
Sometimes I wonder about this....

 

Would there be a bit of hesitance if the mans last name was horrible?

For instance, Ramsbottom or Crabbs.

I know there are worse ones but I often wonder how much this is taken into account and whether this is an issue....

 

Lol yeah I could think of some really silly ones I would be a little hesitant to take on, but tradition is tradition so I'll have to suck it up lol.

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

Posted
Posted
Yes I am, I was just going to comment that. I wasn't really familiar with the US's way of doing it. So a woman would just take the husband's last name and forget about hers?

 

Usually she either makes her middle name her maiden name (drops the middle name), and takes husband's name as last, or just takes the husband's name instead of hers. More and more now women are taking on the hubby's last name at the end of their first middle and last, and going by their name in the workplace and husband's name at school, in the neighborhood.

 

So if I were Sophie Sally Smith marrying Tom Jones, the most common combos would be:

 

Sophie Smith Jones (this is by far the most common in my mother's generation, and still most common today I think)

Sophie Sally Jones

Sophie Sally Smith Jones

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