simplyme01
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I literally spent 2 weeks & weekends all curled uo on my couch with my laptop and tissues. I felt extreme anxiety when I thought about leaving my comfort zone. From my experience, you have to let yourself feel the hurt, really feel it. I cried a lot & I yelled, in my house all by myself...I punched a pillow if I felt like it. Then take baby steps toward going out. It's almost 2 months for me & I can't go see a band yet. I have not listend to any music in the past 2 months. That will be a sure sign for me that I've healed when I can finally listen to music. But to your feelings...it is so normal to feel safe & comfortable in your own place. You will soon find a balance between that & getting out. I'm still working on that.
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I feel so weak today...PEP TALK NEEDED PLEASE
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Of course there's room for you! The more the merrier. We need each other right now. I have seriously learned that NC is with out a doubt the best & most likely the only way to heal. In the beginning, I'd go a few or several days with NC & then I'd break down. That set me back & hurt all over again. As much as I have my bad day...this weekend, I know I'm getting over him. "IF" they miss us, they WILL contact us. If they do, the best thing will be to ignore it. I have this feeling that my ex will eventually contact me to see how I'm doing, maybe not. If he does I have to be strong enough to ignore it. I don't think staying in contact helps you or him. They need time to think & maybe miss us. We need time to heal & take care of us. I'm hoping by the time he decides to say "hey" I'll be over him. Hang in there, be strong, it'll get better.
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Sunday morning...yesterday was rough. Again this morning I have the strongest urge to contact him. I had a dream, go figure, that he now had a gf. I don't think he does yet, but I really don't know. All I know is I miss him so much, yesterday & today. I just don't understand what has triggered this. It's intense. Hormone's maybe?? Yeah, that's got to be it, lol! I'll blame it on being "hormotional" and in a few days it'll pass. I need to be strong again...
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Moonchill...I honestly don't know what it is about today. I've been on a roll, doing well & it hit me hard today. I know I'm not going to call or text him. I've been there, done that & it really did set me back to square one. I don't want to step back. I'm hoping today is just a bad day & tomorrow will be brighter. I haven't been able to listen to music in 2 months. Music was a big part of us. That will be one of my final steps to my healing. If it's getting you down, don't listen to it. Be strong, keep reading and posting on here. I find myself doing the same when I'm feeling weak. It helps a lot. We're all here for the same reason & it even helps to see everyone else having ups & downs. God forbid if we're all down on the same day!!! YIKES! lol...
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
simplyme01 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I don't get it. I was doing so well getting over you & us not being together. Why am I now missing you so much & at this moment crying?? What triggered this? I miss you baby What are you doing? Who did you watch the game with today? Do you miss me at all? Do I cross your mind? What happened to us? It's been almost 2 months since I've seen you, slept with you, held you & almost 2 weeks since we last spoke...Valentine's Day to be exact. I thought I was doing well, really making progress & then all of a sudden I feel this over whelming emptiness & missing you. I'm crying for the first time in a long time. WHY??? I don't want to miss you anymore. You hurt me -
Haha...talk about that damn emotional roller coaster. I just posted a message a few hours ago when I felt as if I was doing well. Now I'm sitting here missing him soooo much & crying, really crying. WHY??? Where did this all of a sudden come from? I miss him, I want to see him. I don't want to hurt anymore. Why was I doing so well & now this??? I haven't cried in so long, why now?
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NC Day 13 Going on 2 months since I last saw him. This is the longest we've gone with NC. It's still not easy, but it is easier. I miss him everyday, several times a day. I often wish he would call or send a text, just so I know he's thinking of me. I wonder if he is?? I shouldn't care, but I still do. "If" he did call or text, I would want to be strong enough to ignore it & just not respond. I guess time will tell. At this point, I don't think I would go back with him. This time a part has made me realize a lot of things that weren't great with us. I've been keeping busy with family & friends. Haven't cried since I don't know when, maybe a week. The physical pain I felt in the beginning days, weeks has lessened tremendously. I still feel a slight emptiness. There is a part of me that just wants to hold him, kiss him, eat dinner with him, just cuddle...yes, I still miss that a lot. But, I know that is all in the past & in time I won't miss any of it. Hope you all have a happy Saturday!
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Sounds so similar to my break up...it seemed so one sided. And it's so difficult now because I know we still love each other. But I'm not so sure he will ever come back because I don't think he will put forth the effort needed to make things work. He used the word "expectations" a lot, said he couldn't live up to my expectations. After a year & 1/2, yeah I did have some expectations. Time will tell for all of us. In the mean time we have to keep plugging along, keeping strong & taking care of US!
