THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[bwhite00]

Day 7 NC.

 

Some days are good some days are bad.

 

I told her after 30 days I'd contact her as she had been telling me she needed space: I gave it to her.

 

But honestly she broke up with me and after we dated again and things were going well she asked for space; so the way I see it once I hit the 30 day mark I don't think I'll reach out to her unless she reaches out to me first (which I told her to do if she did sort herself out and figure out what she wanted).

 

Her immaturity I'm handling the whole situation is very disappointing and hurtful to me so most likely strict NC is my best bet at fixing myself.

 

I firmly agree with the advice of: if they break up with you then it's their responsible to prove that they're worthy of your trust again otherwise things fall into a rinse and repeat pattern. Over and over again.

[lucalicious]

Day 30,

 

I see picture of her everywhere on facebook recently. I guess shes been going out more.

Well whatever, college starts monday. shes going to be a senior so i wont ever see her. It sucks to know that shes going to be around her ex everyday though since theyre in the same grade.

But whatever, its her life now.

I wont ever contact her first

[SA2000]

Broke NC last night while I was drunk. She said she wants to meet and talk Sunday. She needs to give me clothes and a check. She also wants to have a "closure" talk. Why? What is the point in talking about how we aren't going to talk to each other anymore? She probably wants to rip my heart out and stomp on it in person. I'll go because I'm intrigued. But I'm going to act completely indifferent.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 10

 

Last night I really thought her and missed her. I don't know why I even missed her. Guess the heart just sometimes to needs have some attention.

 

I have been doing a lot of reading on relationships. I realized two things this week. 1) I kind of already knew was that my ex had a personality disorder. I started reading Stop Walking on Eggshell which is about having someone in your life who has Borderline Personality Disorder. That was my ex. Although, I am only a few pages in, it was scary to realize that someone I love has this disorder. (But I have suffered from depression, so I don't judge her for it.) It definitely explains her actions and verbal attacks.

 

2) I learned that I did not correctly set up boundaries in the relationship. I see how this failure to correctly assert my boundaries led to the constant arguments, the unhealthy relationship, her actions, and the breakup.

 

By discover these two things. I am not saying I want to reconcile with ex. We tried and failed miserable. But it is nice having this knowledge for any future relationships.

 

The one problem I am having is coming to grips that she will never call. For some reason I think she will call one day in the distant future and think of my reaction. I need to let go of thinking about that and just accept that it won't happen and figure out why I would even want it to happen.

 

During our last breakup, she did not contact me for 4 months and then only contacted me because I sent her some money I owed her and she thought I needed "closure." This reminds me that she will not be contacting me in the future as she is the type (personality disorder) who never admits to doing any wrong.

[let_it_be]

Day 6

 

The last few days have been pretty good for me.

I have been so busy, I haven't had enough time to really focus on the ex.

 

Today, however, has been extremely hard. Most say that the longer you go NC, the easier it gets, but I feel the longer it goes without communication the sadder I get and feel a desire to contact him. And it's only been 6 days!

 

I don't think it helped that I happened to see him post a comment on one of his (and my) friend's facebook wall about going out to party tonight. Ugh.

[Griffey]

Day 1

 

 

We took an initial "break" about a month ago. I plead my case for about two weeks, then she broke up with me finally last Wednesday. I was good for a week then she moved her stuff out a week later (3 days ago) and we had an emotional night.

 

Fast forward to yesterday/this morning - She texted me for owed money, I said I'll drop it off to you next week and we can have lunch, she said not a good idea, and I proceeded to make an ass out of myself and dig myself deeper. She even said that I sounded immature and was being needy. She said I wasn't doing a good job with the breakup and that us being in contact could be the problem. We then decided that time and space is now necessary.

 

I just hope I didn't push her too far because I am now devoted to NC, getting myself in order, and hopefully getting her back.

[expert01]

Day 3

 

I feel good,I think of how much of a childish person she is and it makes me feel better

[Griffey]

Day 2

 

 

I feel awful today - not because I miss my girl, which I do, but more so because I'm looking back at the last month of the break/breakup and seeing how needy and insecure I was.

 

I just hope that NC isn't too late at this point and that she hasn't lost all attraction towards me

[bwhite00]

Day 8 NC.

 

I miss her but I don't miss her new behaviors.

