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Also something you said today made me feel weird. You said you wouldn't be able to tolerate me wearing lingerie for anyone else. But then you said "I dont even tolerate it now, I can't stand you wearing lingerie" like lingerie is a dirty thing and as a wife/ you can't wear it. yet you always lust over EVERY GIRL out there including lingerie models. I am not into the whole mother Theresa syndrome, I'm an attractive girl I deserve to get laid. I see no reason why you have always refused for me to wear lingerie. I thought it was because you didn't dig it (which I questioned because you like it on everyone else that you see)...now Im thinking it's cause you think it's "dirty"??? What?

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I just don't know anymore. I thought I understood people but the more I think about it the more I don't. I'm trying so hard to learn from this & grow from it but at times I just feel like giving up. How can you not know someone after 6 years? I'm always trying to understand others actions & forgive them. I think it's a good characteristic to have. But who is it good for? It doesn't feel good to me sometimes. I feel like such a fool for believing in you. Is that not what you would want in a partnership? Someone to fight your corner? Someone to have fun with? Life gets in the way of that doesn't it? Surely in a partnership you should fight for the person you fell in love with?

 

I don't know if I'm blessed for going through this or not? I opened my heart & that felt so good but this feels horrific. And yet, I'm stupid because I'll keep seeing the good in people & forgiving & will probably love again. These seem like strong things but I feel so weak. I'm trying to understand the point but I'm still not sure there is one. I hate loving you, you don't deserve it. You really don't & I'm sad I gave it to you & keep giving it.

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PS - you are a silly man child. I know this because I know you. Your friends are moving away and settling down. You're still there. Even I'm moving on, the person who loves you after 6 years of relationship & uni & foundation years. It's really sad that you would rather start again with someone new than build on a strong foundation. I wish I knew how your doing. How your feeding yourself (microwave meals?). How you take the bins out. How do you sleep in our bed?

 

It must be hard to commit to someone if something's not right. Especially after your parents marriage. I don't think you were entirely sure. I think you are used to being the big brother/adult in a relationship so had to be. Please miss the good times. Please miss my kindness & ability to love. Please realize you love me. I know you care for me & love me. Can you look after yourself in that dingy flat cause you've always had someone.

 

ARGH tell me who is going to be as kind and loving and sexy as me and still let you keep parrots??!!

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Honey, so we are back to square one... again... How are you? Did you really mean everything you said? It was so hard to hear it. I just miss you. Day 2. 10 years and you let me go. How did you have strength to do it?? I wish I was that strong too.

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I have lots of time on my hands now: oh, it's so good to think! I'm so conflicted in my thoughts about you. For 6 years, I believed that I would end up spending the rest of my life with you and I feel like such a fool.

 

The negative side of my mind goes back to what I've said before: that you'd dump me and marry soon after. Was I right? You always see things and you want them straight away. You give them your all and then it's something else. I feel that if you marry in your next relationship you'll have kids straight away and then what will happen? But I don't know these things do I? On our first date I thought I'm gonna marry you and clearly that's not the case. I feel angry at people who say, 'you just know', because I don't. I thought I did but have been in a fantasy.

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You gave up on us... and you were the one fighting for us the whole time. Now I'm the one suffering. Literally 3 days before you ended us, we were talking about moving to Dallas together. You told me you were looking at the woman you were going to marry. You always said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and you wanted me to have your children. You wanted to move in together. You told me all these things... then after a wonderful weekend together on vacation, we had one rough day afterwards and you tell me you can't do this anymore. That we are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. That's it's not natural between us. You sounded so cold. Like you didn't care. It was too casual. If that's how you felt, why didn't you tell me on our trip?? Instead you tell me 2 days later over the phone, then more in text because I wanted more answers. I understand and agree it has been unhealthy for us for so many reasons and the timing wasn't right for us. We came into each others lives at such unpredictable moments for a reason. We both thought that reason was fate... for us to be together. All these words you would tell me... then you leave me. What changed?? What changed over our vacation weekend that it took one "off" day for us for you to throw in the towel immediately afterwards?? I don't understand. I'm left heartbroken. Checking your Facebook 24/7... you haven't deleted me off there yet so I wonder if you ever check mine. I'm trying to post some things to make you think I'm doing ok... but I'm not. I'm suffering. Tomorrow, on our work conference call, I will hear your voice again for the first time in a week since you ended us. It's going to be hard. I miss talking to you all the time. You were my best friend... do you ever miss me? Do you still love me? Will you ever reach out to me again?? I wish I could have answers

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I would like to apologise for my behaviour in the past month. I did everything wrong, everything that I shouldn't have done after a breakup, I did. You still had feelings for me a month ago, but I chased them too much and now they're gone forever. I was only chasing after my dreams. If only you can see that I've learnt so much, changed so much. If only...

