THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[ConfusingEx]

yeah be urself.

 

thats one thing i always try to remember, my ex loved me for me when we first got together, so there has to be something about me that she did, and if she sees that, then who knows our ex's might change their mind.

 

they say they want us to change, so why is it they liked us how we were, not what we could be.

 

im not going to change, I'm me, but i am going to work on things about myself that need improving.

 

noone will ever change who we are unless we want to be someone we are not.

 

and now I'm just rambling

[ConfusingEx]

sorry to hear blondie.

 

theres something a friend of mine told me that gave me a new look on whats happening, I'm sorry if it upsets anyone.

 

i have those same thoughts of my ex and the douche, what are they doing, what have they done, what are they going to do, what if i do this, what if i did that, and so on, its driving me bonkers.

 

her and her husband are in an open relationship and that they are happy, sounded really weird to me cause I've heard bout it but never known anyone to do it.

so she told me, if her husband slept with someone, then she's ok with it, i ask her why, and how she can deal with that. she told me that its just sex, it doesnt have to mean anything, its just a physical release.

i told her theres noway i could do that with my ex, that it'd kill me to know she's sleeping with someone else, which atm she had.

 

she said that you can't think of it like its a bad thing, its just sex she says, the difference is that at the end of the day, her husband comes home to her loves her and treats her like queen, he doesnt just go out and sleep with women every night,

its like once in a while, they sleep together and that so its not like he's cheating on her and she doesnt know..

 

i guess what she was trying to say to ease my mind was, no matter what they do together how many times they have sex,kiss,hold hands and all that, at the end of the day, if she feels for me still that she will come back to me, she says we aren't together and she has her own life, which i know that, she said you just have to think of it as its just a release for her while she isn't with me, if she's having issues and problems then she will sort them out, it may take time, but eventually she will see who she really loves and who she doesnt.

 

now this doesnt mean that she will just sleep with randoms and then that and its ok, but we are not together and that i have to stop thinking of it as its a personal attack against me.

 

i don't know if this makes any sense, it made sense to me while my friend was telling me, she helped me understand a little from a different POV.

[g3m1nn1]

Story and situation make sense, but it all depends on what kind of person you are, now talking about "open" rls.

but as far as her saying that this is not a personal attack against you, that might actually have some sense, but the thing is until you accept that, all that talk ain't gonna do sh**. So what I am trying to say is acceptance is a hard hill to cross. but we all gotta do it sometime, you know.

 

Any sense in what i just wrote?

[ConfusingEx]

yeah for sure, i only spoke to her last night at the club, and its taking some time to sink in, i think my biggest part of accepting it is, i never thought she could just give it up like that to a guy she had only seen for 2 days, and talked to online for a month,

still makes me wonder if it was her choice, or she felt pressured i guess i'll never know, i know when i ask and she told me, she hesitated to tell me, i looked at her to see if i could pick if she was lying or not.

 

she looked like ohh um yeh we did, as if she didn't want to hurt me, but on the other hand, we had been kinda in heated discussions before that day, and I'm wondering if she said yes to maybe hurt me a little, i don't think she could give it up that easy, so i keep telling myself this.

 

but yeah i gotta accept its just sex, and hope she just saw it the same way, with all thats going on with them, i somehow think she just did it and is now finally realising what it is she did.

[tness]

Day 51 soon. She is soon done with her vacation, and will return to work on Monday. Hell will start again, will I see her going to work or from work, will I see her new boyfriend pick her up (don't know if she has a new BF)

I work 100 meters from her work.

My vacation starts next Friday. I don't hate her, I hate my selves.

Sticking to NC, but I can't live like this. I'm slowly dying

[g3m1nn1]

tness, i know its frustrating, but you gotta let yourself breathe a little, otherwise u r gonna lose it.

Believe me, i know what I am talking about, been there, done that, but once you realize that no matter what you gotta make yourself feel good, so take a deep breath and let your mind rest for a minute.

Hang in there.

[ConfusingEx]

g3m1nn1 is right tness, we've all done it

[Karianne]

Day 1 (UGH AGAIN) I called you, and as usual, you didn't answer. You don't have caller id so I know you couldn't be 100% sure it was me. Maybe you thought it was though. What does it matter now though? We're both moving on with our lives... I just have to keep thinking that it's a privilege to be in my life, and since you walked out of it, you don't deserve anything from me. I know I'll regret saying this later, but I look forward to the day where I meet a man who has a backbone and won't leave me when the going gets rough.

[ConfusingEx]

karianne, you got it right, he doesnt deserve you, he walked out on you, its your choice whether you let him back into your life, and on your terms, don't let him walk all over you.

 

delete his number, delete any sign of him, I'm working on doing that atm. its hard to do cause of mutual obligations but I'm finding alternate ways of dealing with them.

