THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Blondie176]

I failed at day 12

 

I am back on it though, day 2 ...i hate this though, i just want to be free from all this bolloxs

[Dazla]

Day 9 of NC after 7 day stints of her contacting me trying to keep me as a friend.

 

I thought i was doing good, but now ive slipped, probably cus its been the weekend, shell be out getting wasted and doing things with guys, whilst I cry myself to sleep. Ive not checked her twitter or FB...nothing, but I cant stop thinking about her its just makes it worse not better.

 

I miss her so much, I loved and ive lost as Rihanna says.

[patterned]

Over a decade together much of that attached at the hip. Things were deteriorating over the last couple years. Over six weeks into 3rd big breakup in that decade. This is the second 20 day NC period.

 

Six weeks out I'm in a much better place. I still have breakdowns. I still miss her dearly and want to share things with her.

 

I no longer feel like I've just been in an accident. I can eat. I am having fun. Building a new life. I have been dating and meeting wonderful and interesting women. I have a lot of freedom and resources to do what I want and add new experiences and hobbies to my life.

 

In the past I rescued her/us/the relationship whatever. That's not happening this time.

[patterned]

Over a decade together much of that attached at the hip. Things were deteriorating over the last couple years. Over six weeks into 3rd big breakup in that decade. This is the second 20 day NC period.

 

Six weeks out I'm in a much better place. I still have breakdowns. I still miss her dearly and want to share things with her.

 

I no longer feel like I've just been in an accident. I can eat. I am having fun. Building a new life. I have been dating and meeting wonderful and interesting women. I have a lot of freedom and resources to do what I want and add new experiences and hobbies to my life.

 

In the past I rescued her/us/the relationship whatever. That's not happening this time.

 

Back to 0 5 minutes after posting this. Not by my choosing.

[broken17]

Back to 0 5 minutes after posting this. Not by my choosing.

 

I'm really sorry, you'll get back to that point.

[broken17]

Day 8

I've realised that he is truly an entirely different person! I saw his facebook for about two seconds earlier by accident, I was disgusted. A stupid, immature profile picture; and just unrecognisable! Ergh I am so much better off!

Everyday gets a little easier which I love. And I've met someone who I have a good feeling about.. I don't want to rush like my ex did but I like this guy and maybe a future. I don't know I'm just enjoying being, happy's not even right! Content.

[ZhaoZilong5]

Day 1

 

I'm not allowed to post URLs, but the story is the only thread I started. "Best way to get her back?"

 

I have the willpower to do NC while still visiting profile pages. I think it's better for me to be kept in the loop for more information. I just finished my driving course yesterday. I'm stuck babysitting my nephew until Friday away from my friends. When I get back to my own home on Friday morning, my friends will be on a cruise until next Thursday, and by the time they come back, my siblings will be flying into town with their SOs and staying in my brother's house where I'm at now. My siblings and the vast majority of my online friends don't understand the situation, and one of those friends seems fed up with even listening. This is going to suck...because my support network for this ironically enough is my RL friends who have the experience but knew nothing about my love life well...ever. At least they'll always be there for me when they can, but it sucks that I'm cut off from that support network for three weeks.

 

Edit: My question is, I logged onto WoW last night, and she was online. Yesterday, she texted me after I told her what was up, and she asked me if I wanted to remain in contact or be left alone. Anyway, on WoW, I didn't say anything, and she logged off and texted me to tell me she assumes no since I gave her the silent treatment. How do I initiate NC now? Cold, or explain something again? I had unintentional NC for two days while trying to collect my thoughts to give her my final statements.

[martyfarty]

back at 1.

 

broke down and called her. then kicked it for a few days. then got stabbed in the heart from a third party.

 

found out she moved

found out she flunked out of the community college

found out that she wants to hang out with her 'ghetto high school friends'

found out that she wants to buy a house

found out that she is only working a few hours

found out that she wants to eat out, boat rides, shoot guns, etc...

found out her mom always puts her down

found out that her brothers are all losers

 

and she is turning 30 soon.

[ZhaoZilong5]

Since I really do want to reconcile, should I LC?

