THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[JustOneSecond]

Day 7

 

Having a lot of mixed feelings. Cried this morning. Better this afternoon. Feeling very edgy and sad at the moment. Maybe an hour at the gym will help. I just feel the weight of the situation settling in on me and sometimes it's hard to breath.

 

A good gym session really helps, put some high energy music on your ipod and run it all off on the treadmill or whatever. That's what I did today, hard to think negatively when you get that rush of endorphins! And I know I'll sleep well tonight

[HeavyD]

I must agree JOS, the gym is THE place to go after breakup. Not only is it a release, but you're losing weight/gaining muscle whichever is preferable, burning energy (better sleep), and making yourself look/feel better throughout the entire process.

 

Lately I've decided to start dedicating time towards bodybuilding. What a difference it has made... in my physical, and mental health. Hard to believe 2 weeks ago I was borderline anorexic and down 20lbs from normal. I've since gained half of it back, and plenty more to come...

 

So for all of you that really want a great escape from this hell on earth - hit the gym!

[Nappyloxs]

Day 1:

 

We broke up on 08/25 after she left after an argument.

Around 09/10 I started contacting her. Telling her how much I missed/love her.

Last week I went about 6 days not contacting her, but then I drove past her. Two days later, I was happy and felt like giving her a call (I miss sharing those good days with her).

Sat 10/18 I attempted to send her flowers because of sweetest day and a friend telling me that the last time she talked to her my ex was on the fence. She rejected the flowers.

Contacted her again on Sunday b/c my mom had written us and email and I wasn't sure she got it, because I did not at first.

Today, contacted her to say I was sorry for the contact and that I will never contact her again.

Perfect time to find this thread!!! The hardest part is going to be not checking her facebook account.

[Mustachio]

Day 20

 

I feel great. I am taking control of my life, doing things I need and want to do for myself and have met someone new. I am happy. I know there will be ups and downs, but I am coming on 3 weeks with her completely out, and I have already began to shape my new life and I am liking the possibilities.

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 8

 

Had a busy day and it feels great. Nothing like a day filled with fun activities.

[TheLionKing]

Day 109!!

 

OK so 3 and a half months of TOTAL NC.

 

Sure I am better than I was, but still think of her a lot / most of the time.

 

We split and she was with someone literally days later who apparently is the most perfect wonderful guy. Our relationship was then rubbished by her, this was a first and a real shock.

 

Don't think I had any option but NC!

 

If she had dumped me with no guy on the scene I would have got her back I'm sure. In this case I would have done the pleading etc and then cut out with integrity leaving the door open if I wasn't successful.

 

I think if you go NC (as a dumpee) you must tell your ex that you want them back and talk over all your issues in an ADULT manner. Wish them all the best and let them know that you are now going to have to have time to heal so could they pls respect your wishes and not contact you unless they want to discuss a possible reunion, at least for some time.

Dont fight or be childish, take the higher ground. They will remember that.

 

So, is NC working for me? I suppose it is, but in my case I am not going to call just to hear once more about this guy and how wonderful her life is.

 

I do recommend NC as long as it is instigated in the adult way I describe and the dumper is FULLY AWARE that they can try to patch things up, but, in the meantime, although you didn't want this, you are going to rebuild your life.

 

Anyway 109 days in and I still *hope she we call even though I *know it could probably never work again after how she teated me. *hope = heart, *know = head!!!!

[coolchick64]

Day 8

 

Lion King, you inspire me. Thanks for posting.

 

Mustachio---so glad to hear you're doing better. I'm so proud and happy for you!

 

Me: meh

 

On the positive side, I have no desire to contact him. Lion King, I did what you suggested. Started NC after making my feelings clear about reconciling and setting some boundaries. I've done all that I can. NC is making it less painful . . . memories are starting to fade. It's sad to let go, but I have to get myself back. This has gone on long enough.

[TheLionKing]

Hey coolchick, thanks for your kind words.

Remember that YOU are a good person; value YOURSELF firstly, the rest will surely follow.

Good luck.

[Mustachio]

Day 8

 

Lion King, you inspire me. Thanks for posting.

 

Mustachio---so glad to hear you're doing better. I'm so proud and happy for you!

