Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[moodindigo91]

I just wanted to say that I think it is really not okay for you to be reaching out to my friends on Instagram and having packages delivered here. You made your choice to leave and you left. That includes everything. Me. The dog. My friends. Everything. They aren't your friends. 

 

You left, so stay out of my life please. It isn't fair for you to do what you're doing. I need to be able to heal. Please stop talking to my friends. Unfollow them. My friends. My family. I want you out of my life completely. No trace of you. You owe it to me to grant me this. You wanted to leave, so leave please. 

[NotAHero7]

On 7/14/2012 at 2:22 PM, secondchance67 said:

6 months ago I thought you would have had a change of heart by now; you would have realized that you had a wonderful and forgiving partner and come back.......sadly, like most of what I thought I knew about you, I was wrong..again.

 

You let my birthday pass without a single word...nothing.

 

To say it disapponited me is an understatement, but you have become just that, a disappointment....a let down, a potential never realized....a flicker of a flame that could have been a raging fire......but instead, like a coward, you slipped away int othe arms of another man while still living with me...using me....and eventually closing the classic arc in a BU - i am replaced, and you move on.

 

Yor ability to "flip that switch" you say you have inside you; to seemingly erase the 6 years like a bad movie or tv show from the DVR of your cable box of a heart......that is a scary and fascinating trait you have.....to just "turn off" ...even after 6 years....the level of your emotional immaturity...the depths of your damage...just how broken you really are....it saddens me.

 

You will repeat this pattern, I KNOW IT NOW.

 

You will cheat when it serves you, lie about anything to preserve that squeaky clean image you work so hard to protect - sometime I think you worked harder at the smoke screen that hid the real you than you did on us.

 

You gave up...on me...on us....on yourself.

 

Cant you see that I would have tolerated anything you did, because you owned this old heart?...Right or wrong of me...I would have put up with anything, AND DID.

 

I have never in my life loved like I loved you; you threw it all away for a stranger...the conductor of the train you ride to work in the morning.........really? REALLY?? you sat there, day in and day out, building a secret life right under my nose.....and you cheated on me for months, until my gut told me to snoop, and well....the hotel receipts dont lie now, do they?

 

You are a liar.

 

You are a dishonest and unfaithful, selfish monster.

 

You deserve whatever Karma or this life has in store for you.

 

When the day comes, AND IT WILL, that you no longer are so pretty, so seemingly perfect...when time catches up with you, and the hard drinking and lifestyle shows on your face, in your eyes, in your poor judgement and choices....you will be alone.

 

When you cant use your body as bait, sex as a weapon, lies and falsehoods to reel in the next sucker dumb enough to fall for the oldest story in the book: the pretty face and nice body....judging a book by its proverbial cover.....but inside you are a dimestore novel; empty, lacking substance, a fast read and thrill ride to pass the time....forgettable when finished...and you are worth just about as much as that cheap paperback.....

 

One day all that you have done to me, and the guy before me, and most likely several after me, will come back around....you will have to deal with what you have done to countless hearts, mine in particular.

 

One day, the bill will come due....are you going to be able to pay the piper?

 

I wish you could just see the way it makes you look, just for a second, thru my eyes.......the love you have ripped from my soul.....you stole my way to breathe....in you I saw everything...my future, the hurts of the past erased by your glance, you touch made me feel more alive than ever before......you, my beautiful disaster, were my whole world...and ultimately, my undoing.

 

6 months on now......each day is easier....each day lighter......you are no longer the love of my life......just someone who shared it with me for awhile, until you no longer needed me or wanted me...the next vine was waiting for you to grab and swing away from me on....as you have always done...as you alwys will....

 

I wish you nothing.....no ill will, no happiness, no pain, no suffering....nothing.

 

I have become nuetral in my feelings...I have become indifferent to your life, your replacement for me.....you in general.

 

I just wish you saw the impact you had on me...the fundamental changes, the continued growth.... the good and the bad.....

 

I owe you just one last thing.......one last "post here instead of contacting your ex"........