 

Gotta learn acceptance. Gotta let go... But it's hard.

[VinnieMarlboro]

Hello everyone

 

I'm glad this is still going and am signing myself up.

 

Some background info on me - married 15 years (3 kids)

Separated over 2 1/2 years ago - I proceeded to break all the break up rules you can imagine and no doubt a few more.

 

After 2 years to the day I issued an ultimatium - whats it gonna be?

Divorce was the reply.

 

I inadvertantly started the NC - and started finally to heal myself instead of hanging on.

I started to fell terrific inside and it showed outwardly aswell.

 

4 months after the NC started I get a phone call out of the blue - I wanna get back together.

 

I was overjoyed and jumped staright in - ignoring my reservations.

I wanted to rebuild from scratch - date a little and learn who each of us had become and go from there.

I believe she wanted it all back straight away without any of the ground work.

This proved fatal as 2 months later - she says she cant do it.

 

Im now back to where I was 2 1/2 years ago - committing same break up 'sins'.

 

8 weeks on & she now has started another relationship which I am ok with.

I believe its a rebound relationship - but really dont know, and have no real idea what will happen with it anyway.

 

I'm more concerned about myself than her.

 

I'm basically doing this for myself to take control over 'me' and thus 'us'.

 

I want to be the one who decides whether or not there is a future for us, if in deed there is another opporunity down the track. But thats a long way off and appearing remote.

 

I have lived the NC way and it worked great for me before.

 

To all you out there, regardless of your initial reasoning for starting NC - the bottom line is - it is the only way you can take control of your life.

 

Focus on becoming a better person to yourself and those around you.

Life then becomes great again and the rewards will follow.

Inner happiness is the goal and NC is the 1st step of many!

 

Thanks for reading

 

Ps - Im on day 2

[Jinky]

Day 7.

 

She passed today, she smiled. I ignored her. I feel like such a * * * * . She'd never have done that to me.

 

Ughhh! This is * * * * .

[VinnieMarlboro]

F**k it! She is to good for me, fair dinkum!

 

I just make this promise, not to contact her and she has rung me twice today.

Both over childrens matters.

I've been reading with intrest the 'reverse psychology and the rebound relationship.' forum on here.

My understanding from that is - Do not give her any emotional support or be her friend - in fact cease both immediately. As this will only stregthen and lengthen the rebound. The worst thing for me or my biggest fear, in my situation is, the rebound new guy(NG)becomes a substitute dad. It will happen in some ways - holidays, just being @ home,playing with them,talking to them, taking them to school or sports, etc.

How can I do NC and cut her off completely if I'm still a father? If I reject her offers for advice on childrens matters, she turns to NG, if I dont then new guy gets her without all of her(if you get my drift). He gets all the good bits - hassle free and rewards - I get all the bad & no rewards!

I do need her to rely on me, but at the same time, they are the issues which should help push NG away from her.

My kids are 15,13,11.

 

Perhaps some advice on what to talk about and what not to talk about in LC or in my case Mandatory C would be nice.

 

Superdave are u still out there?

[oceanblue535]

End of the day. You choose over and over to not contact me. Not looking to possibly seeing you or getting asked questions by our friends tom. yuck.

[expert01]

Day 4

 

Got to admit the first 3 days were easy I just thought of the way she's acted and it made me feel better,but today I've woken up missing her again I just want it to go away

[bwhite00]

Day 9 NC.

 

I miss her but I don't miss the way she treated me towards the end of the relationship and post break up.

 

My roommates girlfriend owed her some money and my ex wanted to come over to our place to get it but my roommates gf told her shed take the money to her.

 

I believe this was an attempt to see me but I left the lines of communication open when I went NC so she knows my number. She can reach me if she wants.

[SA2000]

Day 2. I suck at this. I don't initiate the contact but if she calls or texts I answer.

[expert01]

Day 2. I suck at this. I don't initiate the contact but if she calls or texts I answer.

 

Yeah I'd struggle with ignoring her contact aswell

[SA2000]

Yeah I'd struggle with ignoring her contact aswell

 

The worst part is that she said she would contact me Sunday so we could set up a time to meet and talk. I am still unsure what she wants to talk about. I was doing pretty well over the last week. After her not calling Sunday I feel like I am starting over. This sucks.