 

Me: meh

 

On the positive side, I have no desire to contact him. Lion King, I did what you suggested. Started NC after making my feelings clear about reconciling and setting some boundaries. I've done all that I can. NC is making it less painful . . . memories are starting to fade. It's sad to let go, but I have to get myself back. This has gone on long enough.

 

Im glad to hear that you are dealing with the NC well. It is sad, and even though I think I am much better, I am still sad, exactly the way you said it, sad to let go. But the only way I was really able to start letting go was to move forward.

 

Day 21, three weeks, all I have to do is make it through today and I will be 3 weeks down, and I have no real desire to call her, so unless she calls me (which hopefully i wont answer) then I am at the 3 week mark.

[Anonymous3]

Day 14, two weeks...Still thinking about the situation daily. Really want to send that email asking "So do you plan on just ignoring me from here on out?" but I don't think that's wise.

 

Feel somewhat like a piece of garbage that was tossed aside really...

[Theblueman123]

Day 14, two weeks...Still thinking about the situation daily. Really want to send that email asking "So do you plan on just ignoring me from here on out?" but I don't think that's wise.

 

Feel somewhat like a piece of garbage that was tossed aside really...

 

Yep. Silence is defeaning in your situation, and trust me, your ex will come snooping around or you'll heal. Don't talk to him first though.

[Queen1607308152]

Day 2,

It's really not day 2 I broke NC as soon as I signed up for the challenge yesterday. (Although he initiates contact) I don't hate my x but I dislike his ways. I probably need NC but I like the conversation. I don't want him back so maybe we can be friends one day.

[Nappyloxs]

Almost finished Day 1, I was busy at work, so didn't think of her until I drove. Still miss her, but I know that I told her how I feel and its up to her. Going to eat, watch a comedy movie and then sleep. Going to keep myself busy at work the rest of the week, because when I first signed up for this challenge I could not wait until day 30 so I could contact her. Now I actually have some motivation for NC and look forward to the change that will come.

[stargirl1980]

Day 17.

 

I've been so distracted, I actually missed counting off 2 days. Good sign?

[Nappyloxs]

 

Star, I feel your pain. It's so hard to ignore someone that you once loved and now have lost. But know this - he DOES still care about you. He's blatantly proving it to you. You're right you don't deserve to be played with and manipulated. But when someone has genuinely stopped caring/loving you - They're done. They won't call, they won't respond, they won't do anything. You're not worth their time anymore. So the fact that he is responding and actually talking tells you right there that he does still have an ounce of care for you. But don't let him take advantage of your weaknesses. If you show him that YOU can live without him - he will be feeling similar to you right now. Might not show it, but it's there.

 

This is my main problem now! Accepting that she is done. There is no new man in her life from what can tell through facebook (no I have checked since challenge) She has not called, wrote, respond to anything since the breakup. Even rejected flowers and the lady told me that ex. was pissed. I am slowly accepting that she is done, because I must to move forward. Since she is living her life, I should be able too.

[Anonymous3]

Yep. Silence is defeaning in your situation, and trust me, your ex will come snooping around or you'll heal. Don't talk to him first though.

 

Well, her...but yeah.

 

 

I just don't see how someone can do that...it seems so awful to just forget about someone you were with, even for a time as short as 8 months. You go from talking every single day, to absolute nothing. Granted she's had some tough things thrown at her, but really? I just get forgotten?

 

I must really suck. Day 15.

[Nappyloxs]

Failed on day 2.

 

Today is terrible I feel so crippled. I can't even work and its been over 7 weeks since our breakup. My body physical hurts.

[coolchick64]

Day 9

 

Nappy, I was thinking the same thing this week. I can't concentrate at work for ****. It's been about 3 months for me. I get so frustrated with myself.

 

I've been doing well with the NC, though. No urges to contact him. I've reached the point where I can check my email or phone without expecting to see something from him. (He was contacting me fairly regularly until I told him to stop, oh, 9 days ago.)

 

I've been crying a lot this week, but not the big sobbing fits I went through at first. I just feel fragile and my emotions are close to the surface. But I cry for a few minutes, wipe off my face, and keep rolling.

