THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[beanpot]

Thanks, yes true. I agree. Pick what up?

 

The belongings you mentioned

[beanpot]

Day 54: She is still, without fail, the first thing I think about in the mornings. I cannot go an hour without thinking about her. But it is getting better. Setting goals... setting goals has been so good. So good. Goals guy!!! Get those goals going!!!

[sammi3110]

kate111 - I know exactly what you mean with the anxiety levels!!! Its like you could almost jump out of your skin with the million thoughts racing all at once. I'm in the same boat! But a beautiful hippy lady told me at my work to try this and it has been kind of working. She said to look in mirror any chance I get (mornings, nights, when I go to bathroom, in revision mirror in car) and say out loud (if no one else is around of course) ' I do not want to continue this train of thought, these thoughts don't own me, I own them'. Sounds weird I know but it has somehow slightly helped when my anxiety is through the roof and negative thoughts are taking over. If you are like me, you are willing to try anything!!! Good luck!!

[LovelyDani87]

Day 8:

 

I ignored her last two texts last week after basically getting no where with her for the last 6 months of our break up. I've actually gone almost 30 days NC in August but I gave in to bread crumbs all over again.

 

Not sure why I continued to pin for her when she made zero effort to meet up since we broke up in April, haven't seen her in 6 months yet I still love her.

 

I've come a long way emotionally so for the most part the "hard part" is over. Just wanting to go on with my life without having to communicate with her every other day. The last 6 months have been the worse and I am so thankful to be here and not at the very beginning. Hang in there everyone!

[ntAgainPetunia]

I'm not sure whether to count this as day 29 or day 1... ex ran a half-marathon today (very proud of her btw) and some of her friends posted pictures of her on FB. I had her blocked, but because they were friends that posted I was able to see them. I felt... sad, melancholy, wistful, but in a manageable amount. I actually 'liked' the pictures and decided to unblock ex from FB. Still not friends with her there, but now I can see what she was up to with friends.

 

My therapist recommended that I take a day to just mourn the relationship so that's what I'm doing now. I'm going through all of our pictures/history and looking back at how awesome we were together. I'm sad now, but I'm supposed to be.

 

Still NC on her end, so I guess I'll keep the counter at 29 for now.

[beanpot]

I'm not sure whether to count this as day 29 or day 1... ex ran a half-marathon today (very proud of her btw) and some of her friends posted pictures of her on FB. I had her blocked, but because they were friends that posted I was able to see them. I felt... sad, melancholy, wistful, but in a manageable amount. I actually 'liked' the pictures and decided to unblock ex from FB. Still not friends with her there, but now I can see what she was up to with friends.

 

My therapist recommended that I take a day to just mourn the relationship so that's what I'm doing now. I'm going through all of our pictures/history and looking back at how awesome we were together. I'm sad now, but I'm supposed to be.

 

Still NC on her end, so I guess I'll keep the counter at 29 for now.

 

Man, spending a day to mourn is brutal. I've spent 5-10 minutes before... the length of a couple songs... to just sit on my bathroom floor and cry. I can't imagine looking through all of those pictures and history though. That'd be devastatingly brutal. Let me know though if it ultimately you found some benefit from it... I just see pain and nothing else. Hope you are doing alright!

[blabla]

Day 16: Still think of him every morning, it´s unbelievable! He´s the first thought that pops into my mind when I open my eyes each morning. But I know that nothing would change if we got back together, because it never did when we were together. And that is if he would even want to do make-up. I will break the NC in three weeks, to wish him happy birthday and see how he is, since our last communication was very friendly and touching and I do want to know how he´s doing. But I´m also 100% sure that it would be only a friendly texting from his side, and that if I told him that I think of him every day and that I miss him that he would ignore that.

[rlhuk]

Day 54:

 

Feeling lonely.

[ntAgainPetunia]

beanpot, it wasn't really too bad. I used the FB feature where you can see the interactions between people and worked my way backward. I got to about our first anniversary, stopped, read a book and fell asleep. I felt sad and wistful, tears welled up a bit, but I didn't actually cry.

 

Day 30 today! Feeling ok, I think I'll post some reconciliation stories in the "Getting back together really does happen" later. I have 3 or 4 at least.

[saluk]

Those mourning periods - I've had those! Can be brutal but also cathartic. Sometimes you just want to have some tears, even if it's not really a cry. For a long time I still had all of our text messages, and since most of our relationship happened over text (issue 276 in our relationship lol), it was like reexperiencing the whole thing. But some of the texts looked really dumb. I certainly said a lot of really dumb things. Looking back at it 6 months later, 1 year later, it got sillier and sillier and I realized how much I was changing each time I went back to it. We were such kids lol. She was 19, and I was acting like I was 19. Eventually on one of these episodes, I deleted the texts as I went through them. I feel some of the hardest times are the points at which I made the most progress. Looking at how long it's taken me to get here, I don't know lol.

