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About Scotty123

  • Birthday 09/27/1968

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  1. Hi Jibralta, Thanks for your reply. I think you may be right, very well put. I have a real habit of blaming myself for everything. In the second last relationship I made a lot of mistakes and I should never have let it go on so long. And I'm still kicking myslef for that .... Thanks you have given me something to think about. Caroline
  2. So I'm in a bit of a reflective mood tonight. It is nearly a full year that I have been single. I am happy enough with my life, which is full of kids, dogs and work. But I just realised that this is the longest time I have been single since I was 19 .... nearly 30 years ago !!! That feels pretty freaky to say the least. The last relationship was one of the shortest but for some reason I'm still not over it. I don't understand why. I just don't get why this time I have been so badly effected. My friends keep telling me to snap out of it and go have some fun. But I can't do it, I just can't drum up enough enthusiasm to be bothered with anyone else. But on the other side I would hate to think I will never be with someone ever again. I just don't know how long this feeling will sit with me or how to get ride of it. It does seem a bit rediculous to take over a year to recover from a 6 mth relationship ? !!
  3. I'm trying to forgive you. Forgive you for the way you made me feel. For making me feel small, insignificant, unimportant, fat, ugly and unwanted. I'm trying to forgive you. I'm struggling. I don't hate you, I love you and that is what hurts the most. And I still miss you. But I have to move on. I have to stop missing you. I have to stop wanting you back cause you're not my wife ! And you never have been and never will be .... but I loved you and I miss you. I can't hate you cause that doesn't work for either of us. I have to forgive you. I have to let you go and I have to be kind if I ever hear from you. Being cruel to you will not make me feel better about myself. I might want to make you feel bad in my darker moments, but what does that say about me ? Ok it means I'm human, but being cruel will never sit well with me. I need to forgive you ... I need to release you .... I need to be free.
  4. So today I blocked you on facebook. It feels better. Feels like I took a bit of control of my life back. I wonder how long it will take you to notice ? If you ever will. I just wish it was as easy to block you from my mind !
  5. I was thinking yesterday that its a bit like being made redundant and being unemployed. You wonder what you did wrong to be made redundant and after a few job interviews you feel like nobody will ever want you again :-(
  6. So I saw your post on facebook tonight. You said to your friends that you were a woman of mystery .... unbelievable ..... what you mean is that you lie to your friends .... you lied to them for the 6 months we were together !!! Lied to your family .... lied to everyone in your world. And then you go on to say how you don't have a free weekend for the rest of the year !! I'm so glad you have such a wonderful life! Such a fake life !! So tonight I have taken control and deleted you from facebook. I don't want to see what is going on in your wonderful fake life !!! It is just too tempting to tell your friends the truth, no matter what I think of you I wouldn't want to do that to you. So I need to move on. You probably won't notice, but it's over. No going back. I need to move on from you. Go live your fake life with your fake friends and carry on lying to your family as long as you like. I'm glad not to have any involvement in your life any more. You're on your own and you know what you have lost and you know that it's your loss. You will never find someone like me again. I was there for you. I would have given you anything and everything. I would have loved you and been there for you. But you throw me away. You didn't want me in my life ... well apart from as a friend !!! I don't think so. I don't want to be friends with people who can't tell the truth. People who can't be honest with themselves. So it's done. Over. You are on your own. And I know how you will be feeling. I know how you will be feeling at night, in the dark, when there is no one else to listen to your fakeness. You will doubt yourself, you will be afraid and scared. But it was your decision. Your choice. So you made your bed, now lie in it.
  7. I miss you. I wish I could talk to you ... see you ... touch you. But I can’t. You have reached out to me at least once a week since we split up. But I haven’t answered for the last 2 weeks so I think you will stop very soon and that makes me so sad. I just miss you so so much.
  8. I miss you so much it's killing me. Tonight is the closest I'm come to contacting you. I want to know why you called me tonight. I want so so much to text you and ask, but I won't. This is so hard.... so painful. I just want to cry. It's been a month and I think about you all day long. I'm completely distracted while I'm at work, I can't focus. I miss you first thing in the morning, at lunch time and all evening. I just miss you. I don't know what to do to get over you. You have hurt me. I just wish the healing was over and that I could get on with my life without you and move on.
  9. I’m not your toy .... your puppet. I told you I didn’t want to be a puppet on a string but you keep getting in touch. Nothing big but your creeping into my head and that’s not fair. I know you want me to be your support, your go to person when you need someone to talk to but I can’t be that person for you. You have to support yourself. Was that not what you told me ? You wanted to rely on yourself to get through what’s happening in your life. You got your wish so get on with it and leave me along !!!
