kctiger

And you think this is a viable option to get someone to talk to you again? You need to grow up. This is not how you handle personal matters and it certainly will not put you in a positive light in his eyes. And was he the only coworker who came to see you in the hospital or are you saying your boyfriend didn't even come see you? I'd unpack that situation unless I'm misunderstanding.

It certainly is for the best as it liberates you from a toxic relationship that ultimately did not help you grow in any positive fashion. We all think about our exes and especially given that it's still raw, you think about him more. This breakup stuff is such an emotional cleanse but also a process that isn't linear. You go through peaks and valleys, wondering why the hell you continue to yearn for someone that clearly did not treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Time for yourself is critical. Spoil yourself. Explore your current emotional state and consider talking it out more. I'm not a therapist, I just play on on the Internet. The most insecure people in the world are also the best at tearing other people down. I've been in his shoes. There were moments I treated past girlfriends badly because it made me feel better about myself. That's a him problem, not a you problem. For perspective, I'm over a year removed from a broken engagement and I still think about my ex. It's not nearly as painful anymore, but I certainly haven't forgotten her. Good luck!

I think it speaks volumes about her character and her piss poor communication that she was talking about your relationship and the potential for breaking up with a coworker…all the while, you didn’t have a clue about any of this. That’s a major red flag. I know you’re hurting and this is a sucky situation. But don’t continue to beg, plead or stay in contact with her. Not much you can do but turn the focus around on your own healing and coping. That means you’re going to need to be selfish and put yourself first. Make yourself the priority and treat this like a death in the family. Trying to analyze the why’s, although completely understandable, is futile.

Maybe it's a matter of semantics, but how would you know it's the right person that came along? Even if it was, you'd have to make something happen by talking to said person. I like the idea of meeting people by chance as online dating sucks, but I think putting yourself out there to as many opportunities as possible increases the likelihood you find that "right person." I definitely don't think you'll find someone by doing nothing. But living life to the fullest, by traveling, going out with friends, experiencing new opportunities - that really opens the door to that serendipitous encounter we've all seen in the movies.

I'm a big believer in things happening organically rather than forcing situations. That is especially true for relationships. Every relationship or dating situation I've ever had was because life set it up for me, it wasn't because I was actively looking to be tied down. At your age, focus on your career and building a solid foundation for your future self. Ultimately, while doing that, additional opportunities will present themselves. Whether that be through attending events, social gatherings, etc., but none of what I did was actively trying to be around singles. These were simply social situations I said "yes" to rather than staying in my comfort zone. Being "young and dumb" is much different that enjoying life. I'm 40 now and have put myself into a very good financial situation to travel and really enjoy life. My career has blossomed and I have extreme flexibility. Had I tried to do that in my mid twenties, I'd be bankrupt. Granted, part of that is because I don't have a wife and kids, so there are always competing priorities (I did have significant relationships at your age, but they didn't work out). But that's why it's YOUR life. You have goals, so set yourself up for attaining those goals, but don't fret about your age or running out of time. Enjoy your time, and if you're happy doing what you do and being yourself, trust me, that will naturally attract others in your orbit. If you meet someone you want to date, then date them, but don't stress out about whether you "should" or "shouldn't" date. You'll know when there is a person you want to share your life with. Trust me, you won't be second guessing when that happens.

Unfortunately I don’t think it’s his texting skills that are killing you. It’s his obvious lack of interest in you besides use for sex. That’s because he wants sex. I’m sorry, but dating shouldn’t be this hard. If someone doesn’t respond to me after a week and we’ve been “dating” for two months, they are either dead or in jail, that’s the only logical excuse. It is clear you’re way more into him than he is you, so back off and don’t let yourself be used. Do not text him again. He has a phone, he can read, he can operate basic technology. He’s made a deliberate choice not to respond to you and that’s a giant red flag.

