Sll199028

I feel so alone. I'm desperate for you. It makes me ache how much I need you baby.

I miss you. I thought maybe I'd hear from you last night, as you were drinking. I thought maybe I'd see you out. I'm so sad...

The thing I'm finding hardest is that we were trying for children. I am desperately broody. I want it with you. I want my babies to have you as their dad. You're perfect. It's been five weeks and I still can't see a single flaw in you. You'd have been the perfect dad - you treated me like a princess for 6 years. I can only imagine how'd you treat your children. I miss you so much. I love you. I don't think I'll ever get over you.

I hate how broody I am - I wanted to have babies with you. You wanted to have them with me. I miss you.

It's like you've had a brain transplant. Did I even know the real you for 6 years? The kind, moral man you were. It's only been a month, and you're a stranger to me. I don't recognise you in any of your actions and words. I love you still. I'm lost without you.

I actually worked out today how many days we were in a relationship. 2020 (not including the 3 months of dating before we became official) That's thousands of kisses, cuddles, dinners shared, snuggles on the sofa. Things I'll never have with you again. We've visited 12 countries together, explored so many cities here. What I'd give to stroll hand in hand with you around a new city. I miss you so much. Please make me better, please fix me.

I'm so sorry I didn't put enough effort in. I treated you terribly. You are amazing. I wish I didn't take you for granted. I still don't deserve this pain though. I love you. I think I always will.