anthony4 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 nah, i'm not going there. thru NC i have tried to represent myself from afar as being the better person. i know it sounds tempting to get things off ones chest, but would do no good at all. besides, she's heard it all before and it didn't help then. she's just not logical when it comes to being at fault in much of anything. she's also immature (a 45 yr. old G'ma of 5 that takes pot with her to work everyday in her purse, goes out at lunch and smokes in her car) sorry for details but this is the kind of reckless, no regard for authority individual she is. (even joked about showing an officer her boobs if she got caught) and she claimed to be so mature when she compared herself to me. I may have some emotional growth needs, learning all that now, and improving daily through the NC theory - but i never put my job or social standing in jeopardy with such behavior. i won't even leave a bar with more than one or two max drinks in me. (DUI is .08 here) just can't afford the stigma and financial duress of arrests, etc.. I'm not trying to badmouth her but facts are facts. No lecture taken, just good advice. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 i said i was a bit angry today, LOL i guess it shows. sorry for the rant all. it really is better to vent here, in the happy tree. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 i said i was a bit angry today, LOL i guess it shows. sorry for the rant all. it really is better to vent here, in the happy tree. No problem with the rant. You see you're prob. better off (esp. with the drugs and boobs Just like me and all the faults I later recognized with my love of 20+ years ago I've obsessed over. Still, it's hard to let go of certain memories of a time of my life I'd just as soon forget ever happened. The devastating breakup did spur me to move out of that town, pursue a new career and go to grad school. It also "toughened me" so I took future breakups a lot less personally and would be better able to handle the inevitible rejection. So I did get some things out of all of it. No one ever tells you when you pursue a partner and fall in love that you'll never forget that person. Whatever happens, he/she will retain a "room" in your mind, a room that's ALWAYS occupied by that love. How I wish I could condemn that room and rope it off with yellow tape or something so I never walk past it or enter it again... Link to comment
Moonchill Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Haha Anthony, to be honest I can laugh about your rant. Don't feel sorry for it. It's just só typical.. people really have a blind spot when it comes to their own behaviour. Self reflection is not meant for everyone Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 can i admit i miss the boobs? Link to comment
iamanne Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 i sent him an email on FB.... then i realized i shouldn't. its good that i have access to his fb, i deleted the fb mail and deleted the notification in his yahoo as well.. how i wish i can ask him why he's done things, why he betrayed me, that sms he sent me telling me he loves me and then giving me a reason why he's done things then telling me he never betrayed me only added insult to injury... the fact that he didnt let me know about his set up with his exwife is crazy, i wasnt aware that she lives in his property, all along i thought she's with her husband... i didnt know she stays in his house while he's away.. and he said its not betrayal... i wonder how he calls it. i got his payment details on his at&t account because he set it up using my email. he was able to pay the $2000 phone bill and still has a $1000 balance left to settle. thank heavens it still suspended. i hope it stays suspended. having him pay that much for the phone calls he made in just 1 month last dec is not even enough to make me feel better... man its just plain stupid to pay that much and spend that much just to call me.. he shouldve used that moolah to go here and live up to what he said.. but he chose to make those nonsense phone calls and let me believe that he's just taking me for a ride. a phone call is nothing to me, ive told him that a lot of times, but i dunno if he's just plain stupid or whatever. he's american, there are simple and very straight things i tell him that he doesnt understand, i always end up asking myself, i use english when we talk, how come he doesnt understand what i was trying to tell him? i remember when we reconciled and i answered a post on my FB : new found love with the same person.. it was very clear i said sme person and it freaked him out telling him im cheating because i met someone else... i was like, that was english i wrote on there, not japanese, not french,and you didnt get what i mean?! damn whenever i recall all these things, and remember how he talked to me when he was still deployed in singapore and busy cheating on me, i start to hate him.. it does help when i think about the things that he's done.. it makes me feel a lil better and thankful that its over but hell there is something in me that wanted to tell him that i deserve an apology for what he has done and he cant go on pretending and acting like he's so good in front of his