Help. She got pregnant on purpose!

[yeawutever]

No love does not equal to possession. She did that to manipulate like other posters say so she can ruin your life permanently. Can't believe there are people like that, crazy ones that you gotta stay away from. Sorry to hear what happened so I think now should be the time to start thinking what you should do. Maybe share the kid 50% of the time and not giving part of her life, only providing child support for the kid.

Shouldn't there be a lawsuit for this deception, followed by charges???

[jenny_mcs]

Maybe you have a point...

 

I don't understand what possessed her to do this. Love?? I'm just tryin to understand I guess.

 

Complete and utter selfishness. She wanted a baby, and didn't care one bit that you didn't. She wanted to get her way at any cost. Not the best character traits for a future mother.

[annie24]

ugh, this was not cool of her whatsoever. actually, manipulative and deceptive are better words. i would never do such a thing to a man i cared about, i would want a baby to be a JOINT decision. i wouldn't blame you if you broke it off for good!!!!

 

as a side note, as crazyaboutdogs alluded to, no birth control is 100% and even if she took the pill perfectly, there is still a risk of pregnancy. sex leads to babies, that is just biology. the only way to make sure you aren't a parent before you are ready is to not have sex. and don't get raped. yikes.

 

so, yeah, i would consider 2 things at this point - how are you going to pay for the baby, and if you want to continue this relationship with her. i hope she knows that her actions may have ruined the relationship for good.

[HeartGoesOn]

To all the people suggesting to use a condom, you talk as if the pill isn't a viable method of contraception, which is most definitely is. It's not like she ACCIDENTALY got pregnant whilst on it, she knowingly stopped taking it, and I'm sure the OP, until this happened, trusted her enough to think she would keep taking it. I find the fact the blame is being put onto him here quite insulting to him.

 

 

There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective. Using a condom, along with the pill is a better choice, but there still is no guarantee.

 

By taking this into account, it's always wise to discuss ahead of time what the outcome will be should a pregnancy happen.

[annie24]

I walked our & she's txt me afew times sayin sorry & afew missed calls.

 

i don't know if sorry quite cuts it! she made a major life decision for you while telling you she was on the pill!!! sorry is what you say when you are like, an hour late for a date! a baby is for the rest of your life.

[brokenpogostick]

This chick needs slapped! A baby isn't a control mechanism made to "make" someone love you or stay with you!

 

You have children when you are ready, willing and able - not when you get a whim. I am severely pissed off that this woman tricked you like that. I feel bad for you, but I feel sad for that innocent baby. This baby doesn't deserve to be born into a crappy situation.

 

As crappy as it is, you don't have any option but to prepare to be a father. I would suggest a paternity test, but you better make sure that you are ready to assume responsibility for the child either way.

 

I'm really sorry dude

[ResonanceTheory]

I would really want to know WHAT was going on in that girl's head. Did she want the baby because she felt like she was losing you? Did she want the baby cause she thought you wanted it? Did she want a baby just because she's immature and sees it as a pet? Does she want to play house with you ?

 

That's the question I would want answered: WHY.

 

I wonder if the OP has any ideas.

[pumpkinmoon]

I find this absolutely disgusting. I can't even begin to imagine doing this to anyone, even if I was desperate for a baby. I also can't understand how anyone could use a potential child like this. If it was me, and I did this to someone, I would be reminded of what I did everytime I looked at the child.

 

I see what people are saying that it is both partners responsibilty to use contraception, but when you are in a long term relationship, you should be able to trust your partner enough not to do something this low. If it was an accident and the pill failed even after taking it correctly that would be a different situation altogether, it's the deception here that makes me sick!

 

I can't think of many more things as filthy and as twisted as this.

[Imprecision]

I say you should make the best of it. You two were planning to have a baby eventually anyway. While she did deceive you - that's just what women do - and she seems to love you enough.

 

Try to see if either her or your parents are down with taking care of the kid for the first two years.

 

Btw, a man should always take care of his kids. It doesn't matter whether you wanted him beforehand or not. He's your kid now.

 

Well, good luck.

[ResonanceTheory]

While she did deceive you - that's just what women do -

 

That's total and utter crap.

I should hope that this wouldn't make the OP believe what the above poster has said. Being a woman isn't an excuse--As he can see, there are plenty of women that would never dream of doing such a thing. The OP's girlfriend obviously has some sort of issue--whether it is mental, emotional, or just plain old immaturity--that made her think this was an ok move.

[pinkrobot]

I don't know your gf at all, so I don't want to come off as judgmental or offensive in any way by asking this...so I'm sorry if it seems that way!

