THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[ninicette]

Day 12

 

Today I had to stop myself, i was almost going to break my NC rule ! I feel so weak and pathethic, I can't stop thinking of him.

I keep checking my phone with hope to see a call or a message from him. I realise how pathethic is that but i can not help it ! It has been 2 weeks since we came back from our citytrip to Prague and he never tried to give me a call. He texted me and invited me for a coffee but I didnt answer. I feel that i need him to reach me, even I won't reply, i know it will make me feel beter.

 

Everyday i pray that things will be beter next day , but it is not the case, I sometimes doubt that NC is the right solution. But I know it is the best thing i could do ! It is just so hard. I miss him so much. I wonder if he misses me too, if he tries to understand how comes I have disapeared from his life.

 

I have been waiting for a sign from him all day , during all my day i think i couldn't forget him. It make me cry so much. I feel really weak.

 

When this pain is going to leave me ?

[jumpman]

hi ninicette

 

its been 5 and a bit weeks with no contact to my ex and i nearly gave in earlier even posted on here that i wanna txt her about post shes got at my flat, just to see what she would reply, i still miss her loads but it does get abit easier as the weeks add up! i was with her 7years! no contact is def the best way to deal with it and you gotta keep telling yourself if you break it you will feel worse and be back to square one again!!

the way im dealing with it is they need space to miss you and realise they want you back! after all they finished with us so why should we chase them! ive been in this situation with my ex 3years ago and i spent a month begging her and she never replied to a single txt then i went no contact for 2months and after that time she was texting me saying she missed me! but im here again now with same girl even though this time i done no begging just straight into no contact she left me in tears saying she loved me but needed time on her own for abit! so thats what shes got but this time even though i want her back im actually using no contact to get over her! if she wants me shes gotta prove it and by me txting her and breaking no contact isnt the right way they need to come back!! stick with it and keep on this site it does help to here that others are in same situation! and theres still a hope that they will miss us and if they dont it is there loss!! x

[apple89]

day 26

 

i was so much better at the beginng of NC then what im now.. i really miss him but i dont want to have hope that he will come back bc i wont move on.. just sucks so much i feel like deep insde i still see the is perfect guy who i want back.. idk why he had to be so mean and heartless at the end, why the change, i sometimes wish hed see how special it was what we had and see that i was VERY good to him and preciate it.. but idk i feel like he wont ever see that.. im scared of being like his ex, chasing hom around..

 

i think im gonan keep NC till forever.. as much as i i want him back i dont think i have it in me to try to make him "fell for me" its stupid im a girl a guy should be chasin me not all the way around, specially after the way he treated me.. it just all sucks i feel like all his words were fake,nothing was real

[GotMyLifeBack]

Something like 3 months NC. I've healed some, but the main thing is she's no longer on the pedestal, and thus I don't miss her as much. The girl I knew is gone.

[Love1336]

I keep re-opening my wounds.

Over and over again.

Maybe in some ways I dont want to heal?

Maybe i want to love you forever. But i can't...

yet i can't let go... well I CAN but i refuse too...

Seeing you with your ex, and freaken PRAISING HER as if she's AMAZING GIRLFRIEND EVER.

JUST MADE ME SEE RED.

And yes I BROKE NC.

I wanted to remind you of how much of MONSTER YOU ARE.

THAT YOU MAY PRETEND TO BE THIS GREAT GUY BUT I KNOW THE REAL YOU.

You are worthless spineless creature who abandon woman CARRYING YOUR BABY. A BABY YOU HELP MADE. Yet at the end of the day... i give you power...

Really hate myself right now...

I can't forgive you.... why can't you say sorry?

[michelle21689]

Day 16 of NC. I notice my ex is starting to write on my friends' facebook pages. I think he's trying to get me to "think" of him even for a while. He never wrote on their pages until I went NC (including defriending him)

[piruru]

Day 50-something

 

Just when I thought I was doing so good, I went onto his stupid social networking page again. I see pictures of his girlfriend. I just know that it's her. She's not very attractive and I may have seen her once or twice before. What else? Signs that he's moving out of this town. He's leaving.