 

Day ??: She walked by me 3 times. Neither of us acknowledged the other. I didn't care - nothing to say. The man wasn't there. I had a nag of wondering where he was... but I didn't let it stay. (I know he goes away some weekends, but other times he hasn't been there I've wondered if they broke up lol) It doesn't matter anymore. She's the past.

 

She talked to my mom. I didn't ask my mom what they talked about.

 

I went to a zombie dance the night before and met up with a girl. It was a pretty strange way to meet someone for the first time lol. I still don't know what she really looks like because of the costume and the makeup. But it was a good way to get out of my comfort zone. It's the kind of thing some of my past me's would never have done.

[ntAgainPetunia]

I still have all the texts from my last two relationships and emails from the last three tagged by name. Not sure why really. I got a new phone shortly after my most recent breakup so I don't have any texts or pictures of my ex handy. If I want to see them I have to charge up my old phone. Guess I'll do that at some point, more mourning and such.

 

Oh, not that it's helping me move on at all, but I had suspected that my ex had been spending her few kid-less days with her best friend rather than possible bf. Since I unblocked her, it looks like I am correct. Maybe someday I'll remember that the stove is hot

[beanpot]

Haha it's... kind of nice to have a few guys (despite it being online) to commiserate with. Good to hear about how other males are spending their time getting over a significant other.

[beanpot]

Day 55: Continuing to do things to try and take away all reminders... I deleted all emails and google chat history. I tried to delete my texts but there were so many of them my phone kept freezing... I changed her name to Cannot Contact. I changed the name of a friend's wife (who has the same name as my ex) to Mrs. XYZ instead. Oy... I don't know if doing all this is going to even help... God I miss her so much still all the time.

[sb26]

Hi all,

 

I would be needing your insight on my situation.

 

After more than a year of being together as aquintances when I saw it going nowhere I initiated NC with this guy. I like him a lot & I have expressed that indirectly. In the past, many a times he had dropped hints that he likes me but nothing for sureshot could be made out of those gestures. This had build a kind of frustration in me & I decided to call it quits & in mid August I initiated NC with him. He used to message me on & off, sometime calls as well. His on & off messgaes were making me condition miserable plus wasn't leading us to anywhere, so one fine morning after his Morning wishes message, I gave him a lame excuse and I told him not to message me ever. He agreed to that. That weekend (out of desparation i believe) he called. I didn't pick up his call thinking it will give me pain nothing else & again will raise my hopes for nothing. (Roller coaster for me for last one year)Tell you I was really at peace by not responding. This was the first time ever in last year. Following weekends he kept calling me and I never responded. He sent me wtsapp msgs that I look beautiful in my DP and I never responded. It was almost one and half month of no contact for us. We saw each other everyday. I could see a question in his eyes as to why I suddenly ended everything.

 

After that I went on trip to another country and while returning bought a present for him. I wasn't sure if at all I will be able to give to him or not. After a lot of thinking, I decided to give what has been bought specially for him. Without saying a word I handed over the gift to him & he also accepted. He could make out I was not in the mood to talk so very wisely he also kept mum. But later that weekend he called me again & I didn't respond. I believe this gifting gesture made him think something positive that he again started messaging me requesting me to take his call. And finally I spoke to him & kept my conversation minimal. I knew he wanted to talk to me more and more but I was not wanting that, something not coming from heart. spoke to him for 3 mins & said goodbye. He had no choice rather than saying bye forcefully.

 

After the day we spoke, he again started messaging me. I observed 2-3 times & reminded him that I had requested him not to message me. He stopped. Its been 2-3 days now.

 

If I carefully observe him, I can see a lot of desparation in him to come back to things as they were in the past.

 

What do you think of my situation as a whole? You think he misses me & has realized something. Or he just wants the things to be as per comfort on & off. Does he have feelings for me?

Have I done a mistake with this gifting thing.

[blabla]

Day 18: Yesterday I cried after not having the urge to cry for a few weeks. It was horrible, because I thought I got over that part of being miserable! And then I started obsessing about him, about what could be the reasons of him being so distanced from me the last time we spent together. I started thinking that maybe there was someone else, that maybe there was someone else the whole time!!! That thought crossed my mind a few times, but I´m not a jealous type, so I never thought more about it. I even went to see his FB page, even though we´re not friends and I can only see a few pics, and started looking for a girl who he mentioned many times as his friend, who I´m positive he had something with, but he never told me that so it never bothered me.

 

I had a HUGE urge to contact him, and with each day I´m more positive about breaking the no contact rule on his birthday, and was hoping it would be the opposite. I know I´m setting myself up for a failure and misery all over again. I hope that by contacting him I would feel ashamed I´ve done that, so that my pride would never allow me to do that again, like I have never done that before.

