mrb

you could be happy, and i wont know

wow, i really REALLY miss you today. the first time in a long time that i have actually got upset about it. i cant believe half a year later and you still effect me

i dont know why you spoke to my brother the other day to ask me to go hillwalking with you. why are you reaching out after all this time? all its done is mess my head up. you made your bed, now lie in it. this is the life you wanted. so it turns out the grass really wasnt greener and now you have no friends. cant believe you are reaching out to your EX boyfriend ( ME!!!! ) who YOU broke up with because you are lonely!!! you are pathetic! you just keep haunting me everywhere. happy birthday, and i hope your getting a better mental state with your medication and councelling

i cant believe you havnt called me, your so self centered! i asked you to call me asap to let me know if you want me around or not in your troubled times. i was the good guy! i didnt have to talk to you at that party, i didnt have to see you the next day, and i didnt have to call you the next day either, but i did because i still care! do you even miss me, or still think of me? were you just testing the water to see if i was still "available" ? .. do you want to get back with me!?!? stop being so damn crazy and keeping all your emotions in your head. get it into your thick skull that i dont want to get back with you!! i have been talking to you to be nice and be a familiar friendly face! i dont want to be with you unless you learn to communicate!!!!!!!!!! but you are never going to do that!! youve strung me along again! do you expect phone calls and texts now declaring my love? your not getting them. i know you will probably never call, and if you do eventually call, im going to tell you to leave me the f*** alone! i dont care anymore what you have to say, unless its an apology, then i will consider it! once again you are walking all over my feelings and my respect. saying that, i hope your medicine helps you, and your councelling helps you. i hope you tell them everything this time and not just scratch the surface. tell them everything about me and how terrible you were to me when i was your prince charming, and i still stood by you. then go home and cry into your diary, listening to taylor swift writing about how foolish you are, or better yet! pick up the damn phone and plead your heart out to me! stupid woman

for all the pain and greif you gave me over the years, you gave me alot of happy times. one of our happiest was always at christmas, and i miss that closeness with you. that photo album you made me last year is still the best present ive ever received. how did we get to this position? i wont look at it, ive not looked at it since we broke up, it will only bring pain. im movin on, are you? have you already moved on? i dont think you hate me, i think you still have some love left for me but for some reason feel like you cant be with me. i dont know anything about you any more and i miss you, do you miss me? i know you will be busy today making dinner for your family, entertaining everyone, and sitting with your nephew. i miss it all, there is nothing here for me with my family. i wonder if il cross your mind at one point today. i hope i do, and i hope you get a sad feeling of regret. it was your decision, i didnt particularly want any of this, i was willing to work on things when we had our problems instead of run away, but you ran away. you still arent going to apologise, are you? and your not going to tell me the real reasons, are you? all i have is "you were cheeky to me on more than one occasion" i know you will probably be putting on a brave face to everyone pretending that your life is so great and you can handle being alone, you dont need no man, your an independent woman! well its funny that i know you will be having late nights feeling lost, like something in your life isnt right, and you know exactly what that is. keep hanging around with those guys, watching the movies that we used to watch, talking our own private talk and inside jokes. have them with these people that crush on you so bad, and you know it so you use them to your advantage, just so you can take your mind off things. i just wonder why you replace me with them? if you didnt want to be with me that much, then why are you pretending they are me? or is it just the thought of me you loved more? i still wish you a happy christmas, and your family. even your twisted sister. you know why? its because im an adult, and not bitter. i wonder if your family ever think of me

