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The thing I'm finding hardest is that we were trying for children. I am desperately broody. I want it with you. I want my babies to have you as their dad. You're perfect. It's been five weeks and I still can't see a single flaw in you. You'd have been the perfect dad - you treated me like a princess for 6 years. I can only imagine how'd you treat your children.

 

I miss you so much. I love you. I don't think I'll ever get over you.

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HOW DARE YOU. I know, I KNOW, I was doing that stupid thing you're not supposed to do when you break up and looked at your social media pages, but I can't - I CAN'T - bring myself to talk to you and I need closure. I need to know the real reason I wasn't good enough for you, because we both know those things you said were BS. I need to see that you're with someone, or some long post about the hows and whys and how you FEEL about it. And yeah, I kinda wanna see that you're sorry. I want to see you tell people you wish it could've been different because I sure won't trust it if you say it to my face.

 

But HOW DARE YOU. You got rid of my tag from your tumblr page! The only hint we ever dating is ONE POST about how you bought a bathbomb to "cheer yourself up" after breaking up with me. It's so flippant. It's so HEARTLESS. And it has 12 likes. What gave you the right? You broke my heart, and you claimed you still loved me, and THIS is all you can spare for me?

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I love having my weekends back. I can do exactly what I want when I won't to. No 'Help me to understand why you are doing this '. Why could you not just talk like a person and not a counciler ? There was always an agenda.... you were always trying to manipulate me into doing the things you wanted me to do. You never understood that there was always logic in what I do .... that's just the kind of person I am. But you never listened and I used to waste so much time explaining basic things to you. It was so furstrating !! At least now I get to do things in the right way and not just the quick way which you always wanted. And no fights with the kids, that is the best thing. My teenagers still behave like teenagers but they we are all now free from the tension and stress of having you around.

 

 

I do miss you and would find it very hard to see or speak to you. Sometimes I think about going on a dating site, the one that we met on. But I know you will be there searching for your next partner, just as you told me you would. Not that I am ready to date again ..... that's going to take quite a while. I'm still in the what's the point of relationships phase. And I really am getting too old for all this stuff !!

 

I hate that you throw our live away. You were so 'I'll love you for ever' kind of stuff. All bullsxxx !

 

That is the thing that annoys me so much. You appeared to be so in to me, desperate to get married. And then you just cast me asside ! How could you do that ?? How could you want to marry me one minute and then dump me the next ? That's what will make it hard if I ever get into another relationship I will find it very hard to trust any body again. I know you won't have that problem .... You told me as you dumped me that you were off to find your next partner ... then you had the cheek to ask for my advise !!! I actually think you are the most cruel, cold hearted bxxxx I have ever had the mis fortune to meet.

 

I know I am better off without you, but it's still hard sometimes to be alone. Not all the time just sometimes.

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This weekend sucked. I miss loving you though I can't tell if I miss you. I mean, I miss the best parts of you and the way we loved each other in the best moments. I don't miss the mean parts, the parts that had me dancing on eggshells. Who am I kidding? Only my head has reminded me all weekend of the bad parts. My heart was all in missing you and us. I miss the simplest things about the way you moved and looked at me. I miss your hands playing such beautiful music on the guitar. I miss the feeling of security in knowing we loved each other.

I believed you. I trusted you. I can't be without you but I don't know that I could take you back either. I just want to love.

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I miss you. I am slowly coming to grips. I am eating after losing 15 pounds I didn't have to lose. I'm sleeping more than a few hours at a time. I felt present with my friends today instead of looking through the fog of this pain. And the pain is dulling - I can breath now and I can stand up straight instead of that awful feeling that a hole has opened up in the center of my chest. Though the pain is always not so far away - if I touch it or look at it too closely I feel the hole coming back into my chest.

 

I won't reach out to you. I bet you will reach out to me but I am going to try not to be sucked back in. I know you are starting to feel this and I know in your own twisted, wounded heart you will think I did not love you enough to fight. But I also know that I cannot fight - if I do, you will resist that too, think less of me. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't. So I don't, that will at least keep me kind of ok.

 

You need to know, though, I didn't give up on us. I know who we are together. And I know that you are going through something so big right now that you are not thinking straight. You may come out of it and see your mistake or you may try to erase everything that we were in order to make it with her. Either way, I didn't give up on us. I have not forgotten this rare gift. I am keeping myself safe and whole.

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Broke NC and personal form and phoned you today for the first time in months. It rang out to voicemail, so I left a pleasant reasonable message.

 

That was like twelve hours ago and I have felt like a total crazy person ever since.

 

Awesome.

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It's sucks how you make me feel. I feel like I'm going crazy. I thought we were good. We were laughing and last time I saw you you held on to me so tightly and didn't want to let me go. Next day u break up with me because your tire blew out and you swerved and crashed your car. We only knew each other for 3 weeks and you talked about kids and wife things. You did you mother er. I'm not in love with you I'm just hurt over the rejection. I feel like I'm not enough now. I don't eat all I do is sleep it's hard to move because my heart feels so heavy. Well I have to see you tomorrow please just talk to me. Tell me you want me back. Talk to me.

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Broke NC and personal form and phoned you today for the first time in months. It rang out to voicemail, so I left a pleasant reasonable message.

 

That was like twelve hours ago and I have felt like a total crazy person ever since.

 

Awesome.

 

Do not worry, whatever you sent is sent. It will be read, there might be a response there might not not. It's okay to go crazy we have feelings. Don't let it take over, be strong no matter how hard it is. Nothing changed , you are still sailing in the same boat. Now you wait, but don't put ur life on hold.

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Hi baby! Its been almost 8 weeks since you broke up with me. You still cross my mind everyday. We only dated for a few months but it was the best kind of relationship I've ever been with. You showed me how a woman should be treated. I miss how you always hold my hand or my thigh or sometimes kiss my hand and look me in the eyes while driving (I swear it was the sweetest) and kissing you during red lights or when we get stuck on traffic. I miss overeating with you. I miss how you squint your eyes everytime you take a bite of your chicken wing and the sauce drips on your beard.

 

But baby, today when I woke up, I thought of you and I felt different. I know I still miss you but the longing has faded and it didn't hurt anymore. I swear it felt weird for a while but then I guess this is just me finally moving on and letting you go. I want to hate you for giving up on me but I can't. I know you were going through a lot and you'd rather go through this alone but I really hope you're doing well and got the job you applied for.

I just wished I met you sooner or a little bit later when you finally got your s*** together. It was a total distraction for our relationship that would've become the best we ever had.

It's time to chase our dreams and pursue the goals we always talked about together but have to do them separately now.

 

My Love, I wish well. You will always have a special place in my heart but it's time to let you go.

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I am missing you tonight. I just wish we could turn back time and fix whatever it was that caused you to end us. We talked the other day for a long time and I got to say what I needed to. I thought it would help me feel better but it didn't. I wonder how if it has made you think about things differently. I just want my life back. I didn't just lose you, I lost almost everything I have ever known. I hope that you will find your way back to me before it's to late. I still love you!

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