 

i know i have and its gotten me nowhere, except heartbreak, going crazy, and depressed, you will meet someone who does treat you right, it'll take time, they are out there.

dont regret saying it, because if its what u want then its what u want.

 

you deserve better, we all do, if its with someone new then thats good, we can look forward to a new experience, if its with our ex's i hope its an improved version of them ones that love us for who we are, and not who they want us to be.

[g3m1nn1]

"I just have to keep thinking that it's a privilege to be in my life, and since you walked out of it, you don't deserve anything from me. I know I'll regret saying this later, but I look forward to the day where I meet a man who has a backbone and won't leave me when the going gets rough."

 

Karianne stick with this, it's the right attitude, don't beat yourself for breaking nc, full speed forward

[ConfusingEx]

g3m1nn1 i wish i had Your willpower, you seem to have the right mindset, me i just keep reaching out for my ex, every chance i get i check my phone seeing if shes messaged me, i know im the one that wanted NC so why am i the one that keeps being weak and wanting her to message, i should be happy she hasnt or doesnt, its my choice to not talk to her

 

Why is it i keep looking for her contact.

[g3m1nn1]

C.E., i might have the right mindset, but trust me when i say i have weak moments and sticking to right mindset is freaking hard. i do the same stuff as you, but overall last weekend one day i woke up and said to myself, fu** it, I am gonna do what i can to feel better, so let's go with that mindset, but like i said, I am still very connected to my ex somehow, still thinking about her and all that stuff, you know. we will see how tomorrow's contact at work goes, and ask me then I am just waiting for a setback, i have this strange feeling that its coming, i dont know...

 

Well why r u looking for contact? i am sure you know the answer.

[ConfusingEx]

ive woken up many times and said **** it lol, about 20mins later ive lost that motivation, my connection with my ex is on a few different levels, i love her to death, i care for her as a friend, and i know her and feel sorry for her as just a person who has seen inside her life from the outside, nomatter ehat status i am with her theres a deep connection i cant break.

 

I got the same today, going to her house her mum says she'll be out most the day, i hope she is right, if she comes home and im there i dunno what will happy, im nervous, anxious, and so many other things. I think the setback Your waiting for is this feeling i got now, i have a feeling something is goinf to go totally down hill i just dont know how yet.

 

Why am i looking for contact? tbh i dunno, i just miss her, i cant think if my future without her i was set doe marriage 2 days before we broke up, so i guess im still stuck in that mode and still think this is all a dream.

[g3m1nn1]

I know man, its hard, we r battling this temptations every day, but whatever we gotta do is to not be desperate, keeping our dignity. And if talking to her, hurts, then stop it, but on the other hand, if u wanna talk to her then do it, but with dignity, you know the drill. And you have got to make a decision. i am not saying dont talk to her ever again, but maybe take a break from it. if thats even possible, u know.

 

i admit that mine sending me msgs here and there does make me feel better, not in depressing way at all, but at the end of the day i am still like: nice msg, but what good does that do me, if we r not together?

Calling it a night. Hang in there, "No sleep 'til Brooklyn"

[ConfusingEx]

Yeah i think i just gotta do it whichever way it is, thst way if its gonna hurt then it'll hurt and i can start moving on, if it goes a good way then i guess im fine with that, we'll see hiwthe end of the day goes.

 

Take it easy

[NjoyStick]

The hurting just tells us we are caring and loving persons, that means we can and will get over this and when we do we will love again.

 

Our exes dealt with it their way, if it's for the best, only the future will tell.

 

My ex emotionally distant herself 2 weeks before dumping me and started dating right away and it expressing to the world that she is sooo freaking happy with her new boyfriend.

Fine, be that way, if you can throw away 4 years like that then she is not the person i need, it only tells me if she can do this to me then she will do this to her new guy so i'm not the one who has a bad future!

 

We will be so strong after we are healed, we won't need them then.

 

Love life, it's full of surprises!

[ConfusingEx]

Yeah my ex was emotionally distant for about 2 weeks P.A.S.S has alot to do with it i think. Shes dealing with it in her own way whivh is try not to think about it at all and hope it goes away. Mine isnt at the point of shouting to the world that hea happy yet mostly because i think shes not, noone aroun her cares because they hate this guy asmuch as i do. O hear ya on the throwin it away 8 years is alot 4 years is alot. The fact they forget it that easy means they are not thinking clearly IMO. I still dont know about this she ia not the right person for me, i guess im just scares noone will want me because if she didnt then why would anyone else.

 

I hope i heal soon because any longer dealing with all this and in afraid where i'll end up in a month. Ive been in a bad place beforw i met my ex she pulled me out of it making me forget about my issues and focus on hers realising wr had the same issues i chose to care for her feelings more the mine.

[NjoyStick]

C.E,

 

You deserve to be loved by the right person and anybody who get's dumped will say that nobody will love them again, but the truth is, you will be loved again and the way it's supposed to be.