 

I owe you a "thank you"............for leaving, forcing me to grow, and giving me the opportunity to get back in touch with myself, learn to love myself for the first time in my life....to grow...to know what capacity I have to handle adversity and heartache.....and most of all.....what it felt like, just once, to love someone so completely it filled my life, changed my perceptions, and made a believer outta this old man that true love does indeed exsist....it just doesn't always last......nothing ever does in this life....you have to cherish it while you have it.

 

I miss nothing......I regert nothing........I am glad to have gone thru all this, for it made me a better man.

 

Thank you love......from the bottom of my heart.

 

~ J.

 Does anybody has a way to contact Secondchance67? Any form of contact would be greatly appreciated 

[boltnrun]

12 hours ago, NotAHero7 said:

 Does anybody has a way to contact Secondchance67? Any form of contact would be greatly appreciated 

A 10 year old post? Highly unlikely. You could try to use the messaging feature but it's extremely doubtful this person would still be checking their messages ten years later.

[NotAHero7]

5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

A 10 year old post? Highly unlikely. You could try to use the messaging feature but it's extremely doubtful this person would still be checking their messages ten years later.

 I made this account just to try and contact him. 

 It’s just some of his posts basically saved my life. I really want to know what happened with him because I’m in the exact same situation and we are very much a like. He was at the same age I am now and his GF was the same age as my now ex.  I did send a message but to no avail. I was hoping someone from here is still around and has a different way to contact him. 

[V1111]

Dear R, 

we meet again here after an year... after an blissful year. I tried to heal... you tried to heal me Intentionally or unintentionally. I thought I have you again... I started smiling and almost believed when you said that you love me few days before. I didn't react but it was one of the best moment of my life...after that day ... I opened my ringbox again and wore my engagement ring again..... for whole day untill you came home. First time after I swore that I won't wear it unless we find love. I lost all the hopes to wear that and I was scared to wear that again but I did. 
 

and the very same day it got spoiled!!! You started talking with her again... and I know it seems unreasonable right now but in a time... ( literally less than a month) it will be again like last year... I'll loose you! I'll read that you don't love me... I'll read that last year was fake. You'll tell her about your day not me. You'll do her knock knock jokes.... you will ask her best things of the day and you'll tell her that you don't have any.... when I want to be best thing happened to you but I know I'm not. I'm no one's best thing....!!!! You'll ask her if she is eating 5 times a day.... you didn't care for me when I had abortion of our baby. It's too much to bear R, too much... and I don't think I'll able to recover again. I don't think I'll survive again. 
 

 I tried to reasonate with you by saying you never share with me and you bluntly told me what's lacking in me. You said the exact words I am badly triggered by.... " if everyone is having problem with you it's your fault". 
but when did I say that it's not my fault? And what is my fault? 
 

will I be better if I let you talk with her ? Is that only way I'll be better ? 
 

Is that the only way? 
 

you also told me that you don't care even if I have a panic attack while I was having a panic attack? No one is this cruel R!! 
Then why not let me go? 
 

im tired. So tired. I want peace that either you loving me minus your friend or you leaving me can give me. I don't know what to ask.

[kctiger]

I didn’t with you a happy birthday a week ago but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think of you that entire day. Happy belated birthday. I miss what we had and I miss you. More than anything, I wish you happiness and fulfillment in your life. God bless you and the incredible 4 year run we had. I don’t regret anything. 

[relevart]

It's been more than seven years since you left. You're somebody else's wife now. But still I miss you and think of you. I don't know why. We have not talked in three years and have not seen each other longer than that. I cannot believe you are out of my life. I still keep the memories. This is not about you. I need to move on.

[1a1a]

I wish you would call. 
 

Yes we fell in a heap because we were seeing each other face to face for a couple of hours a week at best and I felt like I had to plead for that. But if we could have just made it to the end of the life situations that were keeping is apart, we could have caught our breath and worked out where to go from there. 
 

