THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lindorie]

Thanks for the kind words, they help hope you're doing fine, birthdays and things like that tend to bring up memories

[Astrogirl]

Day 53 and feeling a little better. I found last week quite painful.

[kate111]

Thanks very much Jobelle. It seems like we are similar in some ways. Of course you are right about the 8 years. It's 8 and a half actually. I agree with you about the timeline. I would take him back but only if he convinced me this is something he wanted after thinking about it. IN the past he always said it was something he wanted but he was quite vague about it. At first when I broke up he tried to convince me out of it and made more vague attempts at planning children or a way to be together. Yet he wasn't stopping me from taking a job abroad. Then when I broke up he seemed rather too resigned to it. I tried to back track at one point and he didn't want me to.

 

Today I was plagued with the thought that perhaps he was just with me because he was too guilty to break up. It's such an awful thought.

 

I think it's day 11 today. I'm on day 2 of my gym regime. Feeling pretty crummy. Still check email etc a million times a day hoping.

[beanpot]

Yea I tried getting over her by thinking of the bad things but that just didn't work. I couldn't think of any bad things. But man, the knowledge and thought that she doesn't care makes it painful but much easier.

 

I'm glad you got some extra boulder pushing power I honestly can't imagine how you can possible be sane seeing her on a weekly basis. It's hard enough for me NOT seeing my ex EVER. Props to you man.

 

Your story about how it started is really sweet. Does thinking about it still make your heart skip? Certainly thinking about my ex and our first date(s) makes my heart skip. Gah, spiraling into that thought process haha gotta spiral out... I absolutely understand the feeling of the absolute highest of highs and the devastatingly deep pits. I am glad you were able to come out a stronger person. I don't think I'm coming out of this experience a stronger person... I truly don't. But I am certainly a better partner, and for that I'm thankful.

 

Day 49: It is easier knowing that she hates me. Be still, my soul.

[beanpot]

Thank you for your words Alldaisies. It's amazing how helpful it is just to hear someone give kind and understanding words...

 

The story of Sisyphus is based in Greek mythology. Saluk actually used it to describe what he was going through a couple months ago and I thought it was a brilliant comparison. It is about a guy who angered the gods and was punished to roll a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll down again every single time. He is doomed to repeat this cycle for eternity. It's kind of like all of our struggles here... we make some progress one day, but then the next day we're back where we started. A painful cycle.

 

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad day. It's hard enough to try and get over someone just by not contacting them, but I can't imagine how terrible it must be to suffer at their hands directly. I hope you are doing better today than you were yesterday. Tell us something that made you happy today. Anything at all. The sun being bright. The weather being warm. Eating a good meal. Anything. I've been trying to do this on a daily basis to remind me that there is good in life and happiness to be had...

[beanpot]

Lindorie, I wish I could say that it gets steadily easier, but it doesn't. You'll have some good days followed by some rough ones, but the general trend will be upwards. Just knowing this helps with those bad days.

 

Oh, and day 24 for me, not too bad of a day. Ex gf's son's birthday today (7). Wish I could wish him a happy birthday myself, but I'm not going there.

 

Those special events are always so painful. Especially toward the end of the year with holidays. Stay strong.

[blabla]

Day 12: I dreamed of him last night. I dreamed he was the one who came up to me, and we didn´t get back together but we both wanted, and that it was obvious that it will happen. It is evident I want that, but on the other hand I˙m maybe getting over him. There´s this strange calmness inside of me, no more thoughts of terror when I think of never being together ever again. Maybe it´s just a phase, or maybe I´m on a good path. Need more time.

[rlhuk]

Day 50:

 

Nothing really. Still thinking about him. Not feeling happy or sad.

[beanpot]

Day 50: Trying to embrace the pain of either a real or imaginary hatred that she has of me...

[alldaisies]

Thanks so much for your time narrating that myth for me.

 

My day, what I can say about my day or my last days...a little girl smile at my at the library and she made me happy (I was almost crying and feeling totally alone). The weather is very good for me be with him (it is grey and it is raining), but he is not with me, he is not even thinking about me. I went to the movie theater and watched a movie that I really enjoyed. I have been eating very badly because I am fat thank to the medication. I have been reading and writing a lot. I am better but I am still sad.

