mickydrip

day 6. Going through up and downs. doing things improving my life and things are getting done and such just its been just over a week shes had this new boyfriend i dont know whats happening in her life though i suspect i have a friend who is telling her everything im doing including doing my head over and planning to talk to her on what would of been our 3rd year anniversary... Gah its becoming so hard to not talk to her especially when im not 100% its the right thing. i thought i should maybe of asked to meet up again but then i know if it ended up badly it would be my last chance of a talk im thinking just a text a friendly text a joke text or something. i dont know its hard to know if i should text her or not... Im definatley in love with her, i definatly dont want to lose her or let her go. i know right now she has this boyfriend and maybe she doesnt feel the in love which is what she said but she said she still loves me. and people fall in and out of love all the time. thing is i want to do the sit back improve myself and have her new relationship fail and her see that i can be the right guy for her now. but thing is i dont want to lose the chance and her even just talking to this guy makes me feel horrible and sickened. i just want to go over there and run away with her make her happy and show her the happy life we can have and marry her. we talked about it before. we could have that even more now. im just not sure nc is right thing, i really believe this guy will make her unhappy but if he does she may stay with him. or i dont know what shes feeling and what she is thinking about me and bleh blah garble ****.... T_T. work tonight. the hardest thing is not texting her right now no matter how busy and how many accoplishments i make.

Hmm Thanks guys i didnt contact her. ANother day down i guess. She has been dating this guy for a week and a day and i havent spoken to her in 5. i mean it was left with telling her i need to move forward in my life and i cant be a doormat from her but if she needs me im there. I didnt text her last night as i went to a friends house was going to vent abit then text her but i walked into WW3 and have to disolve a situation, involving kids. I even considered calling up my ex to help me calm the beast and it would of been a non relationship event to bring us together. Problem is i have so many unsaid things i need to tell her, i still have to exchange items back over and that im not sure but maybe she would want me to contact her, i know it doesnt look like it but if it is what she wants and im doing the wong thing AGAIN then i will lose any chance. I have more than decided to stay and not run away i couldnt on a clear conscience and i have to sit here and improve myself, for me and also if i wa to ever get back into a relationship with her. But i still want to contact her im going to see if i can last till what would be our official 3rd year anniversary if i can last.... hopefully every day that goes by ive been wanting too contact her and i have nothing to stop me especially when i dont know if im doing the right thing or not... so heres to the 5th day and only 15 left if i wait till our should be anniversary. im hoping this new relationship of hers will cerumble very soon and i can be the one she wants. its what im holding out for. but i still want to be contacting her. even LC to know how things are just genereally... and maybe i would get a hint of what she wants or is feeling and blehg blah blerrr

Now things is i dont want to take this option i see its a great oppurtuinity and such but i couldnt do it happily im sorry guys but work and money and that type of thing. it does not appeal to me one bit. i could be full of debt no job or money but be happy if i had the one i love. this isnt some silly first love crush ive had love and lost, and ok when we broke u i made every mistake to lose her but as soon as she got this guy i didnt beg plead or try to change her mind i left it for 2 days met up with her explained i cant be the other guy i have to move on with my life, i cant be a doormat but i want to be hers. Now that was 4 days ago and this is tearing me apart they have now been dating a week and that is the only contact ive had with her. i have been living my life going to my apointments having fun with friends going to work. but i cant get out of my head NC is the wrong thing to do. I dont know what shes doing, but i have a real strange feeling her new boyfriend has been filling her head about bad things about me even though i dont know him but he has told her he knows me. i dont know what my chances are here. but yes ive kept my distance been moving on with things. i cant sto this feeling i know im going to contact her soon i just KNOW i will. i want to i just dont know how long i can hold out because one side of me says leave it. one side says fight for it fight for her. MAIN POINT/THOUGHT when she got this guy i didnt go all crazy about it and beg her to change her mind or anything i was chill and composed (though i had accidently before they started dating put it out there i wanted to be friends) so all ive put out there is i want her and i was strong enough to say no and that before she does i wont let her use me as a doormat. problem is i dont know what this new boyfriend has said, he told her he knows me when we definatly dont know each other. Problem circumstances - almost 2 weeks ago while she was at work she believed her car had been gone through nothing missing but i was also told her pphone was played with which she didnt mention to me. i had a key and the next day dropped it off at her house (though if she believes it was me i wouldnt blame her, it looks like me but WASNT), then around the same time one night (before she was dating him and they were just friends talking) she told me some girl went up to her house knowing he was there and even knew his name and told her brother who answered the door it was over, but this guy did not supposably know this girl. i mean ***. and before that at a ball i went too it was her first big performance (officially 2nd) but he went to it as well but took an EX girlfriend because he was such a nice guy, and got drunk because she was there. i mean ***, though i made it worse by being in the area that night around the corner from her and we drove past i saw him in her doorway went crazy jumed out of car and went to tell him to back off, but then they were meters apart talking about family guy so i backed off but then turned around and said hi and told her i wanted to seak too her. Seriously i mean there was the other night she put herself out there even agreed to dinner with me then i made her upset and next day she started dating him. like i never meant i only wanted to be a friend, i just thought it was the right way to go. and i didnt say it in those words i said i loved her and want to be with her but whatever makes her happy, she even asked what if she got married in 6 months and i said as long as she was happy... LOOK I know im going to contact her probably tonight i cant help myself and i think it may be the right thing to do. just im not sure if it should be loving (just thinking about you hoping youare safe), fighting (hope all is well and remmember i wont be here forever), casual (my email accounts were hacked the other day just letting you know you should probably change your password)

