Taking the husband's last name

[lila...]

Usually she either makes her middle name her maiden name (drops the middle name), and takes husband's name as last, or just takes the husband's name instead of hers. More and more now women are taking on the hubby's last name at the end of their first middle and last, and going by their name in the workplace and husband's name at school, in the neighborhood.

 

So if I were Sophie Sally Smith marrying Tom Jones, the most common combos would be:

 

Sophie Smith Jones (this is by far the most common in my mother's generation, and still most common today I think)

Sophie Sally Jones

Sophie Sally Smith Jones

 

By middle name don't you mean first last name? Because what if she doesn't have a middle name? Got me a little confused there.

[sophie274]

By middle name don't you mean first last name? Because what if she doesn't have a middle name? Got me a little confused there.

 

LOL no. Middle name here is like a second first name. It's not usually the mother's maiden name (although it can be if the parents choose)

 

So if my parents John Smith and Anne Evans have me, Sophie, they name me Sophie because they like it, Sally same thing (might be someone else in the family with that name - you know, name me after a Grandma or something) and Smith because it's my dad's last name.

 

Different than in Spanish-speaking countries where I would be: Sophie Smith (Evans) right? And go by Sophie Smith?

[sharsachan]

i took my husbands name, but only after we had been married for 2 years. i didn't change it until after our 2 year anniversary.

 

he alwase told me it was my choice whether to change it or not but i could tell from his tone that HE wanted me to change it and just didn't want to say it to hurt me/pressure me. he seemed happy when i told him it was officially changed to his last name.

[dragon lady]

I wouldn't take a man's name, even though I'm not necessarily attached to my own. I'm actually thinking about changing my last name to my mother's. She made up her own name after she divorced my father and I quite like it. It's just the whole name changing process that sounds like a hassle.

 

I'm not sure I could tolerate a man who insisted I take his name.

[yeawutever]

I wouldn't want my last name to vanish completely. It tells who I'm I as a person so it means a lot to me. For me, it would depend on what my future husband's last name is. If it's a beautiful last name then I would have it combine with my last name (I adore my last name so I ain't giving it up). However, if it's an ugly last name he has or a very common one then I wouldn't want to take it....

[lila...]

LOL no. Middle name here is like a second first name. It's not usually the mother's maiden name (although it can be if the parents choose)

 

So if my parents John Smith and Anne Evans have me, Sophie, they name me Sophie because they like it, Sally same thing (might be someone else in the family with that name - you know, name me after a Grandma or something) and Smith because it's my dad's last name.

 

Different than in Spanish-speaking countries where I would be: Sophie Smith (Evans) right? And go by Sophie Smith?

 

Oh, there are also middle names in Latin countries, I know what they are I was just confused because you said the woman tends to take her middle name as her maiden name? That seemed odd to me. To us a middle name is part of the first name, so we don't lose it regardless. That's why we tend to have really long names in Spanish-speaking countries, lol.

[sophie274]

Oh, there are also middle names in Latin countries, I know what they are I was just confused because you said the woman tends to take her middle name as her maiden name? That seemed odd to me. To us a middle name is part of the first name, so we don't lose it regardless. That's why we tend to have really long names in Spanish-speaking countries, lol.

 

Oh ok. Yes, I know, I lived in Spain for awhile and if they tell you all the names it's Yeah, I know a lot of women who just drop their middle name so they don't have more than three names. My grandmother, mother and aunt all did it - as far as I know it's pretty common. If I take my husband's name I'm going for four names.

[greywolf]

It depends on his last name.

[Capricorn3]

I took on my husband's name even though it's really long and complicated (most people cannot pronounce it and it get's soooooooo frustrating!!), lol.

[greywolf]

Oh, there are also middle names in Latin countries, I know what they are I was just confused because you said the woman tends to take her middle name as her maiden name? That seemed odd to me. To us a middle name is part of the first name, so we don't lose it regardless. That's why we tend to have really long names in Spanish-speaking countries, lol.

 

Where my mom is from, a girl's middle name is her mother's maiden name. Then when she gets married her middle name changes to her own maiden name.

[dragon lady]

Can't believe I'm the only one who wouldn't

 

Is it really that radical?

[Seraphim]

I would and did. I would be proud to share a man's name with him. I do not see it as a put down or an effort to control or anything else. I see it as an honour.

[gravity]

Can't believe I'm the only one who wouldn't

 

Is it really that radical?

 

Radical? . . . not by a long shot. Just uncommon (and more than I would have expected).

