AngryHeart Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 How long do you usually wait until you have sex with a new partner? Do you have any rules? What are your reasons for the length of time you wait? And how do you not give in to temptation? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 i have no rules. if we are both into it, it will happen. we are adults. just be safe i always say. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Im the same. When it happens it happens. Just like Ghost said be safe. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted July 22, 2009 Author Share Posted July 22, 2009 i have no rules. if we are both into it, it will happen. we are adults. just be safe i always say. But does it not put you off a girl if it's too soon? People say that it makes guys respect you less. Also, the whole waiting to make sure they're in it for more? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 But does it not put you off a girl if it's too soon? People say that it makes guys respect you less. absolutely not. what would that say about me? i've had one night stands...plenty *sigh* i know. but whatever, it's my life. i've been caught up in the moment. i've had sex early on with girls that turned out to be gfs for years. i don't judge based on animalistic needs. to me, sex isn't emotional. i know that is highly debatable, but i will say you can really have a much better sex life with someone you meet emotionally, i won't deny that, but sex does not = emotion in my book. we all have needs, just be adult about it. never use sex to 'get' someone or to mix it with your emotions, especially early on. it really isn't a good formula and sometimes doesn't add up. if you can separate emotion with sex, you should be okay. bang when you want and it doesn't go against *your* morals. nobody can really answer this for you to be honest. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I've only had one sexual relationship, but I waited until I knew him well, knew that it was something serious and long-term, and was in love. (Also until he got tested for STDs). That translated to 4 months. I think that's more or less what will work for me going forward. About the sleeping with a guy on the first date: a number of my male "friends" have made comments about girls not being girlfriend material because they slept with them on the first date. I think it's ridiculously hypocritical, but I've heard guys say that quite a bit. Link to comment
Nyxx Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'm in the same situation. I'm not sure how long to wait, especially since my guy is a virgin =\ I'm not really looking forward to being his first, even if it means that he doesn't have any predetermined expectations. I usually wait at least a few months, but mostly because I need to feel comfortable with that person. I need to be able to talk to him about anything, he needs to be ok with seeing me makeup-less (as odd as it sounds), and I need to know he plans on being with me for a while and is serious about the relationship. It can be awkward though. Especially in my situation where, for four days in a row, we slept together in the same bed. We weren't sexual in any way, but just the act of sleeping together can create sexual tension, I believe. I'm just hoping that's one more step in making things more comfortable between us. Link to comment
looking_up Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 It takes awhile for peoples true colors to come out. Sex brings an instant attachment, its a lot easier to walk away if they turn out to be a bad match if you haven't had sex. I recommend waiting at least a few months until you are really comfortable and confident you're a good match. Link to comment
Tarkan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'd agree with what Ghost said. It's not like someone ever wrote a book about how it should be to be succesfull anyway. The only rules are those you set for yourself. It's just like that "How long should one wait to call after a date"rule that you always see in half the topics in the dating section. There is just nothing like that, do it when you feel like it and with someone confidence and you'll do fine. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'd say if you're not sure, then wait until you can't wait anymore. I'm not much of a waiter. I slept with my past two long term exes early on. It was never a problem for me. I guess that's in part because I don't date very conservative guys (in any sense of the word). I can generally figure out pretty quickly if he's the type to do a runner or not. At least that's how it works in my mind. This hasn't happened to me, but I figure if he takes off after sex early on, then he's a hypocrite and not worth it anyway. Link to comment
Keyman Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I tend to wait for a month before going there. I haven't always stuck to this rule and have had a long relationship based on first date sex (which is a very rare thing for me). For me, sex is emotional and I prefer it to be. Sex with someone I am emotionally connected to is far better than with someone I just met. I also like to get to know the person first, and work through a series of stages, kissing, hand holding, snogging. I find this builds up the want to do it for both parties. As for the respect thing, I tend to look down on a girl who gives it up too easily, so I guess I don't respect a girl who sleeps with me too soon. Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 I'm pretty inexperienced in dating and stuff like that. I've always said I want to wait six months before I have sex with someone because then you know they're in it for real. I've been with my boyfriend for five and a half months and we haven't done it. I know he wants more than sex and it's a great feeling. That's my opinion on it anyway. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 If you want to play it safe then it is a good idea to wait until enough time has passed that there is a decision of being officially boyfriend/girlfriend. If you are more of a gambling type then you have sex during the just dating phase and let the chips fall where they may (it may turn into a relationship, it may not). Link to comment