[expert01]

The worst part is that she said she would contact me Sunday so we could set up a time to meet and talk. I am still unsure what she wants to talk about. I was doing pretty well over the last week. After her not calling Sunday I feel like I am starting over. This sucks.

 

I know the feeling,I tryed everythin to have one last face to face talk with my ex to discuss the break up tell her everythin I felt face to face instead of over texts it was 3 years not 3 minutes,each time we were supposed to meet shed make excuses

 

I hope everythin turns out well for you

[kangel15]

Starting DAY 1 of my NC with recent ex.. last contact was 8/22/2010, left a voicemail. Not looking at FB is going to be hard! We mutually decided not to block each other or delete each other!

 

Let you know how it goes, I am weak in this area and need to do this!

[expert01]

Starting DAY 1 of my NC with recent ex.. last contact was 8/22/2010, left a voicemail. Not looking at FB is going to be hard! We mutually decided not to block each other or delete each other!

 

Let you know how it goes, I am weak in this area and need to do this!

 

Beileve me when I say this you need to delete them off fb trust me! You will go on the temptation is to strong and you will see things you will not like and it'll set you back...facebook is a relatioinship killer, just tell em nicely why your doing it, trut me on thid

[iBroken]

Day Um, Im not sure

 

Feeling great....no urge to text or email. Just got to figure out how to get her out of my head now........

 

To those of you who are in the beginning stages. It gets easier. I promise you this

 

Pick a goal. Tell yourself 20 or 30 days. NC. HARD. No Circumstance (ha! NC has two meanings now). Aim for that goal. You will find that as you get closer to that goal, your urge shifts from wanting to contact to NOT wanting to contact to meet your goal.

 

As you get closer to your goal, push it out another 30 days and so on and so on. And focus on you and live life while you are in NC.

 

Im 2.5 months post break up. The first two weeks were the hardest. It all seems so long ago!

 

Good luck!

[SA2000]

I know the feeling,I tryed everythin to have one last face to face talk with my ex to discuss the break up tell her everythin I felt face to face instead of over texts it was 3 years not 3 minutes,each time we were supposed to meet shed make excuses

 

I hope everythin turns out well for you

 

The worst part about it is that I wasn't the one who wanted to meet up. It was her idea.

[oceanblue535]

This is the first day I've felt normal again. I'm laughing and socializing and feel great. Well, I didn't after I saw you (I don't think you saw me). My face turned red and I started shaking. I think I passed you again, but I didn't look well enough to be sure. You looked.. different. Like an alien.. I guess that's what time does. I also passed your ex who I used to hate, but now I really don't care. Ironic...

[majorgeek]

Day 2. I suck at this. I don't initiate the contact but if she calls or texts I answer.

 

See, I'm a girl in this situation. It seems that most of these posters are guys. Maybe you guys can advise me on this. All guys say they hate girls who play games, but those same guys take me for granted because I don't play hard to get, pretend I don't like them, or answer every fourth text. I don't call them constantly or stalk them or anything, but I find that men feel crowded very, very easily. I have to totally hang back and let the guy make every move, especially in the beginning. Otherwise, they lose interest.

 

Example: I met this guy who is really kind of a player, and the only girl he ever really wanted was a girl who made him wait 4 months to have sex...and this is a guy with libido to spare. She made him work for it...and that made him think she was some kind of grand prize...and being a girl, hearing the story, it is so obviously a game. She isn't even that good at it...but she can play it for a long time. I'm weak in that way when I really like a guy. I don't want to play games. I just want to love and be loved.

 

I have been seeing a guy for 6 months. I realized I was falling in love with him and I told him that it was moving very fast for me and I was afraid of getting hurt. He begged me not to change anything...and I did fall in love with him. I told him that I loved him about 6 weeks later..and guess what...I got "I like you a lot" and "I have very deep feelings for you." He says he doesn't know how he feels. I did the only thing I could think to do...I told him that maybe we need time apart so he can appreciate me and figure out how he feels. He didn't want to, but he said okay...and said he absolutely doesn't want to see anyone else.

 

I really love him and I want to be with him. Guys, did I do the right thing? This all happened last night...and he stayed over, so I saw him this morning...and I already miss him so much. I keep hoping he will call me because I just want to hear his voice.

 

The worst part is that I just feel so pathetic and needy. It is so hard to do absolutely nothing.