friends i wish they knew that he can be horrible, that he's not the good dad that they think he is. that he is a monster, that he badmouthed his brother just because he's so insecure, etc etc etc.. whenever i come accross his profile i feel sorry for his friends there... he claims to be a very religious man talking about stuff, but he loves porn, he caught him taking pictures of kids' butts, kids who are the same age as his daughter 8-10yr old kids...i wish those kids' parents knew that someone's snapping pictures of their kids' butt while playing with his kids at the waterpark... those walmart pictures he took of nothing but butts of women .. crazy, crazy, crazy.. those were the reason why i hated him and when he came back, he promised he wont do it again, no porns, no taking pictures, nothing. but how can i be so sure now that we're literally 7000 miles away? i wanted to see him, he promised he will go here, formally propose, he had plans, but all those things were just bullcrap. and he even blamed me why he cant come over - because i fought with him.. he didnt even take time to ask himself why were fighting - it was because he cant come over... oh my god. guys tell me, do i deserve all these BS? agh.. i need someone to slap me real hard so id stop hurting. i guess the reason why i am hurting is part of me wanted him to say sorry, at least say sorry and just dont pretend as if nothing happened. one time he texted me "kiss my ass" when i didnt answer my phone, the other day he texted as if nothing happened, telling me he loves me, telling me he misses me. if i wasnt hurt id probably smile but now just reading his sms makes me feel like crap it brings back all the lies, the cheating, the betrayal. still on NC. all i want now is to be able to forget and i am so looking forward to that time when id read an sms and i wont feel pain anymore... i checked the usps website and the dvd that i sent wasnt delivered yet because hes not at home. i wish hed get that cd, the pictures, and all.. i send everything to him and left nothing in my portable hd, nothing on my laptop. i want my closure but i know not all of us get that closure that we need. my chest feels so heavy up to now, heavy yet hollow. i feel so empty inside... Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 FB has had a feature for some time. It notifies you when someone accesses your acct from a different computer. . I hope you were thorough. He could have gotten that notification instantly if he has a smart phone or has his phone set up for SMS to his FB. Unless you did it from his computer. Link to comment
iamanne Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 hi anthony, funny how you and ex have the same name lol... FB still has that feature up to now. it sends email if FB was accessed in another location, on another browser on another device. i had mine activated, but on his account, its off. it pays to be a programmer at times, he's not particularly aware of stuff like that, when i mentioned it to him, he doesnt care and he said its just me who knows it anyways. i didnt actually hacked into his account though i know his security questions because he told me about it, i literally have access to everything including his banks,credit cards etc coz i oftentimes pay his bills online for him, insurance stuff and all.. . but i never take a look into it though, he just said its his way to bring back my trust oh well, i didnt know there was something more to it than giving me access to AT&T so i can see who he's calling, who hes texting and all that... Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 that's just my middle name. you programmer you Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 that's just my middle name. you programmer you Yeah, not good to use your REAL name on these boards. I often use my middle name on various boards. Coincidentally, my screen name here really is my name. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Anne, You're saying you still have access to all that personal info? With his post-breakup blessing? That's kind of odd. Why would he let you access his important info like that? Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 This weekend will be my 7 month anniversary of Strict NC from my first ex and 1 month of strict NC on my second. Woot! 5 more months and 11 more months until I make it to a year! Link to comment
apple89 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 day 22 hmmm i dont know what i feel, sometimes i miss him sometimes im not.. gues im moving on? Link to comment
star111 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 day 0 on here for a new guy. now dealing with 2 no contacts. obviously i have issues. feels worse right now. like i'm aching to just feel something real. so im accepting crap. im soooo sick and tired. im so so tired. of it all. the lonliness. the anger/hatred they make me feel. im in such a hateful mood. this isnt healthy, this isnt me., im going backward. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Day 23 I hate the way X treated me. I feel sad aout that, but there is no going back. Link to comment
