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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


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Blondie, You are such an inspiration. Well done girl. Please keep posting, It's great to get a view from the other side of the mountain.

 

I've gone 24 hours since I last contacted my ex. He emailed this morning but I've not replied. So I'm calling it day one down 29 to go.

 

Everything you say about the pain rings true. I just hope I can heal too.

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Blondie, congrats on achieving a goal. U came a long way. And bam here is the finish line, imaginary itvmay be, but still

 

See ya around the boards...

Take care

 

Thanks g3, its been a long 30 days lol... but it goes to show we can live without them, life does go on. xxx

Blondie, You are such an inspiration. Well done girl. Please keep posting, It's great to get a view from the other side of the mountain.

 

I've gone 24 hours since I last contacted my ex. He emailed this morning but I've not replied. So I'm calling it day one down 29 to go.

 

Everything you say about the pain rings true. I just hope I can heal too.

 

Aw thanks China, you too will post your 30 day entry and you will start to heal, 30 days isnt a magic number which takes all the pain away but it does give you enough time to step back and grieve, step back and look at what you want out of your life, a step back to gather some clarity and to make you much more emotionally stable.

 

Hang on in there, we are all behind you 100% xxx

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I am on day 20 of NC- me and the ex have not said a word to each other since he broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I have wanted to text him but because of my strong belief in NC, plus the fact that I was acting sooo desperate and tearful when he was telling me it's over, I haven't.

 

But I am starting to worry guys, I want him back and I am worrying that his love for me will lessen with each day of NC until it'll become too late to have any chance of reconciliation. He loved me so much that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me just a week before the ugly fight that led to him leaving me. But I fear he is starting to forget me. What do I do, keep this up until the 30-day period and then send him a text? Or wait for him to contact me in his own moment of missing me?

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Aphrodite, try to relax, if you had real love then he won't ever forget you.

You need to get out of the "i want him back" phase and that will take time but you will through no contact.

 

Don't text him or make any contact, believe me, don't.

I did it and thought i could get her back but i just pushes her further.

As long as you want him back you need to keep it at no contactt until you are sure you don't need him anymore and then you can build up the contact again if you wish.

 

But for now, keep it at no contact, you'll thank us later!

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You need to get out of the "i want him back" phase and that will take time but you will through no contact.

 

...until you are sure you don't need him anymore and then you can build up the contact again if you wish.

 

Thanks, I know it helps with the healing. But what if this works both ways and he also stops needing me? I want him to see me while his feelings are still fresh, not when he's used to living without me already.

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Think about it, he broke up with you, so it means he doesn't need you (at this point in time).

 

Give it the time, if he still loves you then he will realise it soon or later and ofcourse you want it sooner but that comes with it's own problems, so it's best to take the time for yourself!

 

I made those mistakes and it really didn't help me at all, if he loves you and is confused then he needs time for himself to realise it, real love doesn't fade, it just get's pushed aside until the time comes that it's needed and to be honest with you, if it's not meant to be then it's just not meant to be, it's tough to hear that, it took me months to realise that for myself but he needs his time and you need yours, if you get back together too soon then the problems that broke you guys up would still be there.

 

Give it the time and if you are really meant to be with him then you will end up together, just don't **** with the course of time...

Be patient and good things will come your way, take the time to heal cause you are very clearly not over him and the key to getting someone back eventually is to get over him and live your life, don't ask, just do it ok?

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Thanks, I know it helps with the healing. But what if this works both ways and he also stops needing me? I want him to see me while his feelings are still fresh, not when he's used to living without me already.

 

There is a reason for the break up. Either of you has issues that you need to rectify and if you rush back into anything, it would only be temporary as the issues would not have been resolved and things WILL get worse. Believe me, my friend. I've been down that road before. The break up is actually a good thing for ALL of us, as we can take a few steps back and look at the relationship that we had for what it really WAS. See, the keyword is in past tense, as the relationship you thought you had is OVER.