 

There are a lot of emptiness. There is a love that refuse to go. I feel miserable because I am unable to forget him. I would like to hate him, be mad with him, feel any negative emotion toward him, but I do not.

[sammi3110]

After a long 15 months since we officially broke up I am in desperate need of NC. You all know how it goes, back and forth conversations of how much you miss each other, catching up, sleeping together, trying NC, failing NC, endless tears and painful words......end result. Still broken up. And I am becoming more broken by the day and it's not how I want to live my life. I love the guy, there is no doubt about it. 5 years, engagement, almost marriage and 15 months of hell since breaking up. But it's time to get my life in order. I am the only one that can do this. No one else. Already spoken to him today, already felt that desperate, pathetic feeling when you are rejected. I don't want to feel that anymore.

Day 1 NO CONTACT will start tomorrow. He doesn't know it yet and maybe I don't need to tell him. He knows I want to let go and move on so this is exactly what needs to happen. Reading everyone's comments and progress has given me hope and made me realise I am not the only going through this type of pain. Thank you all for sharing this painful part of your lives. Good luck to us. I know there is happiness for everyone.

Day 1.......

[beanpot]

Hey Sammi. It's a tough road, but it must be traveled. Thankfully it is a well worn path with many predecessors. Reading the experiences of others can help... sometimes it is nice to commiserate. But don't get too caught up in it

 

No contact is good, but it is difficult if the other person tries to contact you. Ultimately it is the LACK of stimulus that is important. Despite you not contacting him, you need him to not contact you. If you don't want to tell him this directly, then block him on all sources. Otherwise... the NC road will be even more difficult to travel than it needs to be.

 

Best of luck to you. We'll all be here to post our own feelings and root for each other.

[beanpot]

I know what you mean by grey and rainy weather. I always find grey and rainy weather to be deeply saddening because I just feel that it is weather meant for a couple to cuddle together.

 

I am glad you were able to watch a movie and enjoy it though I have been doing a lot of that. I've never watched a movie before by myself in the theaters, but since this all started I've watched quite a few. It's a good way to get my mind off of things.

 

I'm sorry your diet has been bad. I think the first month I wasn't eating much of anything... I had no appetite. It's bad either way, eating too much or too little. Keep that in mind and try to force yourself to eat something healthy in exchange for something unhealthy once a day. It'll become habit if you keep up with it.

 

I think that you will eventually find a reason to let go. For me, I could not let go because I could never vilify my ex; she was the most wonderful thing. But... feeling and thinking that she hates me makes it easier to let go. Hopefully you'll find that source of strength that will allow you to move on.

 

I don't know if this will help, but I read it earlier today and it made me laugh quite a bit. I liked it...

 

/

 

Stay strong. Be well.

[beanpot]

Day 51: This forum, and specifically this thread, has been my haven. I've been feeling better. Unbelievably. I didn't think this could ever happen. I've moved on from thinking that she'll want to try again. How could she if she hates me and views me as a villain. I've found that making short and long term goals have been very helpful... Short term goals being things like planning activities to keep busy during the weekend. Long-term goals... well I am planning to run the LA marathon! This was kind of spur of the moment... I've been running for the past few months just as a way to get her out of my mind and de-stress. So, why not transition that into something more meaningful... To run a marathon would be such a great feeling... and it'll be a goal to set my sights on during these next 4 months. Today was officially the first day of running meant as training for the marathon! Went 11 kilometers, 7 miles. Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga-choo-choo

[Lindorie]

Day 16

If I initially felt relieved when I first started the NC thing, the last few days have been hard on me. I miss him. Even if I found a friend in the guy I'm chatting with, he kind of reminded me why my ex and I were so good together. Somehow we managed to bring out the best in each other and even though I'm on a good path by myself now, this new guy reminded me of the darkness inside me. Knowing I'm bound to see my ex a day after my NC is over doesn't help either.

[ntAgainPetunia]

Congratulations beanpot on signing up for a marathon! I got into running after splitting up with my 2nd wife, it's a great way to get the stress out and meet people!

