Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[simplyme01]

I miss you! I just f'g miss you

[Mustang4life]

I miss you baby so much. I am a wreck and really want you back.

It has been two weeks since the break up and 6 days NC

[Norgrace]

I hope the money keeps you happy since you have chosen your money rather than have a relationship.

[BackToYou]

I don`t know why but I miss you like crazy now. I want us back.

[Love1336]

I want you to hold me and kiss me...

[dyna]

how could u be soo pathetic and sob in front of me,all the while you was texting him every day for the last month telling each other how you miss and love each other deleting everything as u went, while i look after our son and his bastard daughter, you blame me for the break knowing full well this is what u wanted and what i didnt want, you selfish, cheating, using, manipiltive * * * * * you let him into our home when i was working nights ffs all the while i was trying my heart out to love and cherish u and now ive been gone 6 days!!6 * * * ing days and your already shacked up with him!!! well * * * you your loss ill look after MY SON and bring him up properly , u wanna see if the grass is greener go ahead i wont be there when it tastes of cow * * * * !!!!!

[ollyox]

I want to remember the last words I heard you say to me on the day I last saw you...

 

I want to remember your smell.

 

I want to know if you feel terrified sometimes by the thought of not being with me.

 

I want to know how new guys in your life make you feel.

 

I want to know what song makes you think of me.

 

I want you to regret what you let go.

 

I want to know that no matter where on this earth you are, its not far enough to keep me out of your mind. Out of your heart.

 

I want to stop wanting things for you.

 

I want to pick myself up again after this awful week.

 

I want to be in a place where i'm ready for a new, beautiful woman in my life.

[onidonid]

5 months....and I miss you more than ever. Healing? Who cares. You are in my blood. I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself. I hate how I feel. I hate that I can't figure this out.

 

I can still feel you in my arms.

I can still smell your hair.

I can still taste your skin.

I can still feel the depth of your eyes.

 

I suck

[peacetree29]

Dear S.,

 

I would give anything to hold hands with you and walk on the beach with you again like we did last spring. I loved you so much, but I realize now that sometimes I held back because I was afraid that I would be abused again. Not just afraid. Terrified.

 

As much as I wanted to be with you, as much as I tried not to let the past interfere with the joy I felt being with you, I still sometimes got overwhelmed and would become quiet. When you asked me if I thought that what my ex-boyfriend did to me was rape, I lied to you because I was ashamed. I still am. Because I was afraid to be vulnerable. I still am. Because I did not trust you enough to tell you the truth.

 

Once, when you asked me if I was bisexual, I became defensive. When you noticed, and asked again, I was afraid. The words that I should have said stopped in my throat. My ex-boyfriend knew I was bisexual, and he raped me because he wanted to make me straight. I later discovered that I am a lesbian. The first woman I dated believed the rape was all my fault, and accused me of not being a "real lesbian." She used to like to make me bleed. Your question, "Are you bisexual?", posed twice, triggered something in me; I was scared that you, too, could be capable of physically hurting me over what you perceived as my sexuality.

 

S., I wish that I had never held back. I wish that I had kissed you with all my being on our second date. I wish that when you asked me if I wanted to be with you forever, I had just said, "yes." I wish that I had taken better care of myself. I wish that I hadn't worked late the week before you broke up with me. I wish that even though I was exhausted and ashamed of my body, that I had asked you to make love to me when I wanted you. I wish that I had been aware enough that trauma was creeping up on me, so that I could have communicated that to you, and so that my pain did not translate into the withdrawal, inattention, and "spaciness" that left you feeling alone and unloved.

 

During the three months we have been apart, I have longed for you. It has been so hard not calling you. You are still the first person I think of when I go to sleep at night, and the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning. On some days I wish I could leave my heart on a shelf at home so I can get a break from the pain. Losing the joy of loving and being loved by you has been a loss of which I cannot describe the depth.