[Clueless90]

NC since today. I called him up and we had a good heart to heart. I explained keeping in contact and still seeing each other was hurting me and that after this call it might be best to stop seeing each other, hanging out and calling/speaking to one another. He said he wishes we were older at a time where we are both ready to settle down and says that he knows one day we will be together again which melted my heart but in the meantime I said I need NC for me. I'm crying my eyes out as I type this and hopefully soon I can just heal and be happy again and when the time is right in the future for us it will be so much better the second time around?

[jeepman41]

NC since today. I called him up and we had a good heart to heart. I explained keeping in contact and still seeing each other was hurting me and that after this call it might be best to stop seeing each other, hanging out and calling/speaking to one another. He said he wishes we were older at a time where we are both ready to settle down and says that he knows one day we will be together again which melted my heart but in the meantime I said I need NC for me. I'm crying my eyes out as I type this and hopefully soon I can just heal and be happy again and when the time is right in the future for us it will be so much better the second time around?

 

 

No one knows how second chances will work out. If that is what you want it is best to let go for now though. If keeping in contact is causing you a great deal of pain, it is best to distance yourself from the relationship. If you do come together again you will be in a better frame of mind and then in the interim you might just meet someone else.

[Blondie176]

Day 6 ( take 2)

 

I dont know how i feel today really, i am sort of starting to think he is a bit of a bastard really, what kind of man lies for 2 months when he seeing someone else, what kind of man tell you he still loves you, that he made a terrible mistake but then goes on to spend the weekend with the other woman, leave you in tears, in an absolute mess and doesnt even look back?

 

Meh.... i wish i could erase him from my mind!

 

Hope you guys are doing ok xxx

[Clueless90]

No one knows how second chances will work out. If that is what you want it is best to let go for now though. If keeping in contact is causing you a great deal of pain, it is best to distance yourself from the relationship. If you do come together again you will be in a better frame of mind and then in the interim you might just meet someone else.

 

Thank you for this, I totally agree. Sometimes you just gotta let go and hope for the best does it mean he is over me if say he dates other people now or sleeps with others? I'm curious to get a guy's perspective?

[jeepman41]

Thank you for this, I totally agree. Sometimes you just gotta let go and hope for the best does it mean he is over me if say he dates other people now or sleeps with others? I'm curious to get a guy's perspective?

 

 

Hard to say what is going on in his mind. He may or may not be but you have to take such statements at face value. If he was the dumper in the breakup then he is only concerned about his feelings. Sometime it seems the people we were involved with can become so cold and callous as to be a stranger when a relationship dissolves. They become quite selfish and right now he is only thinking of himself and how he feels. No contact will allow you to step away and gain clarity.

[Dazla]

NC since today. I called him up and we had a good heart to heart. I explained keeping in contact and still seeing each other was hurting me and that after this call it might be best to stop seeing each other, hanging out and calling/speaking to one another. He said he wishes we were older at a time where we are both ready to settle down and says that he knows one day we will be together again which melted my heart but in the meantime I said I need NC for me. I'm crying my eyes out as I type this and hopefully soon I can just heal and be happy again and when the time is right in the future for us it will be so much better the second time around?

 

I can kinda guess how you feel. My ex told me the exact same thing, and to be honest Ill always think that I cant truly move on. She's 22 been in relationship's since 14. Shes never been single and thats what she wants right now, only person who can make her realise its a bad move is herself. Its utter crap, but then life's a b****. Literally the only thing wrong with our relationship was the timing. It sounds like your in the same scenario, that one day she/he will come back.

Theres a huge percent of folk who have "the one that got away", and its often the case whereby its the dumpers who think this. No one knows what our future holds and thats what keeps me strong - but at the same time I know I shouldnt feel this way Day 13 of NC, I still love and want her back just as much as when I gave her a last kiss goodbye a month and a half ago now.

[Dazla]

Day 6 ( take 2)

 

I dont know how i feel today really, i am sort of starting to think he is a bit of a bastard really, what kind of man lies for 2 months when he seeing someone else, what kind of man tell you he still loves you, that he made a terrible mistake but then goes on to spend the weekend with the other woman, leave you in tears, in an absolute mess and doesnt even look back?

