lostheart28

So this is Day 6 of no contact. I hate it. Im moving on with my life but i cant stop looking at your facebook. even with its limited access i can see your profile picture, you look absolutely beautiful in it, an angel, gods greatest creation. You was mine and you are no more. This is still killing me, 3.5 years of life together, best friends, soul mates... you said yourself "forever together". I havent heard from you at all, are you even effected by any of this? I hope you never get to feel this feeling, a smashed heart is undoubtebly one of the worst feelings known to man. I am now questioning, whether you left because of the sex, i know it got less and less, we both have our part to play in that problem. It could of been worked on.... could of been my size? could of been my lack of affection in the past couple weeks because of all the stress ive been through recently. I can tell you its not as much stress as i feel now. I want to hate you for leaving me so suddenly, i want to dislike you for what you have done.... but i cant. I only hate myself for not trying harder. But you know what, our relationship was 50-50. I know it ran its course, we are not meant to be anymore. We are not eachothers '1' obviously. I come home and i expect you to be there, waiting for me. When i realise your not, i hope for a letter on the floor as i open the door. When i realise that there isnt, i go to my facebook to check for activity. You are like a drug and i hate it! I was meant to be the father of your children, you even called me your husband. Now i know i never was, they are just words to make me happy. Your recent actions mean a whole lot more than those 'sweet' words you'd always call me. You've now lost me forever, its game over for us. I keep hoping for a restart button, or even a restart from checkpoint option, nothing ever comes up. I have to start a new game now... a new chapter in my life. this will be a better, new me. One that you will not be apart of. that is your loss. all i hope is you can find someone, someone close to how i am, if you can get even half the man i am, your lucky. get out of my head, i dont want you there anymore.

You've received flowers from me today, even though you broke up with me to find your independence. I'm heart broken yet i try to be civil and polite. All i feel from you is hatred. 3 1/2 of life just put out of your mind... those flowers i feel sorry for, because i know they are in the bin. I couldnt care less for the money i exchanged for them, but the life of those flowers were given to you and i know where they wil end up. i am not going to belittle myself anymore, although i have suffered greatly in this breakup, you will suffer the most. You had me, a man who took so much pride in walking next to you. I Looked up to you all the time, and I also taught you everything you didnt know. I was in heaven with my soul mate. I would of done anything for you. You have lost all of that. You have lost me. I was your 'one'.

Chalk, my friend, i am certainly with you on this one! these are the times we connected the most, these are the times that bring me down all the best and keep your chin up. i will try to do the same

Milly, I can’t keep this bottled up anymore, you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was also led to believe that I was that very person for you too! I was incredibly excited to share new and all experiences with you, my soul mate. This is eating me alive! My heart is crushing in on itself because it took 3 years to build What we had together and 5 mins to destroy it. If I was your true love, then you would manage to find your independence whilst being with me. I want my independence Too you know! But the difference between you and I, is I could of managed to find it whilst being with you. All those times you said, I was the man for you. Man of your dreams, your soul mate, your everything. What happened? Was it not true love? Was it lies?! I know this is selfish of me to vent, but im the one who is obviously most affected by this. My life has been turned upside down, Im a wreck, im a mess. My life is over at this point in time. That may be hard to believe, but you was my life. You took that away. I cherished every moment with you, cuddling you, kissing you, feeling your heart beat against mine. I love you. I miss you. I miss your warmth, your touch and your ora. I don’t know how long this will take to pass, but I am being tortured by my emotions right now and I know soon I have to give in to my emotions and accept them. I pray for you to see sense in what we had but then I see how selfish that is so I then pray for you to be happy. Im sick of being nice… I will love you forever, but now I must go. I have to find something to mend my broken heart because the memories we made together just don’t seem to be working. DBM x