 

I miss the way the skin on the palms of my hands tingled every time they made contact with yours. I miss the softness of your eyes. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss listening to you. I miss the way you smell. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your laugh and the way it went straight into my chest and warmed me from the inside. I miss your smile. I miss the way you sing when you're happy. I miss the way you drink a whole pot of coffee before work. I miss the way you light up the faces of everyone around you. I miss being held in your arms. I miss laughing with you. I miss hearing about your dreams, the things you love, your stories. I miss sitting on the beach with you. I miss biking with you. I miss sharing my dreams and happinesses with you. I miss so many things I can't write about here.

 

What we had was one of the greatest gifts I have ever shared with someone. I am so thankful that we loved each other, even if it did not last forever. Thank you for showing me how it feels to be loved in a way that doesn't hurt.

 

I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings. I am so sorry I lied to you about the trauma in my life. I am so sorry that I couldn't see that I was getting overwhelmed. I am so sorry I didn't reach out to you and ask for support. I am so sorry that I didn't reassure you more often. I am so sorry that you felt insecure about yourself because I withdrew. I loved you, and had I realized I was having that effect on you, I would have held you and listened to you and kissed you every chance I had.

 

Even though I am trying to move on, my heart still searches for you.

[Snowy]

Some words for people posting on this thread:

 

- Stay strong.

 

- NC, NC and more NC. Don't break it.

 

- Life is tough. Crap happens, life goes on.

 

Hope you all heal soon. I was part of this thread, in fact, my first post on ENA was in this thread.

[Helpmetoheal]

I am leaving today for a few days. You know this as you are taking care of my puppy for me. You looked delicious last nite when you came by to get him. Is it possible to love someone and hate them all at the same time??? I think I just hate that we cannot be anymore. I feel like its you, well it is you. You dumped me. Told me you didn't see a future for us. After 9 weeks it still hurts like hell. I am glad I won't be able to obsess about your comings and goings for the next few days. I liked your new sweater, did you buy it? or did a new girl dress you up? What is this strange hold you have on me? I have been through a divorce 5 years ago and I never felt this way. The two years we were together were better than my 8 year marriage ever was. I am still clingling any shred of hope for us, I know this is wrong and I wish I could stop. Well, have a nice week with the dog. He will keep your secrets for you!

[jooj]

Karma is a * * * * * and you know that very well. You are going to suffer and get punished for what you did to me!

[Tryptophan]

I'm sorry for not saying I love you enough.

I'm sorry for letting you go but I needed my time.

I'm sorry that I miss you because I know we can no longer be together.

I'm sorry that I hate her because she's the one that gets to hold you when you cry.

I want to talk to you so bad.

I want to smell you, hug you, make love to you my baby.

Sometimes I wish you wouldn't talk to me because it makes me miss you, and I want to reply right away. But then I think that when I write back, the only thing I do is wait for your answer. I'm sorry for leaving you but I had no choice.

The days feel like years. They're tearing me apart. Baby, I promise you I never meant to make you cry. I wish you wouldn't tell me that you've cried too because I know who's there to hold you, and you have no idea how much it breaks my heart that it's not me.

 

Remember how music was my life when I was with you? Well, I cannot listen to music anymore because every song speaks of you. I keep fantasizing about making love to you again, and then the thoughts of you with her come to mind.

 

I wonder if you think of me when you're with her.

I wonder how long it'll take you to get over me.

I wonder if the things that make me think of you make you think of me.

I wonder if you still love me.

I wonder if you still cry when you think of me.

I know it's sick, but I'm glad you've cried because of me.

I know it's sick, but no matter how much I love you, and how much you still say you love me, I want you to feel half the pain I felt every time I got jealous of you being with her. I know all that jealousy was in my head, but part of me still feels that you could have been more understanding but it and stopped talking to her. Part of me still feels that you shouldn't have run to her right after our break up. I don't want her to be the new reason for a smile on your face. I don't want her to touch you. I don't want her near you. I wish she would just go away.

[Love1336]

Is it a crime that i still love you, and i want you to love me too? ~Sade.