 

Meh.... i wish i could erase him from my mind!

 

Hope you guys are doing ok xxx

 

I dont know how your relationship was previously, but if thats the case your certainly better off without him.

[lovebre]

Back here again, but not for the same ex

[lovebre]

Back here again, but not for the same ex

 

(Sorry this ended up so long, this turned more into a rant than a back story lol.)

 

Day 1 + back story/RANT

My ex from last year has been in contact since last year when we first broke up. Before, during and after the relationship all he wanted to do was use me. He would call/text me saying how he was "sorry" and that he was just trying to protect me from getting hurt and he didn't want to hold me back once I left for college, all while suggesting that we become friends with benefits and how we should hook up every time I come from from college What an idiot. Sadly, I actually believed everything he told me in the beginning and went along with it at first. And after we'd spend time together I'd feel like crap and wouldn't here from him until a month later.

 

He showed his true colors December of last year when I told him that I had a boyfriend and I wouldn't be his FWB anymore. He had the nerve to get mad at me. He told me that he "thought we were MORE than friends" and that we was hoping that once I got a feel of the college life that maybe we could have gotten back together! I was HEATED! He didn't want me until someone else had me, and then I realized that he was just trying to keep me on a leash while I was in college. I guess he thought that by being physical with me and feeding me BS that I would remain loyal to him, all while he's back home trying to get back with the girl he dated before me (he doesn't know that I know this)

 

Now this year he's been trying to get back with me. He sends me bread crumbs like "Sucks how you don't feel the same way I feel about you" and "We will always be more than friends. I know there's still something there between us" At first I tried to be nice but now I just don't reply to them. But what really brought me here to day was something that happened around two weeks ago. He called me at around 12am and I was a fool and answered the phone. He wanted to stop by to talk and I said it was alright but he wasn't coming in my house. He stayed on the phone rambling about how sorry he was and explaining his behavior until he pulled into my drive way. He kept trying to put his hands around my waist, wanted me to sit in his lap, tried to put my hand on his groin. I repeatedly told him I was uncomfortable with getting so close to him and he got upset. He said that if I gave him another chance that he would show me all of the good aspects of a relationship since all I have seen are the bad. He told me that after I had left he realized that he "loved" me. I knew it was a lie. It took him a while to get it out, laughed everytime he was about to say it, and when he finally did get it out, he said it in my ear. I just didn't feel it. I don't feel love between us.

 

I told him in order to get another chance, he would have to earn my trust again. He was not going to just get another chance after what he did and how he made me feel, WORTHLESS. He seemed so certain that I could trust him and I was ready to see what he was going to do.

 

After he left that night I didn't hear from him until early this morning, 1am to be exact o__0 TWO WHOLE WEEKS. No way am I giving that man a second chance. Actually, I kinda did and he's already blew it! I am so glad I didn't give into his advances and his begging, but I am upset that I let him lead me on into believing he'd changed and actually considered giving him a chance because my intuition warned me that he was full of it.

 

I still have an emotional attachment to this guy and NC is the best thing for me right now. I have been working out, eating healthier, going out more and just enjoying life and all he wants to do is bring me back down to where I was last year. I will not allow it.

[Reminiscence]

I have a question before accepting the challenge.

Is it normal for the dumper--who just wants to be friends with the dumpee--to text the dumpee right away after breaking the news as if everything is all fine and dandy? I'm the dumpee and I've made no contact or reply to him but he keeps texting me. Not to mention I've never been in a relationship before so...yeah...not sure what to do. However, he has been in several relationships before. Then again, the guy I was seeing didn't consider our time together to be a relationship because quite frankly we never went on any dates or did anything together. We just texted and I spent the night with him but we never had sex. Wait...then am I still a dumpee? And he's still my ex?

[Blondie176]

I dont know how your relationship was previously, but if thats the case your certainly better off without him.

