THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[needafriend]

Almost 3 months since I started the NC challenge. Have heard from him. A few emails.. a few phone calls and texts.. some with apologies some: "Just wanting to see how I am". Some I have responded to, some I have ignored. For no particular reason... I guess I'm just numb to it all now. If it wasn't for that gut wrenching feeling of panic when his name flashes up on my cell, I would say I'm over it! It's just always at the time I least expect it and it catches me completely off guard. Because I don't expect to hear from him... nor particularly want to!

 

I have no expectations. I'm sure he is happy with his girlfriend. But he is most definetely experiencing regret and guilt for treating me the way he did.....

[kisskissNC]

Alright so I was in the NC Challenge and ended up breaking contact a couple of times. One time was unavoidable when I unexpectedly saw her the others were my fault though. Unfortunately I found out through a mutual friend that she has in fact gone back to her ex-boyfriend and is beginning bad habits that she had gotten rid of while with me. I thought I would be more upset about this ex-boyfriend situation but I am taking it quite well. I had a feeling she would be back with him because she was talking to him behind my back and stringing me along the last two months of the relationship so that I wouldn't kick her out.

 

She was so quick to go back to her ex-boyfriend and it makes me wonder if she ever did truly love me. If things don't work out with them I think I have to man up and not accept being her second choice. I have a feeling this is her plan because she has expressed that she "still cares about me" and wants to be friends.

 

Day 0 Started at midnight last night. I blocked and deleted her from messenger, don't have her phone number in my phone and don't know it so calling/txting won't be an issue.

[bravebird]

Almost 3 months since I started the NC challenge. Have heard from him. A few emails.. a few phone calls and texts.. some with apologies some: "Just wanting to see how I am". Some I have responded to, some I have ignored. For no particular reason... I guess I'm just numb to it all now. If it wasn't for that gut wrenching feeling of panic when his name flashes up on my cell, I would say I'm over it! It's just always at the time I least expect it and it catches me completely off guard. Because I don't expect to hear from him... nor particularly want to!

 

I have no expectations. I'm sure he is happy with his girlfriend. But he is most definetely experiencing regret and guilt for treating me the way he did.....

 

why is he contacting you at all? did you ever ask? not that you care. i'm just curious though

[JonasWaingaro]

Day...well, believe it or not - 30.

I was really bad at this whole NC thing. First few months I'd drop off after a few weeks. It got me no where. Finally after getting dribs and drabs of contact, I said forget it. I'm worth more then that. And apparently worth less then that to her, since she's gone silent from the start. Anyhoo, low and behold it became 30days. Never thought I'd make that. lol It's an interesting feeling.

 

For everyone at day1-10, hang in there. If NC is what you want/need then stick to little goals. A week, 2 weeks, etc. If you fall off, it's not the end of the world. It's a challenge, and like any good challenge difficult! If it weren't why bother?! Right? Right. NC is a tool to help you. I feel much better about me now. I'm still sad, I still miss 'us', her, and all the relationship this and thats. But I can live without her and 'us', because I can live with me. That's what NC gives you, a very precious gift.

 

What happens now? Who knows! Solo or paired up it's the same. We simply don't know what the universe has ahead for us. Though I'm hoping for happy goodnus!

 

Be happy everyone! It actually(yep I hated hearing this too) does get better.

 

Yer pal JW. (no longer worlds worse NCer!, well...lol)

[Mustachio]

Day 13 here!

 

It doesnt help with the feelings, only in getting used to her not being in my life. And I dont like it.

 

Been thinking of calling her (although ide much rather her call me) and allowing myself to redefine our relationship to more of a friendly level. At least that way she wont be out of my life. I feel that if there is any chance to get her back (whether I should or shouldnt) staying completely away is the wrong thing to do.

 

But I dont know, we will see

[Theblueman123]

Day 28

 

Only two days from a month--and never lookig back, but today something unusual happened. My ex who "never wanted to contact me again" sent me a friend request. I've changed and I know that I am different now and that things are different, but I can't help asking myself what to do. Should I start talking to her again and see what might happen (without getting my hopes up), or just blindly ignore her?

 

What a very unnerving dilemma, I'll be spending the day with friends so hopefully that'll help. What's funny is that I don't want to get back with the person that she was, but if she changed (like I did), then I might give it a shot, and if I ignore her then I will be wondering "What If?"...

[needafriend]

why is he contacting you at all? did you ever ask? not that you care. i'm just curious though

 

 

I'm not sure and no, I didn't ask.

 

I can only guess it would be either one or all of the following:

 

1. He misses me

2. Trouble in paradise with his new relationship (the novelty has worn off)

3. He's feeling guilty and wants to ease some of that guilt by testing the waters to see if I've forgiven him

4. He's horny

 

But your guess is as good as mine!!! I must be getting over it, because I don't really care to ask... and responding doesn't make me feel sad. So I guess thats a good thing!

