THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Mustachio]

I can definitely sympathize. If there's one thing my breakup taught me - it was who my true friends are. Who I could go to every time when I was upset or angry or about to do something stupid. And boy, are they few... But try and find someone like that. Someone you know you can trust and who doesn't mind listening to your pathetic and monotonous rants. It always feels better to talk about it. Chances are, they've been there too.

 

I have to agree and disagree slightly. I know who my true friends are, they have been there for me all along, but even the true friends, while they will listen, I know they are getting sick and tired of hearing it over and over again. They get sick and tired of it not because they arent true friends but because they have an outside perspective and to them it just seems as if you (me in my case) are stuck, and they just want you to start doing whats right for you, healing, and moving on. Now, if they just flat out refuse to listen, then thats a different story, but be prepared for some harsh truths as well even from the best of friends.

 

i know NC is for getting over them and healing which is what i want but i would also like to try and get some of my dignity back can going NC change the dumpers view of us??

 

i went NC for 8 days just over a week ago but as soon as he realised i wasnt contacting him he text me telling me he loved me and i stupidly gave in and replied and of course decided to ignore me after that so here i am starting day 1.

 

anyone else having a hard time with NC and who would like to talk i would like to have a NC buddy

 

I think NC can change the dumpers view, but I think doing it because of that would be missing the point of it entirely, because then it almost becomes a game, a game you are playing to get what you want (also a game you probably stand a good chance of losing) when it should just be a tool for you to use to heal and get past it. And dont worry, I think we are all having a hard time with NC because well... its hard, very very hard. If you need a NC buddy, or anyone else for that matter, Ive been on these forums every day practically for the past month or so, and talking and exchanging perspectives and ideas helps me greatly and I would love to return that favor.

 

Also, Day 15 of NC for me. I made it my two full weeks and am into week number 3, still trying to take it one day at a time, and the desire to call her has been there, not necessarily for a quick reconciliation, but the thought of reconciliation is there. Going to try and keep myself busy through the weekend and just hopefully make it through week 3, then before I know it, a month. That is if I dont give in and call before then.

[Anonymous3]

Wow...really bad day, scratch the earlier post. Don't know why, not a significant date or anything....just thinking way too much about it.

 

Good thing is I am out of the country on business for the next couple weeks...guess that should help.

 

I really miss having someone to share my life with

[bravebird]

Day 3

 

I can't get anything done. I feel miserable. I worked so hard to become functional again and now after one encounter I feel as bad as I did in the beginning.

[waveseer]

Day 3

 

I can't get anything done. I feel miserable. I worked so hard to become functional again and now after one encounter I feel as bad as I did in the beginning.

 

It won't last as long as it did before. You will be okay soon, it's only a temporary setback. Do what you did to come out of it the first time. You are going to be okay.

[sarge1991]

Day 11

 

She contacted me on facebook while i was at school, so i wasnt there to answer. I don't if she will again, but i definitley have been thinking of her more today now. I want to message her or answer if she messages me but a part of me tells me i shouldn't yet. The message was just "hey" so i'm trying really hard to not take it seriously, but i guess it means she at least thought to say hello.

[JustOneSecond]

Day 3

 

Difficult to get up this morning, nearly missed my lecture so I could curl up in a ball in bed and block everything out. It's affecting my work, I've got so much but I can't build up any motivation to do it cause I'm so distracted by thoughts of him.

 

Think I've been unnecessarily apologetic to him since we broke up. Probably pushed him further away.

 

I'm also underweight according to my bmi after getting a health check for the gym, appetite's completely disappeared in the past month.

[coolchick64]

Day 2

 

Having a better day today. When we first broke up, 3 months ago tomorrow, I thought for sure we'd work it out. When he started contacting me, and then started contacting me a lot, I thought, "This is it. We're gonna work it out." I finally realized that was not going to happen. His pings were just pings. Our meetings were just meetings. Nothing more. The finality of the situation was hard to process yesterday, but today, I'm feeling relieved. No more emails to interpret. No more decisions about whether to respond. Hopefully, it's really over now and I can just get on with the rest of my life.

[Anonymous3]

Day 2

 

Having a better day today. When we first broke up, 3 months ago tomorrow, I thought for sure we'd work it out. When he started contacting me, and then started contacting me a lot, I thought, "This is it. We're gonna work it out." I finally realized that was not going to happen. His pings were just pings. Our meetings were just meetings. Nothing more. The finality of the situation was hard to process yesterday, but today, I'm feeling relieved. No more emails to interpret. No more decisions about whether to respond. Hopefully, it's really over now and I can just get on with the rest of my life.

 

Hmm...in an odd way, I envy the people like you who get random pings...it's better than being flatout ignored.

[Theblueman123]

Day 30/Finish

 

My healing is complete, I see everything for exactly how it is, and I'm safely removed from everything. Today I broke NC by responding to an IM from my ex, we bantered about some casual stuff and it was good catch-up. I don't expect anything from her and I could tell she was shocked that I didn't worship the ground she walked on. I'm indifferent

 

It started out as a wish, and then a goal, and now it's a reality.

[coolchick64]

Hmm...in an odd way, I envy the people like you who get random pings...it's better than being flatout ignored.

 

 

I've heard that from other dumpees, but it's hard to say what's better. Given that he left me for someone else and they're still together, it's hard to feel good about the contact. I'd probably feel completely different about it if it weren't for her. (HER. Horrible HER!!)

