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Post here instead of contacting your ex!


Nynnja
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I mourn what I thought was potential but never was. I'm really sad for you because you threw it away. I feel like a mother scorning a child. I miss the image I had of you in my head. I'm so bitterly disappointed at how things ended. You are more emotionally damaged than you care to admit. I truly have no idea who you are anymore & you've been such a stable force in my life. I feel used by you. I hope that if you've left me for her that she is as good as she seems. All the belief I had in you as a person has come crashing down. I hope that hurts. I no longer think you're understanding, kind or caring. I no longer think you're trustworthy or loyal. I definitely do not think you have morals. It is me, not you who has these things & yet you've convinced me I'm boring. I'm so sad for you & hurt by you. You say one thing then do another. I've felt like I was in the wrong for so long but I'm not. Enjoy your new life. I hope that one day you realise that I wasn't bad. In fact, I supported & cared for you a lot. Your actions make me sick. You make me sick. I am fed up with you. I give you to fate and while I wish I could hope for your happiness I don't.

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I just saw you inadvertantly on fb. It made me feel like crap seeing you posting funny little comments on out friends page! How dare you get over me and THEN dump me. You should be ashamed of doing that to someone you said you loved just the day before. I even asked you if you were happy and you said yes! I hope you meet someone who does the same to you so you get a dose of your own medicine!

At this moment I regret ever having met you because all our memories feel like one lone LIE!

 

that felt pretty good. LOL

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I really badly want to contact my ex atm. It's that time again where I really miss her and just want to know how she's doing. This sucks. I've been so tempted to message her a few times today but haven't quite done it. This is hard.

 

Edit: ****, I just failed. Held it off all day as well! I suck.

Edited by Slow Club
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I am so unbelievably broken by what has happened. I don't weather change well I wish I did. We had happy times & I can't believe that you would deny those. I want to be the person I knew before I met you but that person was happy & confident. Did you ever make me feel good about myself? I know that I should feel good about myself but I can't. I just feel like I should have been more to you. I feel like I look at others and think, how are you able to treat someone like that? And yet they still live & have more fun doing it. I can't treat people like that, it's not in me. I appear boring and am. How many mistakes do we let each other make before we just turn away? You will go on and find someone. Your relationship will be good in the first few years & you will marry. Our relationship has not been bad & I just have no comprehension of how you have given up. All your I love yous were empty. Talking about the future was empty. Saying you weren't having an affair with Mona. Emotional affairs are still affairs and happen because you let them. I meant so little to you that you always put yourself before me when I was there thinking for the both of us. I really miss the person you used to be. Arrogance does not become you. I really wish I could tell you how I hate you. Maybe enjoy the drama you & others love much.

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I can't explain it but for the past few days you are just with me.... Maybe it's because Labor day just passed and all those old feelings are familiar to this time of year. I am just trying to keep moving forward. It's hard to accept all that has happened and although I am thinking of you more these days, I just keep coming back to my first reaction when we broke up.... I can't forgive you. I can never forgive you. In time maybe I will be different but even now, the anger is still so close to the surface. I am so relieved that I haven't seen you and I have no expectations to ever talk to you again. The hurt and embarrassment is all that remains of you. Many times, I try to think of your good qualities and what made me love you so... but I realize now you are a bad person... selfish and petty, low and weak. You repulse me. And I look forward to the day you are just gone....

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Almost a year ago, I found out you were on that dating site. I stayed with you, believing every promise to change and declaration of love for me.

 

The day before I started my previous semester, I was at rock bottom after finding out you went on craigslist, and you walked out on ME.

 

This summer was rough, no doubt. I contacted you a week ago and it was bittersweet to say the least.

 

Well today? I started my new and very last semester of my college career. Without a single thought of you in mind. I didn't even realize it til now.

 

I had to go through all of it so I could come out stronger in the end...and trust me, my dear, I have...even though I don't want to acknowledge it most of the time. Words can't express the pain I've felt but now I'm moving on to better things. I WILL make something of myself and you will still be the same low-life drugged out loser who lacks any moral decency. Keep boasting about how happy you are, I know deep down you are miserable with yourself.