 

BUT, does she have any mental problems? Depression, bipolar, anything like that? Because a girl I used to be friends with actually did the same thing to her boyfriend, and she has alllll kinds of mental disorders. Not sure if there's a link, so I'm just speculating.

 

Still, dude...that is EFFED up. I'm so sorry she put you through this.

[Imprecision]

That's total and utter crap.

I should hope that this wouldn't make the OP believe what the above poster has said. Being a woman isn't an excuse--As he can see, there are plenty of women that would never dream of doing such a thing. The OP's girlfriend obviously has some sort of issue--whether it is mental, emotional, or just plain old immaturity--that made her think this was an ok move.

 

Well, a lot of women wouldn't, but some women obviously would.

 

Now, from my perspective, while the girl was at fault, it's too late to point fingers. Since they're going to have the child, it's imperative that he stick with her. Otherwise, the child would not have a father.

 

The OP should ask himself, "Do I really want to have a kid outside of a relationship?" Basically, it's no different than if you had married her, had a kid, and then divorced her. Now, do you really want that?

 

So the OP should cheer up, adapt, do the right thing, and hopefully, if both sides are committed to making this work, then things will turn out for the best.

[Hope75]

To all the people suggesting to use a condom, you talk as if the pill isn't a viable method of contraception, which is most definitely is. It's not like she ACCIDENTALY got pregnant whilst on it, she knowingly stopped taking it, and I'm sure the OP, until this happened, trusted her enough to think she would keep taking it. I find the fact the blame is being put onto him here quite insulting to him.

 

The pill is only as reliable as the person taking it. In the end, both parties are responsible for preventing pregnancy if they don't want it, and leaving it to one person can result in exactly what happened (whether by intention or by accident). If I knew I wasn't ready to be a parent, there is no way I'd expect my partner to be 100% responsible for birth control when I know even with perfect use there is a small failure rate and with 'human' use it climbs higher. Then there's situations like this....

 

To the OP, I am sorry that this happened to you, and ultimately there isn't much you can do except wait and have a paternity test when the baby is born, though if you were having sex without a condom there's a pretty good chance it's yours. It doesn't sound like she is going to consider abortion, but you can certainly talk to her about it.

 

Good luck and keep us updated.

[Hope75]

I say you should make the best of it. You two were planning to have a baby eventually anyway. While she did deceive you - that's just what women do -

 

That's quite an ignorant generalization, wouldn't you say?

 

I couldn't wait to have children with my husband, but we waited until we were both ready and then I stopped taking the pill and I got pregnant.

 

Where do I fit into your 'that's just what women do' theory?

[Mimori]

Well, a lot of women wouldn't, but some women obviously would.

 

Now, from my perspective, while the girl was at fault, it's too late to point fingers. Since they're going to have the child, it's imperative that he stick with her. Otherwise, the child would not have a father.

 

The OP should ask himself, "Do I really want to have a kid outside of a relationship?" Basically, it's no different than if you had married her, had a kid, and then divorced her. Now, do you really want that?

 

So the OP should cheer up, adapt, do the right thing, and hopefully, if both sides are committed to making this work, then things will turn out for the best.

 

That’s a really bad advice to tell him to stick with someone who’s deceptive and lied to him to get pregnant… If you look at other post in the past there are endless amounts of unhappy marriages with children involved. The child doesn’t make the situation any “happier”. Most parents who are obviously only sticking it through for the sake of the child-the child is going to eventually find out that their parents are unhappy and it doesn’t bring and create a “happy home”. That doesn’t mean the child won’t have a father, there are other methods. But by NO means does he HAVE to stick in a relationship with her.

 

That’s being highly old school and won’t mean that anyone but perhaps, the mother would be satisfied with this arrangement. The child has a better chance of having a happy home if both biological parents are happy, together or apart. With her behavior and choice, I wouldn’t ever stick with her…

 

He should never have to cope or adapt to this. He can adapt to the fact he’ll be a father, but not to the extent where he needs to remain in a relationship with a woman who tricked him… Basically, I disagree with your advice.

[Imprecision]

It hardly matters now that she tricked him.

 

We guys - or at least, those I consider guys - reserve a special hatred for men who don't take care of their women and their children.

 

Annie,

 

 

 

Well, you are a woman who made a good decision. She is a woman who made a wrong decision. However, women make wrong decisions all the time.

[pumpkinmoon]

Men also make wrong decisions all the time. I am sure if men were capable of having children there would be a lot of women in this situation too.

 

I don't think this thread is about making wrong decisions in general, everyone does that, but this is a woman who deliberately got herself pregnant when she knew damn well her bf was not ready for a baby. Telling him to cheer up isn't going to work.