I wanted more than anything to see you again. I was so upset with you because we were getting no time together. You saw one communication break down and deemed us incompatible. You had problems you hinted at but you never sat me down in a calm moment and explained these are a real struggle for you and can we find a way to work through them. Even in the heat of the moment you would bring it up and I would ask you ‘how do we make space for you in this relationship’ and you say, ‘we’re focussing on you first’ or ‘it doesn’t matter’ ***! How am I meant to hear you if you don’t communicate?

 

I miss you. 
 

I strategise how and when to reach out and then panic that I’ll get it wrong but you were totally strung out when you ended it. If you’d had a chance to catch your breath would you still have quit on us that easily? Is the reason actually something different you’re keeping to yourself? Is that you could handle waiting to have kids, or a communication break down but not both? Can’t we learn how to communicate better with each other? Don’t you want to do that? I do 

[Betterwithout]

It's been 13 years since you moved on and ironically, we were together for 13 years!
I was happy with you then, but still happy without you now.

As expected, my life is full and authentic, and yours still seems empty and shallow.
 

[AnzietyCat]

I'm sorry I failed you.....I hope you're able to find the peace and solitude you need...

[relevart]

I posted a year ago this May. In that time, you and I are speaking again finally. Messaging, actually. No phone calls calls and certainly no face to face meetings. You contacted me because you said you knew I was lonely. I waited a week before responding. I actually told myself I would not respond, but I gave in and responded. We both knew I would. I am amazed I We were cordial to one another. Gone was the animosity you showed me the last time we spoke. You may recall that I told you until you could talk to me without yelling or being accusatory, not to call me or come by anymore. Well, you didn't, LOL, for three and a half years.

You have refound your religion and aside from feeling I was lonely, you were worried about my soul. I have always felt that my spirituality was between me and whatever version of God or god or fate I believed in that day. I told you I still pray and that is true. You hinted that prayer made your depression go away and you hoped it could do the same for me. After thirty years of depression, I doubt it, but I left that part unsaid.

You helped me get back in my daughter's life. Our kids love you very much and I have never doubted you as a parent. So your word helped with her and maybe even with our son. I am glad you did that. I love those kids so much, but they are at the age where they get to choose if they see me at all. I was just a little older than they are now when you and I met and you remember how awfully my dad nd I got along. Your words with them carried some weight and I appreciate that. 

You have probably noticed what I do. Every week or two, I find some reason to message you again. You told me I could do that if it was about the kids or if I wanted some advice. I seem to keep stretching the limit a little at a time. It makes me feel good to be on good terms with you. Don't tell anyone, but I still have strong feelings for you. I wish I could tell you this. You were my best friend for so many years and who do we tell our problems and secrets to if not our bet friends. It would feel so natural, but alas I can't. Like I mentioned in my last post a year ago, you are someone else's wife now. 

I know we are not getting back together. Seeing those words on the screen seems weird because we have broken up and got back together so many times, it just seems natural. But I knew when you left last time, there was no getting back together this time. Too much had happened. Too many words we could not take back. It still has n

I posted a year ago this May. In that time, you and I are speaking again. Messaging, actually. No phone calls calls and certainly no face to face meetings. You contacted me because you said you knew I was lonely. I waited a week before responding. I actually told myself I would not respond, but I gave in and responded. We both knew I would. I am amazed I We were cordial to one another. Gone was the animosity you showed me the last time we spoke. You may recall that I told you until you could talk to me without yelling or being accusatory, not to call me or come by anymore. Well, you didn't, LOL, for three and a half years.

You have refound your religion and aside from feeling I was lonely, you were worried about my soul. I have always felt that my spirituality was between me and whatever version of God or god or fate I believed in that day. I told you I still pray and that is true. You hinted that prayer made your depression go away and you hoped it could do the same for me. After thirty years of depression, I doubt it, but I left that part unsaid.

You helped me get back in my daughter's life. Our kids love you very much and I have never doubted you as a parent. So your word helped with her and maybe even with our son. I am glad you did that. I love those kids so much, but they are at the age where they get to choose if they see me at all. I was just a little older than they are now when you and I met and you remember how awfully my dad nd I got along. Your words with them carried some weight and I appreciate that. 

