Taking the husband's last name

[Mystery82]

I find it sort of weird, and I don't understand what the point of it is. I saw 'male dominance' cited as a reason, which puts me off the idea even more. And being labelled with my husband's name would make me feel like his property. I am my own self and don't want to feel like I 'belong' to him; I'm a person, not an object. It sort of seems like the kind of thing you do to keep up public appearances for more traditional people/families.

My view is possibly affected by the fact my mother has been married twice, and neither time took her husband's surname, I'm not sure.

Also, any man that hassled/pressured me to change to his name would not be suitable husband material, and I would be questioning why he wanted me to do it so badly.

 

I agree with this. I find it a very outdated and a patriarch tradition. My mother, grandmothers, never changed their name. If he wants us to have the same last name, he can change his to mine

[j.r.c.123]

i wouldn't get married but if i did i would want her to take my name. i think the traditional aspect rings true to me. it should confirm that the wife is with the man she loves and that she loves him enough to have his name.

[whes]

I hadn't really thought about before. I wouldn't want to lose my name because my family is very important to me and I like having that tie. I like the idea of both of us changing our names. Like, if mine is Whes Snowball and his is Husband Storm, then we'd be Whes Snowball Storm and Husband Snowball Storm. Or something like that. Not a fan of hyphenation though, it just gets a little complicated.

[j.r.c.123]

if everyone believed in hyphenating their names it would be a nightmare. rainforests would be wiped out for the need for more paper for documents! if people believed in the hyphenating and encouraged their offspring to do it, in a few generations time there would be quadruple barrel names and more.

[whes]

I used to babysit these kids whose parents both had hyphenated names from their parents. They didn't go with a four-hyphenated name though, thank god. Can you imagine being a four year old and having to memorize or spell a four-name hyphenated surname??

[j.r.c.123]

i think deep down, the woman should know her own identity. she was born with her maiden name and that will always be a part of her. so is her married name. my mum is aware of her roots and loves her family, yet she kept the married name of my father, even though they divorced. i think a woman should recognise the name she was born with is still a part of her and will never go away, even if it changes on paper.

[Lady Rashomon]

i think deep down, the woman should know her own identity. she was born with her maiden name and that will always be a part of her. so is her married name. my mum is aware of her roots and loves her family, yet she kept the married name of my father, even though they divorced. i think a woman should recognise the name she was born with is still a part of her and will never go away, even if it changes on paper.

 

Yes, but to me, that isn't the point. I didn't NOT change my name simply because I felt it would be giving up a piece of my identity. I simply feel that this is an archaic practice in so many ways, one that dates back to patriarchal notions of a woman essentially being a man's property. I don't begrudge women who change their last names, but I think the historical basis needs to be paid some mind--because this isn't just about love and wanting to feel like you're a part of the person you marry. It's about ownership. It also begs the question--why not start a matrilineal tradition and have the man change his last name? (Wonder how men would feel about that...)

[penelope13]

I'm all for equality and going with the times. But in this case I feel it's such a minor thing and in most instances I hardly use my last name anyway, I don't feel it necessary to make an issue about it and wave the 'feminism' flag.

 

I like the idea of having the same name if you start a family. Otherwise, what's the point of having a last/ family name anyway if each member of the family is called something else.

[Maroney555]

I just started my own thread on surname advice...

 

All for it, just not sure how to go about it as I LOVE my own family name. His and mine are both beautiful, but I am torn. I also would like to share a name with my kids.

[Pinnsvini]

I just started my own thread on surname advice...

 

All for it, just not sure how to go about it as I LOVE my own family name. His and mine are both beautiful, but I am torn. I also would like to share a name with my kids.

 

What's saying the children need to take the man's surname? I have my mother's surname (my father's sounded a bit ridiculous with mine) and although it's not common, there's no reason why they couldn't take yours?

[amtjrtcet]

I took my husbands last name...it was a pain in the butt though. Getting all my accounts changed over, credit cards, social security card, drivers license. A pain....but i like signing and seeing my new name

[HouseKitten]

I'll take my husband's name I think.

 

I like my surname but I actually think his suits me better and they wouldn't look right hyphenated, wrong types of name.

[Car Chick]

Haha, I am so excited to take my bfs last name someday ( a good Irish name) that I even use the name Mrs. M for my nickname on computer games. I think it's such a romantic thing, it's like a furtherance of the union. Also, I hate my current last name, so that' another plus.

[Car Chick]

I didn't even know that some people don't take their husbaunds last name. Wow. I don't know, I guess it's all this feminist stuff and new age women. I am an old fashioned girl though. I love all the romance of an old fashioned relationship with the husbaund as the breadwinner and the wife being a mother and staying at home with her kids. I think it's a beautiful design.

[Kyoot_Panda]

I've grown fond of my obnoxiously long last name, no one else has it, but since it's made up of two last names already I don't think I'd want to tack on a 3rd last name, or maybe I would, could be funny, but I'm not one to say that all women must take the husbands last name, or visa-Versailles. In fact, the husband of one of my friends took his wife's last name, it is pretty comical since it's a Japanese last name and he is VERY white.

[Alezia]

My fiancé hates the family heritage that comes with his last name...

Both of my kids have our combined name, since that's what we wanted since he wasn't intending/ready to get married at that point.

 

I'm ambivalent.. I'm not really well established enough in my career to justify not changing my name. It's actually illegal to change your name if I get married in this province anyways...

[quirky]

Can't believe I'm the only one who wouldn't

 

Is it really that radical?

 

I wouldn't. Just the thought of it even sounds wrong..like I'm losing myself, becoming someone else's person I've had my surname all my life, I'd feel like I lost my identity, a part of me..I'm stressed just thinking about it..!