 

Just got a friend request on Facebook too! Hmmmmmmmm

[moyno85]

Day 28

Should I start talking to her again and see what might happen (without getting my hopes up), or just blindly ignore her?

 

IGNORE!!!!

 

at least for now

[coolchick64]

Day 28

 

Only two days from a month--and never lookig back, but today something unusual happened. My ex who "never wanted to contact me again" sent me a friend request. I've changed and I know that I am different now and that things are different, but I can't help asking myself what to do. Should I start talking to her again and see what might happen (without getting my hopes up), or just blindly ignore her?

 

What a very unnerving dilemma, I'll be spending the day with friends so hopefully that'll help. What's funny is that I don't want to get back with the person that she was, but if she changed (like I did), then I might give it a shot, and if I ignore her then I will be wondering "What If?"...

 

 

Hmmm. Exes seem to have a 6th sense for knowing when you're feeling strong and over it. Their timing is impeccable. I'd say let the friend request go unanswered until you get your 30 day badge. When you've made it all the way, deciding what to do about it can be your reward. I think it's good to keep an open mind about these things, but only if it's not going to set you back.

[stargirl1980]

Day 9

 

I don't know why I feel so much worse this week. I guess because most of my anger has worn off.

 

I miss him-he was so nice and sweet to me at the beginning. I want that guy back. If anything, I just want him to not hate me anymore.

 

The fact that he told me not to call him again makes me feel horrible, but it makes NC easier to stick to.

[sarge1991]

Day 9

 

Past the week mark doing pretty good! In my new apt and love it!

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 1

 

My 2.5 yr relationship just ended about two weeks ago. For no reason my gf, who initiated the break up, decided to start talking to me on AIM (Aol Instant Messaging) since three days after the break up. I responded at first but now I noticed that its unhealthy and decided to start my challenge of no contact with her.

 

Edit: Btw I'm assuming that NC mean No contact, but what does LC mean? Sorry I'm new here.

[Theblueman123]

Day 1

 

My 2.5 yr relationship just ended about two weeks ago. For no reason my gf, who initiated the break up, decided to start talking to me on AIM (Aol Instant Messaging) since three days after the break up. I responded at first but now I noticed that its unhealthy and decided to start my challenge of no contact with her.

 

Edit: Btw I'm assuming that NC mean No contact, but what does LC mean? Sorry I'm new here.

 

LC = Light Contact, and NC is for healing purposes. It's a hard road, but you need to not talk to her ever again (unless it's about business). If you want to reconcile, then wait until you're healed and the problems (reasons you broke up) are fixed on both sides. It's a win-win sitaution because you heal and you move on either way (with or without her).

[Theblueman123]

Day 29

 

Only today and tomorrow left... I had a setback yesterday due to a friends request, and I've spent today deciding on what to do. I unblocked her from facebook and accepted her myspace friends request (funny how she posted a "I can't live without you" song the day she sent it to me. I'll still wait until after my challenge is complete to contact her, but at this point I'm healed and I'm okay with her being there.

 

I'm okay because I feel indifferent, I don't care and I don't have any expectations, so I believe that that's a sign that I've moved on. It's weird befriending her because I cut her off emotionally a while ago, I gues NC has run it's course though.

 

I guess it feels good to finally have all of the power.

[bravebird]

Day 2.

 

Sunday he took me out for dinner and a movie. All I have are unanswered questions. Will he contact me again? Was our meeting his way of gauging how he really feels? The night didn't end with a "let's do this again" or even "it was nice to see you". All I got was a text that said "thanks again for seeing me." That in itself does not seem like a good sign.

[coolchick64]

Day 1

 

guess i posted too soon last night

 

well, i answered his phone call and i listened to what he had to say and then i told him very firmly that i didn't want him contacting me anymore. he didn't take it well, but i have a feeling that's the end of him.

 

looks like i'll be losing some more weight . . .

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 29

 

Only today and tomorrow left... I had a setback yesterday due to a friends request, and I've spent today deciding on what to do. I unblocked her from facebook and accepted her myspace friends request (funny how she posted a "I can't live without you" song the day she sent it to me. I'll still wait until after my challenge is complete to contact her, but at this point I'm healed and I'm okay with her being there.

 

I'm okay because I feel indifferent, I don't care and I don't have any expectations, so I believe that that's a sign that I've moved on. It's weird befriending her because I cut her off emotionally a while ago, I gues NC has run it's course though.

 

I guess it feels good to finally have all of the power.

 

Woot! Your almost done. How does it feel to be so close to the finish line?

 

 

Day 2

 

She called me today and I ignored the call even though I wanted to call back. I wonder if I should tell her I'm doing the NC challenge so she won't bother me in the next 28 days. Good luck on all you challenges!

[Theblueman123]

Woot! Your almost done. How does it feel to be so close to the finish line?