You have probably noticed what I do. Every week or two, I find some reason to message you again. You told me I could do that if it was about the kids or if I wanted some advice. I seem to keep stretching the limit a little at a time. It makes me feel good to be on good terms with you. Don't tell anyone, but I still have strong feelings for you. I wish I could tell you this. You were my best friend for so many years and who do we tell our problems and secrets to if not our bet friends. It would feel so natural, but alas I can't. Like I mentioned in my last post a year ago, you are someone else's wife now. 

I know we are not getting back together. Seeing those words on the screen seems weird because we have broken up and got back together so many times, it just seems natural. But I knew when you left last time, there was no getting back together this time. Too much had happened. Too many words we could not take back. It still has not been easy. Even after eight years, I still think about you and miss us. For a while, the memories hurt. Good memories, bad memories, it didn't matter. They all hurt. Lately the good memories don't hurt as much and every once in a while, I can smile thinking about the good times. But I still cannot move on. I have realized I will not date again. Relationships hurt. All relationships do, eventually. And what do I have to offer a lady with my mental and physical situations? But that is neither here nor there.

I did a lot of thigs wrong. It took me a while to realize that. Once the realization hit, I knew it was too late. But I still told you I took my fair share of the blame in the marriage ending. I wish you could do the same. I would love to hear from you that you regret we did not make it this time. I need to hear you say it was not all of my fault, that I am not the bad guy. I would love if yu could tell me our love was real. I need these things and I think that is why I keep messaging you. I want to keep that door cracked even just a little bit. But I don’t think I will ever hear those things. And until I do, I will not be able to move on

 

 

 

ot been easy. Even after eight years, I still think about you and miss us. For a while, the memories hurt. Good memories, bad memories, it didn't matter. They all hurt. Lately the good memories don't hurt as much and every once in a while, I can smile thinking about the good times. 

I did a lot of thigs wrong. It took me a while to realize that. Once the realization hit, I knew it was too late. But I still told you I took my fair share of the blame in the marriage ebding. 

 

 

 

[BreakingSad]

Melody, 

I never got the chance to apologize. I know we can’t be together and I am not trying to win you back. But I wanted to apologize for how things went down. But you’re so angry at me you won’t even give me the time of day. I have to remain no contact to respect your space. I hate it. I hate all of this. Just 2 weeks ago you were saying how much you love me and how we’ll eventually be in each others lives. Rebuild and Reconnect you said. And after a week of silence - you call me up and say I need to move on because you need to be on your own. “No Future Plans” you said. It was a multiple stab wounds to my heart. 

You were so short and cold with me. I understand and not fighting why you need/want to be on your own. But I don’t understand the hate you harbor towards me. I didn’t do anything awful to you. 

It makes so sad and every time I think about it I start to cry. i am doing my best to get over you and move on. I’ve stopped checking my phone because I know you’ll never reach out again. This is it. I never got to say I’m sorry or goodbye. And I hate it. I ####ing hate it. After all we been through I never thought you would harbor unwarranted resentment toward me. I at least thought we could leave on amicable terms. 

So, I just wanted to say sorry here. I’m sorry for any of the pain I caused you. And I hope you have found peace in your new life. I know the person I used to know is dead and everyday I continue to mourn your loss. Life will just never be the same without you. I’ll carry this pain with me everyday. 

I love you so much and goodbye. 

-BreakingSad

[Jaynova23]

It was never real.

I lived in a Fantasy world. And that's all over now.

What the hell was I thinking?

You never loved me. You never cared for me. You just wanted attention.

Then you broke me. 

I was too obsessed with you and that's my fault. I got carried away. I latched on to any and every bit of attention you gave me, which wasn't much at all.

I deserve better. 

I would have given the world to you. 

Why the F did you tell me you had thoughts of committing suicide just last week? I felt special that you could trust me with that. I was ready to do anything for you, to make your life better. 

Then, you ghosted me. My emotions have been on a rollercoaster these last 4 months. 

Every time I try to walk away from you, you reel me back in, even with the tiniest bait.

I deserve better. 

It's my own fault for accepting your crumbs. In your own posts, you say you LOVE without fault and you give your all to that someone special.

