THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[NjoyStick]

I was feeling sad and alone an hour ago and got flashbacks from our wonderful time together so i popped up the scrubs ending video with the book of love from peter gabriel and watched it a couple of times, i cried my eyes out and now i feel wonderful again!

[mickydrip]

Day 3/ 1

 

Oh god it's horrible, I decided to go to her performance tomorrow night but I thought I would text her to let her know soni tol her " alyce I still live and care for you ad respect that you don't want to talk which I won't force upon you. Just letting you know I wont talk to you but I'll be terr tomorrow to support you" and then she texted back "I don't need your support thank you Linda and the guy I'm kind of with will be attending to support me" this made me almost kill myself y friend and some innocent bystanders I got in the car and just floored it dropped of my fried and just kept driving not caring on any speed limit or that I was redlining it I wanted to just not turn I wanted to put myself into something and one street I was going 120 in a 50 zone some girls had luckily just gotten off the road before I got there I ended up down a big stretch I know and know I would of killed myself if I didn't pull into a friends and chuck them my keys and told them not to give them back. Fuuuuuccccccckkkk

[tness]

tness, i know its frustrating, but you gotta let yourself breathe a little, otherwise u r gonna lose it.

Believe me, i know what I am talking about, been there, done that, but once you realize that no matter what you gotta make yourself feel good, so take a deep breath and let your mind rest for a minute.

Hang in there.

 

I'm loosing everything right now, including my selves.

Day 52 or something, I don't care anymore

[ConfusingEx]

well back to day 1,

 

went to my ex's place to pick up my mail and drop/collect cash for bills etc, her mother said she would be out most the day. well that was BS she was asleep when i got there and just waking up as i was sitting down sorting stuff out.

she woke up looked happy to see me, which is really a change for her morning, she smiled, looked at me like I'm happy ur hear, she's usually really grumpy.

 

i had no real way of escaping at that point i had to sit there and explain the cash and that for the bills etc, i said i gotta go pay these, she's like oh i'll come with you i have to do some shopping, i was like crap, *** do i do we are going to the same place.

 

i gave in and said sure, np i'll wait for you which was like 20mins. we got there and i was about to say to her ok well ima go pay these you take care, and she said come have lunch with me, i wanted to say no, but she really looked like she wanted me to stay and just chat, so i did we had lunch, and we were talking and stuff, she was on the phone sometimes I'm guessing Facebook to her BF, she started to get annoyed and things like that, i ask if she was ok, she just said yeah, I'm just tired of HIS whinging and *****ing about everything, she told him that she was bored of hearing it and she didnt want to hear his crap atm, he kept on messaging and she just kept saying the same thing, eventually he stopped i think, i ask her if everything was ok, she said its ok, i said isn't he coming own in a couple of weeks she's like nooo not anymore, i dunno if this was true but the sounds of it she was telling the truth and really thought this dude was being a total jerk.

 

she then started talking to another friend of ours and i started to get kinda annoyed that she wanted me to stay but then talking to this guy, this guy has a GF and that and very doubtful he'd be interested in my ex, so i dunno what the go with that.

 

we went shopping for some underwear and that, and me bring the total ****head i am, thinking look you've been working really hard and been stressed about ur project, that i'll buy you a present, so i did, ****head me went and spent $65 on underwear and that for her, knowing i wouldn't get to see it, and possible the new BF wouldn't either, i wasn't fussed at the time. so i bought some of it, we went back to her place, and started watching some TV, she would disappear into her room and try the stuff i bought for her on, id see her for 2 mins and then back she went, the whole time I'm guessing she was messaging this other dude with the GF, and i was sitting in her lounge room just bored. i was gonna go, and she said oh stay for dinner, it was about 9pm and i should of been on my way home as its hard to get transport late from her house.

 

so i said sure, being the ****head i am i let myself just go and everything i said i wasn't going to do i did, the night was fun i enjoyed her company, and that, she ask me to stay the night as it was late, i was like um, ok i'll sleep on the lounge.

 

so with that said an hour or 2 went and all of a sudden she's messaging this dude again, and asks me if i was gonna call a taxi, I'm thinking wait what u ask me to stay, because i was planing on leaving already i just called up for a taxi, it took forever like an hour so it was about 1:00am when it showed up, during the time it didn't arrive, she was getting restless like she wanted me out of the house quickly, a change of attitude from not too long before that.