your pathetic. you go on about how you like being alone, yet your going out every night getting drunk, using boys who want to be with you, spending time with them and going on dates with them, doing all the things we used to do, are you trying to fill some kind of void in your life? because it definatly seems like you are. let me guess, you dont want to sit in the house alone, and have to think of me. how bad you treated me, how great a boyfriend i actually was, how i only tried to get some answers and work on things and how you so cruelly threw me aside you still havent said sorry. i dont think i will ever hear it from you, and it really upsets me, because you know in your heart you were wrong, and it was a terrible thing to do, but you will never be seen to have regrets or any kind of weakness. making me out to be a psycho and abusive. i hope you miss me and think of me. i hope you cry and write about me in your diary, all the great times we had and how we were so in love. i hope you read back your diary and see how in love we were and realise you made a very stupid mistake. i hope you meet someone new and compare them to me, only to find you let go of the one person you "truly loved", in your own words. i hope you miss me and regret your decision. i hope you get in touch with me and apologise for things you have done, i hope you try to reconcile with me. but most of all, i hope im strong enough to get over you, and i hope i stop missing you. we might be eachothers other half, but you are totally opposite from me in relationship needs. i dont quit and i try to fix problems, you quit and run away from problems i cant believe you broke up with me because i was cheeky to you on more than one occasion, and you couldnt even elaborate. you are f***ing pathetic

hope your doing ok and i havent messed your head. please dont let me down

what a lot of really bad upsetting thoughts i was thinking today of you, strange cos ive never thought of these before! im slowly moving on, i still dont know where you are and how your life is. i was browsing a girls facebook and came accross a few pics of your, i got a big fright as i hadnt seen anything to do with you for a while now. it kidn of felt as if i forgot that you existed, even though i think of you nearly every day. maybe im looking too much into it, but the few pictures that i saw of you, you looked sad, lonely and confused. you looked as if you have put on a bit of weight as well. i really dont know if this breakup is affecting you more than me, im just trying to get on with things, and maybe because i havnt got in contact with you, your getting worried and regretting your decision. its a shame your so stubborn. if you eventually felt it was a mistake, you would rather suffer than admit you were wrong, because after all, your an "independent woman who dont need no man". i feel sorry for you, and i hope you are doing ok, because those few pictures really got me thinking of you, but at the same time i hope you are going through hell with this decision. im at that stage now where i dont know if i miss you, or i miss our relationship. your an amazing girl when things are going good, but unfortunately things just go bad for you too many times and you take it out on me. ive thought about looking at those pics again, but i havent dont it, it wasnt even difficult, i think i know in my head i just have to let you go. all those times you broke my heart, i thought you were going to be the one that got away, but this time its different, your going to realise i was the one that got away. your not going to find another man who will love you as unconditionally as me and accept your flaws. i still wonder about the day we meet again, how will we be? this was all a bad idea, but it was your idea, i just had to deal with the pain, espeically after all those times you just ignored me when i was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. i pity the upbringing you had, you dont know how to be in an adult relationship, and i blame your mother doing exactly what you done to me, to your father.

you've been on my mind for the past day or two, and i have no idea why, as im doing really well! im beginning to wonder if i even loved you with how im getting on .. from past experiances when we broke up, when i dreamt about you, it usually meant something happened to you, so i hope your ok and nothing bad has happened. i dont even know if i could be here for you if something bad DID happen .. i do miss you, you know. and i still do love you, but this is life and you made the mistake, not me. you can grovel over your decision for years to come. you didnt have to do half of the stuff you did, you CHOSE to do it. shame we couldnt even see out the year. i guess you just cant have some big drama over nothing happen at some point each year. oh and by the way, i didnt have sex with that girl, and im not "with" her either. i know you all think i am and are making fun of her because of it. go's to show who really WAS the mature one in the relationship

heard your sister has moved in with her boyfriend accross the country. i hate to say it, but i feel sorry for you. i hope it breaks your heart that you let your sister manipulate you and ruin our relationship, and then she skips town with her boyfriend. she will be back though, i guarentee it. he was only ever a rebound relationship anyway, and they are too incompatible, although in the meantime, it would be nice to see how much of an "independent woman" you actually are. you cant even stay in a house yourself, you are pathetic and enjoy the idea of being some great independent woman who "dont need no man", but when it comes down to it, you are just as lonely and dependant on other people as any other messed up individual. i still miss you, but im moving on alot. its very tiring to hear about you and your sister putting facebook status' online about anyone ( particularly girls ) i am hanging around with. its just so pathetic. your the one who broke up with me, remember? i take it you didnt think long and hard about your decision if that is the way you are going to react to hearing / seeing news about me and what im up to. i dont know if you are with anyone else, or if you have been dating. it still hurts a little to think of you with someone else, it probably always will. i bet you feel the same. in a way i hope you find someone. i hope you fall for someone who appears nice on the outside, but on the inside is another one of your "horrible" exes. i still hope you regret your decision, and i still hope it crushes you. i still think that maybe one day we will be together, but you(no not me, YOU! ) still have alot of growing up to do its funny, because no matter who you meet, or are with, i know that im always going to have that special place in your heart, and nobody is going to be able to take it from me. just remember it was you who ruined it!