I was NEVER that someone. 

I hate this, but I need this. 

Yesterday broke me. You cry for help to me last week, and one week later, you ghost me. When I mentally check out, knowing I should never talk to you again, you text me, and call me 2 times. You answer and hang up??? What the hell is wrong with you? Who does that? I try calling you back and nothing. 

You don't give a S about me! You don't respect me. 

I hate myself for letting it get to this point. I let you walk all over me. 

What crushed my soul was the photo of you and that dude on FB. ***!!! 

You knew that would hurt me. Is that why you did it? 

You go from I want to die one week, to here is the new F face I'm with. 

Screw you. I don't need any of this. 

I fell in love With your beautiful looks and your empty promises. 

I cannot stand reality. 

The reality is I am alone. 

And you don't give a S. 

I hate this so much, but this is what I needed to move on.

I literally can't love someone who doesn't love me. It took too much out of me.

I let you know yesterday I don't ever want to speak to you again. 

You don't even care to read the message. Once you do, I'm blocking you. 

I can't see any more of your posts. I'm such a visual person, every time I see a new photo of you, I fall for you over and over again. Gosh damn you're hot! 

This sucks.

I'm done.

Time to get ripped. The pain of the gym and my sore muscles pale to the pain in my heart and mind. 

I can't let you live in my head rent free anymore. 

I hate it, but I secretly do wish you realize how you F'd up. That you'll come running to me one day. 

My fantasy is that you'll love me as much as I love or loved you. 

But..........that's in the MetaVerse. That world never really existed. 

I have to get my head out my A right now. 

To my future. I'm gonna have a new Corvette in 6 months and a killer bod. I'm gonna be the Ahole now.

My black heart knows no different.

I hope everyone on here finds some peace. 

You deserve it! 🤙

[BreakingSad]

I hated that you texted me this morning. We haven’t talked in over 30 days and you just message me out of the blue about some dumb movie. I had such a high today after hearing from you. And reality set in a few hours later on what was happening…

I don’t want your stupid bread crumbs or manipulation tactics. It just kills me more. 

I just want us. Whatever that is. I want to see your beautiful face and hug you for 20 minutes and both of us just cry. And then talk. 

I miss you so much. More than you’ll ever know. My heart is broken trying to get over you. My heart is broken if I wait for you. There is no winning here and I hate it. 

I am tired of the pain I carry around with me every day. I’m tired of seeing your ghost every day. I just want it all to end. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Both should have tried more consistently for the family. Now they are gone. Sucks

[Iknowme]

Are you okay? I'm sorry I don't text or call. I want to. I think of you everyday and love you still.

[ATYD]

4 months has passed and I think about the way things broke down almost everyday. Even this morning I broke down in tears while praying. I've really never felt this devastated over a breakup or anything in my life. My body aches more and more and I feel generally unwell. I never thought you would betray me in this way, never in the years Ive known you. That may be the most traumatic experience I've ever had in my life. Instead of hating you like everyone around me does and like I probably should I feel really discouraged and disappointed cause I know we both wanted it to work out. But things got tremendously hard and you gave up and abandoned me at my lowest. I've never really felt this way before towards anything, so I think these emotions are making me depressed. To the point that I am clinging to God for dear life. I loved you so much, more than I love myself, and to be stabbed in the back in this way. for things to go so sour so quickly. I don't know what to make of it. The romance is one side but you were like my brother. Ive never been so close to anyone before. I know things can never be the same but I pray God dries both our tears and places joy back in our hearts and I hope with time our friendship at least can be healed in the way he sees fit.

[Caffeine-intrevenous]

SO much I want to say. It's been so long and then you appear out of nowhere, stirring things up again, making me miss you, making me think you miss me. I was seriously thinking about a different life, thinking maybe this time I could seriously be part of your life despite how awkward it would be with your family, your brother. Then suddenly, once I'm hooked you cut the line, just like you did over and over again. You keep secrets about your past but I know, I KNOW, but I didn't care. I was proud of you for overcoming your struggles. But I'll never tell you that.