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2 weeks of NC since you wanted out and it if finally taking effect.... This is not easy one bit. I find myself questioning myself and my character . I cried alot after work today thinking about you. I tried my best and It hurts. I understand that we had a communication issues but the fact that you didn't want to try and fixs it bothers me the most.

 

Good Night

 

C

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You were not there when I needed you most... You only wanted to have the good times. I wish people were all about good times but reality is not like this and you know it. Ive managed your bad mood while you were tired and stressed and tried to make the best out of this, even when you had no time for me. It was all about you. All the time. All about you. You were so selfish leaving me when I was so alone, going through so many changes. You didnt care. I stayed by your side through bad times and when i showed you my weakness you ran away. You are so selfish and you dont deserve nothing I gave to you. I was faithful to you. I was true to you. This is so unfair. You took advantage of me. I cant believe Im 26 and yet so naive. You were ingrato. Thats's the word for you. You fooled me. You threw what we had away. I hate you because I love you so much and you just managed to f*ck this all. You made us impossible to happen and I hate you so much for this. As much as I miss you.

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So this is Day 6 of no contact. I hate it. Im moving on with my life but i cant stop looking at your facebook. even with its limited access i can see your profile picture, you look absolutely beautiful in it, an angel, gods greatest creation. You was mine and you are no more.

 

This is still killing me, 3.5 years of life together, best friends, soul mates... you said yourself "forever together". I havent heard from you at all, are you even effected by any of this? I hope you never get to feel this feeling, a smashed heart is undoubtebly one of the worst feelings known to man. I am now questioning, whether you left because of the sex, i know it got less and less, we both have our part to play in that problem. It could of been worked on.... could of been my size? could of been my lack of affection in the past couple weeks because of all the stress ive been through recently. I can tell you its not as much stress as i feel now.

 

I want to hate you for leaving me so suddenly, i want to dislike you for what you have done.... but i cant. I only hate myself for not trying harder. But you know what, our relationship was 50-50. I know it ran its course, we are not meant to be anymore. We are not eachothers '1' obviously.

 

I come home and i expect you to be there, waiting for me. When i realise your not, i hope for a letter on the floor as i open the door. When i realise that there isnt, i go to my facebook to check for activity. You are like a drug and i hate it!

 

I was meant to be the father of your children, you even called me your husband. Now i know i never was, they are just words to make me happy. Your recent actions mean a whole lot more than those 'sweet' words you'd always call me.

 

You've now lost me forever, its game over for us. I keep hoping for a restart button, or even a restart from checkpoint option, nothing ever comes up. I have to start a new game now... a new chapter in my life.

 

this will be a better, new me. One that you will not be apart of. that is your loss.

 

all i hope is you can find someone, someone close to how i am, if you can get even half the man i am, your lucky.

 

get out of my head, i dont want you there anymore.

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I feel so broken. I can't understand how after 6.5 years you could just break up with me at a really difficult time in my life. I see you with her in the pictures and think: that is why you left me? It hurts to see you looking like a completely different person after about a month. You get your new job and have no need for me in your life anymore? I feel sick to the stomach. I just always imagined the future with you. I can't believe you gave up and are happy with out me. I feel completely broken. People in my life don't leave me. Why?

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I cant believe you chose to throw your life away for a new age spiritual group. In the course of a month you cut off ties with your family, ended our relationship, dropped out of grad school.. and for what... to live in the basement of another group members house, provide free labor in exchange for your spiritual classes, and to sell art on the street to get by? I love you, I want a life with you, but this isnt you.. I do care about you through and you need to know that you will always have a friend in me, because unlike this group my love for you is unconditional and when they eventually move on from supporting you, I will be here as a friend to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, and a person to offer a helping hand.

 

You gave up a lifetime of happiness for this cult, but that doesnt mean that you cant get it back... all it would take is effort on your part and a simple i'm sorry.

 

I will always be there for you, like I am for everyone in my life I care about but you must know.. My life will go on without you.