Age gap dating is a challenge for experienced daters, let alone someone in your shoes who hasn’t had much experience in dating. There are different levels of age gaps, where mentally there isn’t much of a difference and the two share similar interests. She isn’t even old enough to grab a drink at a bar. You’re 30 and she’s 18. That’s an extreme difference in life stages. Is she going off to college? I assume this job isn’t her career. There’s nothing wrong with asking her out. Be prepared for rejection, but honestly you need to get used to that anyway. Happens to the best of us and you can’t get a date unless you actually TRY to get a date. If she turns you down, don’t make it awkward, just keep it cool and move forward. Don’t know unless you try. Just do your best not to make her uncomfortable, especially because you work together. But keep your expectations very low. There may be external forces at play here, like her parents, who may not feel comfy with their teenage daughter dating a 30 year old, regardless of how young you look. Simply said, there is a lot that can go against you two trying to make this work, so be prepared. But one step at at time, ask her out. I cannot overstate this, but no matter how physically attractive someone is, it eventually isn’t enough to sustain a relationship if you two simply aren’t compatible on an emotional level. Us men often times are enamored with younger women, but then we date them for a short period and quickly realize it isn’t going to work. Good luck!

Yes, I would unsend it.

I imagine all these feelings are exacerbated by Valentine’s Day. It is almost designed to make single people feel like crap. But the hell with that. Go do something for yourself. Get a good dinner, or treat yourself to some sugary food. Whatever floats your boat. Just leave her alone.

So you would show up at her house after she broke up with you? Did you show up uninvited or did she ask you over? Went NC from January until now then you bought her flowers while telling her your respect her boundaries. Do you see the issues in any of this? It takes more than a month to get over someone. Now that’s different for everyone, but the contact, the grand gestures, they simply do not work. Especially if she broke up with you. The best thing you can do is respect her decision and show the maturity of an adult. Walk away. Let her come back to you if it’s meant to be. I’m sorry man. I’ve been where your at and it’s a really awful feeling to have. But with the right mind frame and commitment, you’ll get over her.

How long were you two dating and why did you breakup? How long ago did you breakup? Regardless, I would highly encourage you to stop reaching out to her and give her a chance to respond on her own terms as she processes what this gesture meant.

That’s a really sucky feeling. I take it you sent this to your ex? That’s typically not a good idea but I don’t know enough about your circumstances to have any context on how this went down.

Nope. I would not go on a third date to third wheel it with her best friend. Absolutely not. Politely decline and set up another more traditional date. It's actually somewhat odd she'd ask you to hang with her and her best friend on their traditional date night. Seems like it would feel intrusive to her friend.

I think this is a prime example of why you don't remain friends with an ex. Typically one person, or both, have alternative agendas by doing so. There is no way I could be friends with an ex whom I actually loved. It's hard enough to move on after a failed relationship and keeping in contact does nothing to help that process. I agree with the others. This is obviously a blow to your ego, but you are in no way mentally equipped to remain friends with her. Boundaries have been crossed and there's simply no way a friendship is helpful to your healing. The fact you are so stung by a younger guy seducing your ex is worth examining. It was a drunk hookup, nothing more. Would you feel different if the guy was your age? Don't look at it like some sort of competition. Ain't no way I would ever sit and listen to an ex tell me stories about her random hookups. Keep it surface level if you do talk, but you are not her girlfriend or confidant. End the friendship and recommend a good therapist if she needs to unload about her sex life.

I'll just tell you right now, this is by far the most important trait to any solid relationship. If the communication sucks, ultimately the relationship will fail. If your communication styles don't mesh well and that problem cannot be fixed, I'm afraid marriage is out of the question. This can be fixed, but it takes effort from both of you, not just one. Relationships are about compromise. Two people are never going to want the same thing every single time a decision has to be made - that's why they call them arguments. People have to learn to argue in a healthy way, which takes maturity. She's not there yet.

Just wait until you're actually married. 3 times a week will seem exhausting, so enjoy it while you can.

I'm not sure how I feel about the term "used" but as an older guy now, I do feel like he knew exactly what he was doing with a 25 year old. I don't think he ever intended for a relationship to blossom. He wanted the thrill and validation of getting laid by a younger woman, and he got it.

