THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[IAmFCA]

14

And you responded to my email re whoppers and milk duds.

 

No invitation for more, but a polite response to each thing: whoppers better, glad you are well, dec thing sounds fun.

 

Yay, not a hard line in the sand, which he promised but I expected less. DISCOVERY: spouse of 15 years regularly over-promised and under-delivered. Look how clearly and repeatedly I expect that from others, all other men, whom I know! Like its normal! I do not expect it from my girlfriends. Wow. OK, that is a new thing I just learned. The leftovers of marriage are so much more than I thought!

 

Now must go back to my plan of focusing on my critical path.

[t1lersm0m1]

It seems like just yesterday I sent him an email explaining some things. And now it's 31 days NC. I think I shall keep couting, until day 45 or 60, as it helps seeing how far I've come.

 

I dated someone last year and it took me MONTHS to go NC. If you could see some of the texts I sent THAT guy....LOL. So I have improved in LEAPS and BOUNDS!

 

Keep up the good work everyone. Keep to NC, and work on getting YOU back. The sane, confident, amazing person you were before your heart was ripped out. It's worth it.

 

I read in someone's signature a great quote, although I can't quite recall how it went.

 

"Would you chase the Mac truck that just hit you?"

 

Stop chasing your ex!

[MMT]

day 25

day 4

 

Is he happy that I left?

 

overthinking has ruined my brain....can I get free some day?

[movingalong]

This is my first post I've acctually been in no contact for 38 days now. I went right to no contact when she broke it off with me. I really care about her we had so much fun together. The hard thing is we live really close to each other. She said her reason to break it off was because she needs to figure her selfout without involving anyone else.

 

Which I believed until two days ago when I got home from work and she was getting into a car with another guy. Obviously on a date. I'm pretty crushed she saw me and I just looked away and kept walking. I'm going to continue with no contact and trying to post on here when I think about her. This is really hard for me I didn't put myself out there for someone in quite sometime and she obviously didn't feel the same for me that I flet for her. I thought she did, but her breaking it off when it was really good showed she didn't have the same feelings. This sucks.

[js0905]

I came on here more to tell you that you can do it, than anything else. NC was something I really, really struggled with, and as you can see by that lovely # up there... I eventually managed.

 

When you are really, truly ready you can do it. Don't beat yourself up too much in the meantime.

 

Keep at it!

 

Thank you for that, I really needed it.....

[IAmFCA]

For all of us letting go of a dream, a wish, an attachment, an addiction in form of a person:

 

On Sep 18 I discovered an ex lover had just married surreptitiously that weekend. Since then I have learned that leading up to his wedding he was involved concurrently with 4 - 6 others, took some for money, told at least some about me and the woman now his wife, as if we were still involved and he were conflicted between us.

 

It has been easy to go NC since that first discovery Sep 18. This taught me a lesson, by being the opposite.

 

We work hard at NC because the person we are detaching from has been a gift to us. We can embrace that gift, and be grateful. And maybe that will help us go NC, because we have found the gift that we can take with us into ourselves and our futures.

[MisSunny]

I'm feeling very weak today. In fact, I feel like, if I didn't know he wouldn't respond, I would have already said something... Why does it have to be so hard?

[vi0let]

Day 91.

 

Does it get easier ? Yes. Does the pain diminish over time ? Yes.

 

Although it still feels like I have unfinished business with the way the break up took place. I still miss him everyday and I wish that I could speak to him. Sometimes I even wish we could be friends but from what I have heard, being friends with an ex is never a good idea. I keep weighing up the pro's and con's in my mind and I keep arriving at a stalemate. I would love to know what his current state of mind is right now. Whether he misses me and wants to hear from me, or whether he's ambivalent, or maybe angry about how the way things ended.

 

I have definitely progressed from where I was emotionally a few months back, though I am fully aware that this is a process and that it will still take more time until I feel completely neutral about the situation.

 

At the end of the day, I just want to get over this already and move on for good now.

[js0905]

Congratulations!!

 

I'm so jealous, I remember when we were only a few days apart....LOL!!

Look at where I'm right now =(

 

It seems like I take one step forward and five steps back. So tired of doing that but I still miss him, want him and wish he would contact me.

Try to think of reasons to contact him but I know it wont get me anywhere anyway.

 

 

Thanks for coming back and posting, it gives me hope that one day I will be able to do the same thing.

Right now I feel so hopeless when it comes to all of this.....

[IAmFCA]

(And no, we were not dating this past year, and he is not my countdown that I generally am counting on this forum. I am just so thankful that the person I am practicing NC with is actually worth this effort: the effort of letting him go is matched by his worth, even if not for me.)

[IAmFCA]

15?

 

And I will go back and figure out a revised count since my email. It won't matter; this is indeed an exercise of my own growth.

 

Every day I am more focused than before.

 

Still need to work on visualizing my career.

[IAmFCA]

15?

 

And I will go back and figure out a revised count since my email. It won't matter; this is indeed an exercise of my own growth.

 

Every day I am more focused than before.

 

Still need to work on visualizing my career.

 

Day 15

Day 4

 

OK. Records have been kept.