MissBee09 Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 it depends on the person. don't do it until ur ready though. i know that the person i lost my virginity to and i dated 8months before we had sex. 5 years later...and we're still 2gether. Link to comment
rosephase Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I don't go on dates with people I don't want to sleep with. If I don't have that connection to start with I don't bother. I don't buy into the head games of good girls and bad girls. I also don't do random hook ups, it normally takes a while of getting to know someone before I'm excited about a date. But if I'm going on a date with someone I already like them, and I'm already sexually attracted to them. If it doesn't work out at least we had some nice sex out of it. The only way I won't have sex on a first date is if hanging out one on one changed the way I feel about you, but then there is no 2nd date ether. Sex can be emotional or not emotional it can be connected or distant it can be funny, or fun, or intensive and serious just like a good conversation. Link to comment
Ivory_Tower Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'm really old fashioned. My rules are that you have to be friends with the person before you date them. When we start dating I wait until things get more serious/ committed. So, I usually wait at least six months or longer. Its always hard to know what the other persons intentions are. You can still get used for sex even if you make them wait a very long time. *Has still happened to me. Link to comment
SRTtoZ Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 its different in EVERY relationship....its been MONTHS when I was younger and its been days now that im older...I find that now that I'm older (25), and i get into a relationship...it really doesnt take that long. a few weeks at MOST*. Maybe im just irresistible lol Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I wait until I'm confident that it's a relationship that is lasting, and we're both committed and exclusive with each other. Usually that's a time period of 4 to 5 months, sometimes longer. Also, I would never think of sleeping with someone without being tested first, it's just common sense. Link to comment
ay0_x Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I don't wait. My first relationship, we were "waiting". 12 months later and I was sick of "waiting". Link to comment
diabolik Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I'm all for spontaneity, but if you really want to be safe, you have to wait until you both get tested for STDs that condoms are not very effective against, and those that can be spread by oral sex. Of course, that's very hard to do. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 As soon as the STD tests are in, I'm ready. I don't fall in love right away, so if he leaves because we had sex (none ever have) I wouldn't be hurt. If that would make you feel bad about yourself or the relationship, find out what works for you and go by that. I have had sex on the first night and waited over six months (he was not a good lover after all that and I kicked myself for waiting). It's whatever feels right at the time. Goodness knows, not everyone would feel comfortable doing it my way. But, I've never had an STD, not once, and I've had many lovers. You just have to use common sense and protection. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 How long do you usually wait until you have sex with a new partner? Do you have any rules? What are your reasons for the length of time you wait? And how do you not give in to temptation? 3 dates sound right traditional discipline Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 How long do you usually wait until you have sex with a new partner? Do you have any rules? What are your reasons for the length of time you wait? And how do you not give in to temptation? I wait till I know the guy wants to persue something serious/relationship-like with me, lol. Or at least when I think he does (b/c there have been times I was wrongggg... or was led on hehe). Usually I try to wait a month at least. A month after the first kiss that is. (Now I'd try to even prolonge the moment of the first kiss which is the opposite of what I used to try and do lol.) No other rules really. It's not hard to resist temptation for me. I'd much rather resist instead of get badly hurt later when i realise I like him more than he liked me. Link to comment
shadesofmediocrity Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 A month of being in a relationship together, give or take. It's not really a rule, more of a guideline. The feelings have to be there too. And it just seems like a pretty reasonable amount of time. I don't want to regret anything. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I would say by the time a month of dating has passed, we have had sex. I specifically look for females with a high and healthy sex drive. When there is chemistry and obvious desire, there is little to stop us from having sex. My age may impact this as well since I am closer to 30 and tend to date sexually mature women as well (i.e. they happen to be non-virgins). I know things are good when it is challenging for both of us to wait a month. If either can take it or leave it, we might as well leave it and move on. Link to comment
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