sigh, where do i begin!? i really miss you. you might not be perfect, but your the only person ive met who is pretty much near damn perfect. i still find you beutiful, and i can pretend to myself that i hate you, but the truth is i could never hate you, you meant too much to me, and im sure you feel the same way about me. i was listening to some of your songs today, and i nearly shed a tear. made me think back at all the happy times when we were so in love that nothing else mattered apart from being with eachother. im so dissapointed in you, all i keep thinking about is the time i was very upset and angry at you, and on the verge of breaking up with you. i was thinking really hard, and i decided to stick with you, and it got better like i knew it would. but i just keep thinking about that text you sent me .. "so do you still want to be with me? because i dont want you to go x" you were so in love with me, i know the feeling that you are about to lose someone all too well, you were scared, but i reassured you things would get better and we had to make some changes. it warmed my heart when i got that text. i told you i would fight for you, and i always did, but for some reason you never wanted to fight for me. i never got the chance to send the "i dont want you to go x" text. i actually brings a tear to my eye, and really makes me want to call you up right now and ask if you remember. that would be stupid. i have a point to prove to myself and to you. i dont need you, you dont need me, but our lives were a hell of alot better when we were together, and i know for a fact you cant deny that. i hope one day i will get the full truth from you about why you broke up with me. personally i think you got cold feet, took me for granted, and maybe felt like i was holding you back from doing the things you wanted. well youve had plenty of time to do the things you wanted, and you will have more time. i hope you lie in bed at night thinking "it wasnt so bad, why did i do that again?" maybe one day, eh?

had a dream you were crying and trying to get back with me last night, saying sorry and you were wrong etc etc il admit it, i woke up a little bit sad and missed you. i played a game on my phone and it reminded me of the times we used to snuggle in bed and play the games on my phone. looking back, everything was so great, and i still cant see where it went wrong! i bet your diary is filled with page upon page about me. everything how it was the right choice, the wrong choice, you hope im happy, you miss me, you hate me, you love me. too bad you think life is like a tv show, cos your only going to hurt yourself in the long run

you have taylor swift and her stupid chart pop "never getting back together"? well i have lynsey buckingham's "never goin back" , a timeless classic. although a song i really want you to hear is christine mcvie's over and over, and eventually songbird. yeeahhh, today is a fleetmac day! and for some bizarre reason, i actually nearly shed a tear at "over and over". you dont make me cry any more, once small whimper was enough when it all happened, and i hope you dont ever expect me to cry. funny that i know you already have

i had a dream about you last night, it was really weird. we were lying in bed hugging and talking / joking, it felt very real, like i was actually holding you. cant remember anything specific we said, but i remember saying to you "but we're broke up .. " and you replied "i dont want to break up, i love you" then i woke up and you werent there. i guess my subconscience is telling me i miss you! oh and btw, when you gave me my dvds back, you forgot to give me my jimi hendrix documentary, but dont worry, i know you kept that for sentimental value.

i wonder if you realised how much of a mistake you made yet? i still dont know why you broke up with me, i dont think you do either i would say i dont understand why your trying to paint this picture of me being really abusive and horrible, and that i grabbed your sister by the throat and choked her, but i realise that you have to build this fake image of me to try and justify your decision i wonder if your talking to my co-worker to try and get to me, you probably are looking again for a reaction. i love you, and i miss you, i have a feeling you feel the same way towards me, but baby, that was the straw the broke the camels back your not healthy, but that doesnt mean i should suffer from your narcisstic ways