 

I don't know what to do. I look like I'm okay on the outside, that I'm holding up well and everything but internally? I'm a freaking mess. A freaking mess.

 

I thought I could do without him, that I don't miss him at all. His anything. I thought I didn't care about him anymore. But why did my world just shatter once more upon seeing all of those things?

 

Why did these tears just start to fall?

 

WHY CAN'T I JUST MOVE ON LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? WHY THE HELL AM I STILL HANGING ONTO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME?

 

I can feel the depression taking over me, all over again. Damn. I have to keep pushing on, keep moving on. Keep improving my life and being positive about my life WITHOUT him.

 

PS: I broke NC today via Facebook, so I am starting NIC again. We'll see what happens.

[iamanne]

as y'all know ex never apologized for what he did. i broke NC after he texted me last Saturday and i told him via sms that i am giving it until feb 14. If he sends me white roses, that means he changed his mind, otherwise i will move on. No reply.

 

Feb 14, 11:30pm his time, nothing came. I decided to text him and reverse my negative feelings towards him. It's human nature that we want what we don't have. So I was thinking that maybe that's how he feels, he loves me, he told me so, but he wanted to keep me emotionally attached to him. After thinking for like 30mins, exactly 12mn his time (valentine's day is officially over), i sent him an sms: hey, i know i was kinda acting like crazy when i texted you this morning. I agree that we should split up and its probably the best thing that both of us can possibly do. Then I went on with my day as per usual. Not thinking that he'd bother to reply besides, he ignored my "threats" lol...

 

9 hrs after I sent that sms, (Feb 15 10:10pm my time and that's Feb 15 8:10am his time), he called. My phone just said WITHHELD, i thought it was my Dad calling coz it's like that whenever he calls me. and boom! it was ex. I kept my cool. We talked for two hours. I think he's getting really paranoid. He kept asking me if i'm alone in my room, went on YM and asked me to turn on my webcam and I said I don't wanna turn my cam on. Then he asked what ive been busy doing with and I said "nothing much aside from playing billiards i just hang out with my friends here (well i dont have friends here other than my housemates whom i only get to see at night and i dont really sit down and talk to them and i don't play billiards here coz i left my cuestick in back home - Manila). I never asked him anything just so i wont appear like i missed him so.. then at one point i asked him, "so what made you call me?" and he said "i miss you" and i just said "oh.. i see.. nice".. then he asked if i miss and i said "hold on pls im gonna go get something".. he can hear me typing coz i was talking to a friend back home while we were talking and he asked who was i talking to and i just asked in return "why do you have to know?"... for 2 hours, it was like that, i never gave him direct answer to his questions, i sounded happy but not enough to make him think that im excited to hear from him again because the last time he called me was January 18.. i made it a point to appear that im also busy chatting with friends when he called and think that kinda pissed him a bit that he kept asking me what im doing, if there's someone in my room (this crazy question that he always asks me when we were still together -- i call it paranoia at its highest.. lol!), what i will do today and everything. I never answered in full detail. then he said he'll call again, and i said to myself "man, that was past 12am feb 16 already, am i not allowed to get some sleep?" ... hmmm.. cool.. looks like he wanted me to wait for him to call again just like before huh.. so i said "cool, if i dont answer that means either i dont wanna be disturbed or im already sleeping" then he said ok it wont take me long.. i dunno if he called because i turned off my phone after we talked.. he didnt text me this morning and havent called me yet.. I'm trying my best not to text him so far, i'm winning.. seems like everything's working on him and it worked in an instant... i was begging yesterday morning asking for another chance, he snobbed my sms and when i texted him telling him im ok with it, he called.. to be honest, i feel good that i was able to divert it and make him really anxious. if tonight he calls again, i will tell him im in a hurry and im going out on a dinner date.. lol!