 

I'm having a hard time imagining how we could ever reconcile at this point. There just doesn't seem to be a path anymore---all forest and bramble. I barely remember what it felt like to touch him.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks Cool Chick:

 

It was bad today. I left work for a few hours. I couldn't do anything (helps that I am my own boss). Went home laid down (I hate to admit this but I cried half way home).

 

I realized I was letting someone who does not want me in her life strongly affect my life in a negative way. I wrote a farewell email. And now I am done. Restarting the Challenge. I know she still cares about me, but she is doing her own NC. If she comes back who knows what will happen, but I am going to just build a wall. If she comes back, she will have really show me how she loves me.

 

I think today I got everything out of me. It will still be a struggle some days. But for the first time, I really want to move forward since I took 100 steps back today.

[HeavyD]

Wow... today was going just fine. I've had midterms all week so I've been busy. Everything was normal, until I realized what day it was...

 

 

Today is the one year anniversary, of the death of my sister's best friend. She was in a car accident with him. The car ran off the road, struck a tree and flipped, and caught on fire. My sister and another passenger were fine. Not a scratch. The other two weren't as fortunate. One was ejected upon impact, and another caught inside while the car burned to the ground. They were both med-evac'd to shock trauma in Baltimore. One died within a few hours, the other stayed in ICU with brain trauma for weeks, and just recently began walking un-assisted again.

 

I still remember that night like it was yesterday. Standing in my ex's kitchen. Mid-hug, for really no reason at all other than I was the happiest man alive. I got a call from my mom who was in tears, and then broke every single traffic law known to man. What was normally a 40 minute drive back to my house - I made in 10.

 

It's unbelievable how quickly things change... I've wanted to contact her so bad just to say something but I know I can't, and it hurts so bad. I've been a complete mess the past couple hours...

[stargirl1980]

Day 18

 

Feeling kinda lousy. But it's not just because of him- having problems in other aspects of my social life.

[star111]

Day 1.

 

Have been making a huge effort...to get going with this. relapsed majorly- but see things in a whole new light had I not. Wrote out a five day plan...to x off each day. at the bottom of the paper is a quote I took from one of the girl's giving advice on here. "the lesson- when they want to leave you let them leave. you don't hold out in desperation. that is fear, not love." Made a lot of sense to me. I want to move on.....I feel different than I have before. Maybe because I saw him- and heard "maybe we will have another weekend together after time passes." am I really going to sit around and wait while he is doing who knows what? I don't think so. There was a time....but now it really is about me. And finding something real. I've let time pass, I've known I haven't been over him.....and all my dating has been rebounds. But I feel I can start fresh for some reason.....I really do. I am ready to be available to someone else, if I find the right match. I'm super picky now...but that's ok. We are supposed to take the good from each person and learn, and look for it in the next person we find. What we want, and don't want....

[Mustachio]

Well I missed posting yesterday, but today is Day 23.

 

My life has been looking up. I still miss my ex, and still miss my relationship with her. But I am really taking large strides to move on with my life and it feels good, really good. Almost 7 weeks into the breakup and I finally feel like I am starting to get on with my life. Sad to let go, but the possibilities seem great for the future.

 

Well today is day 23 and the beginning of a four day weekend for me. And my weekend is pretty packed full of things, so im pretty sure I will have no trouble making it through day 24, 25 and 26, and at that point i will be well on my way to a whole month. Its actually crazy to think about.

 

I just wanted to add that I still think about her every day, although they are much less conscious thoughts now. More like flashes of things from our relationship that are no longer a part of my life, such as my drive down to her place... which I find odd. I am not waiting for the day that I wake up and she isnt in my thoughts at all, that will be liberating, even though I wont even realize it on that day.

[Nappyloxs]

Starting over with Day 1. Today is much much better than yesterday's nightmare breakdown. Today, I feel reenergized and ready to move forward. Still thought of her, still thought of sending an email to tell her something (I forget about what). Did not do it though.

 

The great thing I learned from yesterday's nightmare was I expressed how I felt, what I learned, and asked for her back. If I did not do that, I would have always wondered what would have happened if I did. I can relax now and move forward with my life.

[bravebird]

day 11

 

I'm in a pretty down mood. I thought he would have contacted me by now, because that's his usual pattern. Maybe he sees how much it hurt me to be around him so he's doing this for my own good. Who knows...