Let me be the first to tell you, as a good looking, successful guy myself, who is now 40, I still get blows to my ego. I don't care how much of an abundance mindset one has, or how confident one is in his situation, sometimes you feel slighted, and that's OK. You have every right to feel a bit down about how she suddenly unmatched you and now seems to be hitting it off with your best mate. That stings man. Again, I've been there. It's natural to feel this way and I think it has more to do with the fact she is now connecting with someone you're really close to, so you can't just put it out of your mind as easily as if she'd moved on and you never had to see or hear about her again. The constant wondering of what he has you don't, what did you say wrong, etc. It nags at you. Keep your head high and you'll eventually get on with the grind once again. If women don't give me a shot, then that's a "her problem", it isn't a "me problem."

Obviously he got what he came for on the 2nd date and was done. I would just forget the book unless it's the 1st version of the Bible or something extremely valuable. Not worth your energy or time to continue to pursue getting this book back. The fling is over, he used you for sex, and there's nothing more to gain out of the continued contact. At this point it is wasted energy on your part. He isn't prolonging anything, there wasn't anything to breakup from. It was purely a sexual adventure for him. As you said, stop disrespecting yourself and your time.

She couldn’t walk up a hill without you helping her because her legs were too sore from working out? Is that a joke? So you misread the situation, I get it. But she took it the wrong way. You’ve done all you can do by apologizing, but don’t continue to pester her. If she doesn’t contact you again, then move forward. Honestly she sounds high maintenance by asking someone to give her a push up a hill because her legs are sore, then complaining because you aren’t pushing hard enough. It sounds like a flirty gesture, either that or she is incredibly melodramatic. Give me a break. Asking as guy to do that means you have a certain comfort level with them because it requires physical contact.

What personal issue caused you to want to take a break from the woman you believe will be your wife one day? Has that been worked out?

I think keeping it fun and lighthearted is a fine approach, however keep in mind it isn't your job to make her happy. It's a romantic notion, making someone smile, but ultimately don't lose yourself trying to make someone else believe in you. Right now you're so overly focused on getting her back, it may blind you to the reality of the situation. That being said, I wouldn't dump your emotions on her as I think that would just be overkill. She's not dumb, I think she knows you obviously want to be in a relationship over her. The relationship grew stale and she lost attraction. That's extremely common and I encourage you to explore why that happened other than saying you stopped being fun and spontaneous or were selfish. Was she perfect? There are usually deeper issues from a breakup and it's hard to make a true change quickly, so what typically happens is that you focus on making these changes in the beginning but eventually things slip back into the previous mode and the problems resurface. In my experience, women don't communicate their unhappiness, and we men do poor jobs of recognizing and confronting the small, subtle signs it's happening. So be mindful of that as well.

Ok so for one thing, you didn't violate her privacy. You lose that argument once you post extremely private information on a public forum. So for her to gaslight you saying it's none of your business, etc. is completely uncalled for and demonstrates an extreme lack of sensitivity to your feelings. Strike 1. She immediately went back to her ex after you two took a break. That would have been a major flag for me before I got married. Strike 2. What's done is done now so if you want to remain in this marriage I strongly encourage some professional counseling. Those posts can't be unseen and you'll need professional help to process how to move forward with your wife after learning details that no one would ever want to know. I think she needs a lot of help in having empathy but she seems to be extremely defensive and dismissive of your feelings. Strike 3?? That remains to be seen and depends on how motivated you both are to resolve this very real issue.

Just relax and see where this goes. Try not to get into the habit of reading tea leaves in these situations. If he doesn't get back to you by Thursday or Friday, then yes, I think it may be safe to assume he got what he wanted and has no interest in a relationship. But try not to stress too much in these situations, it destroys the excitement and thrill of a new, blossoming relationship. Guys are encouraged not to seem overly needy and available, so he may just be playing it cool to keep you on your toes. Or he may really be busy and is trying to iron out plans. Again, take a deep breath and remain calm.

I'm confused here. Can you clarify a few things please: What made you check Reddit for her posts from 7 years ago? I assume you had a paternity test to confirm the baby is yours? You say she cheated, but she didn't. You two were broke up when she got back with her ex and she was upfront with that situation, correct? What are you expecting her to do 7 years after she posted this stuff? Does she still post this stuff about her ex? Did you not have a clue about these posts until now? This is almost a classic case of curiosity killed the cat. I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to know the intimate details of past partners, but I'm extremely curious on what prompted you to investigate.