 

I won't kid you though, the marathon will be tough! Training will be like a second job for you, and once you start your really long Saturday runs, that day will be shot. I'd recommend training with other people if you can. I've trained for (and run) three so far, the last two by myself. When I was running two to three hours by myself, I inevitably had one or two miles where ex-wife and the guy she left me for get into my thoughts, long after we had split. I called it my "two mile hate"

 

Obligatory day 27 NC, tired (still sleeping poorly 2 1/2 months post-BU) but otherwise doing well.

[drummer09]

Day 2 No contact. Went a solid 3 or 4 weeks with NC with her after she broke up with me. She blocked my number and social media, and told me to move on because she started to see someone else. After that rebound relationship ended she called me saying she misses me and would like to meet up. We kept in contact here and there for about 2 weeks but it actually made me feel worse. I decided to tell her that I am not interested in a friendship and if she was willing to discuss reconciliation, I am open to that. Otherwise, I am not interested. I also called her out on reaching out to me because she was sad and felt ty because her new thing didn't work out. She placed the blame on me and told me to screw you and that I am rude. I realized its not in my best interest to put up with that bull anymore. So here I am, back to no contact! I feel alot better than before but there are still some thoughts of missing her and good memories etc. I know those will fade with time! Good luck to everyone.

[beanpot]

Congratulations beanpot on signing up for a marathon! I got into running after splitting up with my 2nd wife, it's a great way to get the stress out and meet people!

 

I won't kid you though, the marathon will be tough! Training will be like a second job for you, and once you start your really long Saturday runs, that day will be shot. I'd recommend training with other people if you can. I've trained for (and run) three so far, the last two by myself. When I was running two to three hours by myself, I inevitably had one or two miles where ex-wife and the guy she left me for get into my thoughts, long after we had split. I called it my "two mile hate"

 

Obligatory day 27 NC, tired (still sleeping poorly 2 1/2 months post-BU) but otherwise doing well.

 

Thank you greatly for the words of encouragement I can only imagine that the training can and will be brutal. I've tried in the past to run a marathon too but never completed training. This time... there's that drive... the feeling that if I can complete a marathon I can move on with my life and move on from her. Hopefully this will be enough of a spark to keep the fire burning.

 

Haha yes... I started running again a few months to try to force out the sad feelings. For the past 3 months when I run, inevitably I think about her despite running. But my thoughts were always about how wonderful it would be when we got back together. But for the past week... when I run it's been thoughts of how wonderful it would be for my heart to stop hurting and to finally move on.

 

Glad you are doing well! Despite the poor sleep =/ Hopefully your nutrition is staying healthy and abundant though. Where we lack in one aspect of our lives, we can try to make it up in another.

[135stay]

I've been blocked.. so heartbroken.

[beanpot]

I've been blocked.. so heartbroken.

 

Embrace it as the first step to be able to move on. I know it feels like the end of the world right now... Stay strong

[kate111]

Day 15. Feeling so so. Could be worse could be better. Two days ago was terrible. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I wish he would want me back.

[blabla]

Day 14: Two weeks. Still thinking of him everyday, almost all the time, it´s infuriating. One moment I´m hopeful that we could get back together and that it could be different, the next I remember all the things that made me broke up with him, and all the times I was feeling uncontent with our relationship, and I wonder if that´s how it would be forever. I´m still fantasiziing about us having a great relationship like we did at first, before it all became crazy. It was such a wonderful feeling, I want it back so much

[kate111]

He contacted me saying he hopes I'm ok and that it has been a difficult time for him. Also asking when I'm going to pick up my stuff. I haven't picked it up because I'm working abroad.

 

What does it mean and what do I do?

[saluk]

It means "he hopes your OK, and he's having a difficult time". The game hasn't changed, although he may be hoping you change your mind. Let him know when you'll be available to pick it up and don't talk about anything else.

[kate111]

It means "he hopes your OK, and he's having a difficult time". The game hasn't changed, although he may be hoping you change your mind. Let him know when you'll be available to pick it up and don't talk about anything else.

 

Thanks, yes true. I agree. Pick what up?