 

The only way out of this is to look at yourself and ask, "Do I have issues that need to be resolved? Is there any way that I can change for the better? Does he/she have his/her own set issues that need to be tackled? Do I really need someone else to be happy, or can I find happiness from within? Was the relationship going anywhere? Was it toxic/damaging/detrimental to my development as a person?"

 

These are really important questions that only you can answer, and only you would be able to find ways to go about doing so. It will take time. The point is, don't rush things. It is in being so hasty that most of us are where we are right now, because we made mistakes. Take as long as you can to sort out these issues if they can be resolved. You will be a better person. You will be stronger. You will rise again.

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It will be my turn soon, Blondie. 30 days will be a milestone achieved, and I plan to go another 30 days after. And then another, and then another... Until the day comes when I have finally let go of the past and embrace the future.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world, my friend. If all of us here on the boards were to live nearby, it would be great to meet up over dinner or drinks and just talk about how we overcame the odds and emerge with our heads held high.

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Stopped counting the days, in a week it will be 2 months officially, i thought about her today cause yesterday would have been our 52th month together if she hadn't dumped me.

 

I forgot what her voice sounds like... That's kinda creepy, i seriously forgot it...

Well... I'm growing indifferent towards her but i still miss her as a friend... Maybe in a few months to a year i'll contact her to see how she's doing =)

 

But i guess she's already getting bored with the new guy, saw a facebook post of her mom, she said my ex was at the movies and her bf was at some outdoor stereo festival, so i mean... I would rather go with her to the movies but whatever, if they are happy seeing eachother only when they need to then that's fine...

 

Ok and maybe i had a little cry this afternoon cause of the 52th month, but it's all in the past and she probaly forgot all about me, i guess she won't even remember my name if she ever saw me again...

 

If life gave me lemons i would push them aside for the right moment...

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I highly doubt she will forget you. If you guys meant something to each other I'm sure that she will think of you from time to time. Keep your chin up. I'm proud of you for reaching 2 months! That's quite an accomplishment.

 

For me it's Day 26, and I'm feeling much better. I still cried thinking of him just a couple of hours ago, but I don't cry everyday. I don't know if he still reads my blog but I hope he sees that I am doing well and moving on for myself. If not, that's cool too (: He disappeared from my life so I did my best to fill the hole he left. I promoted some friends and I've been starting to read some self-help books.

 

I do believe now that what everyone says is true. It will get better. Time will help you heal.

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Day 6 / round 3

 

If i count all the days together from round 1 and 2 it should be over 21 days or something, but i fell like the time is going freakingly slow, and its been 2 months since the BU and sometimes i still feel like it was yesterday. And i hate it.

Sure there are things to do, ppl to see and all but how the f*** can she be in the back of my mind most of the time, i feel like a little child for gods sake, associations come up randomly and distant connections and i do concentrate my mind on other stuff but what the heck.

 

Like Karianne said, they decided to leave us and disappeared from out lifes, so the void has to be filled, but i have a problem with fiding joy in doing stuff and as pathetic as it may sound, probably because i would like to share them with er, but i cant.

 

I am not gonna break NC, in the end i still feel like i come up as confident and not begging and mouning and all to her, so thats a plus for me, i guess i just find it had to accept that dynamics in communication have changed and cant share with her everything that i would have .

 

And again iam going on and on about all te things i have said multiple times, repeating myself.

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I know chinafish, i am really annoyed about it, but the sh** won't go away, either i my slightest hope is keeping me back or i dunno. I mean sure a part of me still hopes that she comes back, but i guess the major setback is probably me thinking about us, that we just had so many connections that its ridiculous for it to end this way, but i gues te end is te end, no matter what.

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I hate it too, feel trapped in a never ending hope/denial STUPID dance with myself. Even when I found out my ex has booked a £2000 holiday with miss rebound. I spent a day saying **** it, he's out of my life/mind then lo and behold I'm thinking maybe they'll break up when they get back and he'll come back to me ARGH!!??