 

Your past lover, and future friend..

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OMG i am trying so hard not to text her right now, her birthday is in 2 days and i promised myself that was when i would break NC, its only 2 more days why is it hitting me now... I dont want the relationship back...life is taking us in different directions and i have accepted that.. i want the friendship back..so does she.. but we dont know how to restart communication..

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I know that deep down inside you is a mature man but, at the moment, it is buried in immaturity. I am truly sad that you lost me because I've always tried to do what's best for you. It's not the big things but the little things I did to provide a loving & stable home. I feel that our break up was for the best as I'm learning to care for myself. I hope you are learning to care for yourself. I hope that you are alone and realise that you have to do things like feed the pets every morning, feed yourself (healthy stuff), love yourself, be proud of yourself. I was good for you. But, you are too immature to appreciate the good things in life. You are too immature to realise love is hard & takes work. You are too immature to communicate as was I. I need to let you go & figure out your own life & I mine. I hope you are happy with your choice. Sadness shows us the loss of what we loved & I loved you. I hope you realise what you've thrown away. I am sad that you cannot appreciate what you have in life. May you grow up because if you don't your life will be empty. Please get out of my head because I need to focus on me & enjoy me. I will be happy without you because I am happy with who I am deep down (I just believe others hype too easily). I hope you know what you lost.

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3 weeks today... Still going strong with NC. I'm proud of myself. As much as I want to break it, I'm not going to. Why would I? All you're going to say again to me is "I am sorry". I don't need your sorry's. You'll soon see that you lost something big. I was and probably will be the best you'll ever have. Yes, we went through some tough sh*t because of our past, but overall you know we had such a good time together and had a great connection. This is best for us to take time to ourselves. I need this just as much as you do. But now I'm sick over the thought that you might be back with your ex. I wish I knew if you even miss me at all or think about me... if you don't, then you have a cold heart and what we had was all lies. You can't go from telling me you want to marry me, you want me to be the mother of your children, 3 days before ending it and not feeling a damn thing! If you don't, then you're a f*cking liar! I'm sick of feeling this way. If you ever really cared, then you will be the one to break the silence one day. The ball is in your court, and you know it.

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I almost sent you a text on the way home trying to point out all the great things we had together and how you are crazy to throw that away! I AM GLAD I DIDN'T! Because as I write this I realize that if you can't see all of that and only want to focus on the bad then I am wasting my time. Someday you will see that if you'd given me a chance you could have had the most amazing, fullfilling relationship. You will find that out after you have dated a while, and by then I will be whole again and I WON'T WANT YOU! So enjoy your new found freedom and start each day with glee. I am done worrying about you.

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I sent you a text today, wishing you well and reminding you that we always said we would stay friends even if we broke up... I dont regret sending it, i regret believing you when you said it. You were the one that dumped me, stop acting like the victim, if after a month you still are depressed about the decision you made, then mabye you made the wrong decision. You have my number, try using it.

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just making some new music to put on my ipod and it got me remembering our first christmas together when i got us both ipods with engraved messages.

 

i didnt get anything corny like "i love you xxx" or anything, i just got your name like ".x. XXXXXX .x."

i remember telling you i done that because if we ever broke up, then it wouldnt be awkward or anything i guess.

 

 

weird thought!

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what the hell does "you'll always have a special place in my heart" mean? i feel like you lied about loving me right up until we walked away from each other for good. i'm hurt and angry and confused. and it's been 2 months of NC now. i thought i made progress and i had. but i feel memories and feelings about you resurfacing. it's so painful.

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This is it...I'm leaving town next week. For good.

You know we could have worked this out if we had been able to talk about our problems openly. I tried to, but there's only so much you can do when it is so one-sided.

We could have been great, if you'd wanted it. I wanted it with everything in me, and that was exhausting.

I'm so much less stressed out than I was when I was with you, but I still wish, somehow, that we could have figured out how to be ourselves while still a couple. We used to have so much fun...and Oregon would have been a really fun adventure to go on together.

But you didn't want that, I guess.

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