[Kampuniform3]

Just ***ing great, like I need this damn bull*** in my life again.

I wish I could just fast forward though the next couple of months until I reach the normal bits again.

Christ, you really were a right misery, weren’t you? Remember that conversation we had? That I didn’t object to anyone wanting to end a relationship, but only objected to it not being discharged responsibly like two adults who, at one time, cared for each other dearly.

Then you chose to blindside me, for no other reason than you wanted to be the biggest *** on the planet. You and your personality disordered friend who thought she was Guinevere in a past life, both looking at me like a moustache-twirling villain who delights in tying helpless damsels to railway tracks.  
 

The amount of time your friend had been in your life was easily measured in hours, yet my devotion stretched to almost a decade. Yes, it makes sense that you’d trust her judgement, as she had the acumen of a marionette…on her good days.  

Where did all that rage come from? Menopausal induced psychosis, you should look it up.  It’s not normal to carry hatred for that length of time, particularly when it is completely unwarranted, and unsubstantiated.  
 

You always, always, ALWAYS, overreacted to everything. Sweet Jesus, it’s a wonder you made it to 54 without having a damn stroke.

Every day I’d wake up thinking, “Oh God, what’s it going to be like today…” and I rarely had to wait long for the answer, as you’d be swearing up a storm if you so much as accidentally dropped a spoon on the floor.

I’d be in the living room, head in hands, listening to your latest rage about something stupid thinking, “I really can’t take much more of this…”

Oh, I really don’t miss the early morning wake-up calls, when you’d be screaming at the top of your lungs because there was a spider somewhere or other.  That would kill any hopes I had of sleeping again, because my eyes were practically watering after you emptied a can of Raid into the bedroom to kill the damn thing.

And the complaining, my good Lord, it’s like your existence depended on whinging and complaining incessantly.

You were the laziest human being on the planet, and you’d spare no effort to backslide if it came to doing anything physical.

How the hell did you manage it, and why?  Every horizontal surface had to disappear under a mountain of tat and garbage.  I had to balance my pot on the edge of the kitchen sink when I was making dinner, as that was the only available surface.

You really don’t need to brush your teeth for five continuous minutes every night, unless you gargled sewer water beforehand.  

If it has been so over cooked that it’s like a brick, don’t eat it! Every time you’d complain that your teeth hurt afterwards, but could never understand  why. How could you be an engineer, and not figure that out?

Unless it was swearing over nothing, or complaining, you really had nothing to say anymore, and woe betide if I swore over anything, or had a  legitimate complaint.

 It was the day in Liverpool which taught me everything I needed to know about my future with you.  We were in the Atlantic Superstore shopping for groceries.  You were in the beauty products section, looking at every product, and reading every container like this was your first exposure to such things. I was standing behind the shopping cart watching you..for ten solid minutes thinking, “I no longer exist as far as you’re concerned, no longer matter at all.”
 

That’s how it was at the end: me doing everything that I could to make your life tolerable, and you having as much empathy for me and my horrors as a block of lead.  

 It’s the same old mistake that’s been repeated so often that it’s a wonder it hasn’t been bred out of the species, as it is evolutionary maladaptive: mindless perseverance under the assumption that your partner has your back.

Well, you were many things-mostly awful-but notions like Fidelity, Commitment, and Perseverance were certainly not in your lexicon.  
 

Yes, I argued with that nauseating termagant of a friend of yours, while you pouted like a thirteen-year-old, saying nothing.  
 

I knew what I was doing, and I knew if I crossed that line, it would end our relationship. I hesitated for a half second in deliberation, then let loose, telling that slattern friend of yours what I thought of her. 
 

God it was great watching that tiresome windbag finally getting her comeuppance.   Gasping, and clutching her pearls.  A man can bow and scrape only so long for an undeserving/uncaring partner before he just doesn’t give a *** anymore, and I didn’t at that point. 
 

If you reciprocated at all, it would have ended differently, but you just couldn’t have cared less.  Thank God, in a way, as I’m now free.

Even at the end, I was still willing to dialogue.  I still cared despite having to wade through mountains of bull***.