[needadvice911]

you could always just tell her, if you have this baby im not going to stay with you at all. You will be a single mom and I will only be around to see my child. That will make her think twice about doing this. Let her know, I will not stay with you I will only be their for my child and I do not want to have nothing to do with you and on top of that I will let my parents and family know exactly what you did. You lied to me.. I think you should tell her this because this is how you feel. If she hears this she will most likely get the abortion pill.

[ResonanceTheory]

if you wanted to be manipulative, you could try the approach of the above poster. If she really is head over heels for you, she MAY consider giving up the baby if you threaten to leave her/have nothing to do with her besides mailing her a check each month if she has the baby.

 

But let's be honest here. Even if she DID choose to abort or give the baby up for adoption, could you ever trust her enough to be with her again after this?

 

I know I wouldn't/couldn't.

[Difficult]

Check your PMs. It's a way out.

[Blue Spiral]

We guys - or at least, those I consider guys - reserve a special hatred for men who don't take care of their women and their children.

 

The OP doesn't have to be with her to do that. And if you think he does, well, I don't think he should have to spend/waste the rest of his life with a woman that deceived him--in a truly, truly harmful way, at that--just so he can fit anyone's definition of what a "true" man is. But, please, kick us out of your treehouse.

 

Being trapped in a relationship you don't want to be in for the sake of traditionalism = not healthy for the product of said relationship.

[SamiJayne]

Ouch.

This really sucks.

This is why the UK is naff. The government make it so easy for girls like her to have children. If they didn't hand money out left right and centre, then we would have a lot less women in this situation.

 

The government will give her a reasonable amount of money, so you don't have to quit college to get longer hours at work.

 

I really feel sorry for you. If you can't trust the woman your dating... Then who can you trust. I'd encourage her to tell her parents, and then go and tell your parents. That might scare her a lot. (hope so) Also make sure you "slip up" and make it clear she HAS tricked you. Both sets of parents should realise what she has done to you. That you WERE using the pill, but she decided she wanted an accessory.

 

Shes ruined your relationship, she took your trust and stamped on it. =/

[FortunateOne]

It amazes me the advice certain poster give to the OP to manipulate this situation for his own selfish benefit. This is a time in a real man's life where you accept responsibilty for you negligent action due to those moments that made your pecker feel so good. Man up dude and understand that that child did not ask for you to give him life. This is the risk when you can't control your sexual urges. Next time you want to wet your pecker inside a warm and moist pleasure vigina think about the consequences of the act. I have earned the right as a healthy 39yo that has never enprenated a female in my life to write this post. Why? Cause I have manned up to mitigate and take care of the birth control variable.

[Cartman08]

Thanks everyone for the replies. There's too many to reply to seperatley! She's coming round in afew hours to have a talk & I still duno what to do. I'll try & fidn out what was going on in her head but obv I don't know if she'll be honest about it! I'll also try & see what she think our options are but I think it's clear she wants to keep the baby. I don't love the idea of abortion or adoption myself but sometimes maybe it's the selfless option? She's on pills for depression cause she goes through times where she gets depressed but she doesn't seem depressed atm atall! Her dad is abit of a jerk & I know she's never felt loved by him. He's never told her he loves her or anything I don't like the man one bit. I don't wana make excuses for her really but I duno if that could have had anythin to do with this? Having sex with my gf doesn't mean I'm to blame for this as she decieved me! I had sex with my gf who I love & trusted & trusted she was taking her birth controll. I know tho it's not the babys fault & I'm not going to take it out on it. I'll be there for it (if she does keep) & try my best. But I can't be excited at the idea of being a daddy atleast not yet.

[Hope75]

Having sex with my gf doesn't mean I'm to blame for this as she decieved me! I had sex with my gf who I love & trusted & trusted she was taking her birth controll. I know tho it's not the babys fault & I'm not going to take it out on it. I'll be there for it (if she does keep) & try my best. But I can't be excited at the idea of being a daddy atleast not yet.

 

What your gf did was 100% wrong; there is no doubt about that. It was deceptive and sneaky and selfish. But- you had a responsibility just as much as she did to protect yourselves from pregnancy by wearing a condom during sex, so you do have to accept and assume that responsibility. Having sex without condoms can lead to pregnancy. You were aware of this, and as much as you want to 100% place the blame on her, you BOTH had an obligation to prevent pregnancy, and by having sex without a condom you risked it and it happened. I'm sorry it did, but I hope you recognize your role in this too.

 

I hope you are able to get some answers when you talk to her today, keep us updated.