I see where you guys are coming from but i wouldnt let her know i was moving and im not going to let her know about this offer. i didnt search for it, it just landed in my lap. right now i know i got to look to my future which i am doing i have my current job sorted money sorted uni/study sorted living all sorted. the only thing in my life right now is this. and yes it takes over my thoughts but yeah. With moving i know its a great oppurtunity BUT i couldnt leave with a clear conscience, i couldnt leave happy. On the relatiosnhip side, if i left she saw me going on holiday as running away so me moving would completely ruin any chance. and if she needed me became single or wanted to talk or i had my chance of reconcilliation i couldnt do it another state away. not really. I couldnt be happy if i left right now. so even though i have a week to decide i just couldnt take it and be happy with myself. Ive always felt i could be poor, in debt and jobless and be happy if im with the one i love. the one i love is her and i just hope i can get her back. right now NC is hard and im Not even sure its the right move too get her back. haha get a hangover njoy??

hmm going on 3rd day i guess. it was hard, especially when im not sure NC is the right course of action right now. i was offered a real good job offer today have a week to decide but i dont think i can take it. out of town another state away. even though i know its a great career move and i dont actually care about my career finances or money. i mean its a great oppurtunity but i dont think i could leave and be happy. i couldnt leave not knowing what will happen whats in store if i stay in town. If i was to leave there would be no chance of ever getting my ex back, even if there isnt i couldnt leave happy now. i wouldnt enjoy it and i would hate myself for it. i mean i have a real hold on my life right now, great standing perfect for our relationship to blossum and i could offer her so much if i had the chance to get her back. it was very hard not to contact her yesterday or today. and thinking about what the hell she is thinking or doing is still doing my head over. there has been some circumstances where i think she has the wrong end of the stick which id love to explain. id like to wish her warm wishes and just let her know im thinking about her....

Great text neil. i just wish my situation was so easy But yeah definatly in that situation, that seems to be the best way

Neil123 one thing ive noticed is alot of people do have great advice and you do have to listen to it. but point is not every relationship or person is the same and everyone is different. but then again you have to do in life what makes you happy. so if it makes you happy and you believe you should then do it. just dont go over the top, dont sound needy or desperate. just keep it cool casual but have some sincerity there.

ahh well i broke NC but it worked. thing is i kinda ****ed it up i mean after i ****ed it up we were agreed on space, we had met up and had a 3hr convo at the beach about this. this 2nd day in she was messaging me for 5 days straight. then that weekend she purposly came over to a friends house she knew i was at the told her i was there she didnt have to come in and she did she had dinner with a friend at 7 but was talking to me still at 8, she was just going to a girlfriends which she never would dress up for but she came around in a nice new dress and makeup (looked beautiful) she even agreed to dinner on the weekend downfall was that i kept saying the whole i love you but want you happy. she asked me what if i get married in 6 months i said well as long as she was happy. i gave her a example if she was with some piggish guy we knew if she was happy, she told me shed expect me to end that. so all i did was reinforce the friend and upset guy idea. then convo went bad and it ended in tears only after she left did i awake to these things. not meaning to upset her i messaged her the next day and told her 7.30 for dinner on saturday bringing out the im going to fight for her again like ive wanted to be and like i did when we first dated. no more mr firend. i was going to show her im a man i was going to take her to fancy dinner, give her a great night out and talk nothing of the past. told her this in the afternoon, much to my avail i heard an hour later (she also didnt reply) that she had been really upset that night and the next morning got herself a boyfriend... Makes me think ****.... too late, too blind too idiotic ****. i hate myself I have now told her my feelings on this and told her i know. that i would always be there for her but cant be the doormat or the other man in her life. told her i had to live my life, and she made me richer after cancelling some romantic things i had already paid for for us when we were dating Hoping hes a rebound, and she will come to her senses soon and as hard as it will be im not going to talk to her. i just hope she see's soon im now a better person switched on not a mess and we could honestly have the best relationship ever. thoughts about her and this guy are killing me though..

SOrry to quote this. But Hey Njoy. Hope your keeping strong there man. i broke NC really bad and thats why i havent been on but i have now done a proper day of NC (though i still need to swap over things with her)

thats hard man but at least she showed you her true colours. I know it sucks man but keep strong, think that its in the past. and if you cant meet new people lean on your friends talk with them things over and just do things with them you havent. go for a holiday and just get out there.

ahh i know how you feel but im now in a piccle where i may be too late i didnt know at the time and now. But i will say i broke NC in a bad way but then when we talked and agreed to Space and i didnt talk to herbut she texted me 5 days out of a 7 day period (which i replied too, more than her at those times) , first was important next ones wernt important subjects

hey there njoy and xmen good to see you guys are still here. hope things are working out for you two. ive had a very interesting time since ive been here things have gone up and down and up and down and now im kinda at a situation where i hope i wasnt too late but now ive realised i know what i want to do just not sure how or when to do it and blehhh still not 100% on what shes thinking but yeah

All I can say I'm glad none of you had the day I did or reacted like I did.. I still don't trust myself behind a wheel today and I already said I'm going to the performance this is gonna kill me.