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I agree take care of "us" BUT "if" they come back to us, willingly, without us begging & being crazy, maybe they do want to work things out. I sometimes think "maybe it's me that's all messed up & has faults" & then I think...hell yeah, I do have faults! I'm human, not perfect & I love you & your faults. If you really love me, it's going to be me & my faults. If they miss us & want to come back to us, it has to be "for who we are"...emotions & all!! Otherwise, maybe they should be with something robotic!! LOL!! Big hug
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It is so confusing... how we can think everything is ok, maybe like it was before. I would have done the same thing. Almost like "he's back", at least in our mind he is. But really, where are they? What do they want? Where's the line?? I just don't get it. Should we all just stay NC forever?? Why do they even bother contacying us if they know it isn't going to be what we want it to be?? So many unanswered questions, so confusing. Jane, I feel bad for you. You were doing so well...
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It's going on 2 months since our break up & 8 days of NC for me. For the first several weeks, I was a mess. It was like an addiction & I needed a fix. Any excuse to text him, email him, or call him. The last time we spoke was on Valentine's Day. He knows how I feel & he knew what I wanted to hear. He wasn't being mean. I know he still cares & is hurting too. But I also think this is so much easier for him, after all he dumped me. The longest I've gone with NC was 11 days & I lost it & contacted him. We went back & forth for a week & I didn't hear what I wanted to hear & it was torture. But I was doing it to myself. The last conversation that we had, proved to me things weren't going to change. It was his way or no way. When we hung up the phone, I sent him one final text message, telling him I was done. I told him he said enough to make me KNOW this wasn't going to work. I almost felt like I dumped him & still kinda feel that way. The only way I will talk to him is if he contacts me & says he's sorry & made a mistake, which I don't think will happen. I think my point to all of this, that might help you, even though I'm sure you've heard it all before, the more you stay in contact the harder it's going to be. A week ago I was a mess, crying, etc. Now that Ive been NC for the past 8 days, I feel so much better. Do I still miss him??? I DO...so much I do. But NC is the only way to heal & move on. You have to get to a point where you say, enough is enough!
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Day 8 NC Good days & bad. The bad days are getting easier. I still miss him every day, but I seldom cry & the heaviness in my chest is gone. Like some of you, I wonder what he's doing & if he misses me. I have a busy week planned, that helps.
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NC Day 7 I don't know why today is so difficult. I think I've been doing ok. Keeping busy, spending time with family & friends, spending time alone. I really thought I was moving on. I haven't cried in a week Today...I don't know what's come over me. I miss him so much & want to text or call him. I know I won't. But the urge is so strong. I guess it's confusing how I can have several good days & then all of a sudden I feel like I'm starting all over again. I want to stop missing him. It's going on 2 months since I last saw him & yes we have had contact in between, some bad, some not so bad. I KNOW we both still care...this sucks!!! I am certain I won't contact him. But I just don't understand this emotional roller coaster...great one day, not so great the next
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
simplyme01 replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Baby, I miss you today. I miss you everyday. I have good days & bad. Weekends are difficult, but I am doing so much better than I was 5 weeks ago, when we saw each other for the last time. We talked on Valentine's Day & haven't talked since. We even talked about trying again. You told me you love me & miss me & that you're lonely & this isn't easy for you either. You said you don't like to see me hurting. You know how I feel. You should know that I WILL NOT contact you again. If you ever do contact me, I am not sure how I will feel or respond if I even will. You are still in my heart huge & I miss you tons, but this is getting easier. I am taking care of me & will make some positive changes...for me, not us. I'm glad that things are no longer nasty, as they were when we 1st broke up. I kept in contact with you on & off for several weeks, but I'm now at the point where I am not going to subject myself to rejection, or hope to hear something that I probably won't right now. We both know we had a lot of good & it helps to know you still love & miss me & also that you're hurting too & I believe you are. As much as I miss you & us, deep down I KNOW this is the best for both of us, unless we can both learn to compromise. I still say what was broken with us, was so fixable, but we had to BOTH want it. I'm not so sure you wanted it bad enough. The longer we stay apart & NC, I will heal & get stronger & maybe even emotionally move on. I have this feeling you might someday, maybe even soon contact me & want to try again...baby, I'm not sure I will be open to that. I LOVE YOU STILL -
Moonchill, I do actually have plans for the weekend, just not what I want. My family & friends are keeping me busy. I still have to kick myself in the butt to get out. I know that's the best for me. Trying to find a balance between spending time alone, yet not withdrawing. I miss my ex & seeing that we've spent every Wednesday - Sunday together for the past year and a half, week ends are the toughest.
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I don't like weekends!