It’s a Pyrrhic victory for you, and as you were barely able to unscrew the lid off a jar, so it’s unlikely to be the case that you’ll get those four cords of firewood cut, chopped, stacked, and seasoned in time for the winter, along with the hundreds of other things needing doing on the house.
 

I wonder if the penny has dropped yet? 
 

A bit of a shame now, love, as you tossed me to the curb in the worst way imaginable, and I’m now 6252 km away.

Good luck with that wood.

[shouldhavelearned]

This sucks

[shouldhavelearned]

What is everyone doing this holiday weekend to stay no contact 

[shouldhavelearned]

You suck 

[Kampuniform3]

What a difference 10 days makes.

10 days since I last posted here, absolutely raging and hurting.

My idee fixe with the relationship post mortem is dissipating like a fart in the wind.

A friend offered that hoary old chestnut of it being a learning experience. Mate, I’m 57, not 27, and this lesson is one that everyone is already well acquainted with once they reach adulthood, and the lesson is as sophisticated an enterprise as a game of Old Maid.

It goes against my core values not to be conscientious, and not to be fully committed. To suspect that my partner might be acting out of bad faith is not sustainable, and is a sure fire relationship killer.  There is no lesson to be gleaned from this, as it would be indefensible to conduct oneself otherwise in a relationship. 
 

My mind keeps returning to that final week in that house. I was in such a state of shock that the forest fire’s roar, and the blood red sky at night, rarely slipped past my stupor.  The liquor worked wonders, and I practically drank my weight in alcohol that week.  

That final week in our home. The home that I worked on endlessly. All that wasted effort.  

I spent a lot of my time in the evenings sitting in silence, drinking, and watching the flame from the hurricane lamp flicker, as the power was still cut to the house due to the fire. I thought about my father, and how sad he would have been for me if he was still alive.  How dearly I wanted him to be present. I thought of all my friends who’ve passed on, and how much I missed their insights, and good humour.

 I thought about Dominic, Mike, and Peter, and remembered that I was looking forward to growing old with them. 
 

I don’t recollect ever feeling quite as alone as I did that week.  The closest friend was 6252 kilometres away, the forest fire was steadily creeping its way towards the house, there was no way of communicating with the outside world, the entire district had been evacuated, and the person whom I placed all my earthy trust in had betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. Not a comfortable sensation.

During the day, I would take breaks from packing/preparing to leave by going for walks, either through the woods, or by the sea.  Neither provided me with a respite, as there was never a point during my time in Nova Scotia when I found the landscape to be anything other than alienating, dark, and thoroughly sinister, so my walks were usually counter productive. Still, they got me out of the confines of that wretched house, and my memories of us, so that was a small comfort. You never did bother going to the woods, or the beach, so there was no association with you there.
 

Always the same question which will never yield to an answer: Why. All day every day for a month.

And then it just stopped, even the hurt and anger, as the answer was obvious.

You lacked my stamina.  

It’s well-documented that people greatly overestimate the sense of joy they will derive from a decision, and underestimate the sadness.  I strongly suspect as the days turn into months, you will become familiar with this axiom. I do feel sorry for you, as even I couldn’t stand being alone in that house.

What can I do? My hands are now tied by your decision, and I cannot return.

 If only you had taken some time to think, and weigh the consequences, instead of being told what to do by your personality disordered backpfeifengescht.  

Oh well, your bed…

just 10 days later, and I’m feeling far better. A month ago I was a ***ing wreck.  A month from now, and you’ll be gone from my soul.

 I’m getting my life sorted now, and I will finally be fulfilling my dreams that I was terrified that I’d never be able to achieve. They were simple dreams, but they were important to me, even though you couldn’t have given a *** if they disappeared forever. 
 

My friend is correct: I’m better off without you.

 

 

 

 

[shouldhavelearned]

What you caused sucks 

[Jimmy ape]

You have no humanity, no sense of honor. You are complete and utter trash. I don't understand how people like you sleep at night and live with yourselves. You are going to be miserable forever and thats what you deserve.