Helpmetoheal Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Day 2 -Crappiest day ever!!! It would be easier to count the hours that I wasn't crying my eyes out. I am too stubborn for my own good. Why did I break NC? Had to stand there and talk to you, you barely look at me and when you do I get the feeling that I am annoying the hell out of you. Maybe thats what I needed to get the stupid reconciliation thoughts out of my head? To actually see and not just wonder if you have any good feelings left for me. Its true, the truth does hurt! We we so close and shared everything, the next day I am persona-non-grata. You treat me like a random crazy chick off the street. This is my own fault but it doesn't make the pain any less real. I know I am my own worst enemy, always have been. Hard habit to break. Link to comment
iamanne Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Anne, You're saying you still have access to all that personal info? With his post-breakup blessing? That's kind of odd. Why would he let you access his important info like that? Before we broke up the first time, he already gave me full access to FB, emails, wtc because when he's on the rig and there are impt stuff that he needs to know, im the one who calls him, pay his bills for him etc... He changed his passwords when we first broke up. When we reconciled. he again gave me all his passwords, including credit card details, etc because i oftentimes books his flights for him aside from the usual bills payments, making sure he doesnt miss any important email from work (he is lazy when it comes to checking his email)... We broke up, i was expecting he'd change his fb password and everything but he didn't. He made sure I know everything because I have trust issues, ya know, he cheated on me countless times when we were first together, so even his at&t account, he made sure i know it, i get to see who he's calling who he's texting, etc... and its the same thing for me... he knows my mobile phone acct, all my passwords.. but not my bank account...it was as he puts it "his way of making me trust him again" but oh well i found out something that i wont see on emails. not on phone calls... i caught him when i called his son's mobile phone 2 weeks ago.. now this is where the problem started... Link to comment
iamanne Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Day 23 I hate the way X treated me. I feel sad aout that, but there is no going back. this is exactly how i feel... whenever i go back to sulking and missing him, i recall everything that he has done... it helps... i know we can do this! Link to comment
gez2705 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 It will be six weeks on Sunday since I last spoke to C and 2 1/2 months sine we split and 40 days since I started NC this time seems to have gone so quickley and so slowley at the same time its really funny LOL I have no longing now to contact C if my phone beeps I can ignore it now I have no feeling's of fear of panic about what she is doing or even if she is seeing someone else its really not my business my business now is me and only me.Do not get me wrong I still have feelings for her but am not dependent on her having feelings for me anymore. I really feel good about everything at the moment I like how things are going in my life and how I am developing as a person I feel so much calmer and positive in every thing I do from work to driving (I was always having road rage) I seem to have lost so much anger and feel so much better for it I can only put this down to two things I've done two things differently with this break up one is going NC with C it helped me get my self dignity back and my perspective on life I am really finding the real me I have forgotten for so long who I actually was before I could only really justify my own happiness with another person in a relationship I have a friend who split with his gf the same time as me and C I told him about this site but he thought it was garbage (each to there own I suppose) and though by staying in contact would get his GF back. He still has not no further with her after three months and he is a bit of a paranoid mess at the moment I feel really sorry for him because he is agreat Guy but he cannot bear to let her go and has a fear of being single I can see the mistakes he is making time and time again I really hope he see's where he is going wrong but he still has to have his realization moment I look at my friend and see what I could have been like if I had not found this site and discovered NC it has made this break up so much easier (but its still been hard) The second thing I have done differently is seek proffessional help again something I have not done before I will be honest if any one reading this replay who think they are in need of a counceller to help them do it Do not feel ashamed or embarressed it will help you and help put everything into perspective if you need it do it there is no shame It will really help you to heal quicker and fuller you may have deal with some major issues and it reallty helps Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Anne, I know that may give you some feeling of "power" over him in a situation where you otherwise were powerless (as he dumped you), but I'd seriously recommend not handling his finances, bill payments, etc. That just keeps you connected to him and you don't need that for your personal well-being. Link to comment
