lucalicious

Day 30, I see picture of her everywhere on facebook recently. I guess shes been going out more. Well whatever, college starts monday. shes going to be a senior so i wont ever see her. It sucks to know that shes going to be around her ex everyday though since theyre in the same grade. But whatever, its her life now. I wont ever contact her first

Day 29. These past two days were hell for me. Please someone respond wit some sort of opinion to my situation. As some of u know, my ex had a bf for 2.5 years before us. Well two days ago, a mutual friend of ours (and her ex's) was having a going away party so i went and i saw her walking behind me but then i noticed she didnt come inside the house. i stayed for about 45 minutes and i noticed that neither her nor her ex were anywhere to be seen. I left and walked outside and looked to the left and saw them sitting together talking. My heart broke into two, i wanted to smash the kids skull in, hes a * * * * * * with no respect. He used to text her things like "goodnight beautiful" while we were in a relationship. Well they both ignored me as i left, and i know that she didnt go into the ohuse bc she knew i was there. THEN yesterday i was hanging with a friend bc its his last day in town and we went to a hang out spot and that * * * * * * was there again. I wanted to hit him so bad but i controlled myself. (btw, i am not normally a violent person) So my ex ignored/avoided me to sit outside and be accompanied by her ex to let the time pass. And for those that dont know when she broke up with me, her ex came up in conversation and she defended him and excused his cheating on her and whatnot. So yeah these past two days were hell. But hey it just proves and reinforces my feelings towards her even more Stay strong, God bless

Day 27, Yesterday i unconcsciously thought of the bad in the relationship and ur strange beliefs that conflicted with mine such as reading cards, and reading palms and all the different exotic things. Then you would turn around and say you believed in something else. This day will just be another day, here we go

Day 25. I was super busy today at University Orientation (incoming freshman) so i had my mind occupied allllllll day. However, I still thought about her and how i wished i was still a part of her life and vice versa. And I kept comparing her to other girls I saw walking around. I know its horrible but it kept happening. Im in a city known to have beautiful women and the university really didnt disappoint, sexy women everywhere! But something about my ex makes her stand out, e.g she is waiting until marriage and is really adament on that. and the way she dresses so conservatively yet nice (she's into fashion and very attractive). I just kept sizing up every pretty girl i saw and thought... youre probably not a virgin, OR every guy can see your boobs the way you dress, you put yourself way too out there for other guys. It's this one topic that always replays in my mind (virginity & clothing & attitude towards other guys) If shes meant to come around i hope she does. but for now ill try to push away this rubric i seem to have now. still not even considering breaking NC though

I hung out with another girl the other day... i thought of you the whole time... D*** you, Get the F*** out of my head. I want to forget you. I STILL LOVE YOU. I bet you're out with your fake friends and living your fake life. I couldnt kiss this girl i couldnt actually laugh and smile its as if i had to force myself to. Still hope to be happy soon, whether it be with or without you. Ive been looking for strength in god and he has been providing, but i have my moments of weakness. -L

Day 24. The day isnt over but ill be pretty busy later. I went to a new church this morning (btw, i am not forcing my beliefs on anyone, i am just using this as a diary as it concerns NC). And there came a point where I could really feel the presence of god. I started crying and crying and crying.... Just as so many others were, One of the disciples came and hugged me and I felt great. I felt this warmth radiate through my body that I cant explain. Truly a moving experience. I wont break NC no way, no how, its pointless. But what happened today surely lifted my spirits.

Day 23... I hate days like this. these are the days where my boredom destroys me. Im going out soon, but this whole day has been filled with thoughts of what we could be doing if we were together. And how her mom used to cook for me. And when I took her to that park for her bday and had a picnic. thinking of arguments and what i wouldve said differently. I cant take this, i know we are all in the same boat. And i know i "can" take this but jeez... this sucks lol No way will i contact her though. And i KNOW she wont contact me. Wish we could have another go. but for now ill just pray and stay focused on my spiritual belief and look for strength since i dont have it. Keep going ladies/gents "good things fall apart so better things can fall together" whether it be you and the ex later on after learning some things. or someone new. just dont stay focused on it. let it go

DAY 22. Yesterday she put a FB status "times like these i wish i had a bf to cuddle and watch movies with" idk it is just FB but still a * * * * * move i think. I deleted her weeks ago but my friends told me. NC is freaking awesome so much less pain and thinking. id prob freak out if i saw her in person so i kind of avoid places where she might go

Day 21. * * * * you! You gave up on me! over things i regret saying and bringing up!!! * * * * you! Ive been through all the stages: depression, regret, just whatever, now its disappointment and anger. Shes acting like a totally diff person. Some ppl say its bc she feels relieved bc i tried to "change" her... They were * * * * ing mistakes, and it was like 4 things. come on now, how do you give up on me?! Whatever, im meeting a girl tonight to get my mind off this bs