[bec83]

i'm not sure i'll ever truly forgive you for ruining my christmas and then calling me selfish. Less than four days before christmas when special food had already been bought for you by my parents as you don't like christmas dinner. You say you want to go to you nans. I have no problem with this and say we can work out a way to do both; Just find out the details so i can arrange things with my parents. You don't, you then get in a mood and later on say you've cancelled it with your nan. On christmas day, you wake up moody and don't get dressed in time. You start an argument with me and threaten to split up with me. You say i'm selfish and should have cancelled with my parents as you don't often get to go to your nans. You say you don't want to come to my parents at all, so i go alone and have to lie and say you're ill. Wondering the whole day if i'm going to go back to a relationship, while you spend the whole day at home... I was trying to compromise and do both and apparently i'm selfish for that, 4 days before christmas i can't just cancel with my parents completely.. it was my christmas too and i wanted to see them too...

[boyblue]

I realise that I hurt you with what I said and I did not really realise what I was doing at the time as I was being irrational. I know you started to hate me but deep down I really hope you still have positive feelings and can forgive and forget. I know we were only dating a short time but I know we both felt a real connection and we enjoyed each other's company and you were really on top of the world you had met a really decent guy who wanted to be there for you and keep you safe and loved. I know I didn't show it and I know that's kind of half what made you start seeing a side in me that you felt wasn't what you wanted, but hoped so much for.

 

You may or may not care right now and I don't know if you ever want to try again but be assured I have recognised my mistakes and I hope you have reflected on your side of it, I know you didn't like showing emotions or talking about things and I tried to well get it out of you and this came accross as forceful, although the intention was caring and really wanting to listen and hear your side.

 

Maybe you could think about that, that this is a side of you that needs to change and I hope you are making positive steps to do that as I have done to address my issues.

 

Yours always xxx

[MagzO]

I want to call you. I want to either yell at you for leaving or asking forgiveness for pushing you away. I know you wanted to stay friends, but you know I couldn't do that. I loved you too much to even deal with the fact that you're with someone else now. I'm jealous though. I'm all alone now, and you're with our friends. They talk to you, they listen to you, and you're probably having a blast bashing me. Or not even mentioning me, since it's not worth it... I don't know which one is worse. I want to mean something to you again, because at least someone would be thinking of me. I miss you. I miss them. I miss what we used to have and those long conversations and fun stories. Funny though, is that if I had them too, just like you do now, I wouldn't need you at all. It's not about you anymore. It's about me being alone. I hate it. I want to cling to someone, anyone. I don't care about you anymore like that, but would love to have my friends back. You stole them from me. Actually stole them. You're manipulative... very smart to use my feelings for you like that. I know you didn't mean to destroy my life like you did, but congrats. You got what you wanted. You're the best. You have them all. You have the prizes and the respect and them. I have nothing. I'm trying to keep up, but I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore. You said 'find new friends'. You soulless freak. So easy for you to say it when you stole mine, because they were mine first. You met them six months after I did. God, I can't believe I defended you. I should have let them trash you like they were and just leave it. But I loved you. I wanted them to like you, and I wanted you to be mine. Maybe I was wrong too... A psychopath of some sort... Gosh, and writing this is actually making me feel worse when I thought it was going to make me feel better...

[missfedup]

you know

sleeping with someone means alot to me.

it involves giving the most intimate part of yourself to someone.

Shame YOU didn't see it that way.

 

You would never have had a part of me if i'd have known you are a self absorbed jerk.

only interested in having your ego stroked.

If i'd known you were a player i would have walked away.

 

You don't deserve me.

LOSER.

GOOD RIDDANCE.

[sfindependent]

i don't know why i've been thinking about you, despite you probably forgetting about me in a sense. it's obvious from your lack of communication, your lack of empathy and concern plus your new found friends and drinking buddies (and is it FWB's too? or is it dating, already?). i don't want to know. screw closure. i am not happy with your life choices, and the same with other people whom i've closed off from my life because they're not good for me, i'll do the same to you. being friends with you right now will only mean i condone you leaving me. even though i know i'm better off without you and you the same, it still hurts and a small part of me wants to be with you. pah. pretty soon, you'll just be another face in the crowd buried in booze. in the mean time, i'll improve and grow as a person, marry a nice catholic girl who's inlove with me, wants to build a family and live a quiet, loving life together. she's not you and i'm not going to try to force you to fit with what i need.