sunnz Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I've written here just the other day...however... The best thing i did today ...well 1am in the morning after I woke and had enough thinking of him was...deleted every fb message of his [they were sentimental sweet messages of future together blah blah]...every text...his phone number [that was deleted a week ago]...blocked and deleted him off msn...he's off fb and I am contemplating to either block him on there or deactivate my account...changed my profile pic to a scenery pic...no need to see me... I tried to get back with him he said I needed to give him space for a month and to come back after a month...he is now getting space from me forever...If he wants me back he will just have to seek me out and nothing less then %100 work it out with me... I feel liberated and free...I usually keep all messages and texts I like to envision those thoughts but once I delete...I finally let go and my mind is free... 1 month broken up...first 2 weeks was NC...I broke NC he was in hospital sick sent a get well message...were going to meet up but then I got pushy...he said needed space both agreed to 1 month space and him saying for me to come back after that...maybe to try again I guess ? Deleting stuff from him takes a weight off my chest... My message is don't hold on to the things they said in the past...messages etc..that is the past...and to me it was all fake and they abandon is the way I feel in my situation...so he can eat space lol... DOn't pursue let them be the ones to make it work...you blow your chances of healing and also you become their pauper...let go and let them see you as the one with power...letting go gives you the power again...as you are no longer the weak...when you don't contact them you are showing strength that they are the pauper now... Link to comment
ninicette Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 My message is don't hold on to the things they said in the past...messages etc..that is the past...and to me it was all fake and they abandon is the way I feel in my situation...so he can eat space lol... Hi Sunnz , I like your post, what you wrote is so true, and I admire your self control ! I wish i have done that earlier in the relationship. Instead of that I kept waiting for him until it developed into a FWB and got me hurt and weak even more. I wish I could delete him from my life that time and didnt let him talk to me about this "space". But It is not too late though, I have been NC since now 9 days ! I have not contacted him at all, before I was always the one who cared and asked about him ! but now it is over and as you said he can eat his space and I am feeling really like a weight is off of my chest too At day 7 he has contacted me, saying that he would have a meeting in my area and invited me. but I just ignored him and it felt soooooooooooo good ! So I have seen the first signs that NC really works. I miss him so so much BUT I am looking forward ignoring him more and more ! It just makes me feel good ! I have promised to myself to not make the same mistakes again. Power gonna be on my side and space too Link to comment
peternaizeh Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I broke NC last Feb 6, I wrote him a letter reminiscing about the thing we've done and saying that I could accept his friendship, coz I felt that there is nothing I cud to get him back. Since he is the one who dumped me. But, I'm really crazy. Today, in fb I saw his comment on our one mutual friend (we are not friends in fb), so I look on one of his photos (can't stop myself), so It made me feel the sadness again. I will try it again. I wish I can do this NC thing for the 4th try. Link to comment
Janeiac Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Day 24 I'm feeling a little blue, not because of X but just because I'm lonely. I have plenty of friends who love me, and I love them, and plenty of social activity, but it isn't the same thing as having a mate and a partner in life. X wasn't the guy, though. He was never going to be there for me, so him not being here now is no different. No contact is the best thing for moving forward. If we hang on, we get stuck. Sunnz, you are so right, and I've done all the deleting, etc. Looking forward to a bright spring! Punxatawney Phil says it's coming early this year Link to comment
Moonchill Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Day 26 of NC I went to the cinema with friends yesterday, it was fun. Watched a Coen brothers movie ( Tru Grit) and it was a very funny movie Even though I had fun sometimes my mind wondered of to him .. then I just kicked myself out of it to concentrate on the movie.. A friend of mine was dumped on a very very cruel way.. and yet he is now dating other people again. I have respect for that but I don't feel ready to do the same. Sunnz, deleting stuff of him is a very good ritual isn't it ! Makes you feel strong indeed. I bought a new wristband so I don't the one with his perfume on it agan. Although I feel very lazy today ( I slept way too much!) I am just going to drink a few cups of coffee and watch some How I met your mother and other stuff that makes me happy. Link to comment
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