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Everything posted by simplyme01

  1. Hey baby, it's been awhile & I am missing you so much today. You sent me a "happy birthday baby" email 2 weeks ago. It meant so much to me, but I didn't respond, not even a thanks. I'm afraid. I've been doing so well & don't want a set back. I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow for a week. I don't want you in my thoughts constantly. You really haven't been much lately. For some reason, today I miss you & cried for the 1st time in a couple of weeks. How are you? Do you miss me? Do you miss us? I have a feeling you will contact me again soon, I don't know why I feel that but I do. "IF" you do, I don't know what I would do. No one wants us back together...no one. So why am I still missing you?
  2. Helpmetoheal...YOU CAN DO THIS!! You will be amazed at how you will soon feel!
  3. I want to start by saying Happy Sunday Morning! Yes, HAPPY Sunday!! There are many "newbies" just starting this challenge. What I am going to say, you have heard over & over again...NC & times heals. It does, you have to know & believe that it does. I am on day 34 of no contact & 71 days since I last saw him. Do I miss him? I do. Do I think about him daily? I do. But here I am on a Sunday morning feeling good. Really feeling good. When I 1st started NC, it was H*LL & I didn't know how I was going to survive a day, let alone a weekend, and making it to 30 days without contact seemed like eternity & like forever. You can read some of my earlier posts & see that I felt what all of you are feeling now & wanted help & direction & for the pain to go away so bad. The 1st one, maybe two weeks I spent on my couch, with my laptop & tissues & I cried & cried, was hurting, was numb, was so confused. My heart & world were shattered. Slowly, I took baby steps, getting out of my house, being around people, if only for a short period of time until I needed my comfort zone, my house, my couch. The 1st 2 weeks I kept in contact. Seemed like hundreds of text messages, emails. They got nasty, anything for a reaction right?? Well, I occasionally did get a reaction, never heard what I wanted to hear & the rejection continued & so did the pain.The last weekend I talked to him "WE" were both tossing around trying again. He said his heart is saying yes, but his head is saying no. I joked about going to his place & climbing it bed with him, snuggling, cuddling all night. I even suggested (very jokingly) just using each other for sex!! LOL...we had the most amazing love making & sex. We both knew that would just start things all over again. So we agreed, we could NOT do that. Finally after a conversation we had on Valentine's Day (go figure) I decided it was time for me to do this. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done. I spent several hours on here, reading & posting. I read a lot, I have a couple of close friends that I called crying, often hysterical where they couldn't even understand me. But they were always there & calmed me down & told me AGAIN, all of the reasons my ex & I broke up. It has been a long rough journey. Yesterday was my birthday. The days approaching a constant thought was will I hear from him? Will he remember? Will he wish me a happy birthday?? The 1st b'day wish I got on fb was from his brother, & it meant a lot. My ex doesn't have fb, which has without a doubt made this whole thing easier. I received so many special happy birthday wishes on fb yesterday. In the morning I ran some errands & went shopping & bought a couple of things for my upcoming vacation. I kept checking my phone...looking & hoping for something from him. Honestly, I don't even know why I wanted a happy birthday wish from him. May just to know, he still thinks of me (if even a little) and I "did" mean something to him. When I got home from the mall, I called my gf crying. She doesn't sugar coat anything...I told her if he doesn't call or text or anything that means I was nothing to him...nothing. That hurt soooo much. I knew if he did sent me a text, call or anything I would not respond. I just would feel better knowing I'm still there with him, even if it's not how I want to be. Not to mention, I felt by not responding, I would be in control. Right or wrong, that's how I felt. Well...guess what???? Last night I got a very short & sweet "Hope you had a Happy Birthday baby!!! Be happy!!" email from him. It surprised the h*ll out of me, but meant the world. I did not respond & won't. I feel good. I feel so good!!! You all have to know you will soon feel good too. I don't know if we will ever not think about them, or miss them. But I do know it is a much different feeling than it was a month ago. All I can say is STAY STRONG, do this for you, love YOU...NC & time, there is no other way. Keep reading & posting. Everyone is here to help. I will bet sooner than you think, you will be doing what I'm doing. Reaching out with encouragement for others. I swear if you read some of my previous posts, I've said & felt what you are feeling today. It does get easier!