 

you're nothing special.

[psimp1005]

Im starting to accept the breakup, exactly a month later. I'm happy with my friends. I hate seeing you around, it just brings my emotions back. I think you helped me get over it by the way you hurt me, and the way you ended things. We both still loved each other when we broke up. But you just turned into a * * * * * and you're now going around with every other guy you can get. You disgust me. I'll find someone better, more mature, someone who can handle her problems without running at the sign of trouble. I just wish we would have ended things a LONG time ago so none of this would happen.

[Robin2904]

I hate that I miss you.

 

Don't get me wrong- I'm doing pretty good. I have a lot going on, and have concentrated my attention on other things then you. But still there are times when I'm left alone and I just think of you. Miss you. Think of all the good times, the sweet intimate moments between us. I do miss them. There's been some craziness going on in my life recently, and my first thought through out all of this would be to tell you. I wish you were still a constant part of my life and day so I could still unload all of this on you. I submitted my name for something fun and i was SO excited all I wanted to do was share it with you! And then there has been craziness with my best friend- I wish I could just vent about it to you. I just miss having you in my life. Just wonder if you miss having me there, or if you have already found someone new to take that place.

 

Bleh.

[Metta2]

I am so sad without you, but even more sad by how much you hurt me. I hope I can slowly learn how to regain my self-confidence and learn how to love myself again, without you.

[raidernation]

i wish i knew what you were thinking, i wish i knew the truth, i wish you would have just let me know what i could have done differently, i wish you could have been honest with me, i wish you would have appreciated all the things i did for you. You're acting like a different person now, you act like I ruined your life by trying to be in a relationship with you, you act like i did nothing but stop you from accomplishing your goals, did i make you into something you weren't? Was i trying to make you into the person I wanted you to be? I guess i was because you aren't loyal, you don't care and you don't know how to tell the truth.

 

I guess it was really hard to think of an excuse to get rid of me when i was stepping up to every challenge you put in front of me. Did you really want to be with him that bad? enough to try to turn everything around on me? I just wanted a normal give and take relationship, i guess you got tired of giving and just wanted to take whatever you could from me before replacing me. Companionship, true friendship, support, pleasure, kindness, trust, safety, honor.. what else could i give you? I changed my job, i went to grad school, i moved, i worked out, saved money, went where you wanted, cooked, cleaned, talked on the phone for hours, did your family favors, and now i am reduced to a distant memory like an ex boyfriend who abused you.. Why do you resent me? How can you act like nothing happened between us?

 

why did i try so hard? I really saw something good in both of us, you supported me in my life goals and i supported you. I was there for you when you needed me and you helped me through some of the toughest times of my life. We traveled the world together, our families loved us, our friends were jealous of us, but you couldn't do it anymore. I guess i got boring, too stable, too nice, too accommodating, but after 4 years how exactly am i supposed to know what the hell you want unless you tell me!? The worst thing about it is i don't think there was anything i could do because it seems like you gave up a long time ago.

 

I wish I would have never trusted you so much, given you so much of the real me. 4 years of love and you put me out of my misery like an old dog.. but at least you found a replacement. I don't know if it is going to work out for you but i really hope it doesn't, you don't deserve it and neither does he. I didn't deserve this kind of treatment and i guess life is full of disappointments.

 

Day 13 of NC and im going crazy thinking about you..

last night i had a dream about you,

you came back and told me everything was going to be okay.

You apologized like you always do, you told me you loved me and missed me.

 

But you don't. There is no way you could

[mines]

You. You still have my heart. I've made no progress. Getting over you , is so difficult. No, it's impossible. I can't get over you. I am growing weary of trying.....

[Love1336]

if you only knew how much I missed you.

No words can even go beyond that.

Today was such a crappy day.

I give up already. You was right about me. I am awful person, and i need to be alone until the day i died. I'm done hurting people. All i want to do now is fix me, and then I'll be all right.