[jonesyjakk]

my ex fiance left me after nearly 9 years our first break up ever, we been split for nearly 3 months now and have a kid, i did the begging in the first month and have been strictly contact over my son nothing else. i had mixed feelings reading this......firstly reassuring me nc was good thing as i really want to ask her back and to text and phone her and this made me think im doing the right thing to heal, but also made me feel like theres also hope she may miss me......grrrr....i want the hope to go.......good post jumpman it made me feel alot better

[jumpman]

my ex fiance left me after nearly 9 years our first break up ever, we been split for nearly 3 months now and have a kid, i did the begging in the first month and have been strictly contact over my son nothing else. i had mixed feelings reading this......firstly reassuring me nc was good thing as i really want to ask her back and to text and phone her and this made me think im doing the right thing to heal, but also made me feel like theres also hope she may miss me......grrrr....i want the hope to go.......good post jumpman it made me feel alot better

 

 

Thanks mate! It is bloody hard and I guess I'm lucky I didn't have a kid with her! Cos that would be harder! I guess it does depend on why the ex left us to whether or not they will miss us! But no contact is the only way they can see what they had and start to think about us again! As I said it worked with my ex lasting round, and this time she left because she was young when we first got together and has never really been on her own! She's always up and down about what she wants from life! Xmas day she wanted kids and to get married this year! She's got alot to sort out in her head and I couldn't of treated her any better than I did so it's down to her now! Could b months or years or not at all before they contact us! But the one thing me and you have in are favour is how long we were together with them! You can bet anything they think about us everyday! But all we can do is use no contact to become stronger and better people!! Chin up mate!!

[jonesyjakk]

we were also young getting together, i guess my problem is i settled for her, we let our relationship slide a bit and didn't appreciate eachother.

 

Then she says she wants to be on her own, looking forward to having a place of her own etc etc.

 

I think about the last 6 months of our relationship and I think that neither of us would ever want to go back to that.

 

My problem is simply this......I have realised what I had, and my life was a far better place with her than without her. I loved the 3 of us being together albeit we ended up not doing much together at all.

 

The fact we have a kid gives me hope everyday....I HATE HAVING HOPE...but its there. I feel like this........I will go enjoy my life and you go enjoy yours, get everything out of your system and i will do the same.....then hopefully over time we can rekindle what we once had and be a family stronger and better and always remembering the LOVE.

 

However....right now....I feel she will never get back with me, never miss me, never realise we did have a good thing. I fear she may be the type of girl who says once its done its done...thats the impression i have had all the while getting some other mixed signals that it may not be the case.

 

I don't want to go on like this......swapping him every xmas.....school hols.....its not what I wanted ever.....I would like to get my family back but fear it will never happen.

 

So I have to get on with it and make the best of it and respect what she wants....I hope you get what you want Jump...I really do, cos it's horrible....but whatever happens I know the hurt will pass and I will be happy with another or on my own, either way...eventually I'm sure everyone on ena will be happy or die trying!

 

Best of happiness to everyone here...and much love

 

Jonesy

[jumpman]

God jonsey it sounds like we are in the exact same place as each other apart from you two having a kid involved! Have a read of my story and let me know what you think! I will your story tonight when I'm in from work if you have posted it on here! How old are you both! My ex enjoys clubbing and that came in-between us really, she said exactly the same that she wants her own place to see what it's like to live on her own! I think she's at the age where she dosent no what she wants and thinks the grass is greener!! I guess again it depends on the girl mine loves being out and wants to travel? Where like you said for last 6months I settled for her stopped having my life and relied on her making me happy when I should of had my own life aswel! But you don't see it til they have gone! I done same thing the first time we split up but I started enjoying myself again like I was before I meet her and once she saw that she fell in love with me again! Your in a better position than me as you haven't broke up before so Ur ex will start to fink mayb it will work again! She may find that the grass aint greener and having bills to pay on her own etc ain't the sort of life she fort it would be! Don't wanna give you false hope as I don't no you both but seems like time apart to find yourselfs again will do you both good!

When I split from my ex before she even went out on a few dates and said it was horrible cos she could only see my face and the blokes were arseholes! So even if your ex starts seeing someone else it ain't end of the world!

I'm not sure what will happen to me or you all we can do is take each day as it comes! 3years ago when we split for the 3months I was at work painting away hadn't heard from her in 2months and heard my phone beep and there it was a txt saying been thinking of you today and I miss you!