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You end our 4+ year relationship where I supported you myself while you couldnt get a GED or a job! I got you a job at my mother's vet clinic and got fired for SLEEPING IN A DOG KENNEL! I gave you everything, I never lied to you, I NEVER LIED TO YOU! You go and have cybersex with a ****ing 15 year old and now he's your new "boyfriend" for **** sake YOU ARE 21 YEARS OLD! You were my fiance for 3 years, I LOVED YOU... You cheated on me, lied to me, and left before I woke up! No closure, no goodbye, no nothing! You left your ring on the table, stole my computer and took a flight back to jersey. You talk to your rebound love like he's so much better than me, and blame me for everything. I cried monthly because of how you treated me, you ignorant sociopath! You thought you could never come to me with your problems, and lived in a f*****g fantasy world online. YOU WILL NEVER IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE FIND SOMEONE WHO IS AS INTELLIGENT AND CARING AS ME! You are a horrible person, and you deserve the loneliness you have created for yourself... Sure your mother on welfare and your ignorant father who held a worker position for 20+ years (who you haven't talked to in 5 years) will support their little baby. After all, you probably got molested by him and showed all the signs of a molested girl. You are damaged goods in more ways than one, you deserve the hardest of hardships in life, but what eats me up is that you are somewhat immune, because you are a sociopath! **** you *****, you're out of my life, and I locked the door behind you! You won't get back into my life, go find another person to put through mental torture.

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Here goes nothing.... (or everything depending on how you look at it)

 

These last few months have been some of the hardest i've ever had to go though but also the most necessary and i thank you for being the catalyst for that to happen.

I have come to realise many things, done alot of soul searching and growing as a woman. (also alot of drinking!)

I realised most of all, that over the last year i wasn't being true to myself, i was to caught up in not wanting to leave/lose you that i was to afraid to do something for me and in effect lost myself and then lost you anyway.

 

Being young and inexperienced in relationships going into our relationship meant i didn't know how to handle alot of things, i didn't know what it was i was feeling half of the time let alone how to deal with it. i loved you with all my heart but was very insecure about what i thought was where i stood with you, but in actual fact was insecuritys about where i stood with myself.

 

I remember the day of the breakup and how hard it was for both of us, i know you still loved me but things were unstable for so long we both needed a chance to find ourselves again.

I realise there may have not been enough time passed for that to fully happen for you but i know within myself i am so much more confident in myself and who i am as a women and what i stand for, something i know i lacked previously and something you needed from me. I was far too dependent on you and that wasn't fair.

 

You only live once so i'm laying it out there

 

I know what i want now, and i want you.

 

Plain and simple

 

 

 

The love, the passion and the interests we shared are not something i took lightly, finding someone like you again.... damm near impossible. with the insecurities out of the way i think i'm a damm good catch myself

I've never had someone make me laugh so much nor felt so comfortable around anyone as i did with you.

Going on little adventures with you, to the river, the lake, the beach, diving, camping whatever, i loved that and i miss that and there are so many more things i want to experience with you

 

i love your family, they are amazing, its obvious why you turned out the way you did, because of your family, and i love that

 

You showed me things i would never have dreamed of, love i never knew existed

 

Now im not saying you were perfect and im sure you have grown alot too, have been enjoying the single life etc but there are many changes i've seen come about myself a stability which i would be excited to share with you

 

 

i think i've probably repeated myself and jumbled stuff up but what im trying to say is, the girl you fell in love with is back but better than even, i've re-discovered that spark that is Dani, and it's exciting, i'm happy, and maybe a little bit crazy because i want to share that with you, i think you would enjoy it

 

Now i realise your thoughts on this will be either that im completely stupid or more positively that it might stir some of that old love and for you to be interested to re-connect again

 

Either way life goes on, i would just prefer to have you in mine

 

You forced me to see the change i needed in my life and gave me the determination, motivation and belief that i needed to change, you gave me more than i could ever have done on my own, and for that i thank you.