  4. Just KNOW & BELIEVE that it really will get easier. I was where you are now not too long ago. Keep busy, have someone you can call & cry to. I am so thankful I have a friend that I would call, sometimes several times a day & say "I can't do this, I miss him so much". I didn't know how I'd get through a day. You will start feeling better sooner than you think. When everyone says "NO CONTACT", you have to do all you can to live by that, it's the best way to heal, that & time. Keep posting here. You can do this!
  5. Thanks Moonchill! It has been a tough journey, but I feel so much better. My birthday is Saturday & I do wonder if he'll text me a happy birthday. I doubt he will. "IF" he does, I will immediately contact my "break up buddy" & post on here & hope everyone will tell me "DON'T RESPOND". I know if I did it would set me way back from the progress I've made. Not to mention, it would feel good to not respond as he has done so many times. Either way, I won't be crushed if I don't get a birthday wish from him, it will just confirm, we weren't meant to be. Dreams suck don't they?? Just don't try to analyze them & know that they are just dreams. We all deserve happiness & we will have it without them!
  6. DAY 30 NC!! I never thought I could do it. 30 days ago it seemed like eternity. When everyone said it gets easier, it was so hard to believe. But it does, & it feels good. Don't get me wrong, I still think about him every day & miss him. It doesn't hurt like it use to. I haven't seen him in 60+ days. Weekends are still hard & I cry. I haven't been able to listen to music yet. Music was a big part of us. When I can listen to music without crying, that's when I'll know I'm over him. I have made so much progress in 30 days. This forum has been great therapy!! Big hug
  7. went out tonight hockey game, with someone I dated a few times, nice guy, but not really into. went out after to see a 2 man band...they were great! I had a couple of guys hitting on me, even though i was with someone. Anyway...I had a fun night, but was thinking about & missed my ex all night. I saw couples dancing like we use to. Didn't even dance with my date...I couldn't. I missed my ex so much tonight. Even though it's nice knowing other guys are into me & treat me well...I am so not ready. I miss my baby so f'g much. It was so comfortable...this sucks!
  8. I am missing you today like I was when we 1st broke up. I love you, I miss you, I want to hold you so bad. I'm crying foe the 1st time in soooo long. I don't understand this. I thought it was suppose to get easier. I want you to text me, or call me...why?????? I don't want to love you, I don't want to miss you, I don't want to hurt anymore. When will this stop?? I feel so sick & so alone right now. I just miss you
  9. Day 25 I had a dream about you last night. It seemed so real. Why do I dream about you, miss you, think about you still? It's been over 2 months. Although I am healing & moving on, you are still with me. I had a great night last night & I'm going on a date tonight. Just a date, no one I am really attracted to, but he's nice. Keeping busy, getting a lot done around the house, things that have been neglected because my life was you/us. The most difficult thing is wondering how you are and if I even cross your mind. I am reading & learning about positive thinking. Something you were very good at & tried to teach me. I didn't get it. Now I do. It isn't something that can be learned & practiced over night. BUT, I am learning...for me. I am going to be a much better person when this is all said & done. I can't wait for the day I no longer miss you baby.
  10. DAY 24 NC Today I am missing him. It is Friday & it's been a pattern as the weekend approches I feel a lot of anxiety. I do have a busy weekend planned with friends & family. Getting into NCAA & March Madness isn't goung to be easy. We've always watched these games together & partied with friends. I do wonder who he's watching the games with. I know I shouldn't worry about what he's doing or with who. This is getting easier as time goes on. It isn't a constant pain. I seldom cry anymore. I still think about him often & miss him & wonder if he misses me...I think not.