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End of Day 26

 

Today has been a total roller coaster ride. For starters, I woke up from my sleep in the middle of the night, crying. The dream I had was of me and her, so vivid and so real, of us reliving the good old times. My day started off from that downcast note from then on. I had so many moments where I sat idle and tears just trickled down my face. It still hurts. A lot. What hurts the most is the very thought of her being happy with her new guy.

 

I thought I was strong and doing well. I guess I'm far from achieving that state at the moment. I'm only human after all.

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Day 7 / Third round

I'm back. On the trip my ex contacted me to answer my message of some weeks ago. I replied briefly telling her where I was and didn't answer her next message before the next day, when I messaged her telling her I was relaxing and forgetting everything lol. She didn't answer back.

I don't really care now. I've given up all hopes of having a stable relationship with her. She isn't stable. I did meet someone special on the trip, a girl who went through a similar experience. Who knows what might come out of this? Something better I hope.

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Day 7 / Third round

I'm back. On the trip my ex contacted me to answer my message of some weeks ago. I replied briefly telling her where I was and didn't answer her next message before the next day, when I messaged her telling her I was relaxing and forgetting everything lol. She didn't answer back.

I don't really care now. I've given up all hopes of having a stable relationship with her. She isn't stable. I did meet someone special on the trip, a girl who went through a similar experience. Who knows what might come out of this? Something better I hope.

 

Whatever happens, try not to bond with someone over your mentally unstable exes... That's a recipe for disaster.

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Day... Umm 6 days until it's 2 months...

Had a dream about her and her new bf, really weird one but whatever...

Trying to keep myself busy, even though it still hurts and i keep thinking about it, i shouldn't cause i'm the last thing on her mind so why should i bother...

 

I'm glad that my family deleted her from facebook and are disgusted by her, that helps me, alot of people around me still don't understand why she dumped me like that while i did everything for her and i was everything for her...

Running off to a complete douchebag...

 

One day my ex... One day and you will get it all back x10...

 

It's a slow day, met up with a friend of mine at a mcdonalds where he is the manager, we thought of a joke and decided to do it.

We bought a small bottle of water, put eye of the tiger on the radio, got next to a jogger and cheered, gave em the bottle of water and laughed about it later on, that was funny!

 

Ah well, life sucks sometimes but it will get better.

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Day... Umm 6 days until it's 2 months...

Had a dream about her and her new bf, really weird one but whatever...

Trying to keep myself busy, even though it still hurts and i keep thinking about it, i shouldn't cause i'm the last thing on her mind so why should i bother...

 

I'm glad that my family deleted her from facebook and are disgusted by her, that helps me, alot of people around me still don't understand why she dumped me like that while i did everything for her and i was everything for her...

Running off to a complete douchebag...

 

One day my ex... One day and you will get it all back x10...

 

Ah well, life sucks sometimes but it will get better.

 

Ooooh... I like the vindictive side of this whole thing. They will get it. Probably later than sooner (especially for them immature/stubborn ones, cause they'll want to prove their doubters wrong). When they finally do, we're not gonna be around to catch them when they fall. Who was there when we were kicked to the curb and left to bite the dust? They weren't! So to hell with the ex!

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Skheehee, so true, she is trying to prove that she did the right things by dumping me but lost alot of people who cared for her, it's the new that she likes, the excitement of something fresh, but it will run out sooner or later and even when she loses everything she probaly won't budge cause she's stubborn but i won't care at that point =D

 

Pleasedonot5, if she dumped you then she is the one with the problem, not you so it has to be on your terms or it won't work the second way cause she will do it again!

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I know exactly how you feel. Even when my ex was breaking up with me, I told him I could be happy on my own but I wanted to share so much of my happiness with him.

Think of it this way: if your ex comes back, don't you want them to see a new and improved version of you? a happy version of you? I know it's hard but try some new things, you may find something you never imagined would make you happy but it does. IMO this is not false hope but a motivation to get me back for ME! anything else that comes my way is just a bonus.

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Karianne, thats what i am working on, but like i said, its hard bcs i still have her in the back of my mind no matter what.

Concentrating on stuff helps, but still iT feels like a little devil said screw me, iam gonna stick around, you know.

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