 

i fell for you almost the moment i saw you and i want you to know that i will always have love for you. i will always be here for you whether you want to keep in touch or not, 2, 5, 10 years down the road

 

whatever your response to this all, i mean that from the bottom of my heart

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I am happier than I've been for years. I thank God for pulling me through the hell I was in because of you and allowing me to see my true value and the amazing things that still lie ahead for me. I'm over it now. I'll probably always love you, but I know for sure we will never be again, and that is how it should be. I'm done on this forum now. I don't need it anymore. No more.

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I just wanted to confess to you about something ... I thought about waiting some time before telling you this . but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore ...

 

Remmeber that one time when I missed my last train home after visiting you? we were talking on the phone and we had no idea what to do ... but some time later , I sent you a message saying I figured something out and I'm on my way home ...

 

Truth is , I wasn't . I spent the night at the subway station , feeling like a wreck and trying catch some sleep . I'm sorry that I lied to you about this , it's just that , I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to worry you , and I knew you would blame yourself for that ...

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I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have accepted your friend request. Now I can just scroll through your wall whenever I want and just torture myself because God knows there's nothing I love more than putting myself through unnecessary pain.

 

I was doing so well. Now I've set myself back. I could blame you for sending the request, but the only person I can really blame is myself, for clicking "accept."

 

It just makes me feel worthless to see all those posts and pictures of you literally surrounded by girls so much prettier than me, and I'm just laying here knowing that even though the time we spent together was special to me and you meant something to me, you don't feel that way. I'm forgettable. I'm not special at all. I'm just another girl in your harem. I mean nothing to you. I'm not special at all.

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Yesterday, I learned something that made me proud of you for the first time in ages. Today, I realized something about that information, and it made me sick to my stomach. Somehow, you're not even around anymore, and you still manage to make me feel unimportant and unloved. I'm so tired of this.

 

Finally, 7 months later, I truly wish I could just erase any and all memories of you. I'm done. I'm done. Go away. Get out of my f**king head and leave me alone.

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hope you are fine

I googled something and came accross this article about the feelings you told me about when we met at the cafe.. something in my heart told me to send it. I tried not to, but I couldn't in the end. sorry if I failed, I really did my best I think for us, wish we could have done more. I wish you hadn't abandoned me like that.

 

I wish you all the best.

Was (still am!) quite busy lately. I'm doing more gym too.

I really miss you.. life without you is different but I manage. I wish you would contact me again.

I still love you loads sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxx.

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Aminka,

 

Please come back. Please come back to your Davey, your alien. I am sorry I didn't pay enough attention to you, to your feelings. I will change, you know I've changed so much already for the better! Don't give up on us now, give you and me another chance.

 

You say you just need your space, but I think we both know it's just a precursor to really breaking up, only you're still too attached to do it cleanly right now, bless your sweet little girl's heart! So stay, don't move out, let's live up to our promises, let's move forward together, not from separate residences but out this very same door through which we've moved in these last three years, our nice decent apartment which you've turned into a home. We are on the verge of the next stage of our relationship, don't you see!

 

Lovely Llama, please, I'm begging you, begging like I rarely ever do and like I've never done before: stay with me, you'll see! Don't be upset, forgive me...we're not that bad off, the problems we have are fairly normal and can definitely be overcome. Please sweetie please...you cry and I ache; why do this?

 

Oh please Fats, don't do it...don't move out, don't go, stay here with me where you belong, we'll go out again, things will be like how you want them, we'll get married like you want, have kids, work towards a house! Oh please...don't leave me, don't leave us....

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I finally got the courage to delete you from my Facebook and I'm so glad I did. Putting myself through that torture was ridiculous. It has only been a week and a half since you ended us and you're posting crap on there I feel to make me jealous or upset. I don't deserve that, I deserve much better. You are cold hearted and everything you said to me was lies. I'm not putting myself through this pain anymore, you are no longer worth it. I had a glimpse of hope in me for some reason that you may come back, but what you did today on Facebook drew the line for me. I'm proud of myself for not contacting you at all since you broke it off (only the day after for more answers). Although it hasn't been much time... it's been a lot in my eyes and has been extremely difficult. You aren't worth my tears anymore. I deserve happiness and someone that will fight for our relationship. I know I made my mistakes and the timing wasn't right... but I'm over it now. It will still take me a while to heal, but now that process will be quicker because I no longer have to see what you're up to every day. I'm done and moving on.

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