  11. Well it's been over 2 months since I last saw you & almost 4 weeks since we last spoke. I know I'm getting over you. I do think about you, miss you & wonder how you are & what you're doing. I find myself lately feeling a lot of anger. It really blows my mind how we can be so close for so long & for you to just write me off like I was nothing to you. I had a biopsy done last week...you knew I was having it done. I really thought you'd care enough to want to know the results, but no. In so many ways I am lucky, you don't have a facebook, I wasn't real close with your family, we didn't have many mutual friends, chances are slim that we will run into each other before summer. When I do see you someday, I have know idea how I'll feel about you. You hurt me. I loved you huge & I know you loved me too. I think you could only love & commit to a certain point & then you pull away or run. I wonder if you will someday have regrets?? There really is so much I want to say, but I've said it all so many times before. How you can just turn things off & move on is beyond me. I know what I deserve & I'm confident I will someday have someone that loves me deeply, someone that can communicate, work through issues, not put me down every time I express my feelings & someone that I can love right back. I wish you luck finding that "conflict free" relationship that you strongly believe exists.
  12. Hang in there...you will hear this over & over again, from everyone one here. As difficult as it is & we all know it is, NC is the best way, the only way & I really does get easier with time. Stay busy, lean on your friends, post here as much as you need to. Take care of you!!
  13. Jane, you're a sweetheart & an inspiration!! As much as I have my bad days, I do have many more good days. I am getting out & doing things. Weather in Upstate NY is not quite ready for a park visit. I Do have a FL. vaca planned for the end of March, a week with the girls!! Woohoo! I figure that will put me at almost 3 months since our breakup. I should be golden by then. Been going to counseling for the past 3 weeks, working on "my" issues. Feels good NC is the best thing for all of us. I can't believe what your ex said to you...REALLY??? What does he think? Why bother? I'm glad you're doing well & taking care of you! I don't know what I would do with out the support of ENA and all that contribute!
  14. I just want to say EFF YOU...underlined, with big bold, flashing letters!!! You have no idea...
  15. Day 19 NC...56 days since he left my house for the last time. WEEKENDS SUCK!!!
  16. Hey Jane! Nice to hear from you How are you & things? I know you & your ex had some contact? Anything lately or no?? I have my great days & some still challenging ones. More great than not!!
  17. Wow, we are in the same place. It will be 2 months on the 10th. I feel the same way you do about the weekends & the urge to contact him. I know I'm still hanging on to hope that I'll hear from him & he'll want to try again. I want that hope to fade. How long were you together? How long has NC been?
  18. Day 18...this is suppose to get easier. It seems the urge to contact him is getting stronger. I don't understand this. I mis him so much, seems like more everyday. I feel like I'm doing all the right things. I don't want to miss him anymore.
  19. Missing you like crazy It's Friday & it seems to hit me hard on the weekends. I just want to see you, have dinner with you, hold you & never let go. I miss you & wonder if you miss me. I think if you did, I would know
  20. NC Day 17...BU, last time I saw him, day 54 Although it has gotten easier, it still hurts, I still miss him & feel so alone at times. Sometimes there is a strong urge to contact him. Moonchill, how did you let the hope of getting back together go?? I am still hanging on to "in time he will miss me & contact me". A part of me feels we really are over, then there's a part of me that is still holding that hope that he will contact me & miss me?? It's so crazy. I don't want to hang on to that anymore. I really want to let go & move on. I don't know how to get rid of that last bit of hope??
  21. I agree about crying & letting your feelings out. I would cry constantly. Now it's just here & there, a few times a week. Mostly on weekends. But letting yourself cry & really feel the pain will help you to heal. When my breakup 1st happened & everyone was saying it gets easier & couldn't even imagine. But it REALLY does. And NC is the best, best thing!
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