[beanpot]

I continue to have these moments at times and I'm nearing 60 days I think. It slowly does get better though. So don't be discouraged. You are doing great. Just by posting here is proof of that

[blabla]

I continue to have these moments at times and I'm nearing 60 days I think. It slowly does get better though. So don't be discouraged. You are doing great. Just by posting here is proof of that

 

Thanks for kind words I do know it gets better, I´m felling SO much better than at the beginning, but does moments of insecurity and loneliness get the best of me sometimes I tend to overanalyze everything and that is one of the reasons our relationship failed, so I should work on that!

 

Day 19

[saluk]

It gets better - but part of that is your willpower. You have to resist those urges to delve back into those emotions when you get a whiff! No matter how much time passes, if you go back there you can let yourself get buried again. Take it from me

[MovieGuy18]

I am now at day 6 no contact. I find myself thinking about her a night. I work almost every day till 9:30 and start thinking of her as my shifts go on.

 

She texted me last night as I was finishing my closing shift. She knows I have been busy with work and that I close basically everyday so her texting me at that time is no coincidence. I have told her about how my grandfather may have cancer and that he is getting scans done to see how far it is. Right now, it is being treated as scar tissue until they can see a difference in size in the next scan.

 

She said "I'm hoping that you received good news about your grandfather!" I chose not to respond, but should I say something to her about it (like, things are looking okay right now, thanks) or just wait until she messages me again on her own? Apparently, she is dating someone else, so I don't want her to feel like if she texts me, I will always answer. I want her to realize that I will be gone from her life if she doesn't want to be with me again, because I obviously don't want to be just friends.

[saluk]

It doesn't beggar a response, so you are better off just leaving it unless she texts you something that really needs a response from you. She needs to miss you if she's going to miss you... and if she isn't you need to keep your focus on moving forward not what you will say every time she texts you.

[MovieGuy18]

Exactly what I am thinking, I just don't want to come accross as bitter or angry or something like that when she is going out of her way to show compassion and caring about my grandfather, but I also don't want to feel like she is using that as a reason to talk to me and that's all. I told her we couldn't be friends, then after a long time, said we can try, and then flipped again and said that I can hide how I feel and pretend that I can be friends. I don't want to flip flop anymore, I'm sticking to my guns on this.

[ntAgainPetunia]

Day 34 NC (so far). Most of this week has been good, was even overall happy for a couple of days. Yesterday was rough though. Possibly because I only got 4 hours of sleep. I was SO tempted to forward some things on to my ex (articles, menu for new restaurant, etc.) Thankfully, I was able to resist that temptation. Today is shaping up fine, the best part: ten+ hours of sleep!

 

Don't get me wrong, I still want to contact her, but nowhere near as badly. Wish me luck!

[beanpot]

Day 34 NC (so far). Most of this week has been good, was even overall happy for a couple of days. Yesterday was rough though. Possibly because I only got 4 hours of sleep. I was SO tempted to forward some things on to my ex (articles, menu for new restaurant, etc.) Thankfully, I was able to resist that temptation. Today is shaping up fine, the best part: ten+ hours of sleep!

 

Don't get me wrong, I still want to contact her, but nowhere near as badly. Wish me luck!

 

You're gonna do great!!! Good thing it's the weekend and you can hopefully sleep in Keep us updated!

[beanpot]

Exactly what I am thinking, I just don't want to come accross as bitter or angry or something like that when she is going out of her way to show compassion and caring about my grandfather, but I also don't want to feel like she is using that as a reason to talk to me and that's all. I told her we couldn't be friends, then after a long time, said we can try, and then flipped again and said that I can hide how I feel and pretend that I can be friends. I don't want to flip flop anymore, I'm sticking to my guns on this.

 

Stay with it We're all here to support you

[MovieGuy18]

Well, I am now back to Day 1 NC haha. I responded to her message about my grandfather a day later. I was pretty busy at the time, so I texted her later again last night and asked how she was, she said she was doing well academically in school, but not emotionally, and then asked if we can talk later because she is "in the middle of a serious conversation..."

 

She finished the conversation by saying "I miss my best friend." To which, I didn't respond, because I'm not going to be just a friend. My gut tells me she was having this serious conversation with the other dude she is rebounding with. I bet he isn't comfortable with her talking to me, but that's too bad for him. Then again, I could be completely wrong about the conversation, but who knows.

 

I didn't reveal too much about myself and kept my messages to her short. No emoticons, just basic information. I just told her text me when she has the time and that I'm here to talk if she needs to. She sent me a few emoticons, which doesn't really mean anything but she hasn't done much of that since our break up two months ago.

 

So, until she texts me and says something that's important, like asking me to get together and talk or do something, or talks to me about getting back together, then I'm back to NC once more. Which reminds me, tomorrow would be our two-year anniversary had we stayed together... Wonder if she will say anything about that.