Lindorie

Thank you! Couldn't have done it without this forum though

Thank you! While meeting new people is definitely a good thing for you, just make sure not to lead them on - no need to tell them all about your ex and so on, just don't make any promises and don't jump into something new because it might take your focus off yourself - the person you should be aiming to make happy right now taking care of yourself does wonders for you and if you meet up with your ex in the future they will notice - I noticed today with mine . Other than that it's true what everyone says - let go of the outcome and believe that whatever happens is the best for you. When you're happy on your own and feel positive about your life it shows and it attracts other people - I'm going by my life as usual, nothing special and suddenly I'm getting tons of date invites from people I never imagined. I bet it will work for everyone else too

So here I am, a few hours after we met up I listened to your advice and kept things light and easy, I think I must've made more progress than I myself thought, since I wasn't feeling either awkward or emotional. We grabbed drinks and lunch and had a really good time, catching up with each other and discussing working on ourselves (apparently I'm not the only one who did that, he did it too) and how our lives are. Unexpectedly it really felt like a first date with someone - getting to know the new person, talking about interests etc. we even made some future plans and they were all his suggestion. He also admited to checking out my online profiles (I don't think he meant to x) ) and kept asking me what I'm doing etc. there was some lingering at the end but I finally gave him a long hug before going my way. Anyway, besides updating you on my situation, I wanted to say a few words to everyone who is where I used to be - focus on YOURSELF and let things happen naturally. Let go of the outcome, no matter how hard it is, and just work on making yourself happy. Today made me realize how far I've come - when my ex and I met up for the last time before I went NC, I broke down once I got home and cried for hours for no real reason. But today I actually had a good time with him and am not obsessing over it one bit - I feel fine and happy with myself! It was a good day but we'll see how things progress from here - and even if they don't, I'll know I did my best and that I'm good on my own. So do that for yourself and everything will be easier

Thank you so much, I'll keep your advice in mind and see how it goes

Since we're at baby steps... Exchanged a few texts with X in the past few days after a couple of weeks of silence and he suggested we meet up. We've made plans for drinks tomorrow and I guess we'll see how that goes. Any tips?

Hopeparis if you're holding on to any kind of idea of a future second chance, you will have to adjust the attitude - not just for that mind you, for yourself too! Since you share a group of friends there's no way of avoiding him and don't limit your time with your friends just because you two broke up, the last thing you need right now is to lose anyone else and feel lonely! As far as your attitude towards him goes, be cordial when you're all out together, but don't engage into anything one on one with him. Believe me, I know it's hard, but ignoring him will male it even harder and put everyone in an awkward position, you two and your friends. On the other hand, acting cordial but not overly friendly shows maturity on your part and speaks volumes of your character! Since you don't have a choice but to see him, that's the only thing that might make him change your mind - seeing that you're mature and okay with yourself, as the opposite of acting childish etc. Don't expect any miracles though, 15 days since breakup is not all that much and it usually takes people longer to start missing you, if they do. Seeing you every day is not the same as having youvas part of his life though, so he will see the difference (if you act the right way) even if you can't go full NC. No matter how hard and impossible it seems right now, it helps to let go of the outcome in your mind and focusing your energy on yourself instead of all the what ifs. Let him see you're mature and okay on your own. All you can do is work on your own happiness, it's up to him to realize he wants you back (or not) and there's nothing you can do about it - so why try? Put yourself first and trust that whatever happens, it will be the best for YOU! Maybe he realizes he messed up and wants you back, maybe you realize you deserve something better and move on. That's life. Petunia I see we're in the same boat with our exes - them saying one thing but acting the opposite of it one thought I would like to put out there is that sometimes people can't admit to themselves what they really want or have a trouble saying it to someone out of the fear of being turned down - hurt. Not trying to give anyone false hope, but I used to be like that and couldn't say how I felt no matter what, I was way too afraid of rejection. I know everyone says that the dumper should come to you, tell you how wrong they were and all that jazz and directly admit they want you back, but I don't necessarily agree with it. Situations like that happen in movies, in real life most of us are way too broken to put our feelings on the line like that. Being the dumper can actually make it even harder, since you have to swallow your pride, admit you were wrong and risk the person turning you down once and for all. As you told me, I would stay cautiously optimistic and just go with it. Sometimes actions speak louder than words and hers seem to say she wants contact between you two. Just be there and open to communication without putting any pressure on her and you shall see how things develop in the future As for me and my updates, it's been a funny week. After we've bumped into each other and he was the one who started to actually make plans for a coffee, I went on with my life as it was before - filled my days with people and things that make me happy. It's on him to contact me now to set the coffee meetup (before NC he started this thing where we're supposed to exchange the initiation for meeting up so I'm following that) and we'll see when and how that happens. It's been a funny weekend anyway, I ended up having a short coffee with my ex-mother-in-law (we've all lived together for over a year and she still cares about me a lot and wants to hear how I'm doing) and I guess it really shows I've moved on from the past relationship and living for me now. It was all casual updates, but she hinted he's not doing all that much and well on his own (which I find interesting because before she was the one telling me to move on and find something better, kinda weird, I know) and even suggested we should take a two day trip together next month (which I avoided discussing of course). It seems like when you actually let things go, they start coming back in the weirdest ways possible x).