 

You are a great guy, you really don't have to worry about the future, your ex didn't deserve your love at all cause it was too big for her but there are women out there who do deserve it!

 

And one day you will find her, you will!

[skheehee]

C.E,

 

You deserve to be loved by the right person and anybody who get's dumped will say that nobody will love them again, but the truth is, you will be loved again and the way it's supposed to be.

 

You are a great guy, you really don't have to worry about the future, your ex didn't deserve your love at all cause it was too big for her but there are women out there who do deserve it!

 

And one day you will find her, you will!

 

Amen to that brother. We are men, and we will stand with our shoulders back and our heads held high. We better than our exes as we are facing our demons head on, and not looking for a quick fix.

 

We are all here for anyone who feels down and hope slipping away.

[skheehee]

Day 15

 

I actually got 6 hours of sleep last night. It's the first time in 2 months. I still woke up thinking about her, but I would force myself into thinking how she played me out and is probably in bed with her new guy right now, so it makes me just not bother about her and I'll go back to sleep.

 

Don't get me wrong. I still love her. I just don't think I will accept her for who she is at the moment. Time will tell if she wakes up from her fancy dream.

[Pleasedonot5]

Day 1 redux

 

Yes, I know. My ex contacted me yesterday (and my ex ex too! but I ignored her because she's been trying to screw me over since my ex and I broke up ;p) and I got excited. It ended well though, because we reestablished that we needed space and she told me she misses me like hell. It was good that we were still honest with our feelings like that. It looks like reconciliation could be months away, speaking rationally and realistically here. For now though, NC.

 

Today, I was anxious for some of the middle part of the day. It wasn't caused necessarily by the thought of her, but the negative feelings in general made me long for her. It lasted for a few hours until I worked my abs and biceps out in the gym and went to a bonfire later that night.

 

All in all, I'm doing well, although the thoughts still haunt me a little bit. The dreams have, for the most part, dwindled in emotional strength, which is probably a good sign. I'm definitely doing a lot better than I was 3 weeks ago; that's for sure. I even have a casual date with another girl tomorrow which should be fun (:

[skheehee]

Yeah dude. Its hard to let go and accept the fact that the relationship with your ex is over. Acceptance will take time. I know I will take quite a long time as 3 years worth of memories is not easy to just discard(some people have the ability though!).

 

Go out and just have fun! You could go on casual dates, or just hang out with your friends, male or female. Just do things to keep your mind off her. I know I am.

[gotanewbeat]

attempt 3, day 1.

 

he sent me a really nice out of the blue text yesterday, which is unusual for him, especially now. i had a dry response, didn't elude to anything, and he responded immediately with a compliment, which i didn't respond to.

 

i'm half excited and half devastated today... i won't be seeing him regularly, if at all, anymore... and now n/c seems more attainable. i'm excited because this means a lot of the confusion that's been plaguing me for the past two months won't be an issue anymore, AND, now that i won't be so confused i'll have a lot more time to work out, see friends, go out and have fun, work on myself, etc. with that said, i'm sort of losing it... what if he doesnt contact me? or what if he thinks i don't care about him anymore? i know the point is to make them feel like you don't - but isn't it also possible for n/c to push your partner even further away?

 

i'm realizing now seeing him all the time was just as much of a crutch for me as keeping me around was for him... and now that things have changed, situations are different, and it's possible that i will never see him or hear from him again.... i'm absolutely terrified.

 

i just keep reminding myself that the most important person in the world right now is me, and if there is ever to be a reconciliation, i need to make sure that i am my best possible self. so to distract myself during this incredibly difficult period of learning to let go... i'm going to work on forgiving him, forgiving myself, and growing into the best version of me. it's going to be brutal, i'm sure.... but regardless as to whether hes in my life or not... i'll be better off in the long run.

[xmen777]

gotanewbeat, yes it's possible for n/c to push the person away. I did read about some cases, and felt confused.

 

Couldn't sleep this night. It's getting so tough.

That's why I decided to send her a message, nothing about the relationship we had, just a how are you and hope you are doing fine on the trip.

To which she replied with a polite 'thanks!'.

At least she answered me. I felt a bit better. Guess this is Day 1 again. But I felt I had to it or I wouldn't forgive myself. Decided to improve myself further now and try to focus on myself - to be more attractive and have it all together if I'm to date her again.

I'm not going to date anyone else for now. When we meet again we'll see what happens. We might have to leave things as is once she's gone abroad. Not sure whether things might start up again someday, I'd hope so.

[NjoyStick]

Day 30, i guess it doesn't really bother me anymore, i also still have strong feelings for her but they are slowly fading away, if she wants to be happy without me then she should, she lives from moment to moment right now and if she is happy at the moment she won't regret a thing.

 

Her moment of sadness and loneliness will come, but it will take atleast 6 months to a years.