So to have hope isn't a bad thing but you also need to get on with things cos you never know you could open ur front door walk to the shops and meet someone 10 times better!

Check out my story tho jonesy and let me no what you fink of my situation!

[jonesyjakk]

Ha....Jumpman, geez.....this is a bit crazy. I am 28 and she is 27, we met when we were 19 and 20. She also enjoys clubbing and going out with the girls alot. Man, that's crazy. You defo don't see it until they are gone. crazy. I will have a read of your story, what is the name of the post i will see if i can find it. Mine is no contact wish i had the strength to do this from the start if you wanna read. maybe we will have simularities by the sounds of it.

[jumpman]

Hey mate if you click on my name to the left, it will say check all posts! Think its my ex left me 5 weeks ago after 7 years together! I will check urs when I get in 2nite! Does sound like we're in same boat tho!

[Janeiac]

Day 28

Break-ups suck no matter which way they go.

But, take him back? No way.

[Moonchill]

one whole month of NC

 

And many more to come I may hope! Made an appointment with the dentist.. because of that tooth pain and I am scared as hell but I must undergo the pain or else it will get worse. But that fear is also a good distraction from him so that's the only benefit. I'm still not where I want to be. To be honest I have been too passive and have a lot of things I want to improve. Being assertive about dental treatment is a start I guess. Brrrrr After 2 months ( haha that's also the duration of the relationship but ok ) I will do a review about this whole NC process

[ClarenceRutherford]

one whole month of NC

 

And many more to come I may hope! Made an appointment with the dentist.. because of that tooth pain and I am scared as hell but I must undergo the pain or else it will get worse. But that fear is also a good distraction from him so that's the only benefit. I'm still not where I want to be. To be honest I have been too passive and have a lot of things I want to improve. Being assertive about dental treatment is a start I guess. Brrrrr After 2 months ( haha that's also the duration of the relationship but ok ) I will do a review about this whole NC process

Bet you never thought DENTAL pain would be preferable to emotional pain.

Fortunately, dental pain ends fairly quickly compared to the other, much longer-lasting variety.

[Moonchill]

Bet you never thought DENTAL pain would be preferable to emotional pain.

Fortunately, dental pain ends fairly quickly compared to the other, much longer-lasting variety.

 

True but to quote (and translate) Johan Cruyff ( dutch soccer player) here "every downside has it's upside"

[r0ckox]

Damnit! I broke NC.

 

Well, techincally I didn't since we actually didn't speak -- but she will see my message.

 

She called me yesterday at 4:04pm.

 

I called back at 8:53pm because I was curious to know what the hell it was she wanted.

I received no phone call back, or message, or anything.

So today about a half hour ago I sent a "?" text.

 

Still nothing back.

 

She's been on AIM all day.

 

There's nothing I hate MORE than when someone calls me, i call back, and then never hear from them again.

 

God-damnit.

 

let the NC count restart at 0.

[ClarenceRutherford]

After 2 months ( haha that's also the duration of the relationship but ok ) I will do a review about this whole NC process

Your relationship only lasted 2 mos.? That seems kind of short compared to other LTRs.

 

Not minimizing your pain, but I read the pain is greater if the relationship goes 3 mos. or more. My devastating breakup was after 6 mos.

 

You must've fallen too hard for this guy.

[gez2705]

I had a bit of a rant on here Monday after breaking NC after six weeks I was so annoyed with myself and thought I could handle seeing her I'm really happy that I did have somewhere to blow off steam it really did help.

I have had some time again to let things settle and am feeling much calmer just feel a bit stupied.

In a way its a learning curve I thought I was in a place where seeing her will would not bother me, if she had said she hated me it would be so much easier than her telling me she still has feeling for me and kissing me I could accept that and it would be much easier to accept

So I am now 2 days contact but I now know I will not be contacting her again I do not like this feeling inside me I want it to go away and the only way is by going hardcore NC

[ninicette]

hi ninicette

 

its been 5 and a bit weeks with no contact to my ex and i nearly gave in earlier even posted on here that i wanna txt her about post shes got at my flat, just to see what she would reply, i still miss her loads but it does get abit easier as the weeks add up! i was with her 7years! no contact is def the best way to deal with it and you gotta keep telling yourself if you break it you will feel worse and be back to square one again!!