  10. Thank you everyone for your responses. They were very helpful 😀 I did end up out for a long walk along the beach in the sun so it was lovely. It’s a good idea to make some plans for the future. Unfortunately I can’t afford to go on holiday this year but I should still be able to make some short trip type of plans. I know your right at going out and meeting ppl but I’m not very good at that ! I’m nearly 50 and just find it hard to be sociable ! But I should spends more time with the small group of friends I do have. But on cue I got a text last night at 11 pm asking if I was around!! Where else would I be ! I didn’t answer but it’s hard not to. I know why I must not answer. But now I’m trying to guess what she wanted .... I guess she just needed some support and I had been that for her before and she seems to think I will continue to be that for her. But I won’t. But I will end up being distracted all day !!! Thanks to everyone, this site is very helpful to me.
  11. I don’t know why in particular but I’m finding today hard. It’s been 3 weeks since my ex ended our relationship and in general I have been doing ok. I have been keeping no contact but she has been in touch to say that she misses me. I answered by saying I didn’t think it was a good idea for either of us to be in touch, that was about a week ago. I find this time of day hard cause we used to chat on the phone during my commute. Every morning and every evening ... and in the evening. Today I just really miss her. I feel almost right back at the beginning again 😐 Now that I’m heading home I have to not smoke (gave up 4 years ago ) ..... not drink alcohol and not over eat !!! So what can I do lol already been to the gym today ! And does anybody ever feel that they will never meet anybody cause all the good ppl are already in relationships? And stuff happened at work that I would really like to talk through with her but I can’t do that either ..... I know I’m just on a downer but I could really just break down and cry my heart out ... while sitting on a packed commuter train 😐
  12. So my ex ended our relationship just over 2 weeks ago. The reason she gave was basically that she needed to work through some stuff herself and not depend on me for help or support. The last thing we said to each other was "I love you .." So I got one whatsapp message from her that I couldn't read cause I took it off my phone. so tonight I get a facebook message from her saying that she missed me and asking after my kids. She will know I have read her message but I won't answer it. But the question is why oh why when you are trying to get your head together that exs get in the way ... It is so tempting to answer but I know it won't help me at all. I know I need to retain some self respect and ignore her !!! But it frustrates me. I guess she is looking for me to say "i miss you too"..... Just to give her ego a boost ! grrrr
  13. So here is a wee bit of background. My ex and I broke up a week ago and the last thing we both said to each other was "I love you" as I walked out the door leaving her sobbing :-( We had only been together for 6 mths but since January things had been a bit difficult. She began to suffer really badly from PMT as is really bad ! I have never experienced such mood swings and change in personallity. Basically I could say "hello" and the answer might be " ... and what do you mean by that ..." !!! It was completely mental. She got really upset and after the it was passed she would return to original personality and apologies. When she broke up with we she said she wanted to find a way to manage the condition herself rather than depend on me for support. I can understand but I am still really upset and I wanted to work on things within the relationship but she wasn't up for it. She said that if we had been together longer then we might have been able to carry on but that we just hadn't been together long enough to get through the stuff she is going through. I know the deal and I have been here before !! NC is always the best way to get over an ex.... so I haven't made any contact at all but I got a message from her on Wednesday and missed a call from her on Friday which I didn't answer. The thing is I just really want to get in touch with her and offer her support. Offer to be there for her if she needs me .... !! I know I shouldn't but .... The thinking I have been doing has been around why I always go for emontionally unavailable woman ... And wanting to be in touch with her is more of the same. What is up with me that I keep wanting people that are no good for me ?? Any thoughts ?
  14. I'm not happy with the way you treated me. I offered you so much and had so much more to give. But you decided not to accept what I had to offer. You decided to keep me at arms length. You decided not to let me into your life. You were incapable of accepting love. But I'm the one who feels like crap. I'm the one who has yet another failed relationship. I'm the one that is another year older and has spent another year in a relationship that isn't what i want it to be. And yet again I just want to give up. I want to just throw in the towel !! And give up on relationships. They are too hard and I never seem to be able to find anyone right for me. I find plenty of the wrong people but never the right person. I've had enough of it all. No more.
  15. I can totally understand where you are coming from. I have been a lone parent for 12 years and my ex hasn't seen the kids for 10 years. He lives 5 mins from where we do and they haven't heard a thing from him in that time. I have the same home and mobile telephone number and live in the same place so he could be in touch with them if he wanted to but he hasn't. I also have no time for myself and an broke! I'm not going to list the issues I have had to deal with over the years cause it would just be too long! So I really do understand. And I totally agree that your ex does not deserve the right to attend the graduation. However, your daughter's graduation is not the time or place to have it out with your ex. You need to be cool, calm and collected and know that even if your ex attends the event it is for your daughter's sake and not your ex's. Your ex will disappear again and you will be left to pick up the pieces again. That I afraid is the role of a lone parent. But you also get all the joy and eventually all the respect and gratitude from your kids who know you will always have their back. Good Luck.
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