Yup! If only my heart would hear that

 

Day 9 ( take 2)

 

I feel all a bit 'meh' today, last night i had a seriously wobbly moment of really desperately needing him, i fell to the floor in a heap and sobbed for ages. I feel like he has stomped on my heart, left me laying in a broken heap on the floor and walked away without looking back. Can this get any worse? It has to start to get better soon, right?

 

Its the silence that is killing me, no contact whats so ever, ( obviously cause i am in NC lol) no chit chat, no knowing how his day was or him mine, the thoughts of him with HER kill me too. No cuddles, no intimacy. He is doing all that with someone else.

 

I am forgetting his voice, his smell, his smile. After just 9 days! So i imagine he has totally forgotten those things about me, seeing as he has moved on and all.

 

xxx

[Blondie176]

I have a question before accepting the challenge.

Is it normal for the dumper--who just wants to be friends with the dumpee--to text the dumpee right away after breaking the news as if everything is all fine and dandy? I'm the dumpee and I've made no contact or reply to him but he keeps texting me. Not to mention I've never been in a relationship before so...yeah...not sure what to do. However, he has been in several relationships before. Then again, the guy I was seeing didn't consider our time together to be a relationship because quite frankly we never went on any dates or did anything together. We just texted and I spent the night with him but we never had sex. Wait...then am I still a dumpee? And he's still my ex?

 

You cannot be friends until you are on the same page as him, he see's you as a mate only, if and when you see him in the same way,until then, friends is a no no IMO.

 

I think the dynamics of the relationship are not important, whether you were married for x amount of years or in a sort of seeing each other type of relationship, the fact is you are hurt and need to break the strings of attachment. xxx

[Reminiscence]

Thanks for the advice but I still want to know if it's normal for the dumper--who just wants to be friends with the dumpee--to text the dumpee right away after breaking the news as if everything is all fine and dandy?

[broken17]

Day- I'm not counting, I'm better than that.

Having a weak day due to a party at his last night pictures with his girlfriend etc.. But er I have it pretty good at the moment! I'm hopefully on the way to becoming official with this guy and we kissed yesterday. I might still be having the panic thoughts where I'll just continually think his name but that's about all that's left. I'm leaving the angry stage and who knows what's next! I just hope it's good and happy and free from him for good.

[XkatieX]

Day 2.

I'm struggling with it. It feels like a lifetime, the days have dragged on and on and I feel so up and down all the time, and just drained. one minute I think "maybe it was for the best" and the next I think "Who am I kidding and how can I be happy without him!"

and I find myself just crying at random points of the day.

Iv'e tried to get out and see friends, but I'm not really close with anyone and havn't really enjoyed it as I don't feel like I belong there So part of me wants to just sit at home, and the only thing getting me out is the thought of what he would think about me sitting at home. He mentioned when we broke up that he was worried because he didnt know what I would do without him.. So I want him to know that I would be fine without him (or at least that it comes accross that way anyway) and even when I type that I think.. You know what, I WOULD be fine without him.. and then I think I will never be fine again.. and so the cycle continues! (Sorry random trail of thought)

 

I hate that it's summer at the moment.. I want it to be raining and miserable so I feel like I can too be miserable and have an excuse to stay in. I feel so pathetic not having anything to do when it's so lovely outside.. and it makes me think about him more as we should be out enjoying it together.

 

The thing is I'm at University and this has happened right at the start of the holidays

So all I can keep thinking is.. I have three months left of this, and then what if I start back at uni and I don't feel any different?

I just can't see myself getting over this at the moment.

I love him like nobody else and what can you do when your mess that up.

 

Sorry for the major long post.. Just needed to get it out I guess. But yes.. 2 days go me!

[Reminiscence]

Day 1

My mind is all over the place. It's been 1 week since you decided you just want to be friends because you "think" we wouldn't work out. I'm upset because you didn't even want to try. I wish we could have tried.

You've been texting this past week and I haven't been responding. The last text you sent me you said were having a hard time dealing with your medication weaning. It's killing me inside because I still care about you and want to sympathize but at the same time I'm angry and don't want to talk to you. I hate being split down the middle.