 

 

Day 2

 

She called me today and I ignored the call even though I wanted to call back. I wonder if I should tell her I'm doing the NC challenge so she won't bother me in the next 28 days. Good luck on all you challenges!

 

It feels really good actually. In the end you realize that it's not so much about the "Goal" of 30 days but how much you have progressed during that time. I'm done with everything and have moved on, it's a really good feeling to have. Though the best thing about it in my opinion would be the fact that I now have all of the power. I couldn't care less about my ex and I'm living my life as it is, it's truly a wonderful feeling.

 

And what's the funniest part about all of this is how she keeps posting on her status about how "Things just keep getting better" and how "completely amazing her life is" now. Lol, I'm just waiting for her to start snooping around again, there's a saying that applies "Only from a distance can the mountain be seen."

[sarge1991]

Day 10

 

Awesome day today. When i got home from school i saw she messaged me on fb! If she messages me again should i talk to her? I mean obviously she would know im on the computer and i don't want to give off that im just ignoring her?

[kisskissNC]

Day 1

 

No Contact is so much easier when other women are interested in you! I've been talking to a few women and it's definitely putting my mind at ease towards the ex. Working out and generally feeling happier might be drawing them in like magnets. =)

[stargirl1980]

Day 10.

 

Really really hard day.

 

I'm starting to get mad at all my friends who tell me to "Get over it". I mean, wow, is it just THAT easy? Can I drive to the store and buy a box of "Over It" and suddenly feel 10 times better?

 

It's not like I want to be miserable. Sometimes I do wish I had some magical way to forget I ever knew him....but I don't have one. I just have to work through it whatever way I can.

[Mustachio]

Today is day 14 of NC.

 

I made it 2 full weeks!! Been having thoughts of calling her and redefining the relatonship. Definitely hard not to call. Although I am sad, its odd, cause I cant quite understand why, not necessarily that I miss her and our relationship, but that I just am sad from all the hurt I received

[HeavyD]

I'm starting to get mad at all my friends who tell me to "Get over it". I mean, wow, is it just THAT easy? Can I drive to the store and buy a box of "Over It" and suddenly feel 10 times better?

 

It's not like I want to be miserable. Sometimes I do wish I had some magical way to forget I ever knew him....but I don't have one. I just have to work through it whatever way I can.

 

I can definitely sympathize. If there's one thing my breakup taught me - it was who my true friends are. Who I could go to every time when I was upset or angry or about to do something stupid. And boy, are they few... But try and find someone like that. Someone you know you can trust and who doesn't mind listening to your pathetic and monotonous rants. It always feels better to talk about it. Chances are, they've been there too.

 

But it DOES get easier. Once you start getting yourself on track, things start to turn and you will come realize a lot that you can't grasp when you're still in emotional trauma. You'll start to see new things about yourself, your ex, and your entire relationship. Stay strong, this forum is a blessing.

[Anonymous3]

Hmm...not having a great day...sucks how they just come out of nowhere like this. I'm working in the town where she lives, and where we spent most of our time together...lots of unwanted visual stimulation.

 

Really wanting to reach out...get my answers, being alone like this is no fun. Day 6 since I sent the email I think...

[chazxoxo]

hey, im fairly new here but ive been reading thee threads for a while and from that decided i definatley need to go NC.

 

Im still so in love with my ex but he now has a new gf, however he keeps breaking up with her and coming back to me telling m he loves me blah blah blah but ive now realised its all a bunch of lies and he just wants to keep me hanging around incase he decides to break up with her for good. atm thy are back together and i am being ignored.

 

i cant keep it up anymore i need to get over him only problem is he has been leading me on telling me he loves me an dumping her over and over for 5 months and each time he has gone back to her i have cried,texted, emailed called, facebook messaged him and quite frankly made myself look pathetic! i just get myself into such a stateabout things bcuse it hurts when only a few days before he decides to cut me off he is either at my house with me, saying we are going to be together or texting calling me telling me we are meant to be blah blah blah and that she doesnt really mean anything to him, he says he just doesnt wana upset her and is finding it hard to break things up for good. its so stupid because i am allowing myself to be used and it needs to stop now.

 

i know NC is for getting over them and healing which is what i want but i would also like to try and get some of my dignity back can going NC change the dumpers view of us??

 

i dont want him to remember me for all the crying and begging ive done and think that ill always be a sure thing and that he can pick me up and drop me when he wants but im scared the damage is now done.

 

i want him to see that he cant controll me anymore and that i can be a strong person and i eventually want to be completley over him and not care what he thinks anymore.

 

i went NC for 8 days just over a week ago but as soon as he realised i wasnt contacting him he text me telling me he loved me and i stupidly gave in and replied and of course decided to ignore me after that so here i am starting day 1.

 

anyone else having a hard time with NC and who would like to talk i would like to have a NC buddy