 

I would say it's totally up to the woman to choose, and while I would say I would like it if we shared a common name, if my GF chose not to I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

 

My mother kept her maiden name, us kids had our father's, and we occasionally had trouble getting through airport security/customs sometimes when traveling internationally, or at parent-teacher meetings.

 

My mother refuses to open mail or talk on the phone to anybody who calls her "Mrs. gravity's dad" it used to exacerbate telemarketers to no end.

[Citlali]

I would and did. I would be proud to share a man's name with him. I do not see it as a put down or an effort to control or anything else. I see it as an honour.

 

I don't question you or others see it that way. I just don't understand why it has to be his rather than your own. Why isn't just as much of an acceptable honor for him to take yours? Many women don't seem to question this, but rather simply accept what has been tradition. Once you think about it, at least to me, there is no reason why I should take his over not taking it at all or him taking mine.

[dragon lady]

I would and did. I would be proud to share a man's name with him. I do not see it as a put down or an effort to control or anything else. I see it as an honour.

 

I thought you said in another thread that you and your husband had the same surname before you got married?

[Pinnsvini]

I find it sort of weird, and I don't understand what the point of it is. I saw 'male dominance' cited as a reason, which puts me off the idea even more. And being labelled with my husband's name would make me feel like his property. I am my own self and don't want to feel like I 'belong' to him; I'm a person, not an object. It sort of seems like the kind of thing you do to keep up public appearances for more traditional people/families.

My view is possibly affected by the fact my mother has been married twice, and neither time took her husband's surname, I'm not sure.

Also, any man that hassled/pressured me to change to his name would not be suitable husband material, and I would be questioning why he wanted me to do it so badly.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Can't believe I'm the only one who wouldn't

 

Is it really that radical?

 

I would not do it either. I definitely will keep my last name.

[dangletsbang]

I'm definitely taking my boyfriend's last name when we get married.

[Seraphim]

I thought you said in another thread that you and your husband had the same surname before you got married?

 

It is. Had it been different ,it would be whatever his is. We just happened to have the same one.

[Seraphim]

I don't question you or others see it that way. I just don't understand why it has to be his rather than your own. Why isn't just as much of an acceptable honor for him to take yours? Many women don't seem to question this, but rather simply accept what has been tradition. Once you think about it, at least to me, there is no reason why I should take his over not taking it at all or him taking mine.

 

I do not feel a burning need to keep my own name.

 

Also too my mother had a different name than me when I was a little kid because she remarried and she had her husband's last name and we had our father's last name. I remember being pointed at and laughed at because my mother had a different name than mine.

 

I am a pretty traditional woman, even though I have done some pretty untraditional things.

[shellderella]

It doesn't matter to me. My name isn't a big deal. People have changed their name to Obi Wan Kenobi for * * * * s and giggles.

 

If it's a big deal to him, I'll take his name. If he doesn't care, I'll probably keep mine to avoid paperwork hassle.

[secretness87]

Ideally, I'd want to just add his last name to mine, so I'd hyphenate it... but my last name is too long so it would look weird Even still, I'd probably just hyphenate his to mine. But if I decided not to do that, then I'd take his. In the poll, I voted for hyphenating though.

[Lady Rashomon]

I find it sort of weird, and I don't understand what the point of it is. I saw 'male dominance' cited as a reason, which puts me off the idea even more. And being labelled with my husband's name would make me feel like his property. I am my own self and don't want to feel like I 'belong' to him; I'm a person, not an object. It sort of seems like the kind of thing you do to keep up public appearances for more traditional people/families.

My view is possibly affected by the fact my mother has been married twice, and neither time took her husband's surname, I'm not sure.

Also, any man that hassled/pressured me to change to his name would not be suitable husband material, and I would be questioning why he wanted me to do it so badly.

 

Totally agree with this. I told my husband that I wouldn't take his last name before I got married, and it wasn't a problem then, but he has definitely been pressuring me into it (after two years) and feels that my reluctance is a sign of my lack of commitment...

[dancea]

i'm still using my last name , and it has been a year since we got married. it is hard for me to give up on my last name and take his. it wasn't a problem before our marriage but i don't know why it became later. he is ok with this, he understands it is hard to have a different name out of sudden, but i know the time will come when i will change my last name.

[penelope13]

My parents did an excellent job of finding a nice name combination for me. Nevertheless if I get married I would want to take my husbands name, since I want to have the same name as my children. However, for professional reasons I want to keep my own name, since I already have published under that name. I'll probably hyphenate at work, although it's probably going to sound/ look funny.

 

In an ideal world, I would like to mash our names together to a new one (we have quite an overlap in letters)