ollyox

Hey you. Hows life? Not a day goes by when i'm going through town, that I dont think about you. I'm convinced i'm gonna see you. But hey, I never do. That could be because you are nowhere near here anymore. You could be anywhere right now couldnt you? On face value, I guess you could say i'm doing well... Im enjoying my job. Enjoying most of my free time. Most importantly, im trying to get on with life and put myself out there abit. I'm rarely on this website anymore. I rarely feel that sorry for myself either. I'm getting the keys to my new house tomorrow. I'm moving in with them, like you probably would of predicted. It makes me sad this time of year, because this is when you are me moved in together. I've stopped counting the months actually, but I guess it's about 9? D and B are splitting up, so i'm getting him through it, which obviously makes me think of you. I searched for you on fb for the first time in ages tonight. I saw a picture of you with what I imagine is your new bf. Looks like he suits you. I have a date this Friday. She started talking to me in a club. Shes really nice. Such a sweet girl. Not as good looking as you though. I struggle with that. I can feel myself getting a bit weak again. It hurts to be honest. I dont know what else to say really. Im tired and depressed today.

So L is pregnant... Wow, did that bring up afew issues for me. I was goind pretty well until that hit. Of course she asked for my advice on abortion. That took me back to when we were 18 and in the same situation. You always resented me for insisting on it, didnt you? I had my reasons, and lets be honest, you wouldnt be at Uni and you wouldnt be travelling around the world with your new boyfriends if i'd of made you think differently. But you need me to blame for it and I accept that. Anyway... My day has been pretty up and down. Went to the pub in a bad mood and S texted just at the right time. She really is helping me through this... I feel so wanted tonight. Found out a girl is obsessed with me, but alas she is only 17, so a no go. But it's great to feel important and wanted again. Infact, that pushed me to look you up on facebook. I see you've changed your profile pic again. Showing off your legs. They are damn good and I dont blame you for using them to make yourself feel better. Im proud I can feel that way. Hasnt really affected me all that much to be honest. I'm getting on with life and im attracting attention while i'm doing it.

I want to remember the last words I heard you say to me on the day I last saw you... I want to remember your smell. I want to know if you feel terrified sometimes by the thought of not being with me. I want to know how new guys in your life make you feel. I want to know what song makes you think of me. I want you to regret what you let go. I want to know that no matter where on this earth you are, its not far enough to keep me out of your mind. Out of your heart. I want to stop wanting things for you. I want to pick myself up again after this awful week. I want to be in a place where i'm ready for a new, beautiful woman in my life.

I was browsing through my photos of facebook when I saw one of us tagged together. Though we are no longer facebook friends, I could see your profile picture. Curiosity takes over and I click for the bigger image. Well Hi! There you are standing in between three douche bags... I've literally seen in about 5 minutes ago and im trying to work out what to make of it. Though I must say, its lovely seeing some guys that you've potentially let you. You look good, but you dont look happy. I bet those guys dont quite fill the void you've been feeling since you left me, do they? You know what? I think this has actually helped me in a way. My chest hurts like hell, but its good to know you have company. Youre living your life. As for me, i'll take my time and deal with this hurt properly. PS - That doesnt look like India

Dear you, Happy Birthday... Whats it been now? Just over 3 months since we ended our 5 year relationship... Just over a month NC? I've been doing OK. Up and down as expected, but hey... Still unemployed, but i've been working on myself. Reconnecting with old friends, making new ones and going to the gym. I'm looking pretty good. I've had a pretty big set back recently in trying to get over you. I've met a new girl who is very much into me. She's going through what i'm going through. We have been 'sexting' and the other night she was pretty intimate with me... I have to be honest in saying that I struggled. It's almost like my mind wasnt there... But hey, I guess thats normal. Bringing up all those memories of kissing and touching, was always gonna be weird right? I see you have 20 new friends on facebook. I've been trying not to check up on you but curiosity gets to me sometimes... I'd put money on the fact that you've slept with atleast one guy. Says alot of what I think about you I guess??? I know your character and the way you make yourself feel better. It hurts me, but i'm not angry with you today... I genuinely wish you a happy birthday. Some days I feel like if I saw you, i'd be able to handle it, but not recently. I know it would destroy me... The thought of you with someone else destroys me aswell. Probably because this new girl has made me realise how much i'm not ready to move on. Well, whatever you will be doing tonight, I will be getting intimate attention from this girl and I will be doing my best not to think about you while it's happening... Hey, who knows? Maybe you will be doing the same? I'm gonna ride this storm though. We both know i'm an emotional guy, but i'm strong, stronger than you ever could of thought. Have a good one. x