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It's been awhile since I've posted on here. Haven't seen him in a little over a month since our break up. But we have had contact. Texting & phone calls. We are both torn, whether or not to try again. This has been quite the emotional roller coaster. I have learned a lot about me. Some things that hurt him & our relationship. I am going to counseling to work on these things. Although I think it's too late for us to try again, even if we did, there is no guarantee that it would work & I know I don't want to go through this again. In a way I haven't even begun to heal, since we've had contact often. So I can't even say DAY 1 NC, I don't think I've been ready to let go, even though I know I should. I miss him...
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Day 1 NC AGAIN!!! Well, I made it to I think day 11 & I broke it. Contacted him and we had back & forth text messages for 3 days. Some good, most not so good. I have without a doubt realized over the past month of being broken up that as much as I miss him, NC is healthier & easier than being in contact and not getting the responses you hope to get & seeing that he is not the person that I feel in love with & that I want him to be. One of the last text messages that I got from him said, I love you baby & I'm sorry. I guess walking away with that makes it a little easier for me. I know I HAVE TO DO THIS, I have to, it's the only way. It has really taken a toll on me, physically, emotionally, it's even affected my performance at work in a very negative way. It's been a month of much emotional turmoil & it is beyond time for me to get my act together & take care of me! This forum has helped me a lot already, even though I've had set backs. Just knowing so many other are feeling the same things, the ups & downs, the missing, the anger...etc. Then to see those that have really stuck with the NC & are taking care of themselves & healing. I think I am finally here, I guess that means I have made it to the ACCEPTANCE stage!! I am going to do this, there's no turning back now!!!!!
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Day 1 Was at day 11, back to day 1!! I have no regrets. I don't feel horrible or weak. I feel real good actually. I have the closure I need and on a friendly note. I Texted him this morning & he immediately responded back. We had some fun chats & some serious chats. I think we both have an understanding of what we wanted out of the relationship. We were on way different pages. We both still love each other. I don't think either of us has plans to jump into another relationship. We both want to heal & grow. He hurt me, I hurt him. We're both sorry. We pretty much kept the door open for further contact, although we both know that isn't the best thing right now & probably won't happen. I really do feel better. When we broke up, horrible mean things were said. I told him to leave me alone & never contact me again. I feel now like it is more mutual. As much as I still love him & miss him (and I didn't come accross that way) I think he has the idea that I'm doing well. So even though I'm back to day one of no contact, this was good for me. I was really hurting before with how we left things & also knowing that he's doing well too & taking care of him, I am much more content!
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Happy Birthday Janeiac!
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DAY 11 Wow, day 11. Never imagined I/we could have gone this long with no contact. haven't seem him in 3 weeks. I woke up this morning & want so bad to send him a short, sweet text message. just a "hey baby", "how are you"? but why?? why would I send that? he obviously doesn't care. and then I read Love1336's message above, breaking NC and feeling awful, back to square 1, the possible rejection. I have to stay strong. If he was thinking about me & missing me, I'd hear from him. I am doing better, still miss him & can't wait until I can wake up & not have him be my 1st thought, go to bed & not have him be my last thought & damn to sleep all night long with out waking up for hours in the middle of the night. Happy Monday everyone! Big hug
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NC DAY 10 weekends are the toughest by far. although, i look at this weekend vs last & i was actually very busy & even went out with my sister to watch our college basket ball game & met a friend last night to catch up on things. janeiac, when you said you were lonely, i can so relate to that. sleeping alone, waking up alone, there's such a void. i know i am healing. i've had good days & bad. i know i shouldn't care, but the same questions keep coming to mind, over & over...does he miss me? is he thinking about me? is he hurting? is he seeing anyone, does he have regrets? is he blaming me? i know none of this should matter. i need to take care of me & i am. i think i would like to know that he is hurting too, if even just a little. i'll never know. i have to continue to move forward & take care of me
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Janeiac & FloridaMan...a huge thanks to both of you. Janeiac, NO you were NOT too hard on me! Sometimes that's what I or we need to get throug this. Do I sometimes feel weak & pathetic?? Yes I do. I also know what I have to do & can't do. I KNOW what contacting him will do. I am very proud of my self for how far I've come in the past few weeks. They have been hell. But with the help of this forum & friends & those that really care I am keeping focused. I am sure I'm going to have more days like this. I have been doing things for me. Not yet ready yo goout & socialize. Baby steps for sure. Withh all that being said, do I sometimes feel pathetic & foolish...I do. I also know this isn't easy & it's normal to still hurt & to sometimes doubt that I have the strenght. That's why I reach out to you all. Be tough on me...that's what I need. I know I can do this, just sometimes need that encouragement form others that are going through the same thing.
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How are you doing this?? I know I've asked you that before. And I know what I have to do...and like you, I miss ME & so does everyone else.