 

He knows I'd welcome contact if/when his "situation changes", btw.

[coolchick64]

Day 30/Finish

 

My healing is complete, I see everything for exactly how it is, and I'm safely removed from everything. Today I broke NC by responding to an IM from my ex, we bantered about some casual stuff and it was good catch-up. I don't expect anything from her and I could tell she was shocked that I didn't worship the ground she walked on. I'm indifferent

 

It started out as a wish, and then a goal, and now it's a reality.

 

Blueman, I've been thinking about you today. YAY!!!! Good for you. You inspire me, seriously.

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 3

 

Didn't think it was going to be this difficult. I guess the beginning is always difficult until you accept what is really going on. I want to call her just to see whats going on.

[stargirl1980]

Day 11

 

Today was better, easier.

 

Actually, I've got a bit of another problem- I've started forming a crush on a guy I have classes with. I've heard people say that I have to be happy being single, and that you should take a few months between relationships. I dunno if he's into me yet- he hasn't asked me out or anything, so it's not really an issue. I dunno.

[HeavyD]

Hmm...in an odd way, I envy the people like you who get random pings...it's better than being flatout ignored.

 

As a person who was in your exact position, I gotta say it IS easier to hear from them. From my standpoint being in the dark was the hardest part. It wasn't until I got closure (even the slightest hint) that I could finally start moving on. But every situation is different.

 

And don't worry - you WILL. I can guarantee it. BUT you have to wait for that time. And it might not be what you want to hear. But you will. it could be another week, a month, maybe six months. If you don't - she is not human.

 

Going on Day 9 I believe? Have to check the calendar. I wasn't really keeping track but I think I might turn this into a goal like blueman did. Something to look forward to.

 

 

 

BTW blueman I see you're only 17. You look pretty mature in that avatar LOL... Congrats on completion.

[Theblueman123]

Oh the avatar isn't me lol, but in real life I am extremely attractive and very muscular. Thanks for the comment

[stargirl1980]

Add to my earlier post- finally decided to peek at the crush's myspace...and he has a girlfriend. Furthermore, seems like he hangs out with lots of hot chicks. Now I feel sad, and dumb for even flirting with him, as he's apparently WAY out of my league.

 

And now I miss my ex more than ever, too.

 

Still. Made it to Day 11. Go me.

[Theblueman123]

Add to my earlier post- finally decided to peek at the crush's myspace...and he has a girlfriend. Furthermore, seems like he hangs out with lots of hot chicks. Now I feel sad, and dumb for even flirting with him, as he's apparently WAY out of my league.

 

And now I miss my ex more than ever, too.

 

Still. Made it to Day 11. Go me.

 

People are only out of your league if you think they are. Confidence and decisiveness are extremely attractive, I can't count the number of times that I have been attracted to uglier women because they had an amazing level of confidence and knew what they were doing.

 

I know for us guys, we generalize women into 2 categories: Fun, and Relationship material. Guys don't pursue sloppy party girls, so I can almost guarantee that the pictures of him with women don't mean much (other than for an ego-boost)

[MNmike]

Well I was on day 9 but looked at her facebook and it set me back again. I guess its day one again. I should not have looked, just made me feel bad

 

My sucky story

 

 

[chazxoxo]

Day 2

 

I miss him, but stopped myself sending a stupid text this morning. i need to accept the fact that i dont think ill ever hear from him again. i just cant seem to let go of hope. this had better get easier

[JustOneSecond]

Day 4

 

Going through waves of being depressed and letting go of my thoughts enough to enjoy myself. Still think about him excessively. had to force myself to get up this morning.

[Mustachio]

Day 16

 

Had a date last night, it went pretty well, but on my way home I started thinking about my ex, it was feeling that I was moving on a bit, but didnt want to and it made me sad. I cried a little.

 

This morning I was not in the greatest mood, but it is improving, I thought today was going to be a terrible day, but I dont think it will end up that way.

 

I still have thoughts of calling her, to try and be friends, but I dont think I can do it, not yet, maybe not ever. I need to set myself a goal relating to this relationship and I NEED to stick with it. But my thoughts and feelings for her are still there and they just dont want me to set a goal. I am also worried that if I set a goal as soon as I achieve it, I will rush to call her, when its probably better to leave it open and just not call.

 

So hard, glad today is my friday and the weekend starts tomorrow... just gotta make sure i stay busy.

[Anonymous3]

Day 7 since my email, almost a month since the short chat...

 

I think the best bet is to leave the ball in her court, very obviously. I did so in my email, so now it's up to her. Expecting the worst, hoping for something that doesn't suck so much.

[jonboi]

26 weeks since the her ship sailed away -

 

21 weeks of NC

[coolchick64]

Day 3

 

Having my best day in several weeks.

 

As I reflect back on everything that's happened, all I can say is he blew it. He totally blew it. He was right when he said our relationship was collateral damage. Guess I was, too. It was a huge price to pay, so I hope he's getting everything he wanted out of it. I didn't want any of it, but I know I'll be okay.

 

At this point, I just hope he (finally) respects my wishes and leaves me alone. It's definitely easier to move forward with my life knowing that it's over and he won't be contacting me again.

[Anonymous3]

Day 9...headed out of the country on business until November 4th....should help out a bit.