 

so I'm home now, depressed as hell, bordering on the unthinkable, going crazy thinking *** just happened, how did it turn so quick, i spent over $150 tonight that i didn't want to, i was happy buying her some stuff because lets face it she looked awesome in it(i imagined) and i felt she deserved it. well **** I'm a big idiot for letting my guard down, i said i wasn't going to and i did, everything i planned just went out the window for 1 night of fun to turn into ****. she messaged me to make sure i got home ok, i said yeah I'm home thanks.

 

now I'm looking at my funds, and realised **** I'm $150 short now, food money gone, i got some cash in the bank so its not a huge thing, but i shouldn't of had to touch that, my stupidity did it to me and i guess i deserved it for letting myself go.

 

hope everyone else had a better day then me.

[g3m1nn1]

C.E., don't take this the wrong way, but you do know that you got played, right?

I get all the feelings you have for this girl, and you care about her, but in the end, her asking you to get a cab, after asking you to stay the night is just over the top.

I know it felt great being around her, but from what you have written, you do understand that is not doing you any good, so i guess the best thing to do would be. take a step back and take time for yourself.

easier said and done, but going in circles ain't gonna do sh**.

Don't overthink it, just get on with your day/night and tomorrow is another day

 

Sorry if this is too straight forward.

 

have a good one, man.

hang in there.

[skheehee]

Dude, this was outright MANIPULATION. This is MINDF***ING at its best! You have to be strong the next time round and really act as though you've got something more important to attend to at the moment. Would you rather let her do this to you, or would you rather walk away and save yourself some dignity?

 

No offense, my friend, but she seems like the kind of person you don't deserve to be with, with her mind games. You deserve better. Just calmly tell her that you've got something urgent/important to attend to the next time and walk away. I believe you're strong enough to do so.

[ConfusingEx]

nah man i get it, I'm beating myself up over it, I'm a ****ing idiot, i cannot believe i let myself be played like that, i knew what the signs were and i ignored them, im pissed beyond belief atm and this is it **** her, seriously I'm tired of it, i know if said this before but this is definitely the last straw.

 

i think i just let myself believe that i know they are going down hill form what i witnessed, and thought look if i be myself she'll see me and maybe realise who i am, but **** I'm an idiot for thinking that,

 

anything you say is true, I'm a complete *******.

 

my phone is going to my mums my laptop also, I'm gonna have no contact with her, i'll use my friends computer to post here. and thats it. I'm ****ing done with her BS, if she wants me she can come chase me.

[ConfusingEx]

thanx Sk i know, i really do, i don't know why i let myself go.

 

tbh im not strong if i was i wouldn't of been played today.

 

my head is in a bad place atm and i not sure how I'm going to get out of it.

[g3m1nn1]

You'll get out of it, don't worry. The important part is that we learn from our mistakes, so don't beat yourself, sh** happens.

The problem is that your a kind guy and I know how hard it is to act differently, because i am pretty the same, but in the end you gotta stand tall and not get played around.

Like I said 2morrow is another day.

[NjoyStick]

C.E,

 

First of all, relax, this **** happens, you are strong and you will start NC over, don't worry about it.

 

But this time act like she would act, be all happy and then mentally kick the **** out of her.

 

From now on you will ignore her, if you have business to go over talk to her mom.

 

Listen to some hard rock music and yell every **** out of your lungs and laugh after that!

[ConfusingEx]

thanks for the support guys, im really down on myself atm for letting this happen.

 

this time, its NC, all possible ways of contact with her im getting rid of soon as its dawn, if she wants to play games then **** her, im not getting into any more of her ****.

im ignoring her, and yeah business will be with her mum, which is what i thought it would be today..

 

need to make more friends to go out with and keep my mind off her.

[brickheart]

CE, it's okay. We all make mistakes. Just yesterday I responded to some TERRIBLE breadcrumbs. The point of this thread is that you can always go back to Day 1, then get to Day 2, and just keep going. Don't let it get you down. Seriously!