 

Thank you Jumpman ! your message reassured me, 5 weeks is really great, I wish i will keep my promise to NC for all that time.

 

I will stick to it definetely Thank you so much xx

[Moonchill]

Your relationship only lasted 2 mos.? That seems kind of short compared to other LTRs.

 

Not minimizing your pain, but I read the pain is greater if the relationship goes 3 mos. or more. My devastating breakup was after 6 mos.

 

You must've fallen too hard for this guy.

 

That's true , I absolutely fell too hard for him.

The funny thing is.. at the beginning he was the one that was very in love and.. was falling faster in love than I did but when I fell very much in love with him.. he started backing away from me and pulling back. It might be strange that a short relationship has quit the impact on me but it also intense. (here's a bit of background on it

 

I was imidiately introduced to his friends and his bandmembers the first time I saw him and we fell for eachother imidiately.. it was love at first sight

I was staying the whole weekend at his place at that time ( he had a picture of his ex on the refridgerator, that should have been a warning sign for me ) But I felt so comfortable at his place, it's strange but I really felt at home there. A week after that I spend a week at his place. Which was very long when I look back because we didn't knew eachother that long but it worked out perfect. Really.. Sometimes he did his own thing and I did mine but it still felt good! Back then I put in very much effort. I cooked lovely meals for him.. spend much time listening to his band repititions..

 

We didn't get irritated for spending that long with eachother or something. He said to me that time"wow it's amazing how good we connect it's like we're made for eachother" Back then we were both comfortable with the speed we went in but he said" it's going very fast!" Which I agreed with but I asked him" is it going too fast for you? Because it's ok to point that out, I can understand" And he was like "ohh no no it's fine" ( but it wasn't , he didn't dare to communicate about it) But afterwards he said he felt smothered. But at that time he didn't let me notice it! He pretended it was all fine and ok and he was so in love.. So he lead me on. But when he told me he felt smothered from the beginning ... When I thought he was so in love with me and there was nothing wrong... I felt kind of betrayed and I felt like a fool for not noticing it. That's why I was very angry and upset about it. Now I'm just upset with myself for not dealing well with his feelings. He said he was not breaking up with me just pointing out it went way too fast and he needed to have some space, he needed me to take a step back.. I thought he was breaking up with me because he used all those cliché lines.. that why I draw the line , I didn't want him to confuse me more because I knew that would be bad for me and said "íf you don't know what you want from me, let's leave each other alone"

 

Sometimes the faster you fall in love with each other and the the more intense the relationship is... the shorter it lasts. For me that was the case.

[Moonchill]

It felt safe for me because I was invading his world, his space.. and felt very welcome there ( maybe too much?) But to be honest : if he would invade my world that fast.. I would not feel comfortable with it at all.. I would also back away and ask for space. That's why a long distance relationship felt good for me.. I didn't have to let him become close to my world.

When I read this back I realise it's not normal, it's not the most standard desire someone has but I guess I'm not the most simple person out there to have a relationship with

[ClarenceRutherford]

Moon,

I think you need to read the Non Chalance is your friend thread.

 

 

Wish I'd known about that - as well as NC - when I was in my 20s and letting my emotions get too involved with women too soon... Made the inevitible breakup much harder to take.

 

And yes, 2 mos. is a long time and enough to grieve. Sorry I wasn't as supportive.

 

A girl in college I dated only lasted 3 dates or so. Others noticed, "Wow, Fla. Man. She's really attractive!"

When it ended, it killed me and put me into a crying fit. Thankfully, she dumped me right after a major midterm as it threw me off my concentration.

 

On our last date (before the inevitible), I was sick, so I just layed on my bunk bed in the dorm room (I sold her the bunk bed- that's how we met) with my eyes closed and listened to her talk.

 

Note to others: never see someone on a date when you're feeling lousy...