[movingalong]

Day 39 I'm just struggling now that I know she is seeing someone else. I was holding on hope that giving her space she would miss me and want to come back. It's really hard because she lives so close. I've been doing the right things working out, hanging wil friends and going out and trying to have fun. I miss her a lot just wish she still wanted to be part of my life. We never fought and always had fun when things started to get serious she bailed.

[MMT]

DAY 26

day 5

 

will never spy

[t1lersm0m1]

Day 32. I had a few thoughts of him since dreaming we were back together and happy. Darn subconscious mind. Knock that off. I'm strong and resilient. I am a great catch for either the new guy, or some other lucky guy out there. And honestly, telling myself these things really does help. The more positive things you tell yourself, the more you believe them.

 

The scared, insecure woman he knew is gone....I know my issues and have worked on them and will continue working on myself...physically and emotionally. I will face my abandonment issues and co-dependency head-on. I will not date a man who is broken, hoping to fix him. I did that with the ex husband, and the most recent ex. I am not their therapist or their mentor. I want someone who is whole as they are, without me.

 

 

[MisSunny]

Another day gone by. I feel like I'm just sitting through my days, waiting until I can go to sleep until I get to the next one.

[IAmFCA]

16/5

 

Need is becoming want

Space is becoming respect

Faith is again blooming gifting helping

 

Yes its a birthday. I told someone else to contact him, so I gave him a gift indirectly.

 

My work is done here for the day.

[IAmFCA]

5. we 3 went to Perry's. Girls loved it. you would have enjoyed my friend Ben, who likes American history.

6. I want you to come to the gallery for the Byzantine exhibit.

 

this is a real pain in the neck

 

7. Check out this website: deep and crunchy but meaningful.

 

As per the WaPo article of today's date re Marty Sullivan

 

8. Your birthday is on my calendar. Why? How did it get there? I often forget my OWN birthday. Well, have a good one!

9. C is growing an interest in making commercials. I think it would be great if you two, us three, us four could go on a photog training tour of dc.

10. I cared that you judged me, then I didn't. I cared that I am a better athlete than when you last saw me, then I didn't. Now, I just want to receive you and be nice. This is new. (!) You had better check me out later.

[IAmFCA]

scary to read this now. Trust in spidey.

[IAmFCA]

FINALLY FOUND THE LIST: (Apologies ENAers for all the posts atm)

 

9

 

1. R's parents live in Ireland

2. Today, out of the blue: Mom, you're pretty (offered to counter an jesting insult). You got M to like you, and he's so hot, his father must be cooking.

 

huh? 1- did A just tell me a cheesy pick up line? did it make any sense? did she just call a peer of mine "smoking"? ok, this made me laugh on so many levels.

 

3. I did diamonds in the park today.

 

I am learning to get with the idea that you are gone for good.

 

I can't have you now anyway. Too messy. I'm glad you are gone.

 

My instincts keep trying on ways to get your attention. a light note sent by small mail, something. and then those same instincts throw it out. to trust me you will need peace from me.

 

hate this.

[firefly2613]

25 days no contact. It's getting easier. Still no word from her. Still have trouble trying to snoop on Facebook because I created a fake profile. Something about my curiosity just gets the better of me, even though I know she was dating a new guy less than a month after we broke up and now spends most of her time at his apartment.

 

I'm trying to get myself back out there. Never been good at the dating game. I'm interested in this new girl. She's kind of awesome.

 

Part of me hopes my ex never tries to talk to me again, but I know her well enough to know she'll try. I think I'd just tell her to go away forever and leave me alone but I really do miss my friend.

 

In any case, I think I have given up for real on getting back together. Some days are just harder than others.

[Michael Belk]

That is a real challenge. I would like to know who was successful. It was easy for me after divorce because I moved away. Good luck.

[js0905]

Another day of not hearing from you....

I guess you really don't miss me

[vi0let]

Congratulations!!

 

I'm so jealous, I remember when we were only a few days apart....LOL!!

Look at where I'm right now =(

 

It seems like I take one step forward and five steps back. So tired of doing that but I still miss him, want him and wish he would contact me.

Try to think of reasons to contact him but I know it wont get me anywhere anyway.

 

 

Thanks for coming back and posting, it gives me hope that one day I will be able to do the same thing.

Right now I feel so hopeless when it comes to all of this.....

 

Thank you, Js0905!

 

Hang in there, it does get a lot easier I promise. The pain slowly diminishes over time and you start to see the relationship more objectively for what it was. I remember in the initial stages of my break up, I said to myself that I would take him back in a heartbeat if he ever came back. 93 days on and now I think that I would never repeat history again. It's not worth the pain especially for the next inevitable break up that would eventually occur. I would just rather find someone new, elsewhere. Though, I do still miss him and wonder what he's currently up to in his life right now. I also know that I definitely need more time to recover however.

 

Now and again I also wish that he would contact me, but realistically I know that if he miraculously did, it would only mess with my emotions. I know it's hard, but it's definitely better for the both of us that we haven't heard anything!

 

Don't feel hopeless! Keep in mind that you're doing this for yourself, for your betterment and for your healing. You and everybody else on here WILL get through this.

[kinders]

Day 3.

 

Feeling confused. I don't like how we went into NC. Im proud of myself for deactivating FB. Its helped. Tomorrow is an exciting day for me and I was planning on sending you a photo but now iim unsure. Ive been at day 3 of nc before and it hurts. Ive got to keep myself distracted...