 

I do have to agree, though, you did let her play you like a piano. I'm sorry you dated someone that manipulative, and that you're letting her be in your life still. Can you just write her a formal note cutting her off, asking her to forward anything important to your new address, and otherwise asking her to stay out of your life? That way she knows, and if she contacts you otherwise, you'll know not to respond.

[ConfusingEx]

yeah thats a good idea brick, i might do that, i'll write a note later today.

 

yeah i know i got played and i knew it was happening, i really dont know what has gotten into her, she was never like this, the only thing i can think of is confidence with the loss of alot of weight and having 2 guys other then mew showing interest, even though they've know us for 7 or so years and never once liked her when she was bigger, just shows what kinda of people they are.

 

i know my ex is in there somewhere. but i need NC for a while. IM GOING TO TRY. if i have to start day 1 again im going to flip

[Blondie176]

Day 19

 

I didnt sleep well last night at all, i lay there thinking about him and her and all those what ifs came back, what ifs that i really shouldnt be concerned with, but i am.

 

Finally dropped off about 2-30 am ish and then when my alarm went off for work i felt like crap, struggled through work today because i am so tried. I am ok though, too tired to give a poop about him at the mo lol

 

Only a quick stop here tonight to make my entry cause Britains Secret Treasures is on the TV

 

Hope you guys are doing ok xxx

 

Day 20

 

I slept better last night so i feel more human today.

 

20 days seems like 20 years to me right now

 

I suppose it doesnt really matter how many days have passed, fact is he isnt interested in me anymore. Why would he be when he is almost 4 months in a new relationship, thats his priority now and i am just someone he knew once.

 

I wish to god i could view him as just someone i knew once, he had a 2 month head start on this though, 2 months of seeing her but still staying very close to me, it annoys me that i held his hand as he stepped on to new ground with someone else, only i didnt know about it.

 

I wonder every day if maybe he thinks about me, even if only in some small way, i want him to reach out to me, i just feel so much like a piece of crap thrown to the curb when its no longer needed. This really does suck balls

 

Anyway on we plod toward day 21 Yippie

 

 

xxx

[mickydrip]

All I can say I'm glad none of you had the day I did or reacted like I did.. I still don't trust myself behind a wheel today and I already said I'm going to the performance this is gonna kill me.

[brickheart]

Why are you going?!

[g3m1nn1]

DAY 1,

 

Great, so now i am officially back to square 1. Fu** me.

So today i went to my old job, to record some voiceover stuff, i suspected that my ex is going to be there also, but in different department, which was true.

so after i finished with my work, her shift just started, so i didnt see her, but i talked to her over intercom. And she sounded kind of in a bad mood, so i just said: hey, whats up. and so.

After that I was already ready to leave, when i sent her a msg, if she wants to say hi and whats up. but i left already, and then she replied like 10 minutes later, that she is not feeling well, food poisoning and that she has been throwing up 2 hours prior and really didnt have energy to do anything, and that she is sorry and that i have probably already left.

So i replied when i got home and we exchanged a few more messages and that was that.

To be honest, i expected at least to see her, but i guess Murphy said screw you. Was i looking forward? Of course, i havent seen her in person 2 months, but that was that. i was thinking about asking her to meet up in the upcoming days, but i didn't i think that would be pushing too early. so now i am starting all over. And yes, i do miss her. oh well.

[ConfusingEx]

sorry to her g3m1nn1, I'm officially back at day 1 aswell.

 

i sent off an email, to her explaining that I'm need time to myself, and that i won't be in contact with her till I'm through my healing process, i ask her to forward my mail to my address.

 

i got an sms back not long after, explaining that is what she has been trying to do, breaking up with me was a for herself and time to herself, i don't get how that is possible with a BF..

but once i thought about it, it kinda made sense, she wanted to be alone at home, not have a BF hanging around to hassle her 24/7, i guess that is where the long distance relationship came in..

 

so i had to reply to that and get some information from her, i had a few questions, i ask her so all she wanted all along was for me to move out and give her the alone time she needed, and that all she had to do was ask me to move out for a while for that.

 

i ask her so why can't we be together, and still be apart at the same time, visiting each other a few days during the week or so, that way she is alone at home until i visit, i never got a reply to it I'm guessing she fell asleep, so I'm interested to see how she replies to the fact that i want to be with her, and that if it meant living apart for along as it was needed that i would be fine with it. we'd be still a couple just in different houses, which a lot of couples do that for many years.