[sharsachan]

My fiancé hates the family heritage that comes with his last name...

Both of my kids have our combined name, since that's what we wanted since he wasn't intending/ready to get married at that point.

 

I'm ambivalent.. I'm not really well established enough in my career to justify not changing my name. It's actually illegal to change your name if I get married in this province anyways...

 

illegal?? really? wow!! i wonder why that is...

[Seraphim]

[edit] Canada (Québec)

In all Canadian provinces except Québec, customs relating to maiden names in marriages are the same as in the rest of the English-speaking world. In Québec, however, the custom until 1981 was similar to that in France. Women would traditionally go by their husband's surname in daily life, but their maiden name remained their legal name.[20] Since the passage of a 1981 provincial law, intended to promote gender equality as outlined in the Quebec Charter of Rights, no change may be made to a person's name without the authorization of the registrar of civil status or the authorization of the court. Newlyweds who wish to change their names upon marriage must therefore go through the same procedure as those changing their names for other reasons. The registrar of civil status may authorize a name change if: 1) the name the person generally uses does not correspond to the name on their birth certificate, 2) where the name is of foreign origin or too difficult to pronounce or write in its original form, or 3) where the name invites ridicule or has become infamous.[21] This law does not allow a woman to immediately legally change her name upon marriage, as marriage is not listed among the reasons for a name change.[22] However, she can use her husband's name socially and may eventually apply to change it under the "general use" clause.

 

From Wikipedia

[Maya_A]

Originally Posted by dragon lady

Can't believe I'm the only one who wouldn't

 

Is it really that radical?

 

I wouldn't. Just the thought of it even sounds wrong..like I'm losing myself, becoming someone else's person I've had my surname all my life, I'd feel like I lost my identity, a part of me..I'm stressed just thinking about it..!

 

Not radical. I don't think I would, either. If my bf's name was very simple like "Jones", I'd very gladly hyphenate though. For myself, I do see some romantic connection there in taking on the name (by hyphenation). However, my bf's name is long & would not go well with mine.

 

I'm trying to think of exactly why I would like to keep my name. I think I just feel it is always been "who I am" & I'm comfortable with it. That has been my name given to me at birth & lived through decades with (we've been through a lot together!), and I'd like to keep it as it is... Plain & simple. Decision is not really related to traditional history for me (i.e. women as property, etc.).

 

Though I don't think there are any right/wrong preferences. Whatever people feel around it is all good & valid IMHO, as long as there is no unhealthy pressure put on women to change their names by their SO's, if they choose not to.

 

I do see a difference if there were children however. I don't know what I'd do... I wouldn't want to change mine but I'd want my kids to have part of mine as their identity... Yet my husband should have that equal opportunity...

 

I am not having kids but I guess if I were, that would cause me to do a lot of thinking...

I might give them my middle name & have them use my husband's last name, or vice versa...

[anya1607307555]

I used to like and always thought I would use hyphenation but I've seen some mouthfuls over the years, particularly if couples split/remarry and children are involved.

 

I would prefer to have a shared family name but it wouldn't bother me who took whose surname. However, with that said, since I have a child and we already share a surname it would be simpler for a man to take mine!...but that would be discussed as and when.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I'd be willing to take it for sure. Maybe b/c when I was younger and thru out the years I always thought that was usual and only some women kept their own.

 

 

I'd also not mind keeping mine as well. But I wouldn't ONLY keep mine. Part of the old fashion girly side of me always pictured herself taking her husbands name

[Batya33]

I didn't even know that some people don't take their husbaunds last name. Wow. I don't know, I guess it's all this feminist stuff and new age women. I am an old fashioned girl though. I love all the romance of an old fashioned relationship with the husbaund as the breadwinner and the wife being a mother and staying at home with her kids. I think it's a beautiful design.

 

I'm not a feminist but I don't see keeping a maiden name as necessarily a "feminist" issue- I know many women who are not feminists or "new age" (not sure how you define that) and who prefer to keep their maiden name. Since I married in my 40s and was known in my career by my maiden name for 15 years, I kept my maiden name professionally. I wouldn't want to be known as Mrs. (husband's first name, husband's last name) but I am glad I took my husband's last name.

 

I do not work outside the home right now - we have one child, a baby, but I don't "stay at home" - I'm out for a good portion of every day, and my role is far from the passive sense of "stay". It works well for us.

[carbon14]

This is a good question I've been wondering about myself. I want to keep my name as I'm in the scientific community where publishing is important & you're known by your name, so I don't want the confusion of switching names & my previous/future publications. However, my fiance is in the same industry, so he doesn't want to take my name for the same reason.

 

To further add to the confusion, I'm a US citizen & he's not, so we'll probably end up hyphenating it so that we'll have the same surname on our passports & for our children so as not to cause chaos for homeland security. But my surname is 6 letters & his is 11, plus I also use my middle name a lot (which is 10 letters long) as I have a common 1st name, but I don't want to end up with needing a mile long ID just to get my name on there. So yeah....

 

If I didn't need to keep my surname for professional reasons though, I think I'd still keep it just because there are no sons in my immediate family & it would be weird to have the name just disappear. Tradition isn't really important to me, but I find it saddening to think of my family's surname just vanishing (there are other people with this surname & there are other male relatives to carry it on, I just meant it disappering from my branch on the family tree, if that makes sense).

[jahur]

my ex wife went back to her maiden name about a year after we divorced. i was cool by that, i didnt want her besmirching my family name after our demise, my boys have still kept my name (thats the law in the uk) but what i dont understand is that my ex wife still uses her maiden name althought she has happily re-married, weird to say the least!