ntAgainPetunia thank you for your thoughts! focusing on your own happiness, even if it is damn hard in the beginning, should work wonders for anyone and also helps you stop obsessing. as you said, I am cautiously optimistic but at the same time also fine being on my own, probably for the first time in my life reading this forum helped me a lot too I'll listen to your advice and see how things between us go, being direct with him probably wouldn't work so maybe a nudge here and there if he shows more interest... As far as your situation goes, I think that was her closure on the past you two had, which can be hard to hear but at the same time also means that she's letting go of the resentments and bad feelings. It may not be enough for a second chance and I can't really tell since I don't know her, but I do know that I wouldn't send a message like that to someone I don't care about on some level

My update... We were together for 1,5 years, pretty much lived together etc. we broke up around 4 months ago and the split was mutual at the time. Last few months of our relationship were hard because life got in the way and we didn't deal with it until there was too much (he was busy and stressed and I was going through some family hard times). I'll also admit I had a case of gigs (but did nothing about them!) and doubts because I felt neglected. Anyway, we met up a week after the split to talk and I suggested that we try to work things out but he lost his initial crush (as did I to be honest) and wanted to just stay friends. I agreed and we took it easy, LC and seeing each other once in a while. Eventually the 'dates' got quite regular and he started to bring out (mention etc) past memories so I confronted him and he made some stupid excuse (he has a problem with being direct about his thoughts and feelings) so I've decided I had enough and told him we should stop seeing each other so I can focus on myself. He told me to take my time but three days later decided to attend an event I already confirmed on my fb (which he could see and it was also kind of a big event for us since we met there for the first time two years ago). After a month we've seen each other there and I was doing fine - I was there with my friends, he came with his. We hugged and chatted for a bit, then I turned my attention back to my company. He could see me having fun and being good on my own and I really was so it was a nice night One weird thing was that I kept bumping into him alone without his friends and where me and mine hung out. I told him we can make coffee plans in time, then went back to having a good time. Anyway, a few days later I sent him a friendly text to open the lines of comminication again (since that was the deal we've made) and we exchanged a few messages, when I bumped into him on the street unexpectedly. He hugged me and after a few sentences he started on the coffee plans we mentioned and we agreed to meet up next week. In that month of mine I was really working on myself - for myself - and came to the stage where I'm okay with whatever happens. I'm open to the posibilities, but the initiative would have to come from him and if it doesn't, I'm quite enjoying being single and able to do the things that make me happy. I am curious about this new development so...any thoughts?

Day 16 If I initially felt relieved when I first started the NC thing, the last few days have been hard on me. I miss him. Even if I found a friend in the guy I'm chatting with, he kind of reminded me why my ex and I were so good together. Somehow we managed to bring out the best in each other and even though I'm on a good path by myself now, this new guy reminded me of the darkness inside me. Knowing I'm bound to see my ex a day after my NC is over doesn't help either.

Thanks for the kind words, they help hope you're doing fine, birthdays and things like that tend to bring up memories

Day 14 of NC I didn't officially start my NC challenge here since it was a spur of the moment decision (we last met up ob my birthday, after meeting fow coffee three weeks in a row) when I had a breakdown and decided I've had enough of the limbo we were in - spending hours together once a week for three weeks straight, but moving nowhere. I told him we couldn't be friends because it's too soon for me to see him like that and to take care, he said to take my time and let him know when I'm ready to meet up again. Since then I haven't contacted him in any way or tried to learn anything about him. He was my home so it's been hard but for once I'm focusing on myself. I've found new job, picked up writing again, made new friends and even started chatting with some guy (purely friendly from both sides, but it's nice). For some reason my ex, even though he agreed to give me time and space, decided to go to the same party as me at the end of the month - knowing well that I'll be there because it's my bffs and my tradition to go. Making the whole thing even more awkward, we've met at that exact party two years ago so it's kind of an anniversary thing... I guess I'm about to meet him the same day my month of NC ends... Anyway, I've decided to post my progress here to make myself remember the decision I've made, since for some reason today has been quite hard on me