 

and then maybe move back in down the track. i told her that i missed her companionship and that i don't want just some casual sex thing as friends, i want a relationship with her..

 

so my NC starts from 6am my time. if i get a reply to my questions then i won't reply if its not what i want to here, if its something that needs to be sorted out or can be then i will make a decision on what to do at that point, I'm not expecting her to agree to what i ask. logically it makes sense to me, we get on well together, we have been together and if all it takes is a short distance away then thats how its gonna be, i'll always be worried about what she is really doing while I'm not there but i guess that is trust she will have to earn.

 

I'm still down in the dumps, and still trying to find something to occupy my mind to keep it off her.

[needadvic12]

I guess technically day 3 since there was short texting sun and mon about logistics. he is texting me today about some other admin type stuff but i'm just ignoring. not easy.

[Pleasedonot5]

Day 2, third attempt

 

Felt terrible today for reasons not related to her. I've been pretty stressed these past couple of days, but it seems like the stresses I have make me long for her company, because she would usually pick me up and make me feel awesome when I was down.

 

The reason I felt so down is largely due to being overloaded with important stuff to do and partially due to insecurities I've been having with talking to girls lately. I need to recover and build my confidence back up. I had a planned date today, and I thought for a while I was being stood up which made me feel like crap, but the date was rescheduled for tomorrow and I feel better about it all.

 

Hopefully I'll have a better day tomorrow.

[xmen777]

Day 2.

Hoping she will message me. Woke up better than the previous days but I still miss her loads. Still want her back in my life and I can't understand what happened to her.

Probably I think she was afraid of being in a relationship, losing her independence. I loved her for her independence too. Life shouldn't be like this.

[g3m1nn1]

So Day 1 starts now.

 

Slept bad, thoughts of her running through my mind. I feel like i am holding on to something that isn't there. Not that I am living in illusion, but to be honest I guess when I was back at my last job all the memories and events from from there kicked in, since we have met there and it kind of started as an office romance, i don' know.

I know I must not overanalyze stuff and yesterday's events, I guess Murphy really kicked in, but i guess everything is good for something. We'll see.

[gotanewbeat]

guh, day 1 attempt 4.

 

 

i was so happy yesterday thinking all of this could be put to rest for the next little while then BAM, there he is again. i maybe wont even consider attempting this seriously until we're no longer in a situation where we see each other five days a week.

things have been different lately too, not sure what it is... but it's definitely unusual. he's been distant, which i guess is a good thing... but it's also not normal. i'm just trying so hard not to think about it, or him.

 

i did get some really great news today though, and i've been really productive... doing all of the things i've wanted to do for the past 2 months but didn't have the energy or focus to do. i'm pretty sure the last time i really dedicated myself to doing chores was before he came over to have "the talk"; thank god for good, understanding roommates.

 

speaking of roommates, my roommate is actually going through a situation similar to mine... but he is handling it VERY differently. he's completely disheveled, groveling and begging for her to do... something. i don't know what exactly, but i'm pretty sure it's not something she's willing to do. i just know, if i were in her shoes, with the way he's been acting... i would be doing everything in my power to get away from him. i'm really glad i didn't do that, i feel like i walked away with dignity.

 

it's interesting though, to see the different methods of breaking up... and the reactions people have.

 

(i should also add, in regards to that last sentence, the relationship that brought me to this site was probably my first... committment-phobe... and as fatalistic as it may sound, maybe my last [not because i'm bitter or miserable... i'm just used to being alone, and i enjoy it... though spending my life with someone like him would be really quite nice]).

[NjoyStick]

Day 31, officially day 46 cause i haven't seen and spoke to her since the 5th of June.

 

Had 2 dreams about her and her new bf....

Even in my dreams she's stubborn and arrogant...

 

Good luck with the first day again some of you!

[xmen777]

hi NjoyStick, thanks to you and good luck to all.

Now I'm starting to see a plan coming out of all this. Spoke to someone whose husband seems precisely like my ex. So I'm a bit encouraged and at the same time I'm considering the possibility that she's not willing to be in a relationship